Work Text:
“I’m off to work,” Waverly yelled at Wynonna on her way out the door. She was working the closing shift at Shorty’s all week which meant it was almost sunset by the time she started at 6:30 p.m.
“What’cha wearing there, baby girl?” Wynonna asked as she glimpsed her from the couch.
“It’s Halloween, Wynonna. Mandatory costumes at Shorty’s tonight.” Waverly was wearing fishnet hose, hot pink leg warmers, a neon green zebra print miniskirt, a black t-shirt she had cut the neck out of so it hung off her shoulder on one side, gaurish blue eye shadow, and had her hair fully crimped and up in a side ponytail. She also donned two arms full of bracelets and ankle boots with heels.
“And you decided to go as one of Bobo’s reject whores?” Wynonna jabbed.
“Ha ha!” Waverly sarcastically laughed back. “You should stop in for the costume contest at 9:00. I’ll buy you a shot.”
“Make it five shots and you’ve got a deal.”
“Bye Wynonna.” She ignored her sister’s attempt at bargaining, grabbed her heavy coat, and headed out to her Jeep.
“But seriously, what’s your costume?” Waverly barely heard Wynonna yell from the couch.
Despite the fact it was 47 degrees Fahrenheit and the end of October, Waverly loved riding in her Jeep with the top off. She was determined to feel the wind in her hair, sing along at the top of her lungs to her favorite pop station, and pretend it was still summer until the snows really hit and the temperature dropped below freezing.
Such was today on her way to work despite the blanket of fog slowly rolling in thick. Except tonight, in honor of her costume, she popped a Cyndi Lauper CD into the player in her Jeep and cranked up “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” Nothing was going to spoil her mood.
~~~
“Officer Haught to dispatch,” Nicole said into the car radio.
“Dispatch, go ahead.”
“It’s getting really foggy out here and I have Mrs. Wilkenson driving 15 mph down the highway again. I’m going to pull her over and make sure she’s alright. I may escort her home. I’ll apprise you of the situation after I speak to her.”
“10-4 Officer Haught. Over and out.”
Red strobes bounced off the fog giving it an eerie glow. Nicole chirped her siren twice to get old lady Wilkenson’s attention and the blue Buick pulled over onto the shoulder. This wasn’t their first interaction. Nicole had escorted the frightened old lady home two times previously in bad weather: heavy rain and heavy snow. Heavy fog would complete the trifecta of low visibility driving conditions.
Once safely on the shoulder of the highway, she turned on the dash cam, procedure any time she pulled anyone over for any reason, and updated her duty log before stepping out of the car.
As the door opened the thick, sickly fog filled the cruiser. Nicole coughed. It was tangible, palpable, knocking Nicole back into her seat as she tried to stand. Dizzy headed, she gasped for air and filled her lungs with the vapor.
“What the,” Nicole shook her head attempting to clear it. She suddenly felt groggy, disoriented, then… ALIVE!
As if in slow motion, Nicole stepped out of the cruiser, put on her Stetson, and took off her patrol jacket. She threw the jacket onto the cruiser’s windshield, blocking the dash cam’s view. She paused momentarily and put on her aviator style sunglasses, which were in no way needed in the fog, and slowly walked forward. Pulling out her nightstick, she tapped along the side of the blue Buick as she approached the driver’s door.
The meek, nearly eighty year old, Mrs. Wilkenson smiled and waved at Nicole through the window. She always loved her chats with the officer, even all she ever told her was that she couldn’t drive that slow on the highway, especially in inclement weather.
“Hello, Nicole,” Mrs. Wilkenson said, smiling, as the window rolled down. The fog filled the Buick and the old lady gasped as though it had taken her breath. She looked back at Nicole with spite in her eyes. “What the fuck are you doing harrassing an old lady you cunt pig!”
Nicole leaned down to eye level with Mrs. Wilkenson. She pulled her sunglasses off to look her right in the eyes. “How many times have I told you, you dried up, crusty, has been of a woman? You can’t fucking drive on MY highway like a goddamn wounded snail.”
“YOUR highway? Listen here you godless heathen, I was driving these roads before you were even a sparkle in your worthless father’s eye! I’ll drive how I goddamn well want, when I goddamn well want, and where I goddamn well want and the likes of you can kindly fuck right off!”
“I can’t write you a ticket for driving like a shriveled up prune on my highway, but I can write you a ticket for that broken taillight,” Nicole said. She went to the back of the car and smashed the taillight into a thousand pieces with her nightstick. Red plastic littered the shoulder. She made her way back up to the driver’s door. “And for not having headlights.” She went to the front of the car and hit the driver’s side headlight as hard as she could, shattering it to oblivion.
Nicole laughed at her handy work. “How you like that you slowpoke old bat?” she shouted from the front of the car.
As she walked back to the driver’s side door, smirking at old Mrs. Wilkenson, a red Jeep flew by at what seemed to be 80 mph. Death metal poured from the topless vehicle and an empty whiskey bottle whizzed by Nicole’s head and shattered on the ground. “Suck on that you fucking pig!” Waverly yelled as she flew by.
Mrs. Wilkenson seized the opportunity and floored the Buick. “Fuck you, fire crotch,” she yelled out the open window while extending her arm and flipping Nicole off.
Nicole ran back to the cruiser, grabbing her jacket off the windshield before jumping in the driver’s seat.
“Officer Haught to dispatch.”
“Be advised Dispatch doesn’t give a shit about old lady Wilkenson.”
“Fuck off, Dispatch. I’m on Waverly Earp’s ass now.”
Nicole threw gravel in an arc as she peeled out from the shoulder and turned her car 180 degrees in pursuit of her new quarry.
Lights on and siren shrieking, Nicole floored it to catch up with the Jeep. Visibility was now extremely limited in the thick fog that had suddenly engulfed Purgatory. But Nicole couldn’t care less. She was hell bent on arresting the cunt who threw a bottle at her. And she knew exactly where she was headed.
“Earp! Your ass is mine,” Nicole yelled as she stormed into Shorty’s, fog rolling in behind her.
“Sorry, pig,” Waverly laughed from behind the bar. “The BBQ was last week. But you would look cute tied to a spit with an apple in your mouth. If you want, I can get the boys to oblige.”
The whole bar erupted in laughter.
“You’re under arrest, tiniest Earp,” Nicole pulled her handcuffs from her belt. “You can make this easy or I can just shoot you. Either way, you’ll be leaving this bar with me.”
“There are better ways to ask me on a date,” Waverly quipped. “The whole town knows about you, you fucking dyke.”
“Please,” Nicole scoffed, “I wouldn’t sully myself with Champ Hardy’s used up plaything. It’s insulting to lesbians everywhere.”
“Someone pretty please show officer cold fish a close up of the ground outside of this fine establishment?” Waverly batted her eyes at the patrons and all the males in the place rose to their feet.
Nicole pulled her sidearm and pointed it at the nearest person who stood up. “Any of you cretins so much as lay a finger on me and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.” The threat was enough to get the thirsty patrons back in their seats.
~~~
Nicole unceremoniously pushed Waverly into the sheriff’s office. “Diane, book Miss Earp for speeding, reckless driving, threatening an officer, inciting a riot, endangering the life of an officer, bad taste in clothes, and even worse taste in dating.”
The office was silent other than the phones ringing off the hooks. Every line was lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Huh, guess everyone had something better to do,” Nicole said as she noticed the vacant office. “Let’s just put you in the holding cell then. I don’t feel like doing the paperwork to actually arrest you.”
“What? No, you can’t just lock me up you cunt,” Waverly shouted her disapproval at Nicole’s plan. “I want my phone call.”
“You just chill out, Earp,” Nicole said as she threw Waverly in the cell.
“At least take these cuffs off,” Waverly demanded.
“Turn around and back up to the bars,” Nicole instructed. She took the cuffs off Waverly and put them back on her belt.”Now you be a good girl for Officer Haught and I won’t have to put these back on.”
“Asshole,” Waverly couldn’t resist one last jab before Nicole left.
“You should smile more,” Nicole said.
A scowl grew across Waverly’s face. “Fuck you. I want my phone call!” she yelled as Nicole walked away and out of sight with her middle finger up in the air.
“Purgatory Sheriff’s office,” Nicole answered the phone. She held the receiver out and away from her ear as someone yelled at her. “Okay, hanging up now.” She hung up the phone only to answer another line. “Purgatory Sheriff’s office.” She listened for about eight seconds before interrupting the caller. “Ma’am, I really don’t care if your husband is acting weird.” She hung up and answered another line.
After ten or so calls that Nicole didn’t care to pursue she finally just laid the receiver on the desk. “Boring! And I’m way too thirsty to do any police work.”
Nicole rummaged around Nedley’s office looking for something to drink. A half empty bottle of rotgut whiskey would have to do. After a few shots, Nicole put her feet up on her desk and pulled her white stetson over her eyes. She was determined to get in some sleep despite Waverly yelling every few minutes about a phone call.
“Excuse me. Officer. Um, hi. I think you’ve arrested my sister.”
Nicole pushed her stetson up with one finger until she could get a look at the person speaking. A tall brunette, hair up in a bun and wearing a modest blue dress covered by a beige cardigan, stood on the other side of the desk.
“Well, Wynonna Earp,” Nicole got up and walked around the tall counter to the woman. She slowly circled Wynonna, lightly running her hand up her arm, onto the exposed skin of her neck, and finally across the ridge of her jaw.
Wynonna cleared her throat and pulled away from Nicole’s advances. “I’m here to pay Waverly’s bail.”
“Oh, well, that’s a shame,” Nicole said, inching closer to Wynonna, circling behind her. She got her lips as close as she could to Wynonna’s ear without touching her. “I haven’t actually arrested her, so there’s no bail to post. But if you want to go in Nedley’s office with me for a while I’ll be lenient when I do start filing charges.”
Wynonna shuddered. “Geez, Nicole. I thought you were an honest cop.”
“And I thought you Earp girls didn’t have giant sticks up your asses, but clearly we’re both wrong.”
“If you haven’t charged her with anything then let me take her home,” Wynonna demanded as forcefully as she could while also shaking with fear.
“The fun thing about the law, I can hold her here for twenty four hours without even arresting her. But I’ll happily keep her here all weekend if you don’t either put out or get out.”
“Can I at least see her?”
Nicole gave up and slapped her hands on her own thighs. Wynonna wasn’t going to cave to her advances. But of course she wouldn’t, she was such a prude. “She’s down there, last cell. Tell her to shut up now so I can sleep.”
Wynonna disappeared and returned two minutes later. “Excuse me,” she said meekly. “Can I get some blankets for Waverly? She gets so cold at night.”
Nicole didn’t even look up. She just pointed. “Closet.”
“Here ya go, baby girl,” Wynonna said as she handed the stack of blankets through the bars to Waverly.
“About time you were useful,” Waverly spat back.
“She won’t budge, baby girl,” Wynonna said. “She’s determined to keep you locked up for twenty-four hours.”
“Did you even try to change her mind?” Waverly asked.
“God, Waverly, NO! She tried to hit on me but I pushed her away.”
“You pushed her away?” Waverly asked. “So you don’t even care about me?”
“I do,” Wynonna pleaded with her baby sister. “I just can’t do… that.”
“Just take your hair out of that ridiculous bun and go flirt with her,” Waverly insisted. “How bad could it be?”
“No!” Wynonna looked horrified. “Baby girl I love you, but just no.”
“Fine,” Waverly said and turned to make a nest of blankets on the floor for the night. “Just go home and don’t come back until you’re willing to help.”
Wynonna slinked out of the holding cell area and quickly passed through the Sheriff’s office on her way out.
Waverly adjusted her top and put her long hair behind her shoulders, making sure her cleavage was on display. “Officer Haught,” Waverly called in a singsong voice. When she got no response she tried again. “Nicole.” Again, her voice was sweet as molasses. “Fucking asshole,” she mumbled to herself. “Hey Nicole, I wanna negotiate,” she finally yelled.
After a pause long enough to make Waverly wonder if the officer had taken the bait; the slow, purposeful, footfall of Nicole’s boots echoed down the hall.
“You called?” Nicole leaned against the wall opposite of Waverly’s cell.
“I don’t want to stay in here all night,” Waverly said. “Can’t I just apologize for throwing that bottle at you?”
“Apologize?” Nicole raised her eyebrows. “What did you have in mind?”
Waverly bit her bottom lip and stepped toward the bars. An evil grin spread across one side of her face. “I’m gonna start taking off clothes, and when you see something you think makes up for the bottle, you just come take it.”
She put her right foot on one of the cross bars. While looking Nicole right in the eyes, she slowly pulled the zipper to the bottom of her boot, leaning over and showing off her cleavage. Kicking the black leather boot into the corner, she then repeated the gesture with the other.
“I hope boots aren’t the only thing you’re taking off,” Nicole said, seemingly unfazed.
“And I hope you’re gonna drop that utility belt and come help with the rest,” Waverly flirted back.
Nicole reached to her waist and placed both hands on the buckle of her utility belt. “You mean this?”
“Yeah. You take that off and then tell me what you want me to take off next.” Waverly bit her bottom lip again.
Nicole slowly unbuckled her utility belt. She gently placed it on the ground then pushed it down the hall with her foot. She couldn’t have Waverly jumping for her gun or pepper spray.
“Take off your shirt,” Nicole said without further prompting. Waverly obliged, revealing a sexy little hot pink satin number. “Now step back,” Nicole ordered Waverly and pulled the cell keys out of her pocket.
Waverly did as she was told. She eyed Nicole up and down as she unlocked the cell and opened the door.
Stepping in, Nicole closed the door behind her and reached through and locked it back. She laid the key on the crossbar of the door. “I know I have to keep this within both of our reach if either of us want out. But at least I can slow you down a bit if you try to play me.”
“Oh I plan on playing you, alright,” Waverly said. She closed the gap between them and began kissing Nicole, hard. She tried to pivot the officer, putting herself closer to the door.
“Uh uh uh,” Nicole said, grabbing Waverly by the wrist. “Let’s be friends.”
Nicole leaned in to kiss Waverly. Just before their lips connected, something in her told her to pause. For a split second their eyes locked. It was as if something allowed them to see through the fog that had blinded them. But in an instant, the clarity was gone.
Waverly lunged into Nicole. She unbuttoned Nicole’s uniform as Nicole unzipped Waverly’s skirt. They separated only enough to allow layers of clothing to pass between them and fall to the floor.
“Are you really going to let me go if I fuck you?” Waverly asked.
“I’ll let you do anything you want if you let me do anything I want,” Nicole said between kisses.
“Good, because there’s a lot I want to do to you,” Waverly said and they made their way to the nest of blankets Waverly made on the floor.
~~~~~
“Waverly,” Wynonna shouted as she entered the empty Purgatory sheriff’s office just after sun up. “Waves. I had the weirdest night. You aren’t really locked up are you? I can’t tell what was real and what was a dream. Waverly.”
Wynonna’s voice carried through the still empty sheriff’s office, down the corridor, and into the last cell in the row stirring its occupants. Waverly snuggled into Nicole’s bare chest, absorbing her body heat. As she began to wake up she smiled, contently, then realized where she was, and whom she was with. She gasped and a sharp note left her lips.
The noise stirred Nicole. She opened her eyes to a wide-eyed Waverly looking down at her.
The two women lay there, naked and in shock, oblivious to anything around them until...
“Holy shit, baby girl,” Wynonna exclaimed staring at her sister and the redhead swaddled in a sea of blankets on the cell floor. “Looks like the little trick got a treat.”