Chapter Text
If Jonah hadn't taken those few extra steps, the sight that instantly crumpled his heart could have easily passed him by. Only it wouldn't have, due to how absolutely challenging it was to avoid.
He would have loved to look away, but it left him frozen in fear, unable to move an inch of his face.
The pain that was coursing through him, it finally became enough to send him run. There he stood for at least ten seconds, watching and waiting, hoping for things to be revealed as some sort of mirage.
Despite getting away without a sound, he never ran faster in his life, and he knew that no matter how far he went, the image of Cyrus and TJ holding hands would stay imbedded in his brain.
The party was supposed to be over, but they were still there, and for some reason, so is he. He knows exactly where and who he's going to, but despite him only running from Andi's backyard to inside her home, it feels like he's been sprinting for miles with a brain gone mad.
It isn’t until he reaches Andi’s bedroom when he realizes he’s been sobbing.
"What happened? Jonah?" Speaking loudly just in case, she stands up and steps away from her suitcase that she was in the middle of packing.
"Jonah." She steps across her small pile of unfolded clothes, standing before him and grabbing his shoulders. "Jonah I'm here."
Except he isn't.
"What happened? Do you need to sit down?"
"I saw something really bad, Andi. It's supposed to be good, and I wish I was happy but I'm just not. I'm such a bad person." He cries.
"No you're not, Jonah." Based on what he's saying, Andi correctly assumes that he's suffering from uncontrollable envy. "What'd you see." Whatever it was, she'll be sure to hear him out.
"You're not gonna like that it bothers me..." He fears.
"Jonah, you can tell me anything, alright? After all we've been through, with me leaving, please. Please tell me." She squeezes on to him.
"You can't tell anyone."
"I won't. I promise."
It takes him a moment to begin. "Cyrus, he..."
Immediately, Andi gets the feeling that she knows where this is going.
The concept of Jonah liking Cyrus, it was never uncommon. Just like it was never surprising for Cyrus to like him.
Unfortunately, she's also had the feeling that those feelings have made their way out.
"He and TJ..." He might as well not even finish. Saying his name is already bad enough, and Jonah can't believe he's immature enough to even think that.
"They were together—holding hands." Now he feels sick, gulping hard and hoping the words will fade into obscurity.
The fact that they were spoken in the first place, and that they'll remain true because it happened at all...
Fury, is all he can describe it as. Fury and devastation.
The two things he's scared he'll never be able to break away from.
"Jonah I'm sorry..."
"You're not surprised that I care?" He thought she would be.
"No, honestly. I...That night on Chinese New Year, when we officially broke up, one of the reasons it was so easy for me to let you go was because I knew." For once, she doesn't have to spell it out for him.
"When did you know?" He's curious.
"At Buffy's game, when Cyrus left you go talk to him, you looked so hurt. At first, I didn't know what to think of it, but then it became so obvious..."
"How obvious?" Jonah worries.
"I kept it to myself." She ensures. "You've done a good job at hiding it."
"Yeah, not good enough, I guess."
Hugging him shortly, the girl takes her hands off him and studies his dejection.
"Jonah I feel terrible. I wish I wasn't leaving."
"I wish you weren't either."
Again, all this makes him feel is self-centered. Cyrus and TJ are happy together. Andi's taking on a new opportunity that's sure to enhance her life. He wants to be glad for them.
However all he can think about is being alone, with no one to stand by him.
Andi will be gone, too swept up in her new chapter of life to remember him.
Cyrus will be too caught up in his first real relationship to give him any attention, just like Buffy, who he knows will end up with Marty.
Things between him and Amber have become too awkward to even try and recover.
Libby left. Because he quit frisbee, Natalie and Gus rarely continue to speak with him.
Everyone will be gone, and essentially, so will he.
"I'd take you with me if I could." She means it. "I've never been the new kid before. It'd be nice to know someone."
Jonah can't believe himself. Here he is worrying about being left behind, meanwhile Andi's transferring to one of the most competitive art schools in the country, where she'll know absolutely no one at all.
"I promise you'll make new friends who'll absolutely adore you." He knows it. "You have a chance to start over. I wish I did. Ugh, sorry. I keep making it about me."
"Don't be."
"This was supposed to be your going away party. Not my pity party."
"My going away party is over. Even if it wasn't, you're still allowed to be sad." She promises.
"'Sad' doesn't cut it." Scoffing and glancing away, he can't believe he's it's had to come. His romantic feelings for Cyrus, he wish he knew of them all along. Seeing him talk to TJ at Buffy's basketball game, it struck a nerve in him that he never knew existed.
Just when he thought the jealousy couldn't get even worse, Cyrus then unknowingly invited TJ over while Jonah was there with him.
His excuse for not liking him wasn't a lie; they really did used to not get along when they were young. Yet, he left out the most important detail:
He hated to see TJ take Cyrus away from him.
TJ's a nice person now, and Jonah's aware of that, but also knowing how he was able to become Cyrus' new best friend in replacement of the girl whom he still openly had it out for, how he replaced Jonah as the new favorite boy in Cyrus' life; became his crush, and now his boyfriend...
That gets under Jonah's skin like nothing else ever has.
"I just, feel terrible for being so angry. I say I want Cyrus to be happy, then when he finally is, I—" His cries resume. "Andi I feel awful."
He and her both
"You shouldn't be. Jonah, Cyrus and TJ like each other-but not enough to last."
"I dunno..." He doubts. "They looked pretty happy."
"It's not going to be a long lasting relationship. And hey, you and I held hands too, remember?"
Jonah snickers. "Thanks, Andi man."
She grins. "I'm gonna miss you calling me that."
"Who said I'd stop?" Jonah gets her beaming.
"C'mere."
In the middle of their next hug, Amber strolls on into the room, her and Jonah making painfully awkward eye contact.
"Am I interrupting?" She's assuming the obvious.
"Oh." Andi lets go of Jonah, turning in the blonde's direction.
"Jonah what's wrong?" Amber expects it’s about Andi’s departure.
"I can't tell you..." He cries a new set of tears.
"Jonah, Amber's not going to judge you." Andi assures.
"Why wouldn't she? All I've done is complicate her life."
"I've complicated yours too." Amber owns up. "In fact I was actually looking for you 'cause I wanted to see if we could still be friends, and agree to never date again."
"Really?" Jonah's delighted. "Like, friends friends?"
The girls giggle.
"Yeah. Friends friends." Amber smiles.
"And we can like, hang out?"
"Totally!"
Jonah relaxingly exhales.
"So, now that we're friends friends, do you think you can tell me what's wrong?" Her question turns him stiff.
"You can't tell anyone..." He repeats.
"I won't..." She promises, glancing at Andi and waiting for an answer.
Sighing, Jonah mentally prepares himself to say these particular words aloud.
"I like Cyrus."
Amber freezes.
"But he likes TJ, and, TJ likes him..." He sulks.
"Aww, Jonah I'm sorry." She truly feels for him. "Who's TJ?"
Jonah finds it interesting how she doesn’t even seem remotely surprised that he's attracted to a boy. Has she been aware of this, too?!
"Can you tell her?" He asks Andi. He's already had to say his name twice, for God's sake.
"He's a boy on Buffy's basketball team who used to be really mean to her. Sexist, even."
"I don't like him." Amber affirms.
"He's changed, and, Buffy's forgiven him. But he and Cyrus, they were close before TJ stopped tormenting her." Andi explains further.
"Cyrus befriended him knowing he was bullying his best friend?" Amber cringes.
"Buffy and Cyrus had a falling out about it, but, things were resolved, and, TJ eventually apologized to her. If you count free-styling as an apology."
"And Cyrus likes him why...?" It’s safe to say Amber's already made up her mind.
"He really is nice now." Jonah states.
"I betcha my redemption was better." She knows it.
"I remember Buffy and Cyrus making up after their fight about TJ. It was after I had a panic attack, and Cyrus explained to me that he had a panic attack once too, when I was helping him film something for school, even if it didn't look like it. When he went outside, that's when he met him..." Jonah gazes into space. "To think if I just stopped him..."
Again, he can't believe he's thinking this at all. Yes, Cyrus shouldn't be dating him, but to wish that he and TJ never met?
"Jonah, Cyrus still came back to you. You have to remember that." Andi reminds. "Remember when he was going to give him that shirt we found in the dumpster, but he gave it to you instead?"
"Yeah, and what, that's supposed to be some kind of foreshadowing?" Jonah shrugs.
"Possibly." Andi doesn't see why not.
"He gave you a shirt from the dumpster?" Amber asks.
"It's a long story." The other girl says. "Jonah, Cyrus has always loved being with you. He went camping with you. He went to the movies with you. He directly came out to you."
"He's had to have already directly come out to him anyway. Not that he really needs to, at this point. Plus I'm sure they'll do all the things he and I would do together."
"You guys will still do those things." Amber insists. "He's not gonna forget about you."
"Neither will I." Andi adds.
"Exactly. And even if Cyrus does somehow forget about you, we'll make sure you forget about him."
Incredibly touched by their words of encouragement, Jonah grabs the girls and hugs them tight.
"Thank you guys..."
Hugging him back, Andi and Amber exchange grins.
"We love you, Jonah." Andi comforts, feeling him lean against her shoulder.
"I love you guys, too." He mutters into her shirt, the girls scoffing and smiling once more.
"What time do you leave tomorrow?" Amber asks her, their group hug coming to an end.
"Eight thirty. My flight's at eleven and my Dad wants me getting there early."
"We'll be here before you leave." Jonah says.
"About that, do you guys wanna sleep over? It's getting late anyway." Andi suggests.
"I will! Is Buffy still here?" Amber asks.
"Yeah, probably somewhere with Marty."
"And Cyrus...?"
By now, Cyrus and TJ have been silently sitting hand in hand on the bench before Andi's backyard fire pit, for almost ten whole minutes.
That 'something' they were gonna tell each other has yet to be spoken, and at the rate they're going, nothing might be said for the rest of the night.
Not only have their intertwined hands begun to sweat, but the crackling fire before the bench has caused them to slightly slip apart. It's starting to feel so icky that they might as well just stop.
The lack of words were pretty relaxing, but now they’ve seem to have become awkwardly necessary.
It's ironic that they're in front of a fire, since it seems it didn't take long for them to lose their spark.
"So."
Cyrus flinches when TJ finally speaks. "I'm really happy this finally happened."
"Me too." Cyrus smiles, glad to see this isn't taking an unfortunate turn.
"Um, it's almost my curfew, so, I should go, but, maybe after Andi leaves tomorrow I can cheer you up."
"Okay!" Cyrus loves the sound of that.
"Maybe we can text half the night?" TJ offers.
Perhaps then they’ll have an actual conversation.
"Yeah. That sounds great." Cyrus says.
"Also, one more thing." TJ's turned abruptly serious, making Cyrus' skin sweat and his heart fall.
"Yeah...?"
"My parents, they wouldn't be happy knowing that I'm...Like this."
"TJ I'm so sorry." Cyrus' heart breaks for him. He can only imagine having to be discriminated against in his own home.
"So, could you maybe, not tell your friends about this?"
"Huh?" That wasn't what Cyrus was expecting at all. "My friends? But, they wouldn't tell."
"I know, it's just, too risky." TJ feels bad enough. "You trust them, and I do too, but, I really want this." He means it. "I was sort of hoping you wanted it too."
"I do! Of course I do." Cyrus squeezes his hand. "I...I won't tell them."
"You promise?" TJ hopes.
Cyrus blinks. "I promise." His smile is weak.
"Good." TJ releases his hand and stands up.
"I get a hug?"
Cyrus fulfills his request, making it last and glancing at his lips as he steps away.
"Um, should I walk you home?"
"I'll be okay. I'm not too far, and, you should go see Andi. Tell her I said good luck?"
"Yeah..." Cyrus is slightly disappointed. "So...Text you later?"
"Yeah. See you soon. I'm already looking forward to it!" TJ beams, touching his shoulder and turning away.
"Bye..." Cyrus thought he'd feel more fulfilled. He at least expected a goodnight kiss. However, they at the very least held hands, which must count for something. It counts for something! There's no way they aren't dating.
After he watches TJ leave his sight, he ecstatically smiles and excitedly clenches his fists.
A real, live boy who really likes him.
Who, on the other hand, his friends aren't allowed to know about. Yet.
TJ's just nervous right now, which Cyrus completely understands. He must've not wanted to kiss him because it's possible that someone could've seen.
Cyrus knows that when they're really in private, the affection will be nonstop.
"Cyrus!"
For a split second, he imagines it's TJ coming back for him, until seeing it’s Buffy appearing from the front yard.
"Guess what! Marty and I kissed! We're officially a couple now!"
"That's great!" Cyrus wonders if he can say the same for him and TJ.
She walks up to him. "Andi texted me and wants me to sleep over. Amber and Jonah are there too. You should join!"
"Jonah's there?" Cyrus furrows his brow.
"Yeah! She was thinking maybe we could all have one last sleepover until next time. Marty left, so it's fine."
"Oh..." Cyrus doesn’t think he'll be able to shake the fact that Jonah will be sleeping amongst his two ex-girlfriends.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, just, I have to get back home." He claims. "But I promise I'll be here first thing in the morning?"
Just like how he promised TJ that Buffy, Andi, Jonah, and everyone else won’t know about them for the time being.
"Yeah!" Buffy figures his low spirit has to do with Andi.
Hearing the buzzing of his phone, Cyrus snatches the device from his pocket, eyes lighting up at TJ's name on the screen.
Hey I made it, are u still there?
"I gotta go..." He grins, smiling less when he looks up and is reminded of his vow of silence.
"I'll see you in the morning."
Keeping quiet about what's going on between him and TJ is going to remain challenging, but by the time he gets used to it, he's sure TJ will have changed his mind.
"Okay. Bye, love you." Hugging Cyrus so fast that he can't return the gesture, Buffy takes off through the nearest entrance, leaving the boy with his piling contemplations.
Despite TJ trying to reach him, he can't really say he considers himself all too thrilled.