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Frigga’s death had hit Loki hard; no matter how much the trickster had tried to hide it, it was painfully obvious. The grief was written all over his face, in the lines that creased his pale skin that hadn’t been there before. It was in his tone, his words were heavier, his snark harder, deeper cutting. It was even in his clothes – he incorporated more gold into his wardrobe these days, a colour their mother favoured. Their father too, but Thor knew better than to think he was wearing it in The All Father’s honour.
But now, there was a soft aura that surrounded Loki. An aura Thor hadn’t felt for years. It was just the two of them in Thor’s quarters that night – his brother was there in front of him. Whole.
They settled together on the leather couch and watched the stars and galaxies as they passed them by. There were so many words that hung heavy between the pair, words that needed to be spoken. Despite this, mead was poured and they fell back into the silence, a silence Thor desperately wanted to break.
“Do you miss her?” Thor asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth like a tsunami wave. He didn’t have to specify who, he knew Loki knew what he meant.
He also knew it was a stupid question; Loki and Frigga had a bond that Thor couldn’t begin to comprehend. Frigga was the only one who truly knew the trickster, because Loki let her know him. She was special to Loki. But in Loki’s eyes, she betrayed him, just like everyone else. But Thor couldn’t think of any other way to open up the conversation. The subject needed to be addressed. No, bickering, no insults or accusations, just sincere words.
“Of course I miss her.” Loki said. He stared down into the amber of his mead, his gaze tired, exhausted. He pushed on regardless. Perhaps he shared the same thoughts as Thor. “I keep thinking, what if it all happened differently? Maybe she would still be here.” He took a sip of the alcohol and his lips pressed into a hard line, which wasn’t caused by the burn.
Thor didn’t have to dig too deep to hear the remorse in Loki’s words. The tricksters tone had oozed genuine regret. He didn’t press him further.
They lapsed back into silence, one with less weight than the last. Thor’s eyes tracked a comet as it hurtled through space, keeping perfect time with their ship.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Thor suddenly spoke again. Loki glanced at him, warily. “You were locked up. You couldn’t have saved her.”
Loki’s face morphed through a series of emotions, none settled long enough for Thor to pin a name to any of them. After a moment, Loki settled on worrying the inside of his cheek with his teeth.
Thor sighed, heavily, worry and uncertainty settled in the pit of his stomach like bubbling magma, ready to explode and rain down on everything. He could almost see Loki patching up the crumbling wall that had settled like a rock between them.
“I don’t want any more secrets between us, Loki.” Thor admitted, heavily. “No more lies. We’ve lost everything, we both have, but we have each other. We should rebuild with our people and rule as kings, together, as it should be.”
He turned to face his brother, just as Loki’s eyes flickered upwards. Their gazes met. Thor couldn’t read Loki’s expression. It was perfectly blank, like a mask, but not the one Thor was used to seeing.
Something had changed.
“I’d like that.” Loki said, softly.