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The smell was getting to his nerves tonight. Thick, grey clouds coming back at him again as Jimin puffed out his cigarette in the club. As if, the loud bass didn’t irritate him already. Maybe there wasn’t enough alcohol in his system to drown this shit all out. Not after what happened the last he did on purpose to stumble into your apartment one time; after many times he does, knowing for sure you would take him in more than you have the heart to kick him out and let him drive in this hazed state of mind.
It’s only past 1 am and Jungkook is already thinking of going back. Already fiddling with his keys in his grip, he grazed his knuckles, still fresh from the ache from his boxing practice before tomorrow’s match. Would he go back to your’s instead? You must be sleeping right now. Your shift ended at least 2 hours ago at the nearby convenience store. Making small wages just barely enough to cover your rental fees on top living as a college student.
And still, after a long day on his own as an underground boxer, you’re still on Jungkook’s mind. With or without the alcohol-laced in his system.
“I’m off, see you tomorrow,” Jungkook nodded off to the man sitting behind him, the ends of cigarette burning to the tips. Blowing out the smoke and Jimin acknowledging Jungkook as he saw him taking off his jacket and went across the floor towards a backdoor exit.
“I didn’t think he’d be off too early,” Hoseok questioned as he noticed Jungkook walked away, giving a few seconds off the interest from the girl sitting next to him, who’d been too busy occupying Hoseok. Barely noticing that the youngest boxer peculiar temperament tonight. “He didn’t even finish his drink.”
Even Jimin can see Jungkook held off his energy tonight, far too hazy and distracted. He knew the reason why; Jungkook lost the last match had him half wrecking the shelf in the practice room. That was just last Saturday night. This was the quarter-year match, people were piling up more, more to see him, more to see his long-time rival—to see both of ripping each other off on the pit—that means more money betting on him to win, or so to lose.
He furrowed his eyebrows, in uncertainty, more for himself as he thought of it. He knew the reason Jungkook was distracted lately; you.
***
To say Jungkook was exerted with exhaustion was an understatement. He was beyond that, he was losing this. His focus for the matches ahead, and there was barely much left. He has ascended through the rank, fast enough to fight against his rival. Knowing him, he was a well trained with a better composure in the pit; never volatile as Jungkook. His persistence to meet Jungkook in the finals. Jungkook is fast, given his smaller frame and agility to compare, he could easily take him down. But he knew Namjoon—he would have to fight against his wits and calculating movements, something Jungkook was lacking. Fuck.
He stood outside, beside his motorcycle across your apartment. Eyes focused towards the particular room where he knew you had late nights from catching up with college assignments. The lights in your room as if hiding from him, flickering from the curtain blowing from the windows you opened. Jungkook inhaled his remaining cigarette, trying to mull over the intention of coming here unannounced; again. You’re still awake, he hoped so.
Abandoning off his stick, Jungkook paced towards the level of your apartment. Surprising he knew his way still after the first time you took him to your’s after his unexpected brawl from the bar downtown. Bruised jaw and painted his lips red from blood, you aided him as you both made an escape when people were calling the police; before anyone of you were in trouble. You couldn’t just leave him behind, opting that your place was closer, you didn’t know where the bruised man lived either. He was much like your age, for once you were right.
A knock resembled staccato rhythm steadied from your door. Cantering towards the door, you furrowed your eyebrows. Was it your neighbour again knocking? He must’ve been looking for his cat, Dusty. Sometimes you can find Dusty laying around your apartment coming back from work. With your windows open most of the time, Dusty must have slipped in. Clearly preferring your company more than your so-neighbour.
Jungkook can hear your steps coming through the door. “It’s me,” he didn’t realised his voice sound more tired than he turned out to sound. You should’ve known.
Your eyes flickered straight to Jungkook’s. Then, his unseemingly attractive choice of leather jacket with black jeans, accentuating his built body and the smell follows. “Have you been drinking?”
Jungkook nodded. All the words he had composed on the reasons he made his visit tonight had seemed to be gone when he took you in his gaze. You looked ineffable. Not trusting his own voice, afraid it might made him gave in too easy into you, “Can I come in?”
Not debating enough in your choices, you stood aside and gave him room to shuffle across your living space. Complimenting the small space with a kitchen. Your apartment was much nicer than you could hope for on top of your tuition debt but you had a roommate to cover the bills. A small apartment for two and tonight you were lucky enough that she wasn’t here. You didn’t need her to give Jungkook another look over, inciting that he was a bad company to be around. Must’ve been his tattoos but that doesn’t make a person bad.
Jungkook took in to look around the room as if he didn’t appreciate them enough with his attention the last time he was here.
“Well?” You questioned him.
Jungkook finally turned around to meet you. His gaze seems to hold you down, silent and hands in his pocket. Suddenly, you feel like his gaze could burn you through, not with desire—not yet, but enough to make you flustered in the presence of an attractive man. “Your place was the only thing I could think off,” he answered.
Even under the soft light, he could tell you still looked beautiful. He missed those eyes, doe-eyed with a small mole barely visible that compliments it. Jungkook wonders if you ever noticed it.
“Why are you really here, Jungkook?” Arms folded together on your chest, eyes trying to imitate the intensity of his. “The last time we saw each other, I was hoping that it’ll be the last time I saw you.”
You lied. You didn’t wanted it to be the last time you saw of him.
“I missed you.”
You seemed to be taken aback by his sudden blurt. It was unexpected, of you to hear it coming out him; when in reality, you’ve been missing him. You were drawn to him. The enigmatic he carries as if it was his personality to own and only him. You didn’t know what to say.
“Please don’t say that, you don’t.” You looked away from him a moment. Suddenly anything around the room would be fascinating to look at, anywhere as long as you’re not in his delicate gaze.
“I do.” He stood his ground, “I know you do too, you can’t lie to me.”
You couldn’t understand the dynamic between you had with Jungkook. You wish you could read his mind, to see a glimpse what he had to think about you instead. What was he thinking of coming here again after midnight? Why won’t he just go back home and leave you alone to your own thoughts—not wanting him near because you wanted him close as much. You knew the more he was present with you, you wouldn’t be able to get away from him; emotionally and physically. Now that he’s standing right in front you, it amplifies.
Time seems to dragged on for a long time for you as your eyes journeyed on him long and slow. Imagine savouring his chest and running your hands on him, you wanted to feel them under you. You wanted it badly, to get a taste of him. Your cheeks dusted pink as you visioned it. “Your hands are bleeding again,” eyes getting a proper look at his bruised hands.
You took into the kitchen leaving Jungkook still staring at you as he heard you took out a box of medication. He had to remind himself that wasn’t the response he thought he would be getting out of you. He thought of more you would reciprocate the words he would’ve loved to hear. Only from you.
Swallowing hard and took a seat on your sofa as he still hears you, his eyes gaze over his hands for the second time tonight, a small crimson dropped out of his light wound split one from working out today. His stupid attempt to drown you out of his thoughts, anything and using that turning into anger which had failed miserably. It still leads him to your apartment.
“You should take it more easy, you know,” you took his hands, inspecting it over the remaining purple bruises that were healing, not wanting to ask how he got them. Knowing that he was working, and who he works with, you were in no position to ask him why he still chose this path that could endanger him and putting him in a position more dead than alive. “All these bruises won’t be worth it if you fucked up your tournament.”
Jungkook smiled softly at your choice of word, you didn’t notice, ‘tournaments’ was meant for professional and legal while Jungkook’s line of work—dangerous and threatening. He remained motionless and his eyes transfixed only to you as you put a bandaid over the wound below his knuckles.
A unicorn bandaid. How Y/N of you.
You would have stammered on your words if you said something the moment you look at him again after patting the bandaid properly on him. Determined to leave the burning heat from his skin, or was it yours? You can’t tell anymore. You didn’t realise you were so close to his face. He has a deeper shade of brown eyes. If you could only look at his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to tell this is a man who is capable to take down a man twice his size; a man of darker persona. It didn’t match his eyes but tonight he wasn’t that man.
The small dot creating a small space underneath is soft lips were the only thing you focused on under his penetrating gaze. Uncertainty of where this would lead to surface on your chest. Your breath held constricted. You knew better not to thread on this. The close distance between your faces, you can feel his hot breath on you. You could tell what he was drinking tonight. Not a distant smell, but a scent you could memorise off him. He smelled of cigarettes and gin. You wanted to touch him again.
His fingers curled around your palms now, taking it closer to him. The warmth of him suddenly had you fluttered your lashes, to have his hands in yours you feel like you wouldn’t want it to end. His touch lingers a little too long when he had the chance; small touches when he can, sometimes it leaves you hot and wanting more the night before you go to sleep—it was harder to ignore it.
“Look at me, look at me,” he says it as if he’s praying and praying for you to look at him and not meet him halfway. He took your hands and lifted them close to his lips. Eyes still on you, that was normally with dark and lusted gaze and now brimmed to innocence. He held your hand affectionately in his and enough to draw you toward him, but he did not kiss them, just simple grazing it on her skin. You held your whimper back, afraid he might he hear it.
“You can’t be here, Jungkook. People might see.”
Instead drawing his eyebrows together, he didn’t seem to take your answer in. “I know, I can’t stop thinking of you and I don’t-“
“You don’t understand,” you cut him off, knowing he’s not going to give in easily to your protests. He knows the damage he’s about to be doing. He knows how much this is dangerous territory he’s in. He may have calculated this course of actions beforehand.
“Joonie’s gonna kill you if he finds out you’re here, and you keep on coming to see me,” your tears brimmed your eyes and voice sound hesitant. The only thing that stopping your tears from falling is his hands still in yours. “I know him, he’s my brother, Jungkook. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Keeping his composure and not letting his emotions betray him, Jungkook thought of why he keeps on coming back to your place. It wasn’t the comfort of your place that he has grown to love to be in lately, he loves to be around that cat of yours, or was it your roommate’s? It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t from the nights he has stumbled to your apartment, back from practice and you letting him in and spend the quiet night with him watching your re-runs of your favourite show on Netflix he has secretly enjoyed too. You understand his silence and he enjoys being in your presence, knowing that in the end of the night you will fall asleep on him on this sofa, he will be gone in the morning; he comes around again, always.
It was you. You were his safe place.