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When Daniel Widmore was about to graduate from high school, he was barely sixteen. He was a genius. His mind could go beyond anything and his thoughts could arrive and resolve equations that a lot of mathematicians couldnʼt even think of.
When Desmond Hume was about to graduate from high school, he had just turned nineteen. Desmond wasnʼt as special as Daniel. But he was smart and caring. And he loved reading, but he didn't like school, just like a lot of other things. And fate wanted maths to be one of it. He wanted to understand something about it, but it was too difficult and he wasn’t even that interested. He preferred spending his time reading a book about philosophy or about poems.
«Hey, Dan» Daniel flinched at the mention of his name.
«Hey— Desmond.»
Desmond smiled because of how nice Daniel could be. He seemed so old and mature, but he was still a teenager like him.
«I just wanted to ask you if you could— help me in maths?» he smiled. «I know youʼve got bigger problems, and youʼre about to graduate. But Iʼve got this important exam this week and my whole life about college depends on it.»
Daniel smiled back. It was a softer smile, it was hidden. It was a shy smile, like him. He couldnʼt say no. Every time Desmond talked to him, it could have been anything, and he would have still said yes.
«Yes.»
«Yes?» the young Hume replied.
«Yes, Desmond. Of course Iʼll help you.»
«Oh, thank you so much! Penny was right about you!»
Daniel stopped smiling. He frowned.
«Penny?» he said with a strange grimace.
«Yeah, your sister. I told her I had some problems in maths and she said I could’ve asked you. Because— you’re smart, and nice .»
The young guy smiled again, but it wasn't as genuine as before. Hearing his sister’s name made it bitter. But he didn't show. There were a lot of things that Daniel didn't show.
«I’m happy to know she sees me like that.»
Desmond smiled brightly. «Dan, everyone sees you like that. I do, too. »
He winked at him before going away.
«See ya, brotha» he said while waving his hand.
Daniel looked at him one last time, before going to his class. But he wasnìt at school anymore. He was high in the clouds. He was already studying maths with Desmond in his mind.
The day they were supposed to study together, it slowly became two days, and then three, and then at least twice a week. They met every time they could. Desmond was also starting to neglect Penny, but it wasnʼt his intention. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with her, and he really wanted to let her understand he cared about her and that they wonʼt leave each other after high school. At the same time, he knew he needed to study maths and after all, when he met Daniel at his fatherʼs house, he could also see Penny. But most of the time, he tried to avoid it, because he knew how much Charles Widmore disliked him. So instead he preferred going to Danielʼs house. Daniel and Penny, in fact, were brothers, half-brothers. Penny lived with her parents and Daniel with his mother. Desmond didnʼt even want to imagine how difficult the Sunday lunches could be.
«Thank you, by the way, brother» said Desmond, while looking at Daniel. The young mathematician was finishing to write some notes about the new algorithm he had just explained. He didnʼt even raise his head, he kept writing.
«I know I already said that and Iʼm starting to become repetitive, but—»
Daniel looked up at him. «I know» he smiled, and warmed Desmondʼs face.
«Yʼknow, Iʼm literally turning down Penny just to have these evenings with you.»
Daniel started to shake. Was he supposed to feel like that? Was he supposed to have his heart racing like that?
«Itʼs been a lot since the last time I saw her. But I definitely prefer to spend more time with you, rather than going to her house and seeing your father» he said while laughing slightly.
Daniel smiled, too. «And I prefer to spend more time with you rather than—» he paused while taking a deep breath. «Rather than being with anyone else.»
Desmondʼs expression changed completely. His smile turned into a troubled face. And that was the moment where Daniel understood he said something he shouldnʼt have said.
«What— Why are you telling me this?» asked Desmond.
«Because I thought you should know. Because thereʼs no one Iʼd tell these things other than you.»
Daniel was starting to sweat. His hands were becoming sticky and he couldnʼt stop to rub them on his pants.
He could feel that the air was becoming dense and heavy, but he still couldnʼt stop thinking about Desmondʼs face and hair and this calmed him.
«I donʼt know what to say» his friend replied.
Daniel smiled, as he moved closer.
«You donʼt have to say anything» he answered with a broken voice, while leaning his lips on Desmondʼs.
Their kiss didnʼt even last as a butterfly's flutter. But it was so magic, that Daniel thought time had stopped. It looked like the whole universe had just stopped, and their kiss would have stayed forever in that way. Frozen in that moment.
It wasnʼt Desmond to get away, but Daniel, when he understood that the one who was really frozen was his friend.
«Iʼm sorry» he said.
Desmond still had his eyes wide open.
«I didnʼt want to, I mean— I wanted to. But I know you didnʼt, so I—I donʼt know why I did it» started to say Daniel without taking a pause. «Please say something before I pass out.»
Desmond smiled. But he still didnʼt know what to say.
«I love you» Daniel said suddenly. «Damn, I still donʼt know whatʼs wrong with me, but I canʼt help it— I love you. See? I just canʼt stop—»
«Dan» Desmond tried to interrupt him to make him breath. « Dan .»
Daniel lowered his head. «Donʼt— donʼt look at me like that.»
«Like what?»
«Like Iʼm a young, pathetic boy and you pity me. Donʼt do this to me.»
Desmond felt even more bad than before. He smiled with bitterness.
«I love you, Daniel. I— I love you. »
«But?»
«But I do love Penny. I always will. And there wonʼt be anyone beside her. Iʼm sure about it. Even— even if itʼs you. »
Desmond leaned to kiss him softly one last time.
«This is goodbye» he said. «Iʼm sorry, Daniel. You know thereʼs anything Iʼd do to make you happy.»
Daniel held back the tears while putting a nice smile on. «No, you wouldnʼt. The only way was loving me. And you canʼt.»
Desmond smiled bitterly and looked away.
When Desmond got away from his house, both of them were devastated. One of them thought he had just lost an incredible friend; the other thought he lost the person he loved the most.
Daniel started crying, because he felt like he needed to. But he knew he couldnʼt cry forever. His father would have arrived anytime soon and he really didn’t have to see his son like that. Daniel had cried a lot of times in his life, but both of his parents had never seen not even one of these times. They weren’t the most lovable people, especially his father.
«Daniel,» said his mother while opening the door of his room. «Your father is coming to pick you up.»
Daniel had fortunately already dried his tears. «Alright, I’m getting ready.»
His mother smiled and closed the door behind.
When his father came, it wasn’t truly his father, as always. In fact, it was just one of his many assistants who happened to be occasionally a taxi driver, too.
Daniel stayed silently until they arrived home. He thought he could just go to his room, so he walked keeping his head down, until he heard a voice calling him from a room. It was his father.
«Come here» he said.
Daniel reluctantly entered the room. «Hi, dad.»
«How was your day?»
Daniel frowned, it was suspicious to see his father so interested in what he was doing, especially if it was out of the blue.
«Uh— okay, I guess?» he answered while not looking into his father’s eyes. He was always so smart and perceptive.
Daniel thought their conversation was over, but he sensed it had just started. He felt like his father wanted to know other things.
«I mean — I went to school, I took the maximum grade in maths. Then I went home and I— well, I studied. Yeah» he was starting to feel very uncomfortable and talking about his afternoon didn’t help. Every time he wanted to say something, his mind kept to remind him of his kiss with Desmond. Actually, he kept thinking of when Desmond kissed him . He knew he did it just because Des cared about him and he didn’t make him feel bad. But he just couldn’t get it out of his mind.
«Daniel? Whatʼs wrong with you?» his father said while frowning.
«Itʼs nothing. Iʼm alright.» he had to stop to zone out like that. But Desmond...
«Your mother told me today you studied with that Hume. Again » he said with a harsh tone, while bringing Daniel back to their conversation. «Donʼt tell me itʼs what Iʼm thinking of.»
«I don’t even know what youʼre talking about» he replied while having his eyes lost beyond the window. «He came to study maths together. And then he went away. He had to go out with Penny, I suppose.»
His father snorted. «Uhm. And thatʼs everything youʼve got to tell me, right?»
«I—I donʼt know what you want to hear! Desmond is— heʼs a smart guy, a good person. And he’s my friend, thereʼs nothing bad if I spend some time with him, I guess.»
Widmore lowered his head and started to whisper something between himself.
«God. It canʼt be» he said. «Why is this Desmond Hume so special? What does he have?»
His father was slowly turning into a fury.
«Dad—»
«I canʼt believe that both of my sons are in love with this idiot!»
Daniel blushed like he never did in his whole life. «Heʼs not an idiot!»
«But you didnʼt deny you love him.»
«I—I donʼt love him. Iʼm—Iʼm not— well, I couldnʼt do this to Penny. I love her. And she cares about Desmond.»
«Yeah, unfortunately» replied his father with a dismissive tone.
“ Yeah, unfortunately ” echoed Danielʼs thoughts.
He was starting to zone out again. His thoughts were so bulky that he couldn’t really listen to what he was saying.
«Listen, Daniel» his father said while trying to be calmer. «I don’t care who— who you like, alright?»
«Then why don’t you like Desmond?» he asked.
«It’s not just this. He’s with your sister. Even if I don’t like him even with her. He’s a failure, he won’t do anything in his life, let me tell you that. That’s why I don’t like him. For both of you.»
Daniel turned his nose. «I don’t know why you have this impression about Desmond, but he isn’t a single thing you said» he started. «He’s smart, he’s resourceful and he likes a lot of things and you never get bored to be with him or to talk to him.»
Daniel was starting to get angry, but his father smiled and Daniel felt even more confused.
«Why are you smiling now? » he asked with an annoyed tone.
«Nothing, it’s just— you have your sister’s eyes when you talk about him.»
Daniel felt worse. «Please don’t even name her.»
HIs father nodded and with a gesture, a simple gesture, he let his son understand he could go. Daniel left Charles Widmore’s study and went to his room. He tried to walk softly, because his room was right after Penny’s and he really couldn’t see her at that moment. But Penny had already heard he had arrived, so she came out of her bedroom to talk to him.
«Hey, Dan!» Penny greeted him with a smile.
A smile so bright and honest that hurt Daniel.
«Hi— hi, Penny.»
«You studied with Desmond today, right? »
«Yeah. As always.»
«We had to see each other. But he said he wasn’t feeling so well. And he also had to finish to study.»
Daniel tried to smile, but he couldn’t even swallow right. He wasn’t feeling well? Was it because of what he did?
«Yeah, Desmond is really into maths now» he said while laughing.
Penny laughed, too. «Thanks for what you’re doing to him. You didn’t have to. I know we— I know our relationship isn’t one of the best, even because of our father. But— thank you, really.»
And that was at least the sixth time Daniel felt like a rat in that single day.
When he went to his room, he made a point of locking the door, he didn’t want anyone to enter or see him in that condition.
“There has to be a version of reality where he chooses the other sibling” he thought while throwing himself on the bed. “There has to be a parallel universe where he loves me back.”
He looked away, trying to comfort himself by looking out of the window.
“ Iʼm just sad this isnʼt it .”
Daniel looked at the moon, that he knew better than anything else, and he thought if it was possible to be that distant. People had talked with the moon for centuries. They addressed their poems and their sorrows to her. They saw her like a friend. But was she really? Or was she — or it — just distant and indifferent from men’s fate?
In that precise moment, Daniel would have liked to be just like the moon, so far away from the Earth and emotionless. Emotionless to a certain boy who stole all of his thoughts that night.