Archive of Our Own

01 Intro: Youth

BigHit teases at new soloist set to debut “SOON”

Following the international success of RM, Triumvirate, and former soloist Agust D, a new artist is expected to join the ranks of BigHit names that have left a significant mark on the music industry.

Last night, BigHit’s team took to Twitter and posted a photo of a still unnamed young man, simply captioned “SOON.” Simultaneously, BigHit’s website received a fresh update, with its home page now displaying a link that leads to the same photo. Details about the soon-to-be rookie are still sparse, but that didn’t stop fans from taking over top Twitter trends for almost eight hours, with hashtags such as #WelcomeToTheBigHitFamily, #BigHitBaby, and #IncomingROTY.

No follow-up information has been given about this artist as of yet, but one thing is certain: this is a debut to look out for!

It starts with this: an empty storage room upon Jungkook’s request, just big enough to fit in a desk, a chair, and maybe a bean bag with some throw pillows.

Or, no. It started even before that.

It started with Jungkook having a vision and taking a risk. It started with him being pulled aside from the other trainees, Yoongi informing him that he was going to debut as a soloist. It started with Jungkook sucking in as much air as his lungs could hold, everything within him buzzing to life, and asking, “Does this mean I can have my own studio?”

It’s not quite a studio. But then again, what makes a studio isn’t the room, but the equipment. The company is able to provide him with a table and a spinning chair, which excites Jungkook up until he realizes he doesn’t have enough room to wheel himself around in. He’s thankful, anyway. They help him repaint the walls a muted gray color and put up some of his posters. They cover the repolished floor with a carpet that’s soft enough to comfortably lie on. They even install a shelf onto the wall above the work table upon Jungkook’s meek request, so he has somewhere to display his collection of CDs and anime figurines on.

Then, as a last touch, Jungkook takes a bean bag from his dorm and sets it in a corner of the room.

It’s not very impressive compared to what other artists and producers in the building have, but it’s his, and that’s enough for now.

Yoongi drops by just as Jungkook is bringing in his personal laptop and speakers. The producer leans against the open doorway, hands in his pockets, and takes a long look at all of Jungkook’s progress. He whistles. “Not bad, kid. Not bad at all.”

Jungkook smiles, bashful and pleased all at once. “Thanks, hyung!”

Yoongi nods at the items in Jungkook’s hands. “That’s all of your music stuff?”

There’s nothing particularly judging about his tone, but Jungkook still feels some level of self-conscious as he sets his speakers on top of the table. His table, now. The speakers are bluetooth-operated, something he uses to blast music in his dorm room whenever he has days off. He doubts he’ll get a lot of those, now.

“Yeah,” he says, a bit belatedly. “This is all of it for now.”

So maybe the equipment isn’t quite there yet. He’s still lacking a few monitors, a keyboard, a good microphone, and a number of other things that probably come with wires and cables and buttons. At the very least, he wants to upgrade his speakers into something less gen z having a self-party and more incoming artist taking music seriously, but he knows he has to prove that he’s just as good with music behind the scenes as he is at the forefront of it before anything.

That, and he has to learn the technicalities of making music, too.

Yoongi hums as he steps into the room. As though he heard Jungkook’s thoughts, he asks, “How much producing experience do you have again?”

“Not a lot,” Jungkook admits, wincing. He adds, hoping it’ll be enough for now, “I’ve messed around on some music apps, made a few beats here and there, but that’s it. I like doing covers and recording stuff on my own time, though!”

Yoongi nods, expression giving nothing away. Then he offers, “I can get you some better speakers and a microphone, at least.”

Jungkook’s eyes grow wide. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, walking up to the table and turning Jungkook’s bluetooth speakers on. A static noise crackles in the air, the lights on the speakers blinking blue-purple-pink. Yoongi cracks the tiniest grin. “I remember when I first got my own studio. We had just moved into a new building, and we were finally making enough to give our producers a better workspace. I technically was an artist so that didn’t include me, but I asked for my own room anyway.” He turns Jungkook’s speaker back off, the faint buzzing coming from it dying down. “I had to make do with shitty secondhand equipment for a while, but that was then. Things are better, now.”

Hopeful yet timid, Jungkook asks, “Does that mean I can get a new computer, too?”

Yoongi stares at him for a second, before snorting a laugh. He ruffles Jungkook’s hair. “Cute, but no. Not yet, anyway. Take the speakers and say ‘thank you hyungnim.’”

Jungkook flushes, about to do as told, when another person suddenly appears by the doorway, fingers curling around the doorframe, and—

Oh. Oh, god.

“Yoongi-hyung, hey. They told me I’d find you around here,” Kim Namjoon says, casually standing by Jungkook’s barely-a-studio door, and Jungkook’s brain just. Stops.

There’s a lot to take in, and he doesn’t quite know where to start. There’s he’s even taller in person, and pictures really don’t do him justice, and why is this happening now, and of course you’ll run into him eventually, you doofus. Most importantly, there’s it’s RM, the Kim Namjoon, standing in the flesh five feet away from me, and oh god, Jungkook is not ready. He is nowhere near ready for this meeting to happen.

Very suddenly, he remembers he’s dressed in unflattering loose sweats and the same shirt he danced all morning in, too eager to work on finalizing his studio to bother changing after practice. His hair is probably still drying in clumps around his head from how much he sweated, and he isn’t even wearing shoes, socked toes wriggling self-consciously into the carpet. He wonders whether he can back away into a corner undetected and delay this first meeting until he’s more put together.

He takes a single step back and somehow rattles the table with his hip. The action has the opposite effect, drawing Namjoon’s attention to him instead.

“Oh,” Namjoon says, like he just realized there’s a third person standing in this small room. His face is bare, the skin beneath his eyes heavily shadowed, lips a little pale. Despite the quiet kind of tiredness evident on his face, he still carries a presence that’s impossible to look away from. “Hey. You must be the rookie.”

Yoongi reaches over and slings an arm around Jungkook’s neck, dragging him close. Any other day, Jungkook would’ve easily slipped away from the older’s grasp, but his limbs seem to have forgotten how to function at the moment. Resigning himself to a fate of leaving a bad first impression, Jungkook sighs heavily and lets Yoongi manhandle him.

“Yeah, this is him,” Yoongi introduces on Jungkook’s behalf, and he sounds a bit like a dad with high expectations. “Jeon Jungkook. Full of natural talent, if you ask me.”

Namjoon gives Jungkook a polite smile, but doesn’t really offer anything else. Truth be told, Jungkook has been dreaming of this meeting since he first stepped into BigHit as a trainee. It’s probably cliche, being a huge fan of the rapper since his debut days and wanting to be an artist partly because of him, but that’s just the way things are. Jungkook even used an RM feature for his audition. Granted, it was a vocal-heavy collab and Jungkook probably nailed the singing parts better, but still. Namjoon was a huge part of the reason he chose that song.

It was both a disappointment and a relief that Namjoon was busy doing shows across the US and Canada when Jungkook first joined the company. Jungkook had a lot of time to hype himself up, thinking that when the moment to meet his idol finally arrives, he’ll be the best he can ever be. Not… this.

Not how he is now, with a shirt he really wishes he changed out of, a man by all means smaller than him holding him hostage, and a glorified storage room housing his meager belongings.

Still, he tells himself to make the most of the opportunities he gets. With that in mind, he pries Yoongi’s arm from around him and stands to his full height, before bowing lowly. “It’s an honor to meet you, Namjoon-sunbaenim.”

When he straightens, it’s obvious that Namjoon feels awkward about the formalities. He’s rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, gaze trained more towards the wall than towards Jungkook. “Right. It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Jungkook waits to see if Namjoon will say more. When Namjoon doesn’t, Jungkook blurts, “Have you seen my audition tape, sunbaenim? I did ‘Crying Over You.’”

“I saw it, yeah. It was good,” Namjoon nods, still not quite looking at Jungkook. Jungkook is just about to blurt out a flustered thanks, but then Namjoon is adding in an almost offhand manner, “Though you should probably just stick to vocals.”

Jungkook snaps his mouth shut. He deflates. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, but the moment passes before he can figure it out. Yoongi and Namjoon exchange a few words, probably catching up with each other, but Jungkook doesn’t hear any of it. His head is still caught up on stick to vocals, stick to vocals, stick to vocals.

Of course he’s going to stick to vocals. He’s a vocalist. That’s his thing.

...but is he that terrible of a rapper that Namjoon felt the need to point it out?

He only snaps out of his thoughts when a phone rings, shrill and sudden. Namjoon murmurs an excuse as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and accepts the call after a glance at the screen. He throws a quick goodbye over his shoulder for the both of them, device already held to his ear, and steps out of the room.

Then, he’s gone.

Jungkook stands there, feeling confused, defeated, and just a touch heated. Yoongi slaps him on the back before he can get too worked up over it.

“So,” the producer begins, casual and easy, “you know about RKive. You know about Hope World. And you sure as fuck know about Genius Lab.” There’s a glint in his eye, one that holds an entire universe of expectations.

“I do, yeah.”

“You get a studio, you name that studio,” Yoongi says, and he’s grinning now. “So. What are you gonna call this place?”

It starts with this: a storage room revamped to fit Jungkook’s personality, to give him a space within this building where he can work on his own craft and develop his personal artistry. It starts with Jungkook thinking of how equipment and results make a studio, but he knows this isn’t it quite yet. This is just the first step, the beginning.

It starts with a small space that Jungkook will make his own, one that he swears will see the birth and growth of music he can be proud to share with others.

It starts with him declaring, “I’ll call it the Golden Closet.”

02 Coffee

BigHit has a peculiar architectural design.

A lounge is located smack center of the 11th floor where all the producers and artists are. Every hallway leads to it like some kind of intersection, and there’s always someone hanging out in the lounge, either drinking coffee or taking a nap on the plush leather sofa. Jungkook, though, has never spent time there. He thinks that he will, someday. But for now he’s still very much the baby of the team, shy and hesitant.

He isn’t even the youngest. There are trainees younger than him, but none of them have the guarantee of debuting yet. Not like Jungkook, at least. He’s been attending several meetings these past few weeks, going over concepts and photoshoot schedules and preliminary recording sessions and tentative choreography. It’s stressful.

But more than that, it’s exhilarating.

He loves performing more than he does a lot of other things. Even the year before, when he was still groaning his way through college classes he’d rather not be taking, he would blow off steam by partaking in one of his many, many hobbies. Bowling. Cooking. Going out to all-you-can-eat buffets and calling it “practice” for his fallback career of being a competitive eating vlogger.

And then there was busking.

He thinks there are videos of him posted on old friends’ social media accounts. He wonders whether those have circulated online by now, since he’s certain someone out there will take one look at his picture on Twitter and wonder where they’ve seen him before. He knows it won’t take too long to put two and two together, and he wonders whether people will like him when they hear him sing.

He hopes people will like him when they hear him sing.

He’s just making a mental note to scour the Internet for his busking videos, having picked up a grape soda from the vending machine, when he hears voices coming from the lounge.

This isn’t unusual. Again, people are always hanging out in the lounge. The fact that he can recognize the voices to be Yoongi and Namjoon isn’t strange either, but then—

“He’s a real good kid, though. Hardworking.”

They’re talking about him.

Jungkook doesn’t mean to listen in. He knows boundaries and he respects them, but Namjoon’s words from their first meeting keep playing in his head and he just—he wants to know. Does Namjoon not like him? Does Namjoon think he isn’t a fit addition to this company?

It shouldn’t really matter. Jungkook will debut soon, and some people will inevitably not like him. It’s just the way things go in this industry. He should be able to get past criticism and carry on with his career as early as now.

But at the same time, it really sucks that the person he’s been looking up to the most is also the one cynical of him.

So he stays. Just for a while.

“You’ve taken him under your wing, then?” Namjoon is asking. There’s warm familiarity in the way he speaks to Yoongi, something completely absent when he had been addressing Jungkook. Which makes sense, since there’s nothing at all about Jungkook that Namjoon should be familiar with, but the petty and somewhat irrational part of him still frowns (pouts) at the fact.

“I’m the main producer working on his debut EP. Of course I’m gonna take him under my wing,” Yoongi responds easily.

“Hoseok showed me some dance videos, too. He seems like he has a lot of potential.”

“Kid’s a fucking good dancer, yeah.” A short pause follows, and then, “Hey, you should drop by one of his recording sessions this week and see him in action. He’s real eager to learn and do good, it’s actually endearing.”

Jungkook feels his cheeks burn, and he scurries away before he can hear Namjoon’s reply.

Secretly, he hopes Namjoon agrees.

03 Blanket Kick

“Come on,” Taehyung pleads, and it’s quite a shock seeing this gorgeous man with a resting bitch face go all puppy-eyed at him. “I think cherry red will look really good on you.”

This is the part Jungkook had been dreading the most. He bites back the urge to swat at the stylist’s hands when he starts scrutinizing Jungkook’s hair, turning Jungkook’s head this way and that with very little regard for his neck muscles. Right now, his hair is a soft overgrown mess that sweeps nearly past his eyebrows and curls around his entire ear, tips brushing over the nape of his neck. Most importantly, it’s a natural dark shade.

Jungkook intends on keeping it that way for as long as he can get away with, which is turning out to be not that long at all.

“I was thinking of giving you an undercut, too,” Taehyung hums, carding his fingers through the sides of Jungkook’s hair. “You have this youthful and innocent face that makes everyone instantly trust you. It’s cute. But we can also contrast that with an edgier haircut to make things fun!”

Jungkook does not want that. Just because Taehyung can rock a mullet and a vibrant blue head—it’s surprising that he isn’t an idol himself, to be honest—it doesn’t mean everyone else will easily look good in crazier hairstyles. While Jungkook thinks he might be able to pull off a style that’s on the wilder side of things, he isn’t quite keen on putting his theory to the test anytime soon.

So he tries again, “I really can’t see myself with a wild hair color.”

“Aw, that’s only because you’ve had this hair all your life,” Taehyung says, ruffling the back of Jungkook’s head. A funny expression crosses his face, and he does it again, the action reminiscent of someone petting a dog. Maybe Taehyung has a dog. “You’ll be surprised at how good you’ll look once I’m done with you.”

“Please,” Jungkook just about pleads, widening his eyes. Taehyung isn’t the only one who can pull off a puppy face. “I really don’t want to dye my hair.”

A knock on the door catches both of their attention. Jungkook’s heart nearly pushes past his throat, out of his mouth, and onto his lap when he sees Namjoon standing there, confused amusement on his face as he looks at Jungkook and Taehyung. He appears slightly disheveled in a zipped-up hoodie and sweatpants, and the ruffled state of his hair suggests he had just woken up from a nap.

He’s a lot less put together than when Jungkook first met him, but Jungkook still feels that confusing combination of tense and timid at the sight of him.

“Ah, Namjoon-hyung!” Taehyung exclaims, waving Namjoon into the room. He’s completely oblivious to the way Jungkook has fallen quiet and still beneath his hand. “Come, take a seat. You needed your roots touched up, right?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, yawning as he walks up to them. He pulls a chair and settles it a couple of feet away from Jungkook, and then says, to Jungkook’s surprise, “Hey, Jungkook-ssi.”

“Hey,” Jungkook tries to reply coolly, but his voice gets trapped somewhere on its way out. He clears his throat, gives it another go. “Hey, sunbaenim.”

It sounds lame. Jungkook tries not to dwell on it.

Namjoon makes a face, and Jungkook tries not to dwell on that either.

Fortunately, Taehyung speaks before the atmosphere could become truly awkward. “I’ll be with you in a moment, hyung. Just need to convince Jungkookie to let me dye his hair.”

It’s a good distraction from Namjoon’s crypticness. Jungkook jumps right at it, groaning, “For the last time, I don’t want red hair!”

“Live life with a little more excitement! A little more risk!”

“I am a risk-taker.”

“You certainly don’t seem like one right now.”

“I just don’t want to look like a tomato!”

Taehyung looks like he’s about to argue some more, but then Namjoon is gently cutting in, surprising Jungkook for the second time that day, “Let the kid keep his hair as it is, Taehyung-ah.” Taehyung turns to Namjoon with a wide-eyed look of betrayal, so the rapper placatingly adds, “A natural hair color is more fitting for his debut, don’t you think? There’s always opportunity to experiment more in the future.”

Taehyung’s lips are pursed into a pout, but this time he looks thoughtful. He touches Jungkook’s hair, fluffing it up and then patting it down again. He takes a strand between his fingers and squints at it as though it holds the secrets to the universe. Then he stares quite intensely at Jungkook’s head, making Jungkook’s palms sweat.

Finally, Taehyung lets out a sigh. “I guess you’re right,” he relents, causing Jungkook to sag in absolute relief. “But! I’m still trimming it. We need to get you from college boy to college heartthrob.”

“Wouldn’t take much,” Namjoon says off-handedly, and that… that makes Jungkook’s cheeks burn.

His brain turns into a big questionmark-shaped mess, and he wonders whether he heard that right or if he just imagined it. He waits to see if Taehyung would comment on it, but the stylist is now entirely focused on getting Jungkook’s hair in order. It doesn’t look like he even heard.

Jungkook steals a glance at Namjoon out of the corner of his eye and sees the rapper already busy on his phone. When Jungkook turns back to his reflection in the mirror, he sees that he resembles a tomato after all with how red his face is.

04 Make It Right

Recording sessions are easily Jungkook’s favorite part of being an upcoming idol.

Despite having his own studio—or closet, as everyone’s come to fondly nickname it, which made Taehyung loudly wonder whether that was a metaphor for anything—Jungkook records his album in Genius Lab, where there’s fancier equipment and at least three different computer monitors. The first time he stepped into Genius Lab, he had gawked at virtually every single thing in the room until Yoongi slapped him between the shoulderblades and said, “Learn a few tricks in making a beat and that closet of yours can grow into this.”

Jungkook definitely has become good producer written in his to-do list now. At the very least, Yoongi made good on his promise to give Jungkook a better set of speakers and a microphone, enough that Jungkook was able to do a very decent cover of ‘Paper Hearts.’ It had been a moment of excitement when he emailed the file to Yoongi, and an hour later, the producer was knocking on his door telling him he had the green light to upload the file onto their company’s SoundCloud as a teaser for his debut.

That self-recording session in comparison to this, however—it’s almost like child’s play.

“Run through that verse again,” Yoongi says after replaying Jungkook’s recorded clip about five times, eyebrows knitted. “The breathiness of your voice adds a unique texture to the song, but don’t compromise your enunciation for it. We need to understand what you’re singing about.”

“Got it,” Jungkook says, taking a moment to absorb the instructions.

They’ve been stuck on this verse for the past half hour, but even then, Jungkook doesn’t feel disheartened. Yoongi has been patient and professional the entire time, ears tuned in to pick Jungkook’s singing apart down to the most minute detail. He’s blunt, but constructive. That’s part of what Jungkook likes about the experience, though. He wants to become better, and he knows Yoongi’s feedback, even the less than pleasant ones, will help him towards that goal.

Once he’s done singing this particular verse for what feels like the twentieth time, Yoongi pushes his headphones down and leans back into his chair with a groan. “It’s good, is the thing, but there’s something about it that just isn’t hitting right.” He runs a hand down his face, before sending Jungkook a tired little smile. “Fifteen minute break?”

“Okay,” Jungkook says, wringing his hands. He feels fidgety, skin buzzing. “Do you want me to get you some coffee, hyung?”

“Please,” Yoongi says, already clicking away at his computer even though he’s the one who called for a break. Jungkook almost breaks into a run exiting the room, needing to release some of his pent-up energy.

He makes enough coffee for two, because he knows Yoongi will go through a single cup like a man that’s been stranded in a desert for days. He drums his fingers against the worktop of the company kitchen as he waits for the coffee to finish brewing, humming the song he’s recording underneath his breath. When he sees that the coffee is almost done, he takes two cups from the cupboard, before changing his mind and trading the cups for bigger mugs.

Three minutes later, he’s pushing the door to Genius Lab open with his hip, careful not to spill any of the coffee onto Yoongi’s carpet. “Hyung, I got your—”

He stops, nearly drops the mugs onto the floor.

“Oh, welcome back, Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi says, slipping his headphones down to his neck, but Jungkook isn’t paying attention to him.

Instead, he’s caught up on the fact that Kim Namjoon is in the room, leaning over Yoongi to get a good look at the monitor, an extra pair of headphones over his ears. His expression is a bit intense, chin jutting out slightly in what Jungkook can only guess is concentration. His eyes are sharp.

The realization that he’s listening to the draft of Jungkook’s song dawns slowly, but when it does, Jungkook feels the sudden need to flee the scene and maybe hide in the comfort of Golden Closet until the mortification dies down.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi’s voice simultaneously pulls Jungkook out of his increasingly panicked thoughts and puts a stop to his escape plan. He turns his head wildly and sees the producer looking at him with a raised brow, though Jungkook swears Yoongi’s mouth is quirked ever so slightly into an amused smirk. “My coffee?”

“Oh, right! Right.” Jungkook finally steps into the room, trying to ignore the fact that Namjoon is now looking at him as well. “Here you go, hyung.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi says, taking a long sip of the coffee before setting it down on his desk, using a loose sheet of paper as a makeshift coaster. He turns back to his monitor and clicks on a few things. “I’ll just go over the bridge again, then we can get back to the opening verse. Take a seat for now.”

Jungkook is just about to do as told when he realizes that Yoongi only took one of the mugs. The other mug is still in Jungkook’s hands, and he wraps his hands around it, warmth seeping into his palms through the thick porcelain. He doesn’t really like coffee all that much. Not if it isn’t doused in milk, at least, but he doesn’t really feel like making a trip back to the kitchen just for that.

Hesitantly, he glances at Namjoon, taking in the focused look on his face as he listens to the bridge along with Yoongi. It’s still embarrassing, knowing that the Namjoon is listening to a clip of Jungkook singing, but Jungkook does his best to push that burning feeling aside.

He can be polite. Polite is easy.

“Namjoon-sunbaenim,” he says, gently nudging Namjoon on the arm to make sure he heard. When Namjoon slips his headphones down and gives Jungkook a questioning look, Jungkook lifts his hands and puts on a smile. “Coffee?”

Namjoon blinks down at Jungkook’s hands as though he’s never seen a cup of coffee before. There’s a pause, a short moment where Jungkook wonders whether Namjoon will turn it down or just straight-up ignore him, but then the moment passes and Namjoon is giving him a dimpled smile instead. “Thanks, Jungkook.”

Wordlessly, Jungkook hands the coffee to Namjoon, slightly caught-up on the way his smile changed his entire face from intimidating to… well, charming. Charming and young and approachable and—

Jungkook hits the brakes on that train of thought very aggressively. A mix of emotions stirs in his chest, conflicting and confusing. On one hand, part of him is still cross about what Namjoon said the first time they met. But on the other hand…

Well, Jungkook is starry-eyed and Namjoon right now is as captivating as moonlight.

Jungkook decides that he doesn’t want the conversation to end just yet, so he lingers, even as Namjoon gives him inquisitive glances. Willing himself to push past the confusion and awkwardness, he says, “Thank you, by the way.”

Namjoon looks puzzled. “For what?”

“For, you know.” Jungkook gestures at his hair. It’s shorter now, neater, rounding out the top of his head. His fringe rests well above his eyebrows, and his ears are completely exposed now that his hair isn’t curling around them.

“Ah,” Namjoon says, expression changing to one of understanding. “It’s no big deal.”

“Still.” Jungkook shrugs, rubbing at his own arm, feeling more and more awkward the longer he stands there. “If it weren’t for you stepping in, Taehyung-hyung would’ve turned me into a cherry.”

That gets a laugh out of Namjoon, surprising them both. Jungkook looks on, wide-eyed, as Namjoon lifts an embarrassed hand to his mouth and glances away. Jungkook isn’t sure if he’s just imagining the hint of a blush on Namjoon’s cheeks, tips of his ears reddening.

Fortunately, the awkward air is broken by Yoongi groaning as he stretches in his seat. “Alright, let’s get right back to it.”

“Right!” Jungkook says, a little too loudly, scurrying towards his spot by the microphone. Or he tries to, at least, but Namjoon steps aside at the same time and—in true cliche drama fashion—they bump into each other. Jungkook lets out a surprised noise that almost sounds like a squeak as fingers curl around his elbow, steadying him.

“You alright?” Namjoon asks, voice close.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, face flushing when he realizes he’s basically leaning into Namjoon’s chest. He carefully pushes himself upright again, keeping his gaze trained on the wooden paneling of Yoongi’s studio floor. “I’m okay. Thank you, sunbaenim.”

“You’re a walking hazard, Joon-ah,” Yoongi says from his post, not even sparing them a glance. “Are you staying, by the way?”

“If you don’t mind,” Namjoon says, but he’s looking at Jungkook. “I’m taking a break from my own stuff.”

“Sure, I could use an extra ear.” Yoongi removes his headphones completely and plugs up the speakers so everyone in the room can hear the recording. “I don’t have to tell you to make yourself comfortable, do I?”

A laugh. Namjoon finally looks away, and Jungkook releases the breath he’s been holding.

The recording session continues after that small mishap. Namjoon doesn’t leave, and somehow, that makes Jungkook sing even better.

05 Dream Glow

“Congratulations!” Park Jimin, one-third of Triumvirate and subject of 19-year-old Jungkook’s fantasies, cheers loudly as Jungkook steps into the room. Behind him stands his band mates, Jung Hoseok and Kim Seokjin, both of whom are holding periwinkle blue balloons.

Jungkook had gotten to know his other seniors better as his debut drew closer. Jimin and Seokjin had dropped by his last few recording sessions to listen in and offer themselves as backing vocals for future songs, and Hoseok had partly choreographed Jungkook’s title track. It definitely helped Jungkook grow more comfortable interacting with his coworkers—his co-artists, more specifically—and now Jungkook feels like he can refer to his seniors as friends.

Seokjin gives him a thumbs-up. Hoseok grins. “You did it!”

Jungkook covers his face bashfully as he’s bombarded with congratulatory pats on the back. Someone sings a horribly off-key rendition of the birthday song, except the words are replaced with happy debut to you, and he spots a few phone cameras trained on him to document the moment.

“Stop being shy and come over here!” Hoseok says, tugging Jungkook towards the center of the room with a hand around his wrist. The action exposes Jungkook’s face once more, leaving his blush visible for everyone to see. He just hopes it isn’t so terribly obvious on camera.

“Hyung,” he complains, eyes growing wide when he sees Yoongi holding a cake. “Ah, you guys really didn’t have to!”

“Be quiet and accept your cake, Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi says, pretending to be stern. “You did an incredible job today. You’ve been doing an incredible job since your trainee days. The least we could do is give you a damn celebration.”

Jungkook ducks his head at that. “But…”

“Argue and you’ll never get free lamb skewers from me ever again,” Yoongi says. Even though they both know it’s an empty threat—Yoongi is way too soft for his own good, a quiet and gentle kind of caring beneath his rough exterior—Jungkook keeps his half-hearted protests down and just smiles timidly.

It’s been a whole day since he officially debuted with Starlight, and things have been looking great so far. At least, that’s what Jungkook was told. He isn’t quite ready to do an online search of himself just yet, so what he knows in terms of fan feedback is only secondhand. The most he did on his own was peek at the views his videos were getting—a music video for his title track, a one-hour pre-recorded debut showcase, and a short thank you video he filmed in the Golden Closet—and look at what hashtags his fans were using.

(And even that is bizarre in itself, acknowledging that he has fans.)

Starting tomorrow, he’ll be filming music show appearances, interviews, and maybe a few variety guestings. He’s been looking forward to those, despite everyone warning him that the process is long and tedious. Jungkook is ready for all of it, eager to get out there on a proper stage and show everyone what he’s capable of.

But today. Today, he lets himself relax.

“You know what,” he says, looking at everyone in the room. Taehyung, hair now a more faded blue, waves at him from where he’s standing with other stylists in a corner. The rest of the producers are mingling near the back of the room, each one having played a part in Jungkook’s EP. Triumvirate, who have years’ worth of experience ahead of him, watch Jungkook with excited faces as though the rush music brings them hasn’t dimmed at all. Yoongi is still holding the cake, something like pride in the way his mouth tugs into a wide smile.

Then Jungkook sees Namjoon, standing a little farther back, watching the scene with gentle eyes.

Jungkook blinks rapidly and focuses back on the cake. It’s chocolate, topped with fresh berries and wafer sticks. He tells himself not to get too emotional over all of this. “You know what,” he repeats, “you’re right. I deserve this cake.”

Yoongi laughs. “Hell yeah, you do.”

Naturally, everyone tries to smear chocolate icing onto Jungkook’s face the moment he blows the candles out. He laughs as he half-heartedly tries to stop the fingers poking at his cheeks and tickling at his ribs, eyes nearly squeezed shut with the force of his smile. He thinks about how these hands belong to the very same people who have guided him for the last several months, and when he grabs at the wrist wiping frosting onto his nose, he feels breathless and thankful and happy.

He looks up, eyes bright, and sees Namjoon smiling almost fondly at him. His hand is trapped in Jungkook’s hold, fingers stained with chocolate, but he doesn’t try to pull away.

They share a moment where they simply look at each other, something quiet and unnamed passing between them.

Then Namjoon says, “Congratulations, Jungkook.” His voice is nothing but a gentle murmur, making Jungkook feel all the more breathless.

Nothing, he thinks, nothing can stop him now.

A week later, Namjoon drops a seven-track playlist and sends virtually everyone into a frenzy.

06 Interlude: What Are You Doing?

RM drops mono. “playlist” unannounced—and only a week after rookie Jeon Jungkook debuts. Are we witnessing an in-company rivalry in the making?

We’re all familiar with BigHit Entertainment, what with the worldwide success of its main acts, idol group Triumvirate and soloist RM. It was only expected that netizens would have their eyes on rookie Jeon Jungkook the moment his debut was announced. In fact, Jungkook amassed an impressive amount of fans even before he could release official music simply for being a BigHit artist.

However, some Cookies (as fans have taken to calling themselves until an official fandom name is announced) cite Jungkook’s Tori Kelly cover as their reason for stanning as early as they did. Others even unearthed amateur busking videos of the new idol, which further contributed to the hype.

When Jungkook’s debut day finally arrived, fans were not at all disappointed with Starlight. The four-track EP was met with an overwhelming amount of positive reviews. Fresh beats back up the singer’s breathtaking vocals, drawing listeners in with youthful lyrics about love and hope. It surprised no one to see Min Yoongi (professionally known as former BigHit soloist Agust D) credited as all of the tracks’ main producer.

What did take everyone by surprise, however, is RM dropping a surprise project merely a week after Jungkook’s debut.

mono., as RM specifies in his tracklist, is not a mixtape but a playlist. Quick-to-respond reviewers have given nothing but praise for the project, describing it as “an honest introspection on what it means to be.” So much love and buzz has been given to the project by fans and non-fans alike, in fact, that it seems as though everyone has just about forgotten Jeon Jungkook’s debut.

On Twitter, a few fans of the rookie bemoaned the timing of RM’s release, saying that people who are keeping an eye on BigHit have now shifted the focus from Jungkook to RM. To add to this perspective, Twitter engagements for Jungkook have significantly dropped in the last three days, while RM has been steadily on top of the trends.

Indeed, it does seem odd that RM chose now of all times to let mono. loose into this dreary gray world, just as Jungkook was trying to metaphorically shine a light onto the music community with Starlight.

For context, RM has never dropped a project within the same time frame as Triumvirate. In fact, the only time two BigHit artists have released music so closely to each other was when Agust D was still actively a soloist. He and RM were freely uploading their side projects onto the company’s SoundCloud, and it’s no secret that, despite being best friends, the two rappers were also self-proclaimed rivals.

Could it be that RM is missing the rush of having a musical rival so close to him, especially since Agust D has been out of the spotlight and in the sidelines for almost two years now? Or could it be that RM is simply trying to show his hoobae how music is really done?

07 Dimple

A little secret that Jungkook learned after two weeks of being signed as a BigHit artist: there’s a door on the very top floor, just at the end of one of the halls, that leads to a roof deck.

Which hall exactly, Jungkook isn’t sure. But after spending the past several hours staring unproductively at his laptop, trying and failing to spill out words that resemble lyrics onto a blank document, he decides that now is as good a time as any to find out.

With that, he shuts his computer down and steps out of Golden Closet.

Ideally, he would be catching up on sleep right now. But even with the past week’s worth of activities following his debut, Jungkook finds that the idea of rest evades him. It almost feels like his body doesn’t want to stop. There’s an urge sitting in the pit of his stomach that keeps him restless, a voice in his head telling him to work work work lest the world move on and leave him in its dusty wake, eyes set on the next sparkly thing.

He knows that isn’t really true. He knows he has already made his footing into this industry, and it’ll stay firmly planted there until he’s ready to take his next step. He knows he should slow down. Part of him wants to slow down.

But he can’t. Both his mind and his body won’t let him pause.

Fleetingly, he wonders if this is what Namjoon meant in ‘forever rain.’

(Because yes, Jungkook listened to the playlist the moment it dropped, even though he had been in a car on the way back from recording an interview. Yes, he absolutely loved it from start to finish. Yes, he cried. And yes, he read some of the articles being written about the release in relation to his own debut.

No, he doesn’t know what to think of it.)

Despite it nearing midnight, the hallways aren’t completely empty. Jungkook knows that if he were to drop by Genius Lab, he’d find Yoongi inside, writing songs as though his life depended on it. He also knows that Triumvirate are planning their next comeback, tentatively scheduled in four months’ time, and so the trio—who have all taken to writing and producing their own stuff—are more often awake than they are asleep these days.

Jungkook is able to greet his co-workers more naturally now, though there’s a lingering shyness within him that comes from still technically being the newbie. At the very least, when one of the producers nods at him upon exiting the elevator, Jungkook is able to smile and bow his head without much fuss.

When he steps out onto the top floor, however, everything is quiet. Jungkook has only been here once, when he was given a tour of the building. From what he remembers, this floor holds a large conference room and an empty hall for company events, so there hasn’t really been any reason for him to go here.

Despite his unfamiliarity with the layout, it doesn’t take long for him to find the door leading out onto the roof deck. He pushes it open and steps a foot outside.

Because the cosmos is inherently mischievous, he finds no other than Kim Namjoon sitting on one of the chairs looking out into the city, back turned to Jungkook.

“Oh,” Jungkook says before he can stop himself, catching Namjoon’s attention. He falters when Namjoon glances at him over his shoulder. “Sunbaenim, uh—hi.”

“Jungkook,” Namjoon says in lieu of a greeting, surprise flickering over his face. “What are you doing out here this late?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Jungkook says. Then, since he made it this far, “What about you?”

“Thinking,” Namjoon replies. He nods, a wordless invitation for Jungkook to join him.

Jungkook lingers by the door for a moment, wondering if he should sit down or just come back to the roof deck another time. It’s not like there’s bad blood between them. Jungkook thinks he’s mature enough to get over Namjoon’s stick to vocals comment from when they first met, and Namjoon has been civil to him since those first few encounters. Warm, even, on a few occasions.

But at the same time, it’s not like the two of them are super chummy. In fact, most of their interactions have happened through other people, or with others present.

They’re not friends. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be.

Jungkook sits.

He thinks he made the right decision when Namjoon smiles at him.

“So,” Namjoon says, in the air of someone settling down for a proper conversation, “how do you feel about officially being an artist now?”

So they’re talking, then. Jungkook can do this.

“It’s more than I could’ve ever imagined,” he says, hugging his knees to his chest. It’s chilly at this hour, and he wishes he had grabbed an extra jacket before leaving his makeshift studio. But that’s okay. The cold helps him feel calmer, gives him something else to focus on. “But I’m having fun.”

“Even with all the clickbait articles and rumors?” Namjoon asks, tone joking.

The question takes Jungkook by surprise. So Namjoon has seen the articles calling them rivals, as well. “I guess that part’s not as fun, but everything else is enough to make up for it.”

Namjoon laughs. Jungkook finds himself leaning towards the sound.

This is good, he thinks. The conversation is casual, friendly. He feels some of the tension fall from his shoulders, limbs loosening where he has himself all folded up on the chair.

Namjoon says, “Never lose that spark, kid.”

Jungkook’s lips purse into a pout before he can stop himself. He complains, “All of you keep calling me that.”

“What, ‘kid’?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook mumbles. “I’m not that much younger than you, you know.”

“But you never seem to mind Yoongi-hyung calling you that.”

“Well that’s because—” Jungkook says, then stops abruptly, because what? That’s because what?

That it’s Yoongi, of course it’s okay for him to call Jungkook ‘kid,’ he bought Jungkook dinner a lot and showed him around when he was still fumbling for his place in the company? That it’s Yoongi, who Jungkook has closely worked with for his debut EP? That it’s Yoongi, who has several years’ worth of experience that makes him seem a lot older and wiser?

But Namjoon started out in this industry at the same time Yoongi did, and the two of them arguably have the same amount of experience and wisdom. So why does Jungkook not like it when Namjoon refers to him as ‘kid’?

“Because, uh, Yoongi-hyung’s basically a mentor to me, so it makes sense for him to call me that?” Jungkook decides to say, trying not to wince at how unconvincing he sounds.

“I can mentor you, too,” Namjoon offers, though there’s an undercurrent of teasing to his tone.

Jungkook folds himself tighter, cheeks puffing out. “I mean. You can, I guess.”

“You don’t sound too thrilled,” Namjoon observes lightly. “You like Yoongi-hyung better?”

“I don’t like anyone better,” Jungkook mutters, feeling mildly flushed. He glances at Namjoon out of the corner of his eye. “Anyway, don’t call me ‘kid.’”

“Right.” There’s an amused little smile on Namjoon’s face that seems to say he can glean more than Jungkook is letting on. He turns his gaze towards the cityscape, huffing out a small laugh. “I’ll stop calling you ‘kid’ if you do something for me in return.”

“And that is?”

“Stop calling me sunbaenim, please,” Namjoon says. “Just hyung is fine.”

“Oh,” Jungkook says. “That’s… okay.”

“Okay what?” Namjoon asks, turning his head just so he can raise an eyebrow at Jungkook.

Jungkook doesn’t pout. He doesn’t. “Okay, Namjoon-hyung.”

The smile that appears on Namjoon’s face looks warm. It makes the dimples on his cheek peek out, deep and endearing. “There we go, Starlight.”

Heat fills Jungkook’s cheeks. He hurriedly turns his head, focusing instead on the sight of buildings laid out across the distance like puzzle pieces. His voice comes out sounding like a squeak. “Starlight?”

“Would you rather I call you rival?”

“Oh god, no, not that,” Jungkook sputters. He wouldn’t be surprised if his entire face were tomato red right now. “But really? Starlight?”

“That’s what you named your EP, isn’t it?” Namjoon laughs, but it’s good-natured. “Yoongi-hyung told me it was your decision.”

“Yeah, well,” Jungkook begins, and he doesn’t know why he says what he does next.

He’s happy and content, as much as he can be in his current position anyway, even with this hard-to-suppress urge telling him to push himself more, to keep going even when everyone else is telling him that it’s okay to take a breath. Maybe it’s because of the late hour and the cityscape stretched out before them, the sight making him more vulnerable, pulling truths from within him that he has yet to consciously acknowledge. Maybe it’s the person he’s sitting with, how the magnitude of Namjoon’s presence makes him feel small. Maybe it’s the conversation, or the fact that Namjoon just released music that’s so undoubtedly Kim Namjoon at its very core, and that makes Jungkook feel a little, well.

A little inadequate. Like he should be doing better.

Whatever it is, Jungkook adds in a murmur, “That’s at least one contribution I made to my music.”

Namjoon hears something in his words. He looks at Jungkook as though he’s trying to figure out what that is. “What do you mean? It’s your EP. You sang all of it. I think that’s a major contribution.”

“No, I mean.” Jungkook waves a hand vaguely, before settling it on his knees, using it as a pillow for his chin to lean onto. There are thoughts swimming in his head now that he’s admitted to something he didn’t even know he was feeling, but he can’t quite verbalize them yet. His emotions are all jumbled up, and Jungkook feels like he’s blindly dipping his hands into a pool of muddied water in the hopes that he’ll be able to grasp at something solid within its murks.

It’s hard. Words are hard.

Throughout all of this, Namjoon looks at him with a gentle patience that both calms and flusters him. He avoids eye contact and looks instead at his socked feet, then at the railings separating him from the open night air of the city, then at the sky void of stars. Anywhere but Namjoon.

Finally, he says, “It’s my album, yeah, but it’s not… it’s not the same as how your music is yours.”

Silence stretches between them for a few heartbeats, and Jungkook wonders whether he’s even making any sense. He feels embarrassed, maybe a little exposed. He wonders if he can take the words back, or just play them off with carefree laughter.

Before Jungkook can decide, Namjoon hums in a way that suggests he understands. “I think I get what you mean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, and then, “Do you want to know what I see when I look at the city?”

Intrigued, Jungkook angles his body towards Namjoon. “What do you see?”

“I see home,” Namjoon tells him, “but I also see a prison.”

Well. Jungkook certainly wasn’t expecting that. “A prison? Do you mean to say you feel… trapped? Here?”

“Sometimes,” Namjoon admits. He’s watching the city, the smattering of lights stretched out before them. “There’s so much of the world out there. But I think a lot of us convince ourselves that the only place we’ll ever fit in is here, because there’s comfort in the familiar.”

He pauses. Glances quickly at Jungkook, something unreadable in his eyes, before he looks up at the night sky instead. “Familiar can become restrictive, though. If we stew in it for too long without even trying to see what’s out there, you find it hard to breathe. But at the same time, this is home, you know? It’s the only place I can keep coming back to and never feel lost in.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say to all of that, at least not immediately. It’s a lot. It’s definitely a lot, but he still turns the words over in his head until he can get to the heart of them, until he can understand even a fraction of what Namjoon means. He doesn’t let himself feel intimidated by the weight of Namjoon’s words, because he has a feeling Namjoon didn’t say them just to scare him off or confuse him.

It’s an offer of honesty, of vulnerability, something that makes a small seed of trust root its way firmly between them.

After a while, Jungkook says, “If love and hate were the same... is that what you were thinking of when you wrote ‘Seoul’?”

Namjoon laughs quietly, but his eyes shine like he’s glad Jungkook understands. “Yeah. It’s what I was thinking of when I wrote most of mono., to be honest. Wait.” He turns to Jungkook, and the younger resists the urge to cover his face at being on the receiving end of Namjoon’s full gaze. “You listened to mono.?”

“Well, yeah,” Jungkook says, timid all of a sudden. It takes everything within him to maintain eye contact. “Why do you seem so surprised?”

Namjoon looks embarrassed, which makes Jungkook feel a little better about his own state of shyness. He catches the way Namjoon’s mouth twitches, torn between a smile and a frown, before he tears his gaze forcefully away because seeing those lips form shapes around unspoken words just flusters Jungkook all the more.

“I guess I am surprised?” Namjoon says, finally. It sounds like a question, but more to himself than to Jungkook. “I’m sure you’ve read the articles those journalists wrote about us—”

“‘Journalists,’” Jungkook interrupts lightly, making sure to do air quotes around the word. The moment feels a little too heavy, but the action gets its intended effect, Namjoon chortling into his fist at the comment.

“Right, ‘journalists.’” He leans back, shoulders loosening. Jungkook didn’t even notice how much tension Namjoon’s been holding in them. That makes Jungkook feel a lot better, knowing he isn’t the only one that feels as though he’s wading into unknown waters. “I guess I didn’t really think about the implications of me releasing mono. at the time I did. At least, not until I saw the articles.”

Jungkook weighs his next words for a moment. He thinks, honesty. This conversation is a small seed of trust and honesty, of them peeling back a layer and exposing little truths that they didn’t know how to say at first, that they didn’t even think the other would get to hear considering how formal their relationship had been until now.

So before the moment can completely pass, Jungkook asks, “Why did you release mono. so soon after my debut?”

He thinks Namjoon is blushing. The sight of it makes him want to unfurl, maybe shift towards Namjoon until their toes are touching.

But he doesn’t. He keeps the distance between them as it is.

“This is going to sound a bit embarrassing,” Namjoon begins, and now he’s looking at the moonlight-splattered concrete between them, “but around a year ago, I was in this awful slump. I couldn’t write any new songs so I just kept polishing old drafts and releasing them as singles. At one point, I just… I had enough. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at my notes or my computer or anything, so I stormed out of my studio and sat out here.”

As awful and frustrating as it all sounds, Jungkook can’t help but think it a little amazing, too. That someone like Namjoon can also experience creative blocks as well as feelings of being lost and aimless. Frustrated. It makes him all the more admirable in Jungkook’s eyes, and at the same time, it makes Jungkook feel better about himself.

Namjoon continues, “I can’t remember my exact thoughts at the time, but I think I wanted to cry. Maybe I did cry, I don’t know. But what I do remember is watching the city and trying to see as far as my eyes could go, which wasn’t really that far. My vision is terrible.” He laughs, and Jungkook cracks a smile. The air between them turns warmer, gentler.

“I figured I just needed to take a breath. To rethink my place in this world and what this world is to me. I ended up sitting here for hours, and when I allowed myself to slow down like that, it was like the words just came to me on their own.”

Slow down, Namjoon just said.

Slow down, Jungkook tells himself, and breathe.

“I thought to myself, in a year. In a year, I’m going to capture all the feelings I had when I was sitting out here and turn it into music.”

“And so you did,” Jungkook concludes, voice hushed.

“And so I did,” Namjoon echoes in confirmation. He turns to Jungkook, and his expression is a little raw, but there’s no trace of regret there. On the contrary, he looks like he’s glad he shared all of that with Jungkook. “Enough about me, though. What do you see when you look at the city?”

That makes Jungkook blink in surprise, not quite expecting to be asked the same question. He doesn’t have an immediate answer, but Namjoon’s expression is patient. A gentle nudge rather than a demanding push, as though he can sit there all night waiting, ready to give Jungkook his full attention once he’s found the words.

Jungkook appreciates that, because he definitely needs a moment. Slowly, he lets out a breath and turns his gaze towards the cityscape.

BigHit’s building stands at a street corner, right in the heart of one of the city’s most bustling areas. The city itself is usually so busy, usually so alive. But now, it’s slowed down, though there are still vehicles and lights in the streets, looking like earth-bound comets from where Jungkook sits. He takes in the scenery and appreciates it for what it means to him: life, and the constant presence of it, the knowledge that everything is always moving towards a certain destination.

He says, “I see people always moving, always trying to get to where they need to be. Constant motion and life, a sea of lights.”

“Starlight,” Namjoon says, voice hushed. Jungkook turns his gaze away from the lights and finds Namjoon smiling at him. “The songs in your EP, they’re all about hope and journey, aren’t they?”

“Yes.”

“Then those songs are yours, just as much as my songs are mine.” Namjoon reaches over and ruffles Jungkook’s hair. The touch is a bit rough, but not on purpose. It’s like Namjoon isn’t used to this, to offering head pats and small physical gestures of comfort, but maybe that’s because he’s more comfortable using his words.

The gesture sends warmth swimming in Jungkook’s veins, anyway.

“Your songs resonate with you the same way my songs resonate with me. And you gave life to them just like how I gave life to my own. So cheer up, kiddo.”

Jungkook is blushing. He is definitely blushing, but at the same time, there’s a sense of peace settling within him. “What did we just say about calling me a kid?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Namjoon apologizes with a laugh, not sounding very sorry at all.

Jungkook forgives him, anyway.

“Well,” Namjoon says through a sudden yawn, “I guess I’m heading back down now.”

“Alright,” Jungkook says, trying not to feel too disappointed that their conversation is coming to an end. “It’s gotten really late.”

“It sure has,” Namjoon agrees. “Don’t stay out here too long, okay? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you getting cold.”

Jungkook curls his arms around himself defensively, but he doesn’t really offer much of a response beyond that.

Namjoon pats him on the shoulder in lieu of a goodbye, before standing up and heading back inside. Before the door falls shut behind him, he turns to Jungkook one last time and calls out, “By the way, drop by my studio sometime, yeah? Mentoring’s still on the table.” He grins charmingly, and Jungkook feels something flutter beneath his ribs. “I can show you where the magic happens.”

He’s gone before Jungkook can even begin forming a reply. Which is probably for the best, because not for the first time that night, Jungkook is left flustered and speechless.

08 Boy With Luv

“So,” Jungkook says when Namjoon opens the door, trying not to think about how many times he practiced saying this one line in the mirror, “this is where the magic happens.”

Namjoon lets out a surprised laugh, and Jungkook doesn’t feel so nervous anymore. He takes a moment to observe the studio’s setup once he’s taken a step inside, seeing warm tones of wood both on the floor and on the walls. Unconventionally designed furniture and other wooden pieces that Jungkook doesn’t know the function of are placed throughout the space, and some potted plants occupy a corner of the room. There’s a glass shelf filled top to bottom with bear brick figurines, and all of Namjoon’s album artwork are framed on the wall.

The atmosphere in RKive is certainly different from Genius Lab’s sleek monochrome interior, and Jungkook thinks it’s very reflective of Namjoon’s personality.

“Welcome,” Namjoon says, sweeping a hand out to the side, “to RKive.”

There’s a lingering question there. An unspoken, Well, what do you think?

“It’s nice,” Jungkook says, stepping further into the studio. “I like it. I wish I could make Golden Closet look like this.”

“Golden Closet’s your studio, right?” Namjoon asks, sitting down on the chair in front of his monitor. He spins around so that he’s facing Jungkook, gesturing wordlessly for the younger to sit on the couch across the main work desk.

Jungkook snorts lightly as he sits. “Hardly. You’ve seen it. It’s more like a glorified storage space.”

“Sure,” Namjoon says, looking amused. “But it’s yours.”

At that, Jungkook smiles. “Yeah,” he agrees, “it’s mine.”

Namjoon nods, satisfied. His smile is almost tender, and Jungkook feels something within him flutter and bloom. It’s a small thing, delicate and wonderful, but he has a feeling it won’t take long for that little seed of emotion to grow and slip past the spaces between his ribs, until it’s filled every crevice of his chest and made a home there.

“Well,” Namjoon says, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts. He drags an extra chair towards his desk and gives Jungkook an expectant look. “Wanna see how I work?”

Jungkook grins. The feeling subsides for now, simmers into a gentle pulse. “Hell yeah.”

It’s pretty easy to fall into a routine after that. The responsibilities immediately expected of Jungkook following his debut have slowed down, so he finds himself hanging out in RKive more often than not, watching intently as Namjoon works on songs. Of course, Jungkook still has his usual schedule of dance practices, concept meetings, and preliminary album planning. But unlike when he was doing promotions, he doesn’t have to leave the building to get things done. It’s easier for him to slip in an hour or so to drop by RKive.

“Hey kid,” Yoongi greets when Jungkook runs into him in the kitchen one day.

“Ah, hi hyung!” Jungkook says, reaching for the cupboards and pulling down a mug. “Is there coffee left?”

Yoongi looks into his mug, before chugging the rest of it down. Then he picks up the coffee pot and dumps whatever remains of it into his mug. “Now there isn’t.”

Jungkook snorts a laugh, slipping past Yoongi to get to the coffee machine. “Did you finish an entire pot by yourself? That can’t be healthy.”

“Ah, well.” Yoongi shrugs, looking sleepy despite all his caffeine intake. “Gotta stay awake somehow.”

Jungkook squints at the producer after setting the coffee to brew. “When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep?”

“Can’t remember,” Yoongi says, taking a long sip of his coffee. He leans against the countertop and squints back at Jungkook. “When was the last time you remembered to visit your hyung?”

Jungkook freezes, eyes growing wide. Yoongi looks at him with a stern expression, disappointed almost, and Jungkook frantically wracks his brain, trying to recall the last time he stepped into Genius Lab. It definitely isn’t within the past week, because the only studio he’s been in aside from his own during that period is RKive. Certainly not the week before that, either, or even the week before that, and no. Oh no.

Yoongi is still staring at him.

Jungkook breaks. “Hyung, I’m so sorry, things have been a lot recently and I’ve been hanging out with Namjoon-hyung! Not that I’m replacing you or anything! I just—he just—we just—”

He cuts himself off when Yoongi’s expression shifts, a snort slipping past his lips as though he can’t hold it in anymore. Then he’s bursting into laughter, loud and unabashed. Jungkook snaps his mouth shut, confused.

“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi almost wheezes, reaching over to pat Jungkook on the shoulder. “Relax. Hyung was just messing with you.”

Jungkook gapes. Then he lets out an indignant noise. “Don’t do that! I really thought you were mad at me!”

Yoongi stops laughing just so he can roll his eyes. “C’mon now, you know it’s impossible for anyone to be mad at you. You’re too cute.”

Jungkook instinctively covers his ears. “You’re still teasing me.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes again, but his mouth is quirked in amusement. Then he finishes the rest of his coffee, dumping his now-empty mug in the sink. “Gotta get back to work now. Run along and bring Joon his coffee.”

Jungkook looks away, hands still over his ears. “This isn’t—how did you—agh! Never mind.”

Yoongi laughs as he walks out of the kitchen. Jungkook lets out a long sigh once he’s alone, finally lowering his hands from his burning ears. The machine beeps, indicating that the coffee is done brewing, and Jungkook tries to will his embarrassment away as he pours the freshly-made drink into a mug.

Then, he makes his way back to RKive.

“This is too hard,” Jungkook complains one day, slumping onto Namjoon’s desk. He’s quite certain he’s whining, but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed. “Lyrics are hard, hyung.”

Namjoon chuckles. “It’s not that bad.”

“Easy for you to say! You’re a word genius!” Jungkook protests, voice muffled against his battered notebook. The page is filled with more scratch marks and angry bunny doodles than actual words, much to his chagrin.

Namjoon sounds embarrassed. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“But you are,” Jungkook insists, sitting up just so he can give Namjoon a stern look. He wonders if he looks crazed right now, having run his fingers through his hair in distress several times during the past half hour, but he can’t bring himself to be self-conscious. There are more pressing matters at hand, like convincing Namjoon of his unrivaled way with words. “You’re good at saying what you want to say in a way that’s, like, profound! And you can even verbalize abstract but very specific emotions! All I have is some gooey-ooey starry-eyed crap with zero substance.”

“Hey, don’t say that. Happy and hopeful things are important, too,” Namjoon protests, frowning. He wheels his chair closer and bumps his shoulder against Jungkook. “The world’s already pretty shitty as it is. We could all use some brightness in it. Do you hear me?”

Jungkook glances away, finding Namjoon’s gaze too intense to hold. His eyes land on the page of his notebook. If he looks hard enough, he can make out a few words here and there, maybe even some lines. He runs a thumb through the pen marks, smudging some of the ink.

Namjoon nudges his shoulder again. “Jungkook-ah. Do you hear me?”

Ink stains against his skin. Jungkook finds himself smiling despite himself. “Yeah. I hear you, hyung.”

“Good, Starlight,” Namjoon says, and then he lays a hand over Jungkook’s notebook, completely unaware of the fluttering mess he’s turned Jungkook’s head into at the casual nickname. Their fingers are nearly touching, and Jungkook finds himself imagining taking Namjoon’s hand in his and tracing over the bumps of his knuckles.

Before the thought can settle and transform into desire, Namjoon says, “Now cheer up. Let’s work out your gooey-ooey starry-eyed crap and turn it into a hit. What do you say?”

When Namjoon looks at him, there’s expectation there, but also a gentle kind of trust that has Jungkook’s heart stuttering. He ducks his head to hide a smile, pushing his chair just the slightest bit closer to Namjoon’s.

“Okay, hyung,” he says, voice soft. “Let’s write a hit.”

09 Euphoria

Taehyung is looking at him critically. “Are you even old enough to drink?”

Jungkook angles his body away from the stylist, making sure his hands are out of reach in case Taehyung gets any ideas about snatching his beer away. “I’m 22 years old, hyung. I may be a rookie, but I’m not a baby.”

“Pretty sure you’re a baby,” Seokjin says, pouring a generous amount of vodka into his glass. Behind him, Hoseok is nodding in agreement, face already flushed from the wine he’s nursing.

Jungkook goes to protest that he’s an adult, but then Taehyung is gasping, “Hoseok-hyung, is that raspberry wine?”

“Hmm?” Hoseok says, slow to process with the alcohol swimming in his veins. He blinks down at his drink. “Oh, yeah. Yes. They have raspberry wine.”

“Sweet!” Taehyung exclaims, completely forgetting about Jungkook as he drags Hoseok towards wherever the wine is.

Seokjin shares a look with Jungkook, as fond as it is exasperated, before following after the pair. Jungkook watches them walk away, letting out an amused huff once they get swallowed up by the crowd.

The company is hosting a dinner in celebration of… something, Jungkook isn’t quite sure of the specifics. Artists under their company break a record worth partying over pretty much every other week, but he isn’t going to complain about free food and drinks.

It’s not like he’s being starved or anything. There’s always food in the building, and Jungkook is given freedom to order in whenever he pleases, not to mention Yoongi used to treat him to lamb skewers every other week. But the principle is still the same. Free food, 100% satisfaction.

He takes a liberal gulp of his free beer, wincing when it goes down too quickly and burns his throat. He coughs. Like he said, 100% satisfaction.

“Hey,” Jimin says, appearing beside Jungkook after a while. He takes a plate and immediately fills it with food, explaining, “Hoseok-hyung and Taehyungie started hogging the wine, so I’m bringing them something to balance all that alcohol with. You know how Hoseok-hyung gets when he’s wasted.”

Jungkook doesn’t, since he hasn’t gone drinking with Triumvirate just yet—hasn’t really gone drinking with any of his seniors other than a beer or two alongside dinner—but he nods all the same.

Jimin lifts an eyebrow once his plate is full. “Why are you standing here all by yourself?”

“Hyungs were here with me a while ago,” Jungkook says, slightly defensive.

Jimin looks around them pointedly. “They’re not here now.”

“Eh.” Jungkook shrugs, not really having an answer. He takes another sip of his beer.

“Still a shy baby, aren’t you?”

“Why does everyone keep calling me a baby or a kid?” Jungkook complains loudly, and oh. Maybe the alcohol is getting to him, just a little, because there’s definitely a whine in his voice now. But speaking of alcohol—he lifts his hand to show Jimin what he’s drinking. “Look! I have beer! Beer! Babies can’t drink beer!”

All Jimin says to that is, “Cute.”

Jungkook groans, but he’s not really all that bothered by it. Jimin chuckles as he grabs a smaller plate and fills it with a heaping pile of kimchi, before unceremoniously shoving the plate towards Jungkook.

“Here,” he says with a smirk, “I passed by Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-hyung’s table on my way here. They asked me to bring them some kimchi, but as you can see”—he dramatically lifts his full plate of food—“I have my own babies to take care of. Be a dear and bring this to them?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue. “Fine.”

“Good boy,” Jimin coos. He looks like he wants to pinch Jungkook’s cheeks, so Jungkook scurries away before it can happen.

He hears Jimin call after him, “And stop being so anti-social, okay! Talk to people! We’re all friends here!”

Jungkook just waves a hand over his shoulder in response. He gets on his tiptoes as he searches for Namjoon and Yoongi, eventually finding the pair sitting at a table by a corner of the room. Jungkook can’t tell for sure, but it seems like the two are engaged in a casual enough conversation. He probably won’t be bothering them if he goes over.

Huffing out a breath, he crosses the room.

Namjoon notices him first and waves him over. “Jungkook-ah!”

Yoongi, cheek propped up by a fist, simply lifts his free hand in greeting.

Jungkook smiles at them both and gestures at the plate he’s holding. “Hi. Jimin-hyung said you wanted some kimchi?”

“Ah, why did he pass that onto you,” Namjoon mutters, shaking his head. Yoongi just smiles like he knows something Namjoon doesn’t.

“It’s alright,” Jungkook assures. “I don’t mind at all!”

Namjoon still looks like he wants to go up and find Jimin for a scolding, but then he seems to decide against it. Shaking his head one more time, he pulls out one of the chairs around their table and pats its seat. “Well, it can’t be helped. Come sit down with us, Jungkook-ah. Have you eaten anything yet?”

“I did a while ago, but I could always eat some more.”

“Good,” Namjoon says, pushing a plate of bulgogi towards Jungkook once he’s sat down. He then fills a small bowl with rice and tops it off with some sliced vegetables, but Jungkook stops him before he can do anything more.

“Ah, it’s fine, hyung,” he protests, sure that he’s blushing. He hopes he can blame it on the alcohol if anyone points it out. “I’m younger than you, you don’t have to serve me!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Namjoon just says, nudging the food towards Jungkook. His expression is expectant, making Jungkook feel all the more flushed. But instead of protesting again, he simply murmurs his thanks and timidly takes a bite of beef.

Namjoon smiles.

Yoongi clears his throat, catching both of their attention. “I’m just going to find Jin-hyung. He said he wanted to talk to me.”

Jungkook doesn’t think that makes a lot of sense considering he was just with Seokjin not too long ago, and as far as he knows the idol is currently babysitting Taehyung and Hoseok alongside Jimin. But then again, Seokjin could have texted Yoongi in the fifteen minutes that passed between then and now. Not that Jungkook saw Yoongi take his phone out since he sat down.

...but, well, Jungkook was caught up in Namjoon giving him food, so maybe he just didn’t notice.

Yoongi stands. His smile is almost a smirk. “Have fun, you two.”

Then he’s walking away, disappearing into the crowd almost immediately. Jungkook sits there in silence, the strangest feeling that he’s missing something nagging at him. He doesn’t get the chance to dwell on it, though. Not when Namjoon is laughing, albeit with a tinge of his own confusion, and turning his full attention onto Jungkook once more.

Jungkook is starting to realize that it’s sort of difficult to really think about anything else when Namjoon is looking at him.

“Well, that was odd.”

“Yeah. Hyung is so weird.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that, or else he’ll pout at you,” Namjoon warns jokingly.

Jungkook closes his lips around the end of his chopsticks, trying not to squirm. It makes him feel warm and happy, knowing that he and Namjoon are now at a point where they can lightheartedly make fun of a mutual friend and share secret smiles with each other. There’s a gleam of mischief in Namjoon’s eyes, and Jungkook finds himself unconsciously leaning closer, cheeks puffing out with a smile of his own.

He pretty much loses track of time after that. One of Jungkook’s recent discoveries is that Kim Namjoon, though untouchable and intimidating to most, is very easy to talk to. He has this wonderful ability of turning any conversation interesting and thought-provoking, even if the actual topic is something as mundane as the weather. His voice is soothing as well, deep yet gentle, each word hinting at a thoughtfulness that Jungkook finds himself drawn to.

He’s just amazing. Namjoon is amazing.

“Thanks,” Namjoon says. His cheeks are flushed, most likely from the alcohol, but probably from something else too. “I think you’re pretty amazing as well.”

Oh, Jungkook thinks. Had he been saying all of that out loud? He blinks. Looks down at their table and sees a half-empty bottle of soju there. His hand is wrapped around a shot glass, and right. Right. They’ve moved onto drinks once Jungkook polished off the entire plate of bulgogi.

He lets out an embarrassed laugh. “Sorry. I think I’m a little tipsy.”

“It’s alright,” Namjoon says, though he also sounds embarrassed. He tilts his hand holding a shot glass of his own, knocking it lightly against Jungkook’s. “I kinda am, too.” Then, quickly changing the subject, he asks, “How’s the gooey-ooey songwriting coming along, by the way?”

“As mushy as ever,” Jungkook says, maybe a bit too honestly.

He’s been filling his notebook with half-formed lines that don’t really lead anywhere, though Namjoon told him that even writing down impressions and random thoughts can go a long way. He can always make sense of everything later, reorganize them into lyrics and find a unifying theme. At least, that’s what Namjoon told him when Jungkook complained about how difficult songwriting was.

Briefly, Jungkook prays to the stars that Namjoon wouldn’t ask to see what he has written so far. A lot of it reads too much like a young boy discovering love for the first time, and that’s just… embarrassing, if Jungkook were to be frank. Too naive, too honest, too vulnerable.

Somewhere in Jungkook’s tipsy mind, he acknowledges that if he were to turn these lyrics into proper songs, Namjoon would hear his words anyway. He’d see all the things Jungkook wrote, about being drawn to dimpled smiles and wanting to be held and finding happiness in another person.

Namjoon would see, then he’d know.

But. That’s something to worry about for another day.

Beside him, Namjoon shifts. Hesitantly, he asks, “Do you want to go out on the roof?”

Jungkook eyes the party and quickly comes to a decision. “Sure.”

No one is on the roof deck when they get there, which is expected. Why would they be out here when there’s a whole dinner party happening inside? Of course, that makes Jungkook wonder what the two of them are doing here, but it’s a fleeting thought. Part of him has come to simultaneously realize and accept that he’d follow Namjoon pretty much anywhere.

Besides, he likes it up here. The cool night breeze is refreshing, and Jungkook gladly fills his lungs with it.

Namjoon says, “The moon’s full tonight.”

Jungkook tilts his head up. He’s greeted by an ink-splattered sky and little to no visible stars. It’s harder to see them here in the city, but the moon is clear at the very least. “You really love the moon, don’t you?”

Namjoon laughs quietly. “It’s a constant source of comfort, so yeah.”

Jungkook hums. “Comfort, huh?”

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted to make music that’ll give people the same feeling of comfort I get from the moon.”

“Spoken like a true moonchild,” Jungkook notes, smiling. He walks towards the very edge of the building and opens his arms like he’s trying to embrace the entire city, imagining himself as part of the nightscape. “You’re doing great, by the way. I always found comfort in your music.”

Namjoon does that little embarrassed laugh again. Jungkook can imagine how his cheeks dimple and his eyes crinkle into half-moons, how he instinctively brings a hand to his mouth like he’s surprised he’s capable of laughter. The image of it makes Jungkook smile.

Namjoon moves to stand by his side, leaning against the railing surrounding the edge of the rooftop. He looks so peaceful up here, as though every little worry he has melts away whenever he’s greeted by the sight of the city beneath the moonlight. As though being this high up, as close to the night sky as possible, lets him shed all the weight he’s carrying even for just a moment.

Something about this place affects Jungkook, too. Makes him feel like it’s safe to pry at his skin and lay himself open for Namjoon to see.

So he says, “When we first met, you said I should stick to vocals.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows knit together like he’s trying to remember. His fingers tap against the railing, nail digging slightly into the metal, before relaxing. An embarrassed smile creeps onto his face. “I did, didn’t I?”

Jungkook holds on tight as he leans forward into the open air. “I thought you didn’t like me.”

Namjoon sputters. He turns away, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, and now he looks really embarrassed. “I didn’t mean for it to come off as… that.”

He’s frowning, the skin between his brows creased, chin jutting out in the way it always does whenever he’s deep in thought. Jungkook wants to reach out and smooth over his brows with a thumb, tell him he doesn’t have to explain himself, but—Jungkook wants to know. He’s made a lot of discoveries about Namjoon in the weeks they’ve spent together, taking his idol worship of the rapper and reshaping it into something more natural. More heartfelt.

It’s just this one, small thing that he needs to clear out.

Namjoon sighs, breath lost in the late evening air. “I just thought your strengths lie in your vocals, from a producer’s perspective. You have a naturally beautiful voice and I thought you should focus on developing it.” He lifts his shoulders around his ears as though he’s trying to hide, folding onto himself like he wants to appear smaller. “And I wasn’t expecting to meet you so soon. I just got back from touring, so I guess I was still, I don’t know. Tired. Not really thinking my words through. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m sorry.”

It’s a simple answer. Anticlimactic, even.

It makes Jungkook realize that this man he’s been looking up to is just as human as he is. Just as human as anyone else, really, with their flaws and small moments of misjudgment and slip-ups.

But that doesn’t take away from how incredible and passionate and intelligent the person that Kim Namjoon is, doesn’t change the fact that he’s said and done so many things that have changed so many lives. If anything, seeing him past all of the glossy magazine covers and thought-provoking music makes him even realer. More reachable, more relatable, and more beautiful.

Somehow, that makes Jungkook feel braver.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “We’re here now, aren’t we?”

Namjoon still looks embarrassed, but there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Yeah. We’re here now.”

Jungkook turns, fully intending on giving Namjoon a placating smile, but he’s caught off-guard by the gentle way Namjoon is looking at him. They’re standing close enough for their shoulders to brush, Namjoon’s warmth gentle and inviting. His expression is open, expectant, and Jungkook thinks this is the perfect time to take a leap and freefall off the edge.

There’s something about this place. Something about it that makes both of them more honest, more ready to confront what would’ve otherwise overwhelmed them.

Like it’s the most natural next step, Namjoon leans in, slow and steady. Jungkook closes his eyes and braces himself for the landing.

10 Love Maze

We need to talk about it.

The text has been sitting in Jungkook’s phone for two days now. It’s not that he had been avoiding the conversation on purpose, or that Namjoon himself had suddenly decided to pretend Jungkook doesn’t exist.

The day after the party, Jungkook was whisked away for a meeting about his album the moment he stepped into BigHit. It didn’t really give him a lot of time to dwell on the fact that Namjoon—well.

That Namjoon kissed him.

Namjoon kissed him, and he kissed Namjoon back, and he now knew what it feels like to have Namjoon’s arms around him. Jungkook didn’t have time to dwell on any of it until halfway through the meeting, at least, when he had already downed three bottles of chocolate milk and felt more awake to realize that, Oh, Namjoon-hyung kissed me and held me last night.

It was a pretty amazing thought to have. Jungkook had planned on going to RKive the moment he got out of the meeting so he could talk to Namjoon about it, ask if it was just the alcohol in their veins or the strangely serene atmosphere of the nightscape or something more genuine, something more honest, something more that made them kiss each other. But then Namjoon was in a meeting of his own, because apparently he was set to perform mono. in a few cities soon, and then things just didn’t align for them since.

Jungkook wonders if this is the universe at work, teasing them, drawing out their reunion and hopefully making their second kiss all the more sweeter when it does come. He wonders if Namjoon will think Jungkook is silly for seeing the universe as something sentient, but then again, Namjoon spoke of the moon like a friend. He’ll probably understand.

“You’re kinda perfect for each other,” Yoongi says, sounding almost bored as he messes around on his computer. He doesn’t have headphones on, for once. “You’re both nerds who like galaxy metaphors.”

Jungkook isn’t sure if he should be flattered, embarrassed, or offended. He decides on the last one, because it seems like his safest bet. He isn’t quite ready to talk to Yoongi about the fluttery mess that happens in his chest whenever he and Namjoon exist within the same immediate space just yet, not when he hasn’t even talked to Namjoon about it.

So he mutters a protest, “I prefer the term ‘romantic’.”

“Sure, romantic. Let’s go with that. You probably believe in soulmates and hearing bells when you meet the one for you and shit,” Yoongi says with a snort. Jungkook is dead silent for way too long, long enough that Yoongi slowly turns around in his chair so he can look right at him. “Wait. No way. No way.”

Jungkook wonders if it’s socially acceptable to tackle your respected senior to the ground, because Yoongi looks way too delighted right now.

“You do believe in all that!”

Face burning, Jungkook touches his ears and ducks his head. He’s mortified. “Shut up, hyung!”

“Hey, hey,” Yoongi placates, but it’s not very effective considering the fact that he’s laughing. “It’s okay. That’s actually kinda cute, what the hell, Jungkook-ah.”

“I’m leaving,” Jungkook announces, standing up without sparing Yoongi a glance. He probably looks like a tomato right now. “If you need me, I’ll be in my studio.”

“Hey,” Yoongi calls just as Jungkook dashes for the door. “You called it a studio. Good for you, kiddo.”

That gets Jungkook to pause. He hadn’t even noticed. As a matter of fact, he never realized he didn’t refer to Golden Closet as his studio. It’s always been the closet, or his workspace, or his personal little bubble. He didn’t think it would be a big deal, but the fact that Yoongi pointed it out must mean something important.

Fleetingly, he wonders what Namjoon would think of this development.

When he glances over his shoulder, he sees that Yoongi is already occupied by whatever it is he’s doing on his computer. Probably another song, since Yoongi is sort of crazy when it comes to churning out music. Jungkook decides to let the observation go unanswered for now and pushes the door open.

“Text Namjoon back,” Yoongi calls after him one last time. “He’s busy as hell right now, but I know he’s waiting to hear from you.”

We need to talk about it, Namjoon had sent. Jungkook doesn’t want to have that conversation over text. He has a feeling Namjoon doesn’t, either. But that doesn’t mean they can’t talk about everything else in the meantime.

So he says, “I will, hyung.” Then he lets the door fall shut behind him.

Me [3:07PM]

when are you coming back :(

Joon-hyung [3:17PM]

Soon. Just need to get through a few more things.

Me [3:18PM]

ok

Me [3:19PM]

then we talk?

Joon-hyung [3:19PM]

Yeah, Kookie. Then we’ll talk.

Jungkook has come to realize that he isn’t the best at reading tone over text. Normally, he wouldn’t overthink what a period and proper grammar could mean, but now he can’t get Namjoon’s messages out of his head. Were they curt? Were they dismissive? Or is Namjoon really just the type to complete his sentences and avoid double-texting?

Jungkook doesn’t know. He hasn’t really texted Namjoon before any of this, because why would he when he could just go to RKive and talk to Namjoon there?

On the plus side, he’s been very productive now that he’s spending more time in Golden Closet. When he’s not in meetings about his upcoming album, he’s in his studio, trying to write lyrics and playing around with music apps Yoongi recommended him.

He also drops by Genius Lab a few times, pushing past his embarrassment and showing Yoongi some of the stuff he’s written down. Yoongi smiles every time like he knows exactly what (or who) Jungkook’s words are about (or for). Fortunately, the producer refrains from commenting about it, probably not wanting to embarrass Jungkook any further.

In return, Yoongi has been putting together a beat, sending Jungkook a few recordings here and there.

It’s not a lot, and Jungkook isn’t even sure if he’ll end up using this potential song for anything official. After all, there’s a whole team of producers and songwriters already working on his album who are far more knowledgeable in music than he is.

But, still. He wants to try.

When he’s faced with a block, he listens to music. He finds one he likes, in English, and though he doesn’t understand the words completely, he learns it anyway and records a cover. Something about seeing oneself as a star without direction, but wanting to shed some light and trying to find meaning in an inherently confusing world anyway. Jungkook likes it. He likes to think of himself as a star just searching for his place and maybe helping others along the way.

He uploads the cover onto SoundCloud. Secretly, or perhaps not at all, he hopes that Namjoon will hear it.

RM talks about mono., comfort, and supposed rivalry with BigHit rookie Jeon Jungkook

I sit down with RM in a garden restaurant to talk about his recent work. The place is something he chose himself, which speaks a lot about RM’s personality and interests. The menu consists of organic meals made of ingredients grown in the restaurant owners’ own backyard, and the decor is all warm wood.

I comment on the pleasant atmosphere of the restaurant after exchanging brief introductions. RM looks bashful as he replies, “I enjoy being surrounded by nature.”

Me: I think that shows in your music. In mono., you mention the nightscape and the cityscape quite a bit. You even talk about rainfall like a companion.

RM: (Laughs.) I do incorporate nature into my work a lot, don’t I?

Me: Yes. May I ask why?

RM: I find it comforting, knowing that there’s a bigger world around us, that we’re surrounded by something so naturally beautiful. I think these days, a lot of us are too caught up on all the bad things going on in our lives—which is understandable, really.

Me: Yes. There’s a lot going on that could definitely be better.

RM: Exactly. But that’s also the reason why I find it so important to take these little pockets of breathing time. To just take a step back and briefly separate yourself from your problems. I hope people find something that comforts them, that makes them want to keep going. When I step out of my studio and even the BigHit building, I take a walk at a park or by the river. Sometimes I take my bicycle. That’s where I find that comfort.

Me: That’s beautiful. I think for a lot of people that listen to you, they find their own form of comfort in your music.

RM: Thank you, that really makes everything I do worth it. It’s a bit funny, actually. I had a similar conversation with someone recently. Called me a “true moonchild” and all.

Me: Oh? Do we know who this person is?

RM: (Smiles.) Yes, actually. It’s Jungkookie.

Me: Jeon Jungkook?

RM: Yeah. We’ve had a lot of opportunities to talk.

There’s no trace of hostility in RM at the mention of the rookie. On the contrary, I notice something in his expression open up, as though he’s inviting me to inquire more about his junior.

Me: A lot of people are talking about a rivalry between the two of you, seeing as you’re the only soloists signed under BigHit right now. And a lot of us are also aware of the rivalry you had with Agust D in the past. Is this a case of history repeating itself?

RM: Ah, I actually don’t know where people got the idea that Jungkook and I are rivals, considering the music we make are very different. With Yoongi-hyung (Agust D), it made sense to me since we were both rappers and shared a lot of values when it came to our work.

Me: Let’s not forget the playful diss tracks, too!

RM: (Chuckles.) Yes, those, too. I personally think people are just trying to find something to write about, but I can’t say I mind. Jungkook is really talented, so the fact that people see the two of us in a position to be compared is actually a compliment.

Me: We’re aware that Agust D did a lot of the production in Jungkook’s debut EP. Is there a chance that you’ll help him out, too?

RM: Ah, I’m actually unofficially mentoring him. He’s really passionate about writing his own lyrics and he’s also shown interest in producing, so he’s been hanging out at RKive (RM’s studio) a lot.

Me: Oh? So the two of you are friends?

RM: Very close friends, yes.

RM’s body language is relaxed and friendly. It becomes clear that the kind of relationship he wants to publicly foster with Jungkook is one built on mutual respect, perhaps even admiration. I can’t help but think back on RM’s close friendship with Agust D despite all the heat they gave each other through music side projects. Even RM’s friendship with Triumvirate member j-hope, who he has collaborated with a few times, came to mind.

Me: Since you two are close, have you heard Jungkook’s latest cover yet?

RM: I have, yes.

Me: ‘Lost Stars.’ Jungkook seems to be really passionate about stars.

RM: (Smiles.) Yeah. He’s like the stars to my moon.

Me: Wow, what a lovely thing to say. Speaking of moon, though, about your mono. tour...

11 Outro: Propose

It goes like this: a knock on the door, Namjoon standing on the other side, a bit sheepish but a lot happy. He’s in a long olive green jacket that’s a size too big, his white undershirt tucked into washed-out jeans. His hair falls over his forehead, unstyled. The overall image he makes is soft and precious, like a polaroid picture tucked between the pages of a well-read book.

Jungkook smiles helplessly as he steps aside to let Namjoon in.

“Well,” he says, and it’s a tight fit now that both of them are standing here, on the verge of something grand, “welcome to the Golden Closet, hyung.”

“Cozy,” Namjoon says, looking around. “I like it.”

Jungkook bumps their shoulders together as he reaches for his laptop, pretends it’s an accident. Namjoon doesn’t even take a step back, keeping himself close. It makes Jungkook’s chest flip.

“I saw your interview,” he says, typing in his password after waking his laptop back up. His fingers are shaking, the same buzzing that made him feel electric when he was told he was going to debut reappearing beneath his skin. “I know we said we’ll talk, but I wanted to show you something first. It’s just a demo, and the song isn’t even halfway done but, uh, I wrote the lyrics. Well, Yoongi-hyung helped me out a bit with that as well, but it’s mostly mine.”

He keeps his back turned to Namjoon as he pulls up the file and plugs his speakers in, ready to spill every little thing that’s been bubbling inside him out into the open air for Namjoon to see. For Namjoon to hear. His finger hovers over the touchpad, cursor pointed at the play button. Then, he takes a deep breath.

“It’s mine, this song. But in a way, it’s yours, too.”

He presses play.

His voice fills the room, clear and strong. Jungkook is often critical when he hears a recording of himself, picking at things he can improve the way Yoongi had taught him and turning over notes in his head to see what he can embellish. But he sets that mindset aside for now. There’s a time and place for everything, and now is just for this.

He closes his eyes and tries not to focus on the feeling of Namjoon standing directly behind him. Instead he listens to his words, takes the lyrics he spent days piecing together and wraps them around him like a safety blanket. He listens to himself sing about wondering what this foreign emotion is. He listens to himself sing about being lost between dream and reality. He listens to himself sing about feeling so overwhelmingly happy he’s forgotten how to breathe.

It’s honest and vulnerable. But it’s also hopeful.

It’s everything Jungkook is.

In his head, he sees snapshots flickering one after the other: of empty corridors and lights smattered across a night view, of fingers covered in chocolate frosting and sleepy but gentle eyes, of ink-stained pages and chipped coffee mugs and Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon.

Jungkook’s lips part around a smile as he mouths along to the song, “Take my hands now, you are the cause of my euphoria.”

Then, the clip ends.

The room falls quiet. Jungkook keeps his back turned to Namjoon, waiting for any kind of reaction. Seconds tick by in heavy silence, until a minute passes without Namjoon saying anything, and doubt begins to creep in. Jungkook chews his lip, wondering whether he said more than he should’ve—whether he exposed himself to a degree that he shouldn’t have yet, whether this is too much and Namjoon is actually here to say that he isn’t looking for a commitment, and—

“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon says, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts before he can spiral into an ugly pit of self-doubt and rejection. Jungkook feels a flutter of a touch on his shoulder, then he’s being coaxed to turn around and face the music.

He only gets a second to look at Namjoon, certainly not enough to gauge what his expression is, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook is being kissed. Namjoon is kissing him, and Jungkook—

He just melts into it.

The stars to my moon, he remembers reading in Namjoon’s most recent interview, and he thinks back, The moon to my stars. He tries to say it, but the words get lost somewhere within the curve of Namjoon’s mouth. Fingers find skin, warm and real, and Jungkook tells himself, later.

They have all the time for words, later.

For now, Jungkook allows himself to grip the front of Namjoon’s shirt and pull closer, lets himself drown in the feeling of Namjoon against him. He feels clumsy as he kisses back, but Namjoon just smiles against his mouth and presses even closer, until Jungkook has no choice but to wrap his arms around Namjoon’s shoulders.

When they part, they’re both breathless and bright-eyed. Jungkook feels laughter stirring within his chest, wonderful and chaotic, until it’s bubbling past his lips and into the sliver of air between them. He covers his mouth with a hand, but it does little to suppress the brightness spilling out of him. He thinks, I’m happy.

He’s so, so happy.

Namjoon is smiling, dimples denting his cheeks. Jungkook wants to kiss them, and realizes that he can, so he does, and it’s wonderful.

It’s the most wonderful thing.

(12 Hidden Track: I Know

Jungkook releases Intersections, tops local charts in record time

It’s been eight months since Jeon Jungkook debuted with Starlight. Within that time, skeptics have predicted a downfall in his popularity, claiming that the lack of a comeback while the “pan was still hot” was either an unfortunate oversight or an arrogant display of confidence on the company’s part.

These sentiments aren’t entirely unfounded. After all, in a music industry as huge and fast-paced as South Korea’s, eight months could very well feel like two years. Even though Jungkook did not leave his fanbase completely “starving,” as Twitter fans would put it—the rookie has released several vlogs and two covers since Starlight, including Adam Levine’s ‘Lost Stars’ and, more interestingly, a duet of Troye Sivan’s ‘Fools’ with none other than RM—critics were still unconvinced whether this would be enough to quell a fanbase so hungry for new content.

It turns out all of that speculation and worry was for naught. Yesterday saw the release of Jungkook’s first comeback and first full-length album. Intersections is, on official streaming sites, an 11-track album involving the collective effort of Agust D, Pdogg, ADORA, RM, and, most impressively, Jungkook himself. The rookie is credited to have taken part in writing the lyrics of five songs (‘Dimple,’ ‘Euphoria,’ ‘Love Maze,’ ‘Make It Right,’ and the twelfth hidden track on physical versions, ‘I Know’) and the production of two (‘Euphoria’ and ‘I Know’).

A mere two hours after its release, the music video for the title track, ‘Euphoria’, has reached a million views online. The music video shows the star in a youthful outdoor setting with a blue sky as the backdrop, meeting up with friends who are played by the members of Triumvirate. It’s a happy music video overall, but eager fans online have pointed out the contrast between the generally positive sound of the song and the undersaturation of some parts of the music video, giving the title track even more nuance. “Euphoria” after all refers to a fleeting form of happiness, but the nostalgia that comes after doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.

Fans have also noticed the recurring theme of youthful joy and love throughout the album. Logically, the theme of Intersections makes sense following Starlight’s innocent and hopeful vibe, but the album also shows some growth. Tracks like ‘Love Maze’ and ‘I Know,’ for example, point at moments of rationality in the midst of overwhelming affection and have a more mature take on the subject of love.

Of course, this also led to some fan speculation as to whether Jungkook was inspired by someone specific during the creation of the album. After all, the star has taken a more active part behind the scenes for this project, so some can’t help but wonder whether there’s a special someone these songs are dedicated to…

It starts like this: a stage bigger than any Jungkook has been on so far, flickering lights in his eyes and a microphone gripped in his hand. It starts with Jungkook taking deep breaths as he half-listens to the MC introducing the next act, nerves he hasn’t felt since his debut stage twisting his insides unpleasantly. It starts with the crowd chanting his name in unison, the MC saying He also won rookie of the year earlier this evening, and a hand suddenly slipping into his own.

Jungkook opens his eyes.

Namjoon is there, smiling. “You’ll be fine,” he says, squeezing Jungkook’s hand. He presses his mouth against Jungkook’s ear to be heard over the din of the crowd. “We’ll be fine.”

A kiss beneath Jungkook’s ear, then on his cheek. Comforting, reassuring.

The moon to his stars.

Jungkook releases a breath. He says, agreeing just as much as he is convincing himself, “We’ll be fine.”

Namjoon presses their foreheads together and shares a long breath with him. Around them, their personal staff as well as those of the award show move about, making sure that the lighting setup is in order, the VCRs set to play, the music ready. Technical words get tossed back and forth, and this is familiar, the electric buzz and controlled chaos backstage of a performance.

Jungkook breathes out, slow and steady. His eyes find Namjoon’s.

Then, it’s time.

He greets the crowd with a smile, pushes the butterflies away by letting himself become immersed in the familiarity of his performance. He sings the words he poured his heart into writing, throws his body into the choreography he’s done countless times, and shakes off any lingering anxieties. The crowd grows louder and chants the lyrics back at him. He closes his eyes for a moment, and everything narrows down to the feeling of lights searing hot against his skin.

He transitions into his next song, sheds his jacket off and smoothly drops it into the waiting hands of a backup dancer. The screaming grows louder, and Jungkook’s blood almost sings within his veins. The choreography picks up, more intense than the last, but he doesn’t show that he’s out of breath.

Finally, the music slows down and the screams intensify. The ending notes taper off into silence, and that’s it. That’s the end.

Or, at least, that’s what it says on the setlist.

It takes everyone by surprise when the lights dim, only for a spotlight to immediately shine on Jungkook once more. Music starts up, and barely anyone has time to register the song playing before Jungkook is singing into a microphone, finally standing still after dancing for his entire performance.

Realization dawns on the crowd, and the arena is filled with frenzied screams when another spotlight shines.

There Namjoon is, echoing Jungkook’s words right back at him.

This is the first time either of them have acknowledged ‘I Know.’ The decision to include it in the album as a hidden track already spoke volumes about what it means, but neither of them ever mentioned it, even with both of their fanbases asking for a confirmation. Wondering, even though they probably already knew.

This surprise duet is their answer.

It’s their leap of faith, their voluntary freefalling off the edge towards something bigger, something better.

It starts with this: Jungkook singing the words, Know you love me boy so that I love you, and Namjoon echoing them back. It starts with the two of them standing on opposite ends of the stage, each with their own spotlight, the distance between them insignificant compared to the way they’re looking at each other. It starts with a step, then two, then however many more it takes for the both of them to meet in the middle, their spotlights merging into a single blinding glow.

Jungkook reaches forward. Namjoon takes his hand.

Tomorrow, maybe even tonight, there will be articles up. People will talk, enough to trend this moment on the virtual spaces of social media for days, and questions will follow.

There might be consequences. There will be consequences. But more than that, what matters more than anything and everything else, there will be an overwhelming amount of support and gratitude. There will be love and admiration, in its many different forms.

This is just the start. But as Jungkook tunes the crowd out and narrows his world down to the man singing in front of him, to this other lone star in a sky full of dust, he knows that it’s already worth it.)