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At the moment, James wasn't sure if he was more confused or angry. The reason being is he just couldn't understand why in the world you wouldn't look at him when you spoke.
It's not like you two spoke often for it to be a real issue, but you guys were close enough to be considered friends, not just mere acquaintances. Usually, people maintained eye-contact with that whole respect thing, so were you oblivious or being rude? He didn't know.
But what bothered him the most was the fact he seemed to be the only person troubled by this fact. Sirius was his normal chatty self when the two of you talked, not one trying to catch your eye like he always did.
"So you are really telling me that you read every single assigned textbook before school even started?" Remus repeated, looking at you with disbelief.
That caught James' attention back to the present.
You blushed and nodded, "Uh, I'm kind of a slow reader, so I do it to better myself for class. Plus I have a hard time learning the practical parts of a class so it helps that I know everything behind a spell or charm before I actually try to perform it."
"No wonder you were placed in Ravenclaw," Peter said, making you laugh at his statement.
"You could say that," You said as you started gathering your bag from where you all sat in the clock tower courtyard, "I have a paper I need to finish before tomorrow, so I have to go. I'll see you all later!" You beamed and went on your way.
James waited until you were out of hearing range to bring up what was troubling him, "Don't you guys think it's a little weird that [Name] never looks you in the eye when he talks? I mean, aren't you supposed to, to show someone that you're listening?"
The other three marauders gave James a sort of pained look that simply added to his confusion.
"Uh," It was Sirius who eventually spoke up, giving Remus and Peter a side-eyed glance, "[Name] is blind Jamie, he can't really look you in the eye if he can't see where you are." He said in a slightly teasing tone.
James instantly blushed at his lack of observation, "Oh." He simply said, far too embarrassed at himself to say anything else, "Uh- I'm going back to the tower, I'll see you later." He hastily and left his friends in the courtyard.
Everything made sense now, so much so James didn't know how he didn't realize before.
The way you seemed to naturally hug the wall when you walked, and how he's never actually seen you write a paper before, and the fact he didn't understand why your eyes didn't have the same luster as everyone else.
James felt like an idiot for not connecting the dots and a fool for being angry at you for not looking at him. But now he had so many questions.
--
"So," James started the next day at breakfast, "[Name]'s blind, how does he write his papers? I've seen him hand them in, so I know he does them."
"He uses a charmed quill that writes whatever he speaks, so he talks out what he writes for his essays, that's why he does them in an empty classroom or in his dorm to not bother anyone with his talking," Sirius explained as he slathered some jam on his toast.
"That's pretty cool, do you think he'll give me the charm if I ask? That sounds a whole lot easier than writing my essays by hand," James grinned as Remus rolled his eyes at the suggestion.
"No, I've already asked," Sirius sighed, "Plus he said he couldn't because it's something he can only use because of his disability."
"Oh gotcha," James nodded to himself and took a bite of the eggs on his plate. "Do you think he'll answer some of my questions about him?"
"For sure," Sirius said with a nod, "He was super patient whenever I asked."
With that in mind, James set it in his head to corner you sometime today.
- -
And he did.
After lunch, he saw you walking towards your shared Transfiguration class and jogged to catch up to you.
“Hey [Name],” James said announcing himself.
You smiled and tilted your head slightly towards the male, “Hello James, heading to class?”
“Yeah, I thought we could walk together?” You smiled and nodded to his question, “Great, uh, there was actually something that I wanted to ask if that was ok?”
“Sure, go right ahead.”
“I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but, how come your eyes look fine if you’re blind? Aren’t they supposed to be milky?” James asked softly, trying to somehow manipulate his voice so the words didn’t come off so insensitive.
“It’s the type of blindness,” You replied coolly, smiling softly at the male, slowing down your pace to think, “It’s called Cortical Blindness,” You paused, “I’m assuming you wish to know how it happened?”
James flushed brightly and nodded, “Uh, yeah. But only if you’re comfortable with that!” He added in a rush.
You laughed at his flustered tone and stopped a few paces from the Transfiguration classroom, “I don’t mind, it happened a long time ago. When I was a toddler I got meningitis, it’s a muggle disease. I almost died from it, hence why I’m kind of sickly now. It didn’t kill me, but it damaged my occipital cortex, which blinded me.”
“Oh,” James said surprised, he was expecting something much more traumatic for someone to lose their sight.
“Yeah,” You hummed, “Ready for class?” You asked brightly, not waiting for his answer as you walked into the classroom, leaving him behind.
"Can I ask you another question?" James asked as he caught back up to you.
"You just did," You grinned, "But I suppose I can allow another one."
James scratched the back of his head a bit sheepishly, not that you could tell, "I know you have to write your essays differently but are some of your classes different?"
"I do," You replied, "I only take theoretical potions, I can't take practical. The Board of Governors hired a special professor who puts together my lesson plans for most of my classes, mostly the stuff that has to be tweaked so I can learn it."
You sat down at one of the desks at the front of the classroom, pulling out your books and a few pieces of parchment and a quill. With a whispered spell, the quill came to life and poised itself over the parchment, ready for class to start.
"Can I sit with you today?" James asked after he found himself just standing awkwardly beside the desk.
"Sure," You nodded, "if my quill annoys you or anything, just let me know."
"Actually," James started, ignore the odd look Sirius shot him when he noticed where he was sitting and took a seat next to Remus, "Can I follow your notes? Sometimes McGonagall talks too fast, which is why my notes are rubbish half the time."
The smile you gave him lit James up, making his face hot and he didn't know why, "Sure," You said again, "I don't mind. Just be sure to still pay attention to her, and not just my notes."
"Of course," James rushed out, "I'm actually pretty good with transfiguration, I just can't take notes."
After that, McGonagall swept into the classroom, silencing all conversations and started the lesson.
James found himself not distracted by your rapidly writing quill, but the way you listened attentively to the lesson. Even though you could not see the magic the professor was performing when giving examples of the spells, it was as if you could see everything through a different light.
- -
A few weeks later, James knew he was paying attention to you way more than he really should be, but it was odd how when you left your house table after breakfast, a handful of your Ravenclaw friends quickly huddled together and started whispering and giggling.
"What do you think they're talking about?" James asked, leaning into Sirius beside him, gesturing to the group.
"Hm?" Sirius looked from James to the small group and rolled his eyes, shoving James off of him, "How would I know? Maybe you should ask [Name], yeah?"
James ignored his blush to shoot Sirius a dirty look, "They only started doing that when [Name] left-"
"So you are watching him," Remus mused to himself, though loud enough for them all to hear.
"-So I think it's about him," James finished.
"Just go ask them then," Peter said with a faint sigh.
"Honestly," Sirius moaned, "It was easier when you were fawning over Evans, but this-this is just pathetic James. You can't just watch him forever, you either do something about it or move on, this is getting tiring."
"Shut it," James hissed, "I'm going to ask them about it." He added standing up.
With hidden nerves and a small amount of dignity, James made his way over to the clustered Ravenclaws.
He cleared his throat when he stopped beside the group, easily recognizing the faces he's seen you hang around. They all turned to James, eyes of curiosity and distrust evident in their gazes. He could only hope they'd hear him out.
"I was wondering if I could know what you're all going on about," James flushed slightly at their narrowed gazes, "I-I mean, does it have to do with [Name]? I'm just curious..."
The blond male closest to James bit his lip and glanced at his friends, receiving a slight nod from them, before he spoke up, "It's [Name's] birthday this weekend," He started slowly, eyeing the doors to the Hall in fear you would walk back in during the conversation, "He's never liked parties or anything frivolous, but we wanted to plan something special for him as this is our last year."
"Oh," James nodded, looking away briefly, "Can I, and some of my friends who know [Name] be in on the secret? We'd like to help to make it something special for him." He said slowly, unsure what the answer was going to be. He had no idea your birthday was coming up, and since he formed his friendship with you, he felt pretty awful about it.
"We'd love to have you," The blond said with a knowing grin, "Can you meet after classes today to discuss what we have planned?"
"Yeah, that's no problem," James agreed readily.
"Great," He stood and offered his hand to James, "I'm Miles, by the way, see you later then," He bid James and his friend's goodbye before he himself left the Hall. James introduced himself to the others, finding out where he would meet them before he went back to his own house table.
"So," Sirius said as soon as James sat down, "What's the deal?"
"[Name's] birthday is this weekend. They're planning to do something special for him, and I kinda said that we would help." He trailed off with a faint laugh.
"Of course you would sign us up to help as well because you're too scared to admit you have feelings for [Name]," Remus said bluntly, looking at Jame's shocked expression and sighed. He stood and readied his book bag on his shoulder, "I'm not saying I'm not going to help, I just need you to stop lying to yourself," He grinned, his eyes lighting up with mischief, "Or else something unfortunate may happen."
"You wouldn't dare," James gasped, getting a wider grin in response.
"Try me, Potter. Now class is about to begin," With that, the werewolf spun on his heel and walked out of the room, not looking back to see if they were following.
"What do you think he'll do?" James said as Remus disappeared through the door.
"There are too many possibilities to count," Peter said, "But he'd most likely just tell [Name] you have feelings for him."
James could only panic and stare at the door before he bolted up from his seat and after Remus. If Remus was so ready to out James to you, maybe he had ideas of what he should do about it? He could only hope.
- -
James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter met with the group of Ravenclaws in an empty second-floor classroom. Miles said you were whisked away by your tutor right after your last class, so they all had roughly an hour to finish up before you would potentially go looking for everyone.
James introduced his friends to the group of five, Miles, Eliza, Conner, Edward, and Camilla, and was happy that everyone seemed to get along.
It was surprisingly... nice being around these new people for James. He learned more about you, everyone seemed to humor his endless questions about you.
He learned you were muggleborn, he already knew that but found out you had a younger sister you loved with all your heart who didn't have magic. He learned you had a fondness for [fave animal] and the color [insert here]. You had a huge growth spurt between 13 and 14 and haven't gotten taller since.
Through the chatter, they all decorated the classroom for the upcoming weekend, seeing as it was Thursday, there should be no worries about it being discovered and the decoration being damaged or taken down.
It crossed James' mind when he was walking back to the common room that you wouldn't be able to see any of the decorations they put up. But then he realized who you were, and that thought changed that you would be touched by the fact they went through all of the trouble.
So he smiled to himself as he thought about the weekend. He was going to confess to you on your birthday.
- -
"Where are you guys taking me?" You asked as Miles and Camilla whisked you away right before dinner on Saturday.
"Nowhere," Miles said, you could hear the grin in his voice.
"That doesn't sound suspicious at all," You muttered but continued without any more complaints.
A few minutes later, you heard them open a door and lead you inside.
"Surprise!" Everyone in the room shouted, "Harry Birthday [Name]!"
You stumbled back a step in surprise, your face quickly flaming with embarrassment. You knew that everyone seemed like they were up to something, but this was not on your list of what it could possibly be.
"I thought I told you guys no parties," You smiled as you finally regained your senses.
"You're no fun [Name]," Miles pouted, "We wanted this last year to be special for you. Most of us got apprenticeships abroad so we won't be able to see each other as much. And your birthday was the perfect day to make an event of it." He grinned cheekily, pulling you more into the room so everyone could greet you.
With a sigh of defeat after Edward and Eliza came up and wrapped you in a warm hug, you gave in, "Thank you, that's really sweet of you all."
"It wasn't just us," Edward smiled, "Your little Gryffindor friends helped with the preparations as well."
"Oh Really?" You cocked your eyebrow up, "Thank you, everyone, as much as I don't like surprises, this one has to be quite possibly the best one I've ever received."
There were two loud cheers that you knew came from Camilla and Eliza before a butterbeer was placed in your hand and you were whisked away to be given snacks and sweets.
It was wonderful, you had to admit. You haven't liked birthday parties since you went blind. The first party you had after losing your sight, you heard the whispers and the comments made about you by your ignorant classmates, and you didn't like that. So after that, you asked for your birthday parties to just be a family thing, or not have one at all.
But, being surrounded by these lovely people, who all understood and weren't fazed by your lack of sight made your heart soar.
Then there was the cake and gifts, to which you received some of the best gifts yet. Including a braille version of a tome on ancient herbology, a scarf that Conner said he knit himself that made you treasure it even more. Among other things, the most shocking gift was a bracelet from James.
It wasn't just any bracelet too. When you took it out of the box, you could feel the runes engraved on the inside of the band, warming under your touch.
"This is beautiful," You smiled softly, "Thank you," You added as you slipped it around your left hand, "I'll treasure it."
James blushed brightly at your words and nervously scratched his head, "I-I'm glad you like it," You heard him take in a breath before he spoke again, his voice a bit more nervous, "Could I talk to you? Uh, alone?" He asked.
You furrowed your eyebrows as you nodded, "Sure, of course," You added with a smile.
James led you out of the room, ignoring the knowing stares he got from his friends, as well the Ravenclaws, as they always knew too much without saying a word. He gently if a bit hesitantly grabbed your hand to pull you into a nearby alcove for some form of privacy.
"What did you want to talk about?" You asked softly as you sat down beside him. You could feel through where your knees touched that he was fiddling with his hands.
James bit his lip, knowing it was now or never, even if he wanted to run away with how hard his heart was beating. He never got like this with Lily, he realized and wondered if he ever did fancy her or wanted to dig at Severus.
"I like you," He blurted, flushing hotly as he glanced up at you to see you smiling sweetly.
"I like you too," You said immediately.
The Gryffindor sighed, knowing you didn't understand the underlying meaning of his words. "I like you," He repeated, "As more than a friend. I think about you all the time; what it would be like to hold your hand or kiss you, or to have you rely on me and other silly things that make my heart beat too fast," He added a bit breathlessly. He didn't know how freeing it would make him feel when he confessed to you.
"Oh," You said softly, "Really? You think those things about me?"
"All the time," He nodded, "I don't know when it started, but I just noticed one day just how infatuated with you I was." A nervous laugh escaped him, "And my friends may or may not had to spell it out to me what I was feeling."
You giggled at his words, able to picture that conversation.
You sighed wistfully as you placed your hand on his knee, leaning slightly towards him, not too far because you didn't know how close he was to you.
"I like you too," You echoed, "As more than a friend too," You added in a whisper, "I like your presence, I like answering all your questions about how I have to go differently about my days. I think you're cute, even if I can't see your face to know if you're physically cute or not."
"Do... Do you think I could take you on a date? After we graduate since there aren't anymore Hogsmeade weekends?" James asked, "I don't want to outright ask you to be my boyfriend, I don't want to come off as needy."
A laugh surfaced to your lips at his admission, "I'd like to go on a date. And it's ok, I understand, it's a bit new, so I think it's best that we don't put a label on what we are yet. We should see how we are romantically before we take that step. Is that ok?"
"That is perfectly fine with me," James said with a smile, "Should we go back? Everyone is probably looking for us."
"Sure you nodded," You nodded standing up, "Can I hold your hand as we go back?"
Again, James flushed brightly at the innocent question. He felt like he was thirteen again experiencing his first crush.
"Y-Yeah, I'd like that." He stuttered as he grabbed your hand and laced his fingers with yours and led the way back to the room where your birthday festivities were taking place.
No one commented on the fact you and James left and came back holding hands, but they did say something once you both got back to your dorms.
Your friends were beyond happy for you, as they have been noticing the shy romantic feelings that seemed to come to life between you and James. They were also happy that the two of you were just 'dating' right now and not quite boyfriends yet.
James' little group, however, were waiting and ready for all the juicy gossip when they were in the privacy of their dorm room, but were slightly let down with how vanilla everything seemed to be between the two of you.
"Don't be rude," Remus had chastized Sirius as he moaned at finding out the two of you didn't kiss, "Let them go at their own pace. I think it's a good thing, not to jump all in so quickly."
"Fine," Sirius and Peter said together, "You're right."
"Thanks, guys," James grinned, "I just... really like him. I want to do this right, for him and me."
The support he got in response to that made his heart soar, he did have the best of friends.
- -
After you graduated from Hogwarts, you took up a job at a wizarding plant nursery. It was something simple and easy for your first job, but you knew it was just temporary until you found a field that called to you. Even though your life was in the wizarding world, you decided to stay at him for a while so you could save up money to eventually move out.
James was in a similar situation, except he has decided to not do anything for a while, as nothing ever stuck his fancy during school to do for a living. He did help his father with his potions most of the time though.
It took four dates for you two to realize you wanted to be exclusive.
So for your fifth date, the first date as boyfriends, you brought him home to meet your parents. Your parents and sister had been hounding you to bring over the boy that made you 'heart eye' all around the house ever since you left Hogwarts.
"This is James Potter," You started as you stood in your living room holding Jame's hand, "My boyfriend, and James, this is my family. Mom, Dad, and my sister Nina."
"It's nice to meet you all," James said with a sheepish look at the three pairs of eyes on him. He could instantly tell you got your beautiful [color] eyes from your mother.
After a moment of silence, smiles broke out on their faces, "It's nice to finally put a face to the boy who has been making my little [Name] so happy," Your mother said with a bright smile, bring James into a hug without a second thought, "You can call me Mary, and this is my husband Joshua."
Your dad shook James' hand and smiled, "I hope you keep making my son happy," He started, making you groan, "Because if you hurt him, we're going to have some problems."
"Dad..."
You were surprised how normal dinner was after your dad got that threat through to James. He added that he didn't care about his 'fancy wand', because 'no one was going to hurt his son without consequences', and he sadly added the whole 'I'm not afraid to go to jail' thing. You were scared of how he was going to be when Nina got a boyfriend.
Nina ended up loving James, she was only eight, but you believed that she developed a small crush when he went along with any and every one of her stories to play with her.
It was one of your favorite dates you had with James, that's when you realized you were starting to shift from 'I really like you' to 'I could possibly find myself loving you'. But you didn't tell him that.
Yet.
When you met James' parents, your third date as boyfriends, it was a very similar situation to meeting your parents.
"I think they like you more than me," James whispered as dinner disappeared and dessert appeared on your plates. Warm red velvet cake.
"You think?" You giggled.
James' mother, Euphemia, who insisted on being called 'Mia', thought you were just darling, and Fleamont, James' father, said that he was happy with anyone who made his son happy, but after getting to know you somewhat, he was even more glad that he chose someone so down to earth and levelheaded.
"Where are we?" You asked as James led you around Potter manner, not really giving you a tour, but just trying to prolong the date as long as possible.
"The second parlor, this one is only used by us, it's not big enough for guests," He explained as he pulled you down beside him on the loveseat.
You bit your lip and nodded.
"I know that look," James said as he laid his arm over the back of the loveseat behind you, "What's on your mind."
A silly look replaced your previous look of nervousness, "You're getting to know me too well," You smiled, "But... there has been something on my mind."
James grinned, "I hope to get to know you better than you know yourself," He said offhandedly, making your heart stutter, "So what's been on that pretty little mind of yours?"
That was another thing you loved and hated. As the two of you got to know each other on a deeper level, James became more confident and loved making you blush and fluster with little sayings or compliments.
"Can I feel your face?" You blushed vibrantly as soon as the words left your mouth, "I mean, I'd like to try to visualize what you look like. I can remember colors and some faces I saw, like my parents, so I think I can get a rough image of what you would look like, through my hands."
James didn't think his heart could beat any faster than the day he asked you out. He was wrong. It was something so sweet and innocent and full of love that made his heart race and soar all at once.
"Of course," He smiled, taking off his glasses to place them on the coffee table, "You don't have to ask, you're my boyfriend, if you want to touch me, you don't have to ask." He repeated before he closed his eyes and sighed at your giggle, "That sounded a tad bit more inappropriate than I was going for, but you understand."
"I know," You nodded, moving to face him better and place your hands on his shoulders, "It just weirds some people out."
"I doubt you'd ever weird me out, [Name]," He grinned.
You moved your hands up his neck, making him shiver slightly as you traced his jaw.
James's coughed as he blushed, "Um," his face heating up at your fingers lingered on his lips as they moved around the sound.
He didn't say anything else as your hands explored his face.
You traced his eyebrows and ran the pads of your thumbs over his eyelids, cupped his cheeks and rand your hands through his hair.
"Wow," You said after a few minutes, "I think, I think I know why people I don't deserve you, you're beautiful."
James flushed in both anger, at your first comment, as well as in embarrassment at your compliment, "Who said that to you?"
You smiled and placed your hands in his that were resting in his lap, "Just whispers of people that only see the surface. Don't worry about it, I don't believe them because I know how much you care for me as I care for you."
"Can I kiss you?" James blurted. He knew the two of you had been dancing around your first kiss together, but with how his stomach fluttered at how he felt so warm, he knew there wouldn't be a better time.
"Please," You nodded, cheeks flushed as a warm hand cupped the back of your head to guide you towards him.
Without a seconds thought, James pressed his lips against yours in a kiss.
It was warm and James loved how your lips slotted together to easily.
James didn't deepen it until he felt you sigh through your nose and tilt your head slightly as a signal for more. And he gave you more.
You wrapped your arms around James' neck as he pressed his lips firmer against yours and sucked your bottom lip into his mouth making your breath hitch in response.
You weren't sure how long the two of you sat there kissing. You did know, however, when the two of you finally did separate for longer than just a few pants in between kisses, you were sitting astride James' lap with your hands in his already unruly hair and his at the small of your back just under your shirt.
"I should have kissed you on our first date," James said as he leaned back against the back of the loveseat.
You laughed and lightly hit his chest, "I don't kiss on the first date, and I'm glad we didn't," You mused, "I should be getting home though," You sighed as you thought of what the time must be.
"Or you could stay the night," James grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.
You rolled your eyes, "I am not that easy, James Potter," You chastized, "I'm not ready for that."
James smiled softly, "I know, but I do love it when you get riled up," He laughed at your huff, "I'll take you home, so I know you make it home safe." He offered as you got off his lap and stretched a bit as he stood as well.
"If you must."
"I do," James added, "Let's go say goodbye to my parents before we leave."
You agreed and held his hand as you went to search for the senior Potter's with a bright smile on your face. Both of you forgot to fix your mused hair.
-
When you laid in your bed that night after you got questioned by your parents on what the Potter's were like, that was when you truly realized how easy it could be to fall in love with James.
And you were going to let yourself fall.
Little did you know, James came to the same conclusion, as well as how early was too early to ask you to marry him.