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The first snowfall of the season covers the streets of Japan, marking the first winter without him. Mafuyu sits in class watching the snowflakes melt as they touch the window sill.
Too warm.
“What is up with him today?” ue thinks to himself. The bell rings & the school day comes to an end. Mafuyu rushes out of his seat ignoring ue yelling for him from behind. “Mafuyu? Mafuyu!” He runs out of the building, no gloves, no hat, no sweater. “What the hell?!!” ue says, barely breathing as he yanks mafuyu’s arm “you’re going to get sick!” no response. “....are you listening to me!?” ue looks up & sees mafuyu staring up at the sky. Silence. Mafuyu looks down at his hand as snowflakes land on his palm, melting.
Too warm.
Ue takes off his jacket & puts it on mafuyu “let’s go home”
They walk down their usual path but for some reason, it feels different. Ue is starting to shiver as his nose turns red from the cold hitting his face “Who knew something so beautiful, so gentle, could hurt so much?” mafuyu says as he returns the jacket to ue “no, no keep it on!” “but you’re shivering” Ue takes the jacket, knowing he won't be able to put up much of a fight for long.
Mafuyu stretches out his hand to intertwine their fingers yet the distance between them feels heavy. Ue can feel the tension as the crushing weight on his chest runs down his legs and against the snow, the crunching of their footsteps became louder with each step.
“Something is off”
“Did I say something? Do something?”
“Did something happen to his dog!?......no he would’ve called me”
“Maybe he’s just stressed over final exams”
“.........Goddamn it, WHAT IS IT”
“Is he losing feelings for me? Holy SHIT”
“I am the worst boyfriend ever”
“Uenoyama-kun”
Ue stops walking, mafuyu noticed he was lost in his thoughts once again.
Mafuyu’s gaze burns as he tries his best to avoid making eye contact, like a dumbass
“Uenoyama, what’s wrong?”
“.............What’s wrong with me? No, what’s wrong with you!” Ue’s eyes widen as he registered he didn’t think before speaking once again & now the possibility of hurting mafuyu is high. There’s no going back now.
“You’ve been acting so strange since this morning. Is it something I did? Did I do something to upset you? Please, talk to me.”
Mafuyu looked down at his feet as his grip on to ue’s hand eventually turns into a squeeze. His face is numb to the point where he doesn’t notice teardrops are falling down his face.
“Ah shit, i’ve done it this time.” ue thinks to himself, his heart shatters at the sight of mafuyu becoming so vulnerable under the soft lighting of a winter sky.
“I’m sorry, I hate getting like this in front of you. I can’t help it...the first snow of the season reminds me of him…...”
Uenoyama felt the world stop, the sound of children playing nearby turns into white noise, blood rushes to his face & lets go of mafuyu’s hand as he steps back.
“It’s almost been a year.”
Uenoyama doesn’t know how to feel, what to say, or how to react. He felt so small as the air of melancholy started to suffocate him by the second. Why is this hurting? Why am I being so selfish? What am I doing?
“Do you think about him?” Uenoyama asks with a serious tone.
“Everyday” mafuyu responds, looking ue in the eye as they seem to turn a darker shade of blue. Mafuyu feels uenoyama caving in, he didn’t mean to hurt him. He never talks about him because he knows it’ll make Ue feel bad about the fact that he can’t do anything to take away the pain. But he couldn’t help it this time around.
Ue grabs mafuyu’s hand and holds it up to his cheek. “Although it may be dark & cold right now, spring will be here soon. The sun will shine but no matter the season, I will be here for you no matter what.”
Mafuyu stares in shock, the softness in ue’s eyes is unreal. As he's being pulled in, he lets out a cry that has him gasping for air as the cold vase in his heart shatters by ue’s warmth & allows his sorrow to overflow & spill out of him into the others shoulder.
Ue’s embrace was comforting, it made mafuyu understand that although it may be too warm, it can't be cold forever.