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Rian rolls the small object into the palm of his hand with a sigh. It's taken him three unum to get it the way he wanted, and it took another two to be able to even say the words. They get caught in his throat as he tries to get them to expel from his mouth. Mostly they choke him and make his stomach knot.
It has been a trine since Mira was taken from me, but still…
Thoughts like this take turns running through his head in quiet times. The patrol this night has been unusually quiet, and his thoughts have turned on him like a raided beast. Feelings of self-loathing are his particular choice of punishment on a chilly fall night.
It's like I'm betraying her. That I'm erasing her, isn't it?
Rian questions himself again as he sits on a fallen log in the deepest part of the Dark Wood. He knows these woods better than he knows himself. The tall trees seem to whisper at night, but he does not fear the dark. Mostly, he fears himself.
The questions in his wandering mind are enough to make his head ache again. He's been trying to say the words for so long that he doesn't know if he can. The girl with the big brown eyes that made his chest warm again, they fill in the void that was left by green ones.
"Deet, I love you. I want to promise you my life."
The words roll off his tongue tonight with ease, but still, his tongue burns. They were once words he might have spoken to Mira. For a gelfling male to promise his life to a female meant they would go under the mating arch.
Didn't you promise, Mira something like that too, you coward?
His mind taunts him again, the same thoughts that reverberate through his whole being. It makes the knot in his stomach twist as a physical reminder of his betrayal. Rian flinches as the idea repeats itself, and he tries to bargain with it.
"But I only thought about those things when I had Mira. I was never so sure as I am with Deet."
His thoughts shift and turn with the bright face of Deet. Her sweet, bell-like voice when she said his name and the heart sick feeling it brought. Rian knew that he wanted nothing more than to say the words to her. She meant everything to him.
The crunching of leaves behind him did not cause him to stir. He had enough training to recognize who's they were. Deet had come to join him. Standing, Rian turns to greet her, but he can denote the distress in her face.
"Another nightmare?" He murmurs with concern. His arms open instantly when she nods.
Tears stream down her cheeks as she presses her face into his neck. His nimble fingers brush through her hair as he softly sings. They are old Stonewood songs that his father taught him. The words hang to the edge of his tongue as they hold each other. Rian knows deep down that Deet feels the same way. He can see it when she looks in his eyes; he is just a coward.
When she no longer weeps into his shoulder, he squeezes the ring in his palm. It feels like it has burned a blister into his hand. His thoughts wander again to Mira, and he gives a wistful sigh. Things were more natural just a trine ago, but he wasn't sure he'd ever wish to go back.
"Rian?" Deet whispers, her voice raw from the tears. He shifts, so they are looking at each other. His blue eyes filling with the same admiration they held every time for her.
"Yes, Deet?" Rian questions softly, as his heartbeat drums in his ears. He wants to ask if she can hear it too, but he doesn't. Instead, he waits for her to tell him about her nightmare.
"Is it wrong to be jealous of another gelfling?"
The question is not what he expects as the thunder in his ears eases. Deet's face is full of innocence and concern. He can't help but chuckle at the turn of events.
"Well, no… That's a perfectly normal feeling." Rian reassures her. Deet hums and looks away from him. He can't help the whirl of emotions that bubble in his stomach.
"Even if they are no longer with us?" Deet questions further as she pulls away from him before he can protest. Rian opens his mouth, and only a few sounds follow. She was speaking of Mira, wasn't she?
"Well, I…"
Deet looks at him again, a new expression on her face. It has tones of wishfulness and regret. Her eyes seek out the reflection of her heart, and she finds it there. So why could he not say it?
It a tempestuous feeling; how can she be jealous of the dead?
"During our dreamfasts, you have shown me. I have felt the way you did about Mira, but I…" Deet mumbles as her stomach aches with guilt. It is not her right to demand this of him. Rian already has a fragile heart like her own, but the words have worn a hole in her mind. She needs to set them free.
"But I can't help but notice the way you look at me. The way you speak to me. It gives my heart hope."
Rian's eyes grow wide as he lets the hallowed part of him flood with her. It hits all at once, and it feels like he may drown, except he does not.
"I know that you loved, Mira, and I would never ask you to give that part of your heart…" Deet continues as her hand cups his cheek. Rian's reaches to rest against hers.
"But I need to hear them, Rian… The words."
The rest chokes her as fresh tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. Was it too much to ask of him? She wanted so desperately to hear him say them.
Rian's answer isn't what she excepts. It comes in the form of his mouth firmly on hers. His strong hands pulling her into him as they kiss until her lips are rosy and puffy. Deet's eyes flutter open when he pulls away to place something in her hand-a little brass ring with the promise of tomorrow written into it.
"Deet, I love you so much. And I want to promise my life to you."
The words finally come to him and dance between them. They make Deet's heart flutter, and her face glow with excitement. Her next breath is a gasp as Rian drops to his knee, he takes her hand and the ring with it. It slips on her finger with ease, and Deet feels the crack down the middle of her heart pull together.
"Marry me?" He asks with a smile to rival all three of the suns. Deet finds that the words are choking again, but for another reason. The burst of happiness she feels makes her launch herself at Rian. They fall backward with an echoing smack as she cries out the words.
"YES! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO!"