Chapter Text
It was such a beautiful summer night Remus thought. Looking up at the sky full of sparkling stars. He felt Sirius move up more to lay on his chest more comfortably as they laid on a bunch of blankets at the top of the astronomy tower. Remus smiled as he smelled his fresh shampoo. "Just look at it Padfoot it's so beautiful." Remus said looking up again. He lived for these moments. The moments he didn't have to hide for anything or anyone. Looking up into the night sky with a very small moon and a billion shining stars. Holding the man he loves close to his body. "Yes I know I am Moony you don't have to keep saying it you know." Sirius said with a little cheeky smile on his perfect face. Remus smiled at his boyfriends comment. Sirius was always doing that and Remus found it endearing. "Who?" Remus said with a small smile on his face. Sirius slapped him on his arm. "Rude." He huffed. Remus just smiled proudly. Sirius had noticed how open Remus had been getting with him and even with the Marauders. Sirius loved when Remus was like this open and making jokes. A very different person to the bookworm who studied religiously. Don't get him wrong it was the quiet bookworm with a secret level of sass he had fallen for. But it was nice to see Remus a tad more talkative. Sirius likes to think he's a big reason for that. Sirius crawled his way up Remus' long and lean body so he was straddling Remus. He gave his cheek a kiss. "But you think I'm beautiful right?" He asked Remus who just laughed. Sirius pouted. Remus smiled and brought his hand to Sirius' cheek. "Yes, you are so beautiful love." Remus said stroking his cheek. Sirius smiled proudly. He leaned in too Remus and gave him a long passionate kiss. Remus moved his hands one to the back of Sirius' neck and one his waist. Sirius cupped one of Remus' cheeks with his hand and laid the other over his chest. When the pulled away Sirius went to lay back down on Remus' chest holding on to him tightly. Remus hugged Sirius tightly to his chest giving him a kiss to his forehead. They both didn't say much being tired from classes and finally sneaking a moment to be together. Sometimes they would barely stop talking but sometimes they just sat there in a very comfortable silence in each others loving company. They both seemed to be deep in thought.
Remus knew how he was making slight changes because of Sirius. He was still the boy who would study ahead a fair few lessons and read books constantly in the common room by the fire in his favorite armchair that had been marked as his. He was still painfully shy and would still turn red if he got asked to give an answer to a question in class. Still always gentle and kind. But he seemed to be a bit more interactive with his friends and joking around with them more. He knew it was all thanks to Sirius. He felt like he didn't have to hide a certain part of himself anymore and it felt fantastic. When he was with Sirius he was open and free. But one thing was getting to him. No one knew about them. Not even Lily. And Remus wanted to tell her more than anything. He didn't exactly want to tell the whole world but he just wanted to be open about it. He didn't want to hide something if he didn't have to. He had his furry little problem to hide. He didn't want to hide the love he had for Sirius. Why should they love is love regardless of who it's with. He wanted to ask Sirius how he felt about the matter. But he was afraid Sirius wouldn't agree. And Remus really didn't want to argue with him. Especially about this. He knows if Sirius doesn't feel the same way he will be a bit hurt. Insecurity still prominent in Remus. He was still afraid Sirius might just see this as a fling or something less meaningful than Remus did. Remus had thought Sirius was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.
The moment the boy had introduced himself all the way back in first year. Remus had just made Gryffindor and walked with his head tilted slightly down being shy from all the attention. And he sat down getting patted on the back by a number of Gryffindor students as he made his way to his seat. He sat down and pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands a bit feeling very anxious. Remus looked up to look into the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. They were grey a very distinctive grey. You'd think they would be dull and color less but these where the most bright eyes he'd ever seen. "Hey I'm Sirius." The boy said. God Remus was speechless. He was so handsome. He had the most defined facial features his skin soft and radient. And his hair dark as cole and slightly curly falling over his eyebrows. "H-hey I'm Remus." He said smiling back at the handsome boy. "Hey I'm James nice to meet you!" They started chatting and Peter joined the Gryffindor table and thus the friendship of the Marauders started.
As the years past by Remus' feelings only started to get stronger. First he hid it as just really loving his friendship with Sirius because they just got on so well. But he soon realised that it was more. It started when in year two Sirius started parading around shirtless in their dorm room. And showing off his abs and muscles he was getting thanks to puberty and Quidditch. Remus was sitting on his bed reading and suddenly he had a hard time reading the words on the paper. Merlin he was gorgeous Remus thought. But soon he looked back at his book knowing nothing would ever come of it. Sirius was undoubtedly one of Hogwarts most handsome boys. And girls and even some of the boys pinned over him. And Remus well. He didn't think he stood a chance. He wasn't handsome like the other boys. He had scars on his face and on places on his body. He didn't think he was good looking whatsoever. But he was wrong. Because from day one something about Remus captured Sirius' eye and it didn't let him go. Sirius knew he felt an attraction to men sooner than Remus did. So he would tease Remus by walking around shirtless. Also showing off because that's just what Sirius did. Sirius knew all the girls and some boys where drooling over him. And he just smirked at it. He knew he was a handsome devil. But there was only one boy he fancied. And that was Remus. Remus was beautiful. He was so gentle and kind and caring. His face was sculpted by gods. He was so precious the perfect cute nose and those eyes with the longest eyelashes. Don't get Sirius started on those damn freckles. And his honey hair that fell into his face. Was just the cherry on top. And the fact that Remus was significantly taller than he was merlin he couldn't even handle it.
"Pads?" Remus asked quietly. "Yeah Moony?" Sirius answered nuzzling his face into Remus' chest covered sweater. Remus took a deep breathe. "I uhm.. Do you think that w-we uh.." Remus was full of nerves and his stutter gave him away all too easily. "What's wrong Remus?" Sirius asked noticing how nervous his boyfriend was all of a sudden. "Well I was just uh wondering i-if we ever uh.. are we going too.." Remus trailed off again. "Babe you can tell me anything remember." Sirius said stroking his chest gently. Remus sighed and loved the feeling of Sirius' hands on his body. He instantly relaxed by his boyfriends touch. Remus took another deep breathe he just needed to say it. "Sirius I want to tell people about us." Remus said closing his eyes tightly. The stroking of Remus' chest stopped. Remus felt Sirius stiffen in his arms. Remus squeezed his eyes shut already knowing this conversation wasn't going to go the way he wanted it too. Remus felt tears burning in his eyes and he really tries to let them disappear. Now he just wished he had never said anything at all. Remus tried to get up lifting Sirius off his chest in the process. Remus lifted his knees to his chest in attempt to hide himself. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." Remus said trying and failing to compose himself.
Sirius just sat there deep in thought about what Remus was asking him. It wasn't that he didn't love Remus. Honestly they had been seeing each other for almost six months coming up in a week and half. And Sirius knew he just knew Remus was the love of his life. He loved Remus with all his heart. But he was too afraid to say so. Sirius had never been one to show too much emotion considering his background and more importantly his family. His family where horrible people except Regulus of course. Even though Regulus seemed to be buying into their ways. And it killed Sirius to see his little brother doing things that didn't fit the good person he was. And he tried to help Regulus and show him the better way but he just wouldn't have it. So he let his brother make his own decisions. If theres one thing he knows about Regulus it's that he will always do things his own way stubborn as he was. Sirius seemed to come out of his thinking daze a little and he watched Remus sitting there wrapped in a blanket and knees pulled up to his adorable chin. Sirius frowned at the sight. He didn't want to hurt Remus. He would rather cut his own arm off than hurt his ray sunshine. Sirius looked back at his hands. You see he was still trying to keep the peace at home. Not wanting to fight and argue with his parents every single time. He also didn't enjoy his mother sending him a howler when he would do something she didn't agree with. To make matters even worse tomorrow was the big quidditch game. The finals Gryffindor against Slytherin. And Sirius had gotten a letter this morning saying they would be coming to watch Sirius play. To make sure he wasn't a disappointment in everything he did. But the Black's coming meant Sirius pretending to be someone he was obviously not. And James was in on the plan for when his parents would come to visit. It meant acting straight. Acting proper. Acting like a dick. Acting like someone he wasn't and didn't want to be. But Sirius just wanted to keep the peace a little longer. Why? He didn't even know exactly.
Sirius was so lost in thought that he barely noticed Remus getting up and folding one of his blankets ready to walk away. Sirius scrambled to his feet. "Remus where are you going?" Sirius said already feeling incredibly stupid for asking that question. "I-I uhm I think I'm just going to go back inside and off to bed." Remus said not even looking at Sirius. Sirius felt sad that Remus seemed to recoil back into shyness. "Remus don't go just wait." Sirius said. "It's alright Sirius I shouldn't have brought it up it was stupid of me." Remus sighed finishing folding the last blanket. "No Remus it wasn't I get it." Sirius said quickly grabbing Remus' hand in his. It still left both of them breathless how perfect their hands seemed to fit together. Remus has hopeful eyes. "So do you want to?" Remus asks always being so careful. Sirius looked up into those amber eyes he loves so much. He laughed. And Remus' small smile fell. "Look Remus it's going fine between us isn't it? Just you and me no one else I don't really see why we need to change that." Sirius said hands still holding Remus' hand in his. Remus felt a little hurt that Sirius laughed at his question. Wasn't it normal for people in a relationship to at one point tell everyone because you want to share your love? Remus didn't want to hide anymore. "I don't want to hide Pads." He said so softly. Sirius looked up at his sad boyfriend. Sirius understood this but he just couldn't do this right now. He parents would be here in about 12 hours. Don't get Sirius wrong he wants nothing more than to show the school Remus is his and that he is Remus'. But right now he was too preoccupied with his own issues and it didn't seem to resonate with him 100% how this must be for Remus and how he felt in all this. He knew deep down but he couldn't get to the feeling well enough then and there. Sirius disliked his parents a lot but he still wanted some kind of approval form them. He just wanted to hold on to it a little longer. And deep down he knows how selfish it is. He knows he's being insensitive but he can't help it at the moment.
"I don't want to hide anymore Sirius not anymore." Remus said again a bit firmer than the last time like he was more sure of himself. "I know Rem." Sirius said knowing now that Remus wouldn't drop it. And this also couldn't be solved with a kiss. Not this time. "But you don't think we should?" Remus said voice not losing it's tone. "I just don't really see why we would need to, everything is going just fine Remus why would we ruin the good flow now?" Sirius said annoyance growing in his voice. "Ruin it?" Remus said looking back down at the blankets in his arms. Sirius rolled his eyes because in his opinion every situation could use some sass. "That's not what I meant and you know it Remus." He said bringing his hand through his hair. "Then what do you mean Sirius because I honestly don't understand anymore." Remus said growing tired of Sirius' excuses. If Sirius doesn't feel the same way or doesn't agree that's fine but Remus wants Sirius to tell him the truth. Remus knows Sirius isn't great at the whole opening up thing yet. And neither is Remus still a tad afraid of giving himself bare. But it really upset Remus when Sirius wouldn't share his feelings or thoughts with him. That's what people in a relationship do. Did he not trust Remus? Did he not feel he could share certain things with him? Does he not feel like they are a couple? "Look I just don't see the rush alright don't tell me your turning into one of those sickeningly clingy and whiney girls Remus." Sirius a laugh playing on his lips. But Remus wasn't laughing. "That's not what this is about and you know it. If you don't want to that's fine. Just don't lie to me about it." Remus said firmly pulling his hand away from Sirius' hand. As he turned around to leave he stopped and looked back to where Sirius was standing but not looking at him. "And that was unnecessary and mean." Remus said the hurt threatening to seep from his words. He went to walk away but Sirius didn't want to let him go in a fight. "Remus wait I didn't mean that. Please don't leave baby wait." Sirius pleaded walking towards his pride and joy. Sirius knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn't stop himself. He just couldn't deal with this right now. His parents are going to be here tomorrow expecting Sirius in his best clothes on his best behavior acing his classes and playing like a pro in the Quidditch game. Not to mention they expected to see Sirius have a girl on his arm. Sirius cringed at the idea he liked guys and he always would. But his parents where expecting a pure blood girl to congratulate him after his winning of the Quidditch match. And to maintain the peace and not be married off to some random pure blood girl he said he'd find one himself. He wished things could be different. And they could and the change was within reach. He just could't grasp it yet.
"I didn't mean it like that Moony, you know that right?" Sirius said holding onto his boyfriends arm hopefully. He didn't want to fight with Remus not now, not ever. "Then what do you mean Padfoot because honestly I'm a bit lost. If you don't want to come out as a couple that's fine by me but just be honest about it." Remus said not really looking at Sirius just yet. "I just.. I think it's too soon." Sirius said lying yet again. He wanted nothing more to be honest with Remus. He hated lying to him. But if he told Remus the truth he knew Remus wouldn't understand. "I don't see why we should or why you would even want to we haven't been together for that long I mean this could end within a month for all we know." Sirius said nonchalantly without even thinking of his own words. Even though they had been together for almost six months. Sirius had slipped into defence. When he was trying to hide something or really didn't want to talk about something he seemed to turn dark, mean and extremely unreasonable not really caring who he hurt. He usually did it where he lived with his parents with Regulus and all those snobby pure blood Slytherins. Using against people he didn't like he almost forgot it was Remus he was talking to. One of his best friends. The boy who calms him. Who helps him with potions even though he knows he isn't even paying attention. The boy who will read him stories when he can't sleep. The boy who will invite him into his bed when there is a storm or if he has a nightmare. Run down to the kitchens to make him some hot tea and cuddle him all night if need be. The purest and most precious soul he had ever known. The boy he was madly falling deeply and hopelessly in love with. A little more every day that passed. Again he was so busy in his thoughts he realised too late what he had said. Remus stood there tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He hugged the blankets even tighter to his chest. His worst fear had come true. Sirius didn't take this seriously. He was probably just another fling to him. He didn't think they where an actual couple. He was just his dirty little secret. And it hurt him. Very bad. He just rushed down the stairs of the astronomy tower. Did he not mean that much to Sirius then? Did Sirius really think that they wouldn't last another month? Was he planning to break it off? Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve as he continued walking down the stairs being careful not to trip seeing as he couldn't see much due to his tears.
Sirius ran down the stairs of the astronomy tower. Trying to catch up with Remus. "Wait Remus please wait!" He called as he caught up with him holding his shoulders. It really desperately hurt Sirius to see Remus cry. It hurt him even more he was the reason for the tears. "No Sirius I'm not going to wait, if you really think we won't last longer than a month that's fine then there's no other reason to talk." Remus said walking past him. Sirius stood still. What was he saying? "What do you mean Moony?" Sirius said just about loud enough for Remus to hear him. Remus stopped in his tracks. "I mean if we won't last much longer than another month why bother, I mean I guess it's over then." Remus said firmly not in the mood for more painful arguments. Sirius barely believed his ears. Remus couldn't end it. Could he? But Remus loved him. So much it hurts him physically to think of them being over. "W-what?" Sirius said to himself. He wanted to beg for Remus' forgiveness and beg him to take him back. But then there was defensive Sirius who ruined his plan. "You're breaking up with me because I don't want to come out? What the fuck is that?!" Sirius said rage in his voice anger picking up a quick pace. Remus could not even believe him right now. "No! I am sick of hiding and lying to our friends!" Remus spat back. Sirius crossed his arms over each other and quirked his hip out. "Oh so you're going to tell the whole school that your a werewolf too?" Sirius said sass joining the anger. "Don't be ridiculous Sirius! Of course not no one can know and you know damn well why. I just wanted to be more open." Remus said his voice growing softer by the end of the sentence. "Well that's not my fault Remus!" Sirius spoke back in a harsh tone. "I never said it was!" Remus retorted. He looked away. "Look I don't want to fight anymore." He said slowly the exhaustion filling his body. Sirius' gaze softened. He walked down the stairs to where Remus stood. "I apologise for what I said. Not because I don't mean them but because I don't want to fight with you because I care for you. And because I may have said things that hurt your feelings." Remus said staring at the floor. Sirius could barley believe his ears. Sirius had been rude to him and mean for no reason whatsoever. And Remus was apologising. How did he ever get so lucky to hold this precious kind hearted boy in his arms. "No I'm sorry, I didn't mean a lot of the things I said I was upset." Sirius said quietly going to cup Remus' cheek very slowly. Remus leaned into his touch. God he loved Sirius. He looked in those lively grey eyes and he just fell deeper into them. He still felt a bit hurt by Sirius' words. But he meant it when he said he didn't want to fight anymore. Nor say something he would regret ending in them breaking up. The most painful maybe was also that Sirius kept saying they haven't been together that long. When they have actually been together for almost 6 months. But that was something to discuss on another day when they had both gotten some well needed sleep. "Moony?" Sirius said softly. "Yeah Padfoot?" Remus said his voice deep and sweet but so tired. "If you really want to.. you can tell Lily." Sirius said quietly. Remus lit up. "Really?!" he asked in disbelief. Sirius smiled at his boyfriend. "Yes.. but just Lily okay?" Remus was ecstatic. Lily was his best friend besides the Marauders. Remus engulfed Sirius in a hug holding him tightly to his chest. Sirius pressed his cheek to Remus' chest. He felt terrible about what he had put Remus through tonight but he felt he had to. But he was glad they where making up. "Lets go get some sleep alright love? You have your big game tomorrow." Remus said stoking Sirius' hair softly in the way only Remus can. Sirius took a deep breath and nodded. They walked back to their common room. Remus asked if Sirius wanted to sleep in his bed but Sirius refused kindly telling him he couldn't a use a sleeping arm tomorrow morning for Quidditch. Remus smiled and went to brush his teeth. Sirius couldn't care less if his arm was about to come off he'd still sleep next to Remus any chance he got. Sirius just didn't want to take the risk that Regulus would be jumping up and down on his bed tomorrow morning and see something he shouldn't. Before they both got in bed they gave each other another soft sorry and a sweet kiss.
Sirius laid in bed thinking for a little while. You see James knew about them and Peter well he would believe anything not really being perceptive at all. He just thought they where incredibly close. Which they were as friends. They all were. James had known about Sirius' crush seeing as it had started so long ago. Not to mention how many times he caught Sirius staring at the taller boy. James being his best friend in the whole world. And Peter always cracking them up. But Sirius and Remus had always had something special. They seemed to understand each other on a level that no one else did. A special bond. They would always be touchy with each other hugs and Remus smacking Sirius slightly if he was being annoying during studying. And on cold nights Sirius would wonder to Remus' bed with sleepy eyes and mumble a simple excuse. And Remus would wake up cuddled up to a body. Upon finding out it was Sirius his cheeks where red with a hard blush and he would just pretend he was still asleep in order not to let go. Sirius sighed and turned over to his side giving him a perfect view of Remus snuggled up in his bed fast asleep. Seemingly without a worry. God Sirius loved him so much. He'd never said so but oh how his heart knew it was true. He knew this was the person he was meant to be with the perfect person for him. He just wasn't ready to tell Remus. Little did he know Remus felt the exact same way but was afraid to tell him.
The next morning Remus feeling pretty good. He was so excited to finally be able to tell Lily he and Sirius where actually a thing. He had wanted to tell her for so long. And maybe this would be the first step for Sirius to take so they could just be open about their relationship. Remus just wanted to show how much he loved Sirius. He wanted to stop hiding. He wanted to be able to hold his boyfriends hand in his own walking down the halls of Hogwarts. And Remus didn't know but that was all that Sirius wanted. To be open. To stop hiding from himself. To be free. But Sirius was so stuck with what to do he couldn't see clearly. Remus rolled over so he could see his boyfriend. There he was laying sleeping. Remus often wondered how Sirius could look so handsome adorable and sexy all in one. He had one hand over his pillow above his head and the other by his side laying over his almost exposed hip. God those pyjama pants Sirius slept in would be the death of him. Remus loved him. So damn much. He wanted to say those words to Sirius. But he was still afraid. Sirius could pretty much have anyone he wanted. Boys included. And Remus still couldn't believe it, even after almost 6 months. that's right almost 6 months! Remus wanted to do something really special for Sirius. He was very busy in thought about what kind of romantic gesture he could pull for Sirius when the whole Quidditch team ran into their dorm and cheering and trying to wake Sirius up. Remus pulled his covers over his shoulders feeling insecure about the scars that covered parts of his body. They picked Sirius up and he started cursing at them. "Get off me you dicks!" he yelled from where he was being held. Remus watched with an ounce of amusement. You don't want to wake Sirius Black if he doesn't want to be woken. James started holding Sirius' legs tight. "Oh come on Padfoot we have the big game today!" James said his face full of joy. "Put be down you son of a murtlap!" Sirius yelled waking Peter up. James laughed and released him and told the team to get changed and be down in the great hall in half an our. Sirius mumbled profanities under his breath. "Oh cheer up Padfoot! Save the anger for the Slytherins!" Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed playfully at his friend. He took a big stretch and Remus was sure he stopped breathing. Sirius pyjama pants hung so low on his hips already. And he wore an old band shirt that had shrunken a bit over the years. Remus got a good view of the soft tan skin under his clothing. God he just wish he could kiss and bite at the skin lightly. Sirius was mentally preparing himself for this dreadful day. He loved playing Quidditch but he just didn't feel like seeing his parents and acting a way he hated. He was so busy with himself he looked over at Remus and noticed him all but drooling at him and his body as he stretched his muscles awake. He smirked. And winked at Remus. Remus blushed bright red at being caught and damn when Sirius winks he falls to pieces. He smiled up at Sirius and buried his face into his blanket a bit more. Sirius jumped onto his bed sitting a bit further away from him than he usually would. "Good morning Moony!" He said with that gorgeous smile. "Good morning Padfoot." He said back letting the blanket fall a bit more. Peter scurried to the bathroom to to get ready for the day. "Boys I will be downstairs if you need me." Sirius smirked and looked over at James. "Oh yes Prongs if you could shine my Quidditch boots that would be great mate." James rolled his eyes "Yeah yeah Padfoot just make sure your ready on time." James said laughing giving him a slight push as he walked passed the two boys on his way to the common room.
"Alone at last." Sirius said inching closer to his boyfriend. Remus smiled up at Sirius. Sirius engulfed Remus in a warm hug. Remus sighed happily finally getting his morning hug. "As much as I love laying here I have to go get ready babe." Sirius said kissing the top of Remus' head. "I know you have a Quidditch game to win." Remus said looking up at Sirius. They smiled at each other. Remus sat up so he could put his arm around Sirius and give him a sweet kiss. "Good luck today love." Remus said as Sirius was getting up from his bed. "You'r coming to watch though right?" Sirius said almost worried Remus wouldn't. Of course Remus would come. He always did. He would do anything to support his boyfriend. "Of course I am love you know I always do." Remus said leaning against the head of his bed with his arms crossed behind his head watching him seriously fit boyfriend. "Well get ready then don't want Prong yelling my ear off." Sirius said heading to go get ready. Remus sighed and decided to get up when he remembered he had some interesting information to tell Lily and he shot out of his bed lightning fast.
Remus walked down the stairs to the common room looking for Lily. Everyone was getting ready for the game and all the Gryffindor students where standing and waiting for everyone to go down to the great hall together. He found Lily sitting on the coach reading a book. He smiled and went to sit down next to her. "Hey Lily." Remus said happily. Lily looked up from her book to look at Remus. "Hey Remus!" She said excited to talk to him seeing as everyone was only thinking of the Quidditch game. "What are you reading?" Remus ask politely. "Oh just a novel it's not the best." "I could give you a really good one if you'd like I finished it a week ago." Remus said being able to talk about books with someone. "Oh that would be great Remus thank you." Lily said closing the other book and laying it on the table next to the big red couch. "You seem cheerful today." Lily said looking back at Remus' happy face. "Can I uhm can I talk to you in private I have to tell you something." Remus said becoming a tad shy. Lily nodded and pulled him toward the stairs to the exit of the common room. It was more quiet and there where no Quidditch fanatics yelling. "So what did you want to tell me?" Lily said excited to hear what her friend had to say and what had him so happy right now. Remus fiddled with his sweater he hoped Lily wouldn't be mad he hadn't told her sooner. "Remus just tell me." Lily said smiling up at him. "So yesterday I talked to Sirius..." Remus began and Lily rolled her eyes. She still wasn't too fond of James and Sirius. James with his irritating determination to ask Lily out no matter how many times she refused him. And Sirius just being obnoxiously annoying. Luckily they had stopped hassling Severus that made Lily more mad than anything. "I know your not too fond but just let me finish the story." Remus said smiling at Lily. "Oh alright, sorry Remus I don't mean it like that it's just the whole James situation." Lily said. "Tell me I'll shut up I promise." She said a kind smile on her lips. Remus fiddled with his sleeve a bit more getting overly anxious. Lily was such a good friend and he hoped dating Sirius wouldn't put a strain on their friendship. He sighed. "So you know I'm bi and I was telling you about a boy..." Remus started Lily just smiled and nodded for him to continue. "So I haven't been 100% honest with you.. I've been seeing this boy for almost 6 months now. We're dating and I really like him Lily." Lily's jaw went wide everything falling into place and making sense. "Oh my-" Lily said absolutely baffled. "It's Sirius, we've been dating for a while. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner but Sirius was shy and was scared to come out but he told me I could tell you yesterday so that's what I'm doing I'm so sorry Lily." Remus rambles on. He doesn't even notice the huge smile that has taken presence on Lily's face. Lily is overjoyed. She is a smart witch of course she saw the chemistry and tension between the two. She knew Remus had always cared for Sirius in a slightly different way than he had for the other two boys. And when Remus had come to her about being bisexual she had thought maybe. And lately Remus was in the library less and she had suspected. But now hearing it was true she was so happy for Remus. She flew into his arms hugging him tight. "Oh Remus that's so wonderful!" Remus smiled into the kiss. It felt so good to finally be able to tell Lily. He felt a weight life off his shoulders. He was just so happy she knew and was thrilled about it. "Remus I am so happy I mean I had my suspicions and I'd hoped because come on how you look at him after Quidditch games, but now that it's a fact. I am so so happy for you Remus." Lily said letting go of his neck and looking in his hazel brown eyes that held so much light. Remus blushed. "Thank you Lily, that means a lot to me and like I said I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Remus said holding her hands in his that alway seemed to be warm. "Remus it's alright I know now don't I?" Lily said understanding like she always does. They stood there talking and gushing for about a minute when they heard a ton of footsteps come down the stairs. It almost seemed to go in slow motion. The Gryffindor Quidditch team walked down the stairs in their uniforms. James walked in front of them all being the team captain. As James walked by them he looked at Lily and gave her a sweet but in James' opinion sexy smile. "Alright Evans?" He said smoothly. Lily rolled her eyes but Remus could see the slight blush coloring her cheeks. Remus was rather impressed James managed to pull that off without tumbling down the stairs. They watched as the rest of the team walked down until Sirius walked by. Remus already blushing because damn he looked so handsome in his Quidditch uniform. Then again Sirius looked handsome in pretty much anything. As Sirius walked by he looked at Remus and gave him a wink. Remus blushed even harder but didn't look away. Sirius seeing the effect he has on the boy he loves smirked at him while looking him dead in the eyes and walking down the rest of the stairs followed by two more players. Remus felt warm under his shirt. Lily smiled widely at him. "Well what do you know Sirius Black and Remus Lupin." Lily said as she elbowed Remus. He smiled so bright the blush he was sporting not really leaving yet. "Shh not too loud Lily." Remus said. Lily looked at him more intently examining his face. "Oh my god." She said. "You love him." She said. Remus stopped and just looked at her. She knew and there was no point in denying it. Remus sighed and looked down. "Yeah, yeah I do I really do Lily." He said looking at the floor still terrified of telling Sirius. "Hey that's a good thing Remus." Lily said trying to comfort her friend. "That's wonderful Remus." Remus looked up at her and frowned. "Oh you haven't told him yet.." Lily said shocked it was obvious to her how they both felt. "I'm too afraid Lils." Remus says. "What do you mean?" "I'm scared he won't feel the same way or that he just sees this as some sort of experiment and that it doesn't mean much to him." Remus said finally voicing a few of the insecurities that where drifting around in his head. Poor Remus Lily thought, did he really think that? "Remus that wink and smirk aren't just things you do if you're having a fling." Lily says reassuring him. Remus looked up at Lily. She was probably right. "Remus he would be crazy not to be totally crazy about you." Lily said smiling up at him and grabbing one of his hands. Remus smiled. "You are probably right." He said. "I'm always right." Lily said. "Come on lets go get some breakfast before the big game." Lily said and the walked down to the great hall together talking about various subjects.
Remus and Lily sat at the Gryffindor table chatting and catching up. "So you'll be sitting in the Slytherin stands?" Remus asked Lily with a little smile on his face. Lily rolled her eyes and nudged Remus with her elbow. "Not you too." Lily said as Remus messaged his elbow. "I was just kidding Lils." Remus said looking up at her. "I know Remus it's just annoying everyone seems to have an opinion on Severus." Lily said taking a sip of her tea. Unfortunately as luck would have it Wormtail heard. "Well we have our opinions on Severus don't we Remus." Peter said laughing. Remus sighed. He never condoned the behavior his three friends would show toward Remus. "Slimy git." Lily frowned why did everyone always see the bad in Severus he was a good friend. "That's not very nice Peter." Remus said beating Lily to it. "Oh come on Moony he's a slimy greasy git and we all know it." Peter said leaning toward James and Sirius. "James of course heard it. "Who's a slimy git?" He asked finishing off his toast. "Snivellus of course." Peter said a cheeky smile on his lips. James laughed loudly. "Oh he's about the slimiest." James said laughing proudly. Lily frowned. Did Potter ever shut up she thought. Sirius chimed in and they started laughing. "Oh please that hair does he even know what shampoo is?" Sirius said laughing onto James' shoulder. "Forget the shampoo has he even been introduced to the shower?" James continued. The three boys laughed some other students joining them. Remus sat looking over at Sirius with a very displeased look on his face. They had said they would stop bullying Severus so much. And Sirius. Sirius had promised to stop egging James on. He had promised Remus he was done with it and he wasn't going to do it anymore and Remus was extremely displeased with his boyfriend right now. Sirius had been acting weird for a while now and Remus had tried to ignore it or pretend it was just because he was busy. But know he didn't know what was going on and he was getting worried. In that moment even then his angry face wouldn't match Lily's by lightyears. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her beautiful face was starting to turn red. Sirius in his daze of amusement looked toward where his boyfriend was sitting. His smile dropped from his face immediately as he saw Remus' face. He didn't look happy and Sirius felt a bit guilty remembering the promise he had made to Remus when they had just started dating. He went to sip his tea eyes still on Remus. Remus looked away not in the mood to listen to Sirius' reasons for being rude and breaking a promise. He turned his attention to Lily. He could see she was about to burst. "Hey Lily just let them talk alright they're bastards." Remus said trying to calm his friend not wanting her to yell at the boys. Lily nodded and sipped the rest of her tea. Sirius jabbed James in the ribs to get him to stop laughing. If Remus wasn't happy that meant that Lily was fuming and he had rather hoped James would only get injured by Quidditch injuries. James stopped laughing when he saw Lily's upset face. He coughed awkwardly. "So what about Sniv- Severus anyway?" James asked attempting to mend what he had just broken. Lily and he had been on good terms lately. "Why is that any of your business Potter?" Lily said sharply but calmly. "I just wanted to know why you want to hang around him today of all days while you're house is playing an important Quidditch game." James said finishing the rest of his tea. Meanwhile Sirius was trying to catch Remus' eye. Remus was attempting to avoid him all together. He was thinking about what was making Sirius act so strange. And he was scared did he do something wrong? Was Sirius sick of him? His thoughts where interrupted as he heard Lily's loud voice. "I'd rather watch the stupid game with Severus than you! Your rude and a jerk James!" Lily said loudly but never shouting as she stood up and left the table. Remus wanted to go after her but he saw her walking over to where Severus was sitting so he decided to leave Lily be. "James..." Remus sighed. James rolled his eyes and just grabbed another piece of toast smearing it full of jam. "I thought things where finally going well between you too." Remus said fiddling with his tea cup too afraid to look into Sirius' eyes. Sirius frowned. He knew he had been acting distant and strange lately but he had to. His parents where going to be arriving today and he had to be on his best behavior. He was so busy with himself and the drama surrounding his family he forgot to think if Remus' feelings. He didn't even notice Remus staring at him with a painful expression. James did see though. He saw more than they both thought he did. Remus stood up and went to leave the great hall. "Where are you going?" James asked noticing his friend leave. Sirius too busy in thought looked up quickly seeing his boyfriend leave the great hall. "Library." Remus said turning to walk away. "What about the game aren't you coming to cheer us on?" James asked. Remus sighed and looked at James and back at Sirius who sat quiet but looking at him with those captivating grey eyes. "Wouldn't miss it, see you later good luck guys." Remus said with a small barely there smile on his lips. Remus walked through the halls on his way to the library. His safe heaven.
James turned to Sirius as Remus had left the great hall. "Padfoot what is going on with you two?" He asked. "You said it was going well?" James quizzed. Sirius sighed. "It is, it was it's just my parents you know stress." Sirius said, not really wanting to admit he hand't been treating Remus like he should. Like he promised himself he would. James sighed. "But your not really being nice to him." James said. "It's all just complicated okay? Can we just eat and talk about the girl?" Sirius said. Yes the girl you heard it correctly. "Right yes of course." James said not sounding too happy about it. "So her name is Desdemona Moriarty, pureblood, Slytherin, high grades particularly in potions and the dark arts so naturally your parents will think she's a hoot." James said ending his sentence with a reasonable amount of sarcasm. "Wonderful." Sirius said lifelessly. "Hey are you alright Pads?" James asked Sirius had been acting strange. He had been acting strange for a while now and it was worrying him. He was being cold to Remus. The boy he has had a crush on since first year. He wasn't excited for Quidditch but then again can you expect him to be when his parents are due to arrive any minute. "Yeah I'm fucking peachy mate!" Sirius said sarcasm dripping form his remark. Realisation hit James and his mouth fell open. "Oh my god Remus doesn't know does he?" Sirius' face fell. "No..." Sirius said softly. James looked at his best friend with his jaw open. He knew Sirius could be irrational selfish at times even and careless well that was his middle name. But how could he not tell Remus about this! Sirius just sipped his tea slowly hoping James wouldn't take it too harsh. James was pissed at Sirius so pissed how could he be so careless! He did the only thing that came into his mind seeing as he couldn't really find the right words. Sirius felt a hard smack to the back of his head. "Ouch what the fuck Prongs!" Sirius said rubbing his head. "Sirius what is the matter with you how could you not tell him!" James whisper yelled. "I tried to but it never seemed like the right time and-" Sirius was cut off by James quickly into his stupid apology. "Not the right time? Have you actually lost you'r fucking mind!" Sirius frowned knowing he had done wrong. "Sirius how do you plan to fix this? We, I made a deal with that girl she's going to be all over you all day! Pretending you two have been going out for at least two months!" James said outraged. Sirius just stared at his cup of tea. "Sirius do you actually realize what he's going to see?" Sirius stayed quiet. James sighed or Sirius was being stupid or he was just being ignorant and both options didn't bode well. James rubbed his face with his hands. "Sirius this isn't just about you and your family. You are going to hurt Moony's feelings." James started quietly not yelling anymore. He needed Sirius to know just how well serious this was. "Pads you've been going out for five months and you care for him. Maybe more than you'd like to admit. You've already been acting strange for the last few weeks. And now he's going to the game to watch you. He's there just for you and don't you dare say he's there for me too because we both know he comes to see you. He always comes to see you even when it's near the full moon or when it's pouring rain and he knows he'll get a cold. He's going to come to the game and when it's over he's going to see you with another person in you're arms not to mention it's a girl. He's going to see you kiss someone else Pads dammit." James brought his hand through his hair in frustration. "Well nothing I can do about it now." Sirius said quietly. James felt his face get red with anger how could Sirius say that? Dammit if he could just stop being so stubborn and stop acting like a dick and admit he's in love with Remus. "Sirius you could have just told him! Did you even think about that? Did that thought ever pop into you're? You could have told him and he would have understood and gone with whatever plan. But now he has no idea why your being cold and why your making out with someone else. Your gonna hurt his feelings and I'm telling you now I will not help you fix this mistake, I won't." James said finishing his tea. Sirius was shocked and at a los for words. "Look Pads your my best friend but you can't treat people like that. Especially Remus see you at the game yeah?" James said getting up and laying his hand on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius nodded and gave him a small smile. Sirius knew he had fucked up but hearing it from his best mate hurt and really made him see that what he did was wrong what had he done? Fuck what was Remus going to think? That he cheated? That he wasn't gay? Oh god what had he done?
Just then Desdemona walked over and sat next to Sirius a blush on he pale cheeks. Not the beautiful pale look that Remus had when they where laying on the Astronomy tower late at night with the chilly breeze on their skin. Holding onto each other so tight to try to keep warm. No it was a dull pale. Sirius had to admit for a girl she was pretty. Well most guys would probably think she was gorgeous. She had long black hair that went down to about her waist but she had it done in some kind of fancy braid. She had blue eyes but Sirius didn't seem to find anything in them. Just dull orbs. Her face was pretty she had a long nose but it suited her face. Her body was skinny with not many curves. Not like Remus anyway. God he was so perfect for a guy he had the most amazing ass and those thighs damn. Sirius looked at this girl he was falsely dating for the last two months. They tried to talk about how this was all going to go down and what the ground rules where. You see every time Orion and Walburga Black came to Hogwarts to see the progress of their children Sirius would ask James to help pick out a girl that might impress his parents to keep them form making him marry. He would turn cold more than he even realized hence him acting weird for the last few weeks. He would lose who he was and turn into something he didn't want to be. But when his parents came around Sirius just wanted to keep the peace a little longer. Just hold onto that a little longer. He would ask a pure blood Slytherin to pretend to be his lover and girlfriend for the remainder of his parents stay. And Regulus knew some of it he knew Sirius didn't want to wed but he didn't know about his sexuality. And he knew his brother had the reputation of a ladies man. "So are we clear on the rules?" Sirius said already not enjoying the feeling of the small hand of Desdemona in his hand. It was small it was skinny and pale and it was so cold. Nothing like Remus' hands which where large comforting and warm in his. "Yeah I guess, being clingy being crazy about one and other promote my family and be all over you. Think I can handle that." Desdemona said rubbing her thumb over Sirius' hand. Sirius tried not to cringe at the action. "Good." Sirius said without any emotion in his voice. He felt hands being brought to his shoulders. "Well well well I see my big brother has unleashed his charms on yet another Slytherin girl." Regulus said from behind him. Sirius and turned around to smile at his brother. "Morning to you too Reg." Regulus sat down next to his brother and his new girl. "You know Sirius if you like the Slytherin girls so much you should join us." Regulus said laughing. Sirius frowned. "Join us." Where had he heard that before? It did truly scared Sirius hoe Regulus spoke a lot of the time and the people he hangs around with. But Sirius just hopes he'll come to his senses. Sirius does try to show Regulus their parents way isn't the way he should be going but it's not the easiest task. "I'll stick with my fellow Gryffindors." Sirius said smiling over at what was left of the Quidditch team the rest already off to the pitch. "Hey Reg I'm walking to the pitch you coming?" Sirius said getting up. Regulus stuffed the last piece of toast in his mouth and walked along with his brother. Seeing as they where playing against each other. "And I'll see you later sweet cheeks." Sirius said giving Desdemona a real signature Sirius smirk and wink. Much to his regret.
He and Regulus walked out of the great hall. "Are you ready for mother and fathers arrival?" Regulus asked wiping off his Quidditch uniform from crumbs. "As ready as I can be I guess." Sirius said honestly. "You?" Sirius asked his younger brother. Regulus laughed. "Yes of course lets see how they are this time and how they will react to your new girlfriend." He said smirking not coming close to how Sirius smirked. How Sirius hated that word. Girlfriend. He hated the way it sounded. Sirius just laughed along. They walked to the Quidditch pitch together talking about the arrival of their parents and the Quidditch game at hand.
Remus sits in the stand watching his best friend and his boyfriend fly by on their brooms completely absorbed in the game. It was Gryffindor against Slytherin so tensions where naturally high. Remus liked Quidditch granted if he watched it from a far. He liked watching his friends play it. And god did he love seeing Sirius fly by. Mostly his hair would be in a bun otherwise the length of it would get in the way. But sometimes Sirius would fly by so quick that it would blow the elastic band out of his hair and his hair would flow and just frame his face in all the right ways. A thing Remus wasn't too crazy about was the violence. He hated seeing his friends get hurt and especially games against Slytherin would always be the worst. One time Sirius had been knocked off of his broom by a bludger. Nasty buggers. It had badly injured his ribs and he had spent three days in the hospital wing. Remus being the loyal and caring friend and boyfriend he is didn't once leave his side. Sirius had insisted he sleep in his own bed but Remus refused. He told Sirius he would do the same after full moons if Remus was badly hurt. And Sirius shut up immediately knowing that he indeed never left his Moony's side after a bad moon. Remus watched as Sirius had scored his second goal. Gryffindor cheered happily including Remus. Gryffindor was defiantly on it's way to winning. Just then Remus saw James swoop by very quick no doubt trying to capture the golden snitch. Remus just smiled at his friend. The game went on for a couple more minutes but Remus only had his eyes on Sirius and occasionally on James but mainly in Sirius. Remus was lost in thought of homework he still had to do when he heard a loud thud and he rushed to find Sirius. He saw Sirius flying down to the floor where someone had fallen. James! Remus had a worried look on his face as he waited for the dust to settle so he could see if his friend was okay. Suddenly everyone was cheering. James had caught the golden snitch. Then the game commentator began speaking. "James Potter had caught the golden snitch Gryffindor wins!" Everyone in the Gryffindor stands lost their minds and cheered like idiots. Remus smiled and cheered with the rest of his house. Usually after a game the students would go down onto the pitch and cheer with the rest of their house to celebrate their amazing Quidditch team. Down everyone went Remus holding his book close he had just got from the library in his hands. Remus got excited walking down the steps to the pitch. Sirius would only hug James and congratulate him. But he would wait for Remus to get there and he would be the first person he hugged. This small act is a way for Remus and Sirius to be close but not too close. It meant the world to Remus though that Sirius always waited for him to ensure Remus was the first one in his arms. Except James he was pardoned. Remus felt the excitement building in his stomach and a small blush coated his cheeks the idea of hugging Sirius just made him all happy inside. Sirius made him all happy inside. And he always looked so good after a game. All proud and maybe a tad sweaty but Remus couldn't care less if he was honest. It was a reason to hug his boyfriend in public without Sirius freaking out because he's afraid someone will find out because he's not ready to come out. Remus looked at all the ecstatic Gryffindors running onto the pitch to cheer on their team. Remus just kept a shy smile on his face looking at Sirius. Merlin he was so gorgeous so handsome he was just everything to Remus absolutely everything. He just wished he had the guts to tell Sirius he loved him because he did. More than he ever imagined was possible. Remus kept his eyes on Sirius as he continued walking over to his boyfriend. Sirius knew Remus was on his way to get his victory hug. He was so happy he had won. That they had beat Slytherin that must be a bit of a middle finger to his parents. The game was over so he decided to take his elastic band out of his hair. He brought his hand to his hair and pulled it out giving his hair a bit of a swing to both sides to get it to fall back into it's original state. Perfectly framing his handsome face laying on his shoulders falling over them with how much his hair was growing. It was very flowey as Remus called it. And his hair was thick making it look so much better. Sirius watched as he saw the boy he loved approach him. His honey colored hair laying in soft curls atop his head. Merlin he looked so cute book in his hand his scarf swung around his neck and that fucking sweater. And those pants well they where far from cute because his thighs looked near sinful in those black jeans. Sirius was going to meet Remus mid walk for his victory hug when he remembered he couldn't hug him not today. Sirius tried to keep his face straight and cold. He was going to start to look for Desdemona when suddenly she was already there. She smiled up at Sirius. "Congratulations sugar cake!" She said even fooling him with her emotion. He had made a deal for them to use the most ridiculous names for each other because if there was one thing Sirius didn't want it was for this girl to call him a name Remus calls him. That was just a step too far. Even though this whole hideous plan was going too far. Especially not telling Remus. But Sirius couldn't see that yet. He was so busy in his head he couldn't see what consequences this horrid plan had.
Desdemona leaped into his arms and hugged him tight. And then pressed her nasty sticky lips onto Sirius full and lush ones. Sirius almost cringed within himself. This was nothing like Remus' kisses and he had wished he could have kissed the boy he actually loved. But he kept kissing her heavily to make it look real. Just to impress his parents. Remus watched as Sirius shook his hair loose. And it was probably one of the sexiest things he had ever seen in his life. He tried his best not to watch him with his mouth hung open. Merlin that image would never leave his mind. It made him want to hold Sirius close and just kiss him and let his hands roam his body. Remus blushed at the naughty thought but smirked because he knew Sirius was weak when it came to him. That's when he saw a girl he didn't really know going up to Sirius and they smiled at each other. Remus' confident smile faltered a little. And then she was in his arms and that kind of hurt Remus he must admit. It was probably stupid to feel this way about a hug but it was something more to them. It was more to Remus at least. And that's when Remus' heart cracked. The girl had pressed herself against Sirius so tight and Sirius smiled at her. Fucking smiled. The way he would smile at Remus when they where joking around and laughing and being happy. They way he looked when he was about to- No. No. Please no. Remus was sure he had stopped breathing. The sight in front of his eyes absolutely shattered him. If he felt his heart crack before it was breaking into a million pieces now. Sirius and the girl where kissing. And not just a peck but they were really going at. Sirius had his hands all over the girl. And Remus honestly could not feel his lungs take in anymore air. Like he tried to catch his breath but no air would take residence in his empty lungs. He feels everything and nothing at the same time he feels his legs are about to give out. He can barely see the pair sucking each others faces off his eyes are so filled with tears. Remus somehow finds the nerves to his limbs and starts walking back to the castle. He's walking faster and faster and then he is sprinting tears falling from his face. He makes a straight line for the Gryffindor common room being careless while running up the stairs not being careful to see if the staircases where moving or not. He spit the password out and ran through the door. Not even watching where he was going tripping up the stairs up to his room shared with James, Peter and Sirius. His head and his heart hurt. He didn't even know what he felt. He stood there in their room. And he just lost. Remus fell onto his bed and cried hard. I grabbed his pillow to see if any comfort would radiate off of it. It smelt like Sirius and Remus threw it onto the floor angry tears streaming down his face. He picked up the pillow and kept hitting it on his bed post until feathers started pouring out of it. He let the pillow fall on the ground. Remus had barely any energy left in his body. He clamped onto his bed post hoping that that would give him strength. But nothing could really provide any strength for him at the moment. He didn't know what to think or what was going on in his head. It was all one blur one big painful blur. All he knew was he couldn't be in this room he couldn't be near Sirius or anything that smelled like him. Remus grabbed his backpack that was all ready for the next day. He grabbed hold of it and his new book and ran out of his bedroom. Where he had so many good memories. And some bad like after full moons. He just couldn't breathe and he needed to be anywhere but here. He ran out and walked down the stairs and stood there in a empty common room. Everyone was still celebrating their victory on the Quidditch pitch. Remus debated going to the shrieking shack. But he decided that that wouldn't be the best idea. He stood there next to the fire it providing him no heat whatsoever. Tears running down his face faster than waterfalls. He couldn't breathe. He decided the best thing to do was to flee to Lily's room. He didn't want anyone see him cry. Anyone. He especially didn't want to see Sirius. If he did he would probably fall to his knees and cry till there was no more moister left in his painful and hurt body. He was angry at Sirius so very angry. He didn't know the next step. He didn't know anything right now. All he knew was he was hurting painfully. And he wanted it to stop but it wouldn't. He decided he would just head up to Lily's room before anyone saw him in this state. He walked into her room and looked around for her bed. Remus put his bag down next to the bed and next to it his new book. He sat on Lily's bed carefully. He slowly pulled off his shoes and slowly laid down on Lily's bed. And then more tears came. And they didn't seem to stop or get less. He cried and cried and cried into Lily's pillow feeling guilty he was making a mess of them. He felt so empty so hurt. It almost felt worse than the pain of a full moon. It almost hurt that much. And usually after a full moon Sirius would be there for him. More tears rolled down his cheeks as he realised Sirius wasn't going to make him feel better this time.