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The air that night was a soft chill, only the city hum of the early morning life to fill the still silence. Arms crossed and resting on the cool metal of the balcony’s railing, a pink-haired boy looked silently out onto the resting city. His lips parted slightly as he let out a small melody of his own: a weary, sorrow tune that had been lingering within his head the past few days.
Inside the apartment, tucked ever so quietly away, was the faint light of a cracked bedroom door, illuminating the resting face of a black-haired boy who rested on a large bed. Said boy was the reason the lone singer had made his way out into the outside chill, even if the slumbering boy would never know it. Sighing, the balcony boy rested his head on his arms, pink tufts of hair poking out against the dark red nightclothes. His heart was a quick beat of unsteady thumping, ringing against his chest like the chimes of a cathedral bell, eyes still glazed over with the aftermath off his rough awakening after a sudden dream of the other boy in question. The singer had hardly ever experienced this before, and while he wished he could only pass it off as a simple illness, the boy knew better from enough time spent around his romance-loving friends.
And so, this was the night that Shu Itsuki fell in love for the first time.
The object of his affections, his fellow unit member, Mika Kagehira, still remained utterly oblivious to the shift in his prized “Oshi-san’s” feelings, a fact for which Shu was grateful that his dearest doll was never quick to pick up on such things. It would be...embarrassing, at the least. Or, perhaps he’d scare off the younger boy, ending up hated by the one person that remained his lifeline.
Such a thought sent a nauseated feeling rushing through his body, bile burning at his throat as he dryly heaved over the side of the railing, nothing escaping but burning air. His head began to spin as he felt the mocking voice within him take on a voice of its own, causing Shu to lean dangerously over the side of the railing. A familiar feeling overwhelmed him, the sickening numbness running throughout his body, until Shu no longer held control of himself. His head was a static blank, the world around him tipping over with its unreality, fear rising up in whatever lingered of his clear subconsciousness. More dry heaves over the railing, and Shu could only seem to watch from afar, no control over the wild movements of his body. Hands that weren’t his anymore swung over the glass railing, clutching tightly onto the underside, blood beginning to spill from his lip as teeth that weren’t his bit don’t on a pair of lips he never knew.
His voice let out a soft squeak, but not even Mademoiselle filled the growing void of his mind. Shu could feel nothing of his body but an airy feeling as if he were being blown away. He could only watch as the limp body leaned closer and closer over the edge, heaving for air that wasn’t there, lungs begging with nobody there to speak. And then, he felt himself drifting further away, until the body was only a doll of its own, powerless and purposeless, leaning over, tugging too far on its strings, city’s hum now white noise—
A pair of thin arms grabs on to the limp doll, pulling him back onto the hard balcony floor with a loud thump. The doll retches, tears streaking his face as he vomits on the balcony’s concrete floor. He can feel himself returning to the body, golden heartstrings tugging him back. There’s a faint sensation of hands rubbing circles on his back as the doll-boy continues to tremble. Shu lets out what he means to be a command, begging the other to go away, to not see him so vulnerable and disgusting , but all that escapes are scratchy sobs, no strength left in him to do anything but cry. Instead, the boy pushes weakly against the hands, thin, fragile hands who retreat with a slow drag away from Shu’s shoulders.
And then, Shu feels thin arms wrap around his waist, pulling him back into the other boy’s chest. There’s a soft melody being hummed, though Shu is too tired to try and make out the words as his doll sings to him, voice a haunting sort of melody. His heart is all too tired, but the voice of his most precious sends it back into a comfortable flutter. His eyes grow weary, until they cannot fight against the heavy reach of sleep.
He faintly senses himself being guided up, led to the bed by a steady arm around his shoulders, guiding him through the empty room, his limp body stumbling as they walk. Shu feels himself being pulled onto the bed as the other boy takes the other side, and so he lets himself fall into the cushion of the mattress. There’s a soft tugging at his arm as he lays himself comfortably on the pillow, the younger body nuzzling up against Shu. He feels arms wrap around him, holding onto him as tightly as the other boy possibly can, a faint mumbling vibrating against his chest as the boy tucks himself under Shu’s arms.
The episode has mostly passed, leaving only an empty hollowness within Shu’s head, yet he finds himself still reaching out to return the gesture. His arms feel weak and he feels so...dirty, yet he cannot refuse the boy he loves. He can feel Mika trembling underneath him, a light wet staining his shirt where Mika hides his head. Shu finds he is still shaking as well, his body still feeling off and disconnected, but he returns the gesture weakly, earning him a faint smile as his precious doll looks up to him with glossy eyes.
“Kagehira…” Shu mumbles, attempting to apologize, afraid that he might have already terrified Mika away, that he was demanding too much by having the younger boy take care of him like this, when he was so...filthy. He goes to continue, when he’s cut off by a light squeeze to his palm, as Mika’s hand has found its place in his, one arm still tightly wrapped around Shu’s waist.
“‘ts fine, Oshi-san. Already told ya that yer my number one…” Mika lets out a small yawn, nuzzling his head back against Shu’s chest. “Even if...even if we sink t’the very bottom of the mud, even if the whole entire world forgets ‘bout us, I’ll be with ya. So please, don’t go anywhere I can’t follow...I’ll always be by yer side…” Mika trailed off with a tired drawl, until he had fallen back asleep, still holding onto Shu with his loose grip.
Shu let out a breathy sigh, resting his head onto the the soft ruffle of Mika’s hair, his heart beating faster than it should be. He couldn’t stop the invasive thoughts that begged to fill his brain with a sickening poison, but he could forget them, if just for even a minute, as he remained alongside the boy he so dearly cherished and loved.
Finally, the boy fell back into a peaceful dream, the soft slumbering breaths of the pair forming a symphony of their own: a simple, sorrowful melody, yet within it, a peaceful sanctuary within each other.
Shu wouldn’t ever let this go.