Chapter Text
December 1945
Snow was falling as she looked out the window. Howard Stark had invited her to his Christmas party in New York. The sound of Judy Garland singing ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ floated through the air. Her heart ached as she took in the words of the new song. The image of blue eyes and a soldier from Brooklyn made its way to the front of her mind. She sighed as she took a sip of the drink in her hand. He had promised her forever, only for forever to be ripped from them somewhere in the Alps.
“Someday soon, we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow,” Judy’s voice sang. Tears stung her eyes. Fate, it seemed, did not want to allow her that small bit of happiness.
“Are you okay, Sunshine?” a voice came. The woman turned to see Peggy Carter standing there. Sunshine, the nickname Steve Rogers had given she the day they met. It had just stuck. Peggy, who had lost Steve before she ever really truly had him.
“I could ask you the same question, Peggy,” she said softly. Peggy reached out and took her hand, squeezing gently as if to say ‘ I miss them too’ . The two of them stood, watching the snow fall outside the window. Sunshine was lost in her thoughts. She had loved Christmas, once upon a time. But then the Depression hit, and the War. Christmas lost it’s magic long before she’d lost her love.
“Hey Peggy? Dance with me?” she asked quietly. Peggy smiled at her. It was Howard’s party. No one would bat an eye at the two women off in a corner, dancing slowly to the music that played.
As the evening drew to a close, she pulled her coat on. Howard insisted on seeing she and Peggy back to her accommodation. If there was one thing Steve Rogers was right about, it was that the woman standing in front of him radiated warmth and happiness without trying. The year had not been kind to her, to any of them really. There were moments where the hurt shined through. If Howard Stark was honest with himself, he worried about her. It was something that went unspoken, the worry and concern he and others had for the woman. Any attempt to bring up Sergeant Barnes or Steve was quickly rebuffed. The warmth, kindness, and love that once seemed to radiate from her had dulled with the loss of a love that had barely had a chance to flourish and thrive. Howard pulled himself from his thoughts as he opened the car door for the two women.
The drive to their accommodation was quiet. Sunshine stared out the window at the snow reflecting off the lights. Lost in her thoughts, she wondered what it would be like if it were James with her. Her James. James Buchanan Barnes. Some days were better than others, but Christmas was the worst, she found. The snow was letting up, some of the night sky peeking through. A shooting star passed overhead and she closed her eyes and made a wish, clutching the locket that held a photo of her and James, one of the only photos she had of the two of them.
‘ I wish I could be with James again’ she thought.
Howard pulled up in front of the building, getting out to open the door for Sunshine and Peggy. Peggy slid out of the car and she followed. Howard walked the two of them to the door.
“Merry Christmas, Peggy, Sunshine,” he said.
“Merry Christmas, Howard. Enjoy your holiday,” she said, forcing a small smile. Howard nodded, bidding the two of them a goodnight before returning to his car as Peggy unlocked the door.
She headed to bed not long after returning home. As she lay in bed, she stared at the photo on her nightstand. It was one of Peggy, Steve, Bucky, and her, taken after the formation of the Howling Commandos. She had ended up with the unit after being a nurse assisting Dr. Erskine. She traveled with Peggy and Steve, a permanent attachment to wherever they were sent. Sighing, she turned the light off, wishing she could just be with her love again.
The next thing she knew, she was freezing.