Work Text:
Clarke swiped at her brow with the back of her hand and patted down the mound of freshly turned earth. She could feel Lexa approaching as she finished setting up the marker above the mound and stood up. Clarke dusted her hands off on her pants and buried the shovel standing up in the grass nearby. She turned to face Heda kom Trikru, arms crossed over her chest. Clarke wasn’t sure how she felt about Lexa anymore. They were on speaking terms, but Clarke was no longer certain about the tension still between them.
“Have you lost someone, Clarke kom Skaikru?” Lexa asked, looking down at the ground. Clarke followed her line of vision and realized how much her work now resembled a freshly dug grave.
“No, no, I was burying something else. There was a tradition during the old days of the Grounder people of burying memories to be dug up later, and this planet, I don’t really consider it my birthright or my home anymore but I liked the idea.” Clarke explained briefly. “We travel so much I don’t know when or if I will be back here to find and dig it up so it’s actually kind of nice to know someone else knows this is here.”
“Burying memories? I don’t understand this tradition. Homes are where memories are kept and in our hearts. In our histories.” Lexa asked, leaning against a nearby tree as Clarke shrugged back into her flannel shirt and her jacket.
“I don’t have a real home or a history here and these memories aren’t being kept here for me. This is for future generations. It’s a dumb tradition, but I felt like it would be a fun project. I hadn’t done anything fun for myself in a long while.” Clarke shrugged and began to walk back towards her camp. She was doing her best to seem dismissive of Lexa, but the young woman followed her anyway, moving so smoothly and serenely it seemed as though she were gliding above the ground.
“You have spent a long time angry, Clarke. Do you remember what my people say about those with no roots?” Lexa asked, her tone and expression reproachful. She settled down kitty-corner to Clarke at the side of the fire. Her dark eyes were concerned.
“Every time I think I am building a home, whenever I find myself even slightly comfortable, all I have to do is wait and someone or something comes along and tears it down. I run to the next town and try again. Eventually, that was too exhausting and I gave up. I’m too Skaikru for the Grounders, and too Grounder for the Skaikru. I’ve tried this a thousand times. A thousand times I have walked this road and was kicked off of it just as many.” Clarke spoke quietly as she settled into her bedroll.
“You were my home, Lexa. If we had just been given the chance, we could have made this work. Lexa, we could have been happy. If we’d only had a bit more time.” Clarke stared up at the sky, admiring the stars. Her breaths came shakily and the stars blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She draped her forearm across her face and her shoulders shook. Clarke desperately wanted to look over and meet Lexa’s eyes again. However, she knew that Lexa wouldn’t be there when she did.