Chapter Text
I've always been invisible, just a quirkless, useless nobody. I was the sort that you could pass in the street and never think twice about, the kind that even the teachers generally forgot about. I'd sort of accepted it, I had my mother who always thought of me; then Kacchan who never forgot either though I wish he would. We used to be the best friends, our mothers were best friends and we were expected to be too... and we were. At least until Kacchan gained his quirk and I never did.
4 years old was far too young to have your dreams crushed.
Kacchan hated me after he found out, he turned on me so quickly I had to wonder whether he had ever been my friend at all. All through school he would torment me, hurting me with his amazing quirk. I could never stop myself from admiring how great he was, but his quirk hurt me constantly and I had learned to fear it.
As we grew, so did the severity of the bullying. Others joined in on it, but Kacchan was always my main fear, the others didn't have quirks which could burn me. Kacchan's quirk started to leave small little star-shaped burns on my arms, on my back and my shoulders, soon I couldn't wear short sleeves anymore. I didn't want my mother to know. She couldn't know. She'd only start to hate me like everyone else, and I couldn't deal with that too. She was my only support in a world out to get me, the only angel in a world full of demons.
I had just started Junior High School, only 12, when I discovered that hurting myself took away from everything else that was hurting me. It only started off small, thin nicks made with the blade from a sharpener I had never used before, the small cuts crowded around the crease of my arm. I knew how to take care of wounds, years of Kacchan's abuse had helped with that. I slowly started going deeper, making them longer until my little sharpener blade had started to dull, causing my cuts to become jagged, it didn't make the clean precise cuts I wanted anymore. A few days later I discovered the relief of a razor blade.
They cut my arms open with ease, allowing me to go slightly deeper but never too deep, I didn't want to kill myself! At least not then.
The number of times I hurt myself only increased as the bullying and the voices and the world just got too much for me to handle.
By the middle of my second year, my arms were full with each line of pain. I didn't want to go over them, each were a reminder of the pain I had suffered and it just felt wrong overlapping them. The feeling of drowning only increased the longer I went without my relief. One week later and I started on my thighs and I felt as if I could breathe again. No one would ever notice.
The wounds rubbed against the fabric of my pants every time I moved, a constant reminder of how much of a worthless, quirkless, waste of space I was. It became harder to run away from Kacchan and Tsubasa and all of the other kids out to get me due to the constant pain I was in, but it was ok. I deserved it.
Near the end of my second year was when I started contemplating death. Would it be so bad if I were to disappear, just like everyone wanted? The kids in school wouldn't have to deal with me anymore and I'm sure mum wouldn't be that sad, it would make her life easier not having to raise such a problematic child who couldn't do anything.
It was only when Kacchan told those words that I had a plan.
His hand on my shoulder, the same hand that had just thrown one of my precious notebooks out the window, the same hands that had hurt me ever since I was little. They gripped tight, making sure I couldn't escape before he set off small explosions on my shoulder, hurting me more but no more than I had hurt myself. He told me to "Take a swan dive off the roof and hope for a quirk in my next life."
And I would, that night I would write out my note, only to my mother... she deserved to know why.
From there my day only got worse, solidifying the notion that I should just die already.
I left school for the day with my thoughts calm for once. They weren't swirling in my head like usual. I dazed, in this space where everything felt right, felt right because I finally had a plan. I had finally found the courage to die and now nothing else mattered. Everything was in place.
I decided to take the long way home, under the bridge for once, just so I could hold on to this feeling for longer. As soon as I stepped under the bride I was grabbed. Slime forced its way into my mouth and down my throat, suffocating me, killing me. My vision went black and my ears started ringing and I just felt so sick. Most people would be sad to feel the life slipping from their bodies but I just felt acceptance. Acceptance that I was going to die and this way my mother wouldn't have to feel responsible, I could leave without ever having to do anything. My consciousness finally went and I only felt bliss.
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I was ripped from the inky blackness that surrounded me by a loud booming voice, one that I recognized and normally would have felt joy over. But right now I only feel a hint of resentment and disappointment. Disappointment that I was still alive and breathing.
I opened my eyes and was met with the sight of bright blond hair and striking blue eyes. All Might had saved me, he stopped me from dying when I didn't need or want to be saved. He started talking and I could barely hear him, I couldn't focus on him. I picked up a few bits and pieces such as a small spiel on how he thought he had nearly lost me, the fact he had signed my notebook and that he needed to leave. Before he went I felt a small spark of hope and I grabbed onto his leg. I flew through the sky, probably the last amazing experience I would have.
All Might landed on a tall roof, roughly pulled me off his leg as I let my hope tumble out of my mouth. "Can I be a hero without a quirk?" My voice wavered... as if it were a small flame that could be extinguished by the tiniest of breezes. "No, my boy I am sorry" After that small sentence I couldn't hear anything else, the ringing in my ears was back and louder than before. My hope was once again crushed and my life was indefinitely condemned.
And All Might just took off, without a care in the world.
I numbly got down from the building and walked the rest of the way home. I greeted my mother, faking a smile once again as I tried to reassure her that I was fine. My mothers said that dinner was ready and as I sat down, I realized that this would be the last meal I would have with my mother. Slightly, saddened by the fact my last meal wouldn't be Katsudon, the one food both I and my mother shared an obsession for. I ate a small amount, enough to please my mother but not enough to fill me.
I went to my room, sat down at my desk and pulled out my notebook, turned to a fresh page and started writing my short note. I apologized to my mother for being such a burden and expressed my hope that with me out of the picture dad would come back as he was the only thing that could make her happy, I wrote how I wanted her to forget about me as soon as possible and how I wanted her to donate everything I owned as I would no longer need it and I know she wouldn't want it. I told her how none of this was her fault and that I just didn't belong. Finally, I wrote for her to pray I had a quirk in my next life and to pray that I wouldn't be such a burden on others.
I ripped that page out and left it on my bed.
I tidied up my room, trying to make this as easy for her as possible while also trying to waste time. Once my room was cleaned I went to my shelf and picked out my favourite book, 'They Both Die At The End' Is what it was called and it was always my favourite book. I sat there and read it, waiting until late into the night when I knew no one would be about.
At two in the morning, all was quiet and I had finished my book. I got up and put on smart clothes, black jeans with a dark green button-up shirt. I found my favourite oversized hoodie and put that on before slipping on my favourite green shoes. I made sure the note was visible and then I left.
I walked to my school.
Climbed up the stairs.
Got over the railing and then...
I fell.
But I didn't die.