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Darcy walked around the lab at Stark Tower eyes wide arms spread. She took in the shiny surfaces floor to ceiling windows and who’s it and what’s it galore and giggled in glee. Jane shook her head in fond exasperation. Though to truth be told she was nearly vibrating with glee herself. Stark had made good on his promise and delivered a lab more expansive then she could have ever dreamed of. Shiny new lab equipment stood on every surface making her homemade equipment look shabby in comparison, not that she would ever tell Stark that. The man had a big enough head already.
“Janie Look at all the shiny things. there’s a voice activated coffee machine Jane.”
“My Shield brother Stark is generous indeed . We shall have many revels with the caffeinated beverages lady Darcy.”
Thor entered the room with a grin and Darcy fist bumped him. Jane shook her head at them. The last time Darcy got Thor hopped up on coffee he had taken her flying and they had gotten arrested again. The London zoo had not appreciated Thor trying to free the penguins while Darcy had tried to escape on an elephant.
“No more than two cups of coffee for you two. I am not bailing you out of jail again!”
“Jane that was one time” Jane narrowed her eyes at Darcy.
“Ok it was three times but in my defense we would have gotten away with it if the stupid elephant had just ran for it. And the Scotland thing wasn’t even my fault they refused to call me my lady and swear their fealty to me. I mean I own three square feet of Scottish Castle by rights that makes me a lady! groupon said so!”
“Groupon is liar” Jane deadpanned. Darcy gasped and held her hand to her heart.
“Lies and fabrications Jane lies and fabrications.”
“Woah short and stacked got arrested I knew I hired you guys for a reason. What’s happening Point Break.”
“What’s up Starkinator.”
“No, nuh uh nope nickname denied.”
“The Starkster, Ironass, not so Bruce Banner, Frodo?”
“Frodo I am at least an Aragorn.”
“Nope hard pass you can be Frodo or Gollum. I can even allow Gimli because of the facial hair but definitely not the king that’s Thor, he’s like royalty for reals.”
A snort interrupted what was sure to be a sarcastic reply from Tony.
“Ah Lady Pepper it is good to see you. May I introduce my love the Lady Jane Foster and my shield sister Lady Darcy.”
“Holy ass crackers its Pepper Pots.” Darcy whispers loudly to Jane who had grabbed her hand at Tonys entrance. Jane shook her head mutely eyes wide and jaw hanging as they took in Peppers suit and six inch heels.
“She’s so shiny like a sparkling nickel” Jane whispered back causing Tony to snort and Pepper to giggle.
“Dr. Foster, Ms. Lewis it is a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to working with you both.” Pepper held out her hand and Darcy shook it quickly before poking Jane in the side indicating she should do the same.
“Her hands so soft like the butt of a baby unicorn born on Christmas.”
“Darcy!” Jane yelled her face going red.
“Hey what’s with all the Hero worship. You do know I’m Iron Man right?”
“Yeah but she is Pepper mother fucking Potts.” Darcy countered and Tony nodded his reluctant agreement.
“Tony, before you start listing all the reasons why you should be admired we need to get going. The board meeting starts in twenty minutes and you haven’t been to one in months.”
“Yeah but I was saving the world pep! I think that’s an excuse to miss a meeting or two besides I have to convince boobs of my greatness. Short stop you should be awed my my awesomeness. I mean I saved you guys from being ghosted by Shield and gave you prime lab space in my amazing tower and a huge budget.”
“True but it’s the least you can do considering you never called mom to check on your only child.”
“Only what now.”
“You mean she didn’t tell you” Darcy stared at Tony her big blue eyes shinning with repressed tears.
“F.....What now”
My mom is Christy Turlington you slept with her in 98 never called her again and let me tell you something Dad, I got the short end of that genetics stick all your height none of her legs or your science. I mean maybe if I had been raised by you instead of an endless stream of stepdads but hey I’m here now.”
“What now no that’s not. I didn’t did I? You’re not my oh my god your short sarcastic and snarky. I gotta uh go because uhm board meetings yeah. So uh.”
Tony ran from the room calling for Jarvis meanwhile Pepper jumped into action the Stark Pad in her hand lighting up as she typed furiously.
“Ok I’ve calculated 20 years of back child support plus the cost of college tuition but you will need to sign this NDA as well as this contract stat…”
“Oh I’m not really his kid. I’m 24 the daughter of a small town cop in Ohio and his high school sweetheart. Emma and John Lewis. I just really enjoyed messing with him. Did you see his face change colors? I didn’t think someone could go from purple to white and back again that quickly. Plus he went to the board meeting and on time so yay me.”
Pepper gaped at her for a full minute before cackling. Her whole body shook with laughter and tears leaked from her eyes.
“If you can get him out of the lab before midnight for a full week I will promote you to lab manager over Tony, Bruce and Jane and I will double your salary.”
“Throw in one of those talking coffee machines and you got yourself a deal.” Pepper smiled and held out her hand which Darcy took an evil smirk on her face that was so familiar to her that Pepper decided to order the DNA test just in case.
“Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, dad, dad, daaad, Tony, father, padre, senior Tony, papa, dadinator, Devilish sire of my wonderful self.”
“Stop I am not your father. The DNA test I ordered came back negative.”
“So did the one Pepper ordered and the one Rhodes ordered and the one Fury ordered for that matter.” Bruce said with a smirk. Darcy winked at him lasciviously and he shook his head. He would never admit that the test he had covertly ran on the girl had also come up negative.
“That is true father mine you are not the biological sire of my bountiful self but rather the father of my soul much like Satan is to Rosemary’s baby.”
Tony rolled his eyes and stifled the tiny minuscule part of him that was disappointed the irreverent girl was not the fruit of loins. In the three months since she and Foster had started at the Tower the girl had quickly become a part of his inner circle which terrified Tony since he didn’t do emotions, didn’t let people in. Lewis was different though she was a snarky little ball of boobs and mischief and a surprising motherly streak. He had spent many nights getting drunk with her and ordering crap from the home shopping network and leaving ridiculous reviews on amazon. She seemed to know when he needed to drink himself stupid and when he needed to be left alone in silence.
“Fine kid what’s the what?”
“Well you and Pepper Goddess of all that is wonderful and amazing in my life have reservations at 8 and frankly bossman you stink.”
“Wait so I’m Satan and Pepper is a goddess?” Darcy raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.
“Ok so valid comparison but still ouch. What do my reservations have to do with you and your ridiculously terrible monikers.”
“Well obviously I‘m trying to irritate you into leaving so I can have my wicked way with Bruce and also because Pepper promised me shoes for your compliance. Shoes Tony shiny shiny shoes.”
“Fine kid but only because you are going to debauch Bruce.” With a wink in Bruce’s direction Tony left.
“So Bruce you heard the boss I have to debauch you.”
Bruce squirmed under the beautiful girl’s gaze. Darcy was a whirlwind. A beautiful deadly whirlwind. She came into the labs all inappropriate laughter and sunshine. He wasn’t blind to Tonys soft spot for her or Peppers, Thor named her his lightning sister and Dr. Foster was scary when she thought the others were hogging her Darcy. While Bruce was lost in thought Darcy had moved from her customary spot on Tonys lab table to Bruce’s lap startling him from his thoughts.
“So what do you say Fluffy do you want to play doctor?” She asked a gleam in her blue eyes.
Bruce put both hands at her waist and leaned in to nip at her lips.
“How long before Tony figures out we're together do you think?’ He asked kissing neck. Darcy hummed in pleasure unable to get a coherent sentence out while he was nibbling her neck like that.
“Hug er uhm a month at least.”
“I say a week if you guys keep having sex on his lab table.” A voice from the vents shouted.
“Hawkass stop perving on us, or I’ll tell Tasha you were the one who ate all her ice cream.” Darcy yelled while throwing a wrench at the vent. “Now where were we Doctor Banner.”