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“Kiran?”
The summoner hardly acknowledged Alfonse’s presence, instead keeping his head down on the maps and diagrams he had spread across the library table. He only hummed, prompting the prince to continue.
“I’ve never seen your face.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “I don’t think any of us have actually.”
“You’re right, good observation.” Kiran responded, not bothering to glance up from his work.
The prince shuffled for a moment, obviously wanting to say more but not knowing if he should. Kiran sighed before finally looking up. “What is it?”
“Well… why haven’t we?”
“I haven’t shown it to you.”
“I mean, why haven’t you shown it to us?”
Kiran was quiet, not answering the question.
He felt like if he kept himself as some faceless figure in the army of other much more interesting people, it would be easier to keep them all at a distance. That was something Alfonse was clear he wanted… at first. But now Kiran wasn’t so sure, Alfonse seemed to want to, at the very least, get to know him better now. Kiran still wanted to keep his distance though. If someday Askr didn’t need him anymore and he could go home, then that would hopefully make it easier to leave.
The thing was, he didn’t know what home was anymore. Sure, he wanted to go back to his original world where he was supposed to belong, anyone would. But, the relationships he did manage to form here and the memories he made… he didn’t know if he could just leave those all behind. On one hand, his original world was “home” but at the same time, if he left this place it wouldn’t feel like “home” anymore.
Still, he couldn’t deny the fact that he felt something for the people he’d met during his time here, especially Alfonse. He also couldn’t deny that deep down he really did want to get closer to the other man, to let him at least see his face. If he was being honest with himself, it was getting ridiculous to still be so secretive of his appearance after all this time. He trusted these people with his life, and he couldn’t even bother to show them his face. It was pathetic.
Alfonse cleared his throat, bringing Kiran out of his thoughts. “You- uh- you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I apologize.”
“Don’t apologize, you’re just curious.” And he went back to going through his plans again.
They settled back into silence. Kiran working on battle plans while Alfonse read a book across the table from him, occasionally giving input when asked. Kiran glanced up from time to time, to see what Alfonse was up to. He noticed how the gold colour in the other’s hair seemed to shine in the light from the setting sun just outside the large windows behind the prince. He also saw how Alfonse’s expression changed a bit as he read, never neutral, always showing some sort of emotion.
Kiran wouldn’t have ever noticed things like that when the two of them first met, but he had to admit he was spending a lot more time with Alfonse than necessary lately. He knew this extra time with the prince would just hurt him in the future when he had to leave. He would eventually have to go home. His company was nice though, it was comforting. Even just sitting together in silence felt perfect. They fit together so well.
That still didn’t change the fact that this couldn’t last. Nothing this good could.
Someday Askr would have no use for him and he’d have to go back to his world. Back to his mediocre life where he didn’t think he would feel like he had much of a purpose, not after everything he’s done here. Here, though, he did have a purpose, a hand in how important events would play out. As much as he hated to admit it, he had people who cared about him so much here and it would hurt not only him but them when he had to leave. Sharena, Anna, all the heroes, and Alfonse. He didn’t know how he was going to say goodbye when the time came. Back home he would have nothing anymore. At this point, he had to admit Askr was more of a “home”. But, still, after he’d served his purpose here in this war, he would have to leave. Everyone would tire of him eventually and he couldn’t just stick around and make them put up with him.
That wasn’t good thinking. He should be nicer to himself. But he couldn’t stop himself from believing it.
He hadn’t noticed that he’d completely dropped working on plans and was now very obviously just watching Alfonse. He looked up from his book and grinned a bit with a small blush on his cheeks. “What do you want?”
Kiran blushed too and looked back down. “Nothing, nothing.”
“Alright, then.” Alfonse looked out the windows at the orange sky, getting darker by the minute. “It’s getting late. Why don’t we leave? Go for a walk before it gets too dark?”
Kiran hesitated and Alfonse took that as an opportunity to grab his hand and pull him up out of the chair. He kept holding his hand until they were well away from the castle and heading towards a nearby pond. Alfonse’s eyes stayed on the path the entire time, Kiran stared at the back of his head.
Alfonse let go of the summoner’s hand. They strolled down the path, eventually reaching the pond. Alfonse led the way to a more hidden away area beside the pond and sat down, patting the space beside him for Kiran to sit down as well. He slowly took a seat. It was nearly dark now, only a sliver of the sun peaking over the horizon.
They sat in silence awhile longer, Alfonse hadn’t said a single word since they left the library. He usually would’ve by now, he did tend to be the more talkative of the two of them.
“Why’d you decide to drag me all the way out here? You don’t usually want to go this far just for a walk.” Kiran broke the silence.
“I can’t take my dear friend for a stroll after he’s been working for hours?” Alfonse said with an expression of mock hurt.
“Dear friend?”
“Of course you’re my dear friend.” Alfonse had a softer expression now. “You are important to all of us in the Order of Heroes.”
Kiran’s face felt warm, he turned in the opposite direction away from his companion.
“We still didn’t need to walk so far.”
Alfonse hummed. “Maybe so.”
Kiran heard some shuffling beside him from Alfonse. He glanced over to see the other was sitting so he was facing him directly. He sighed and turned around properly so they could face each other.
Alfonse fidgeted with the cuffs of his sleeves for second before speaking. “Kiran, I have a confession.”
The summoner gestured for him to continue.
“I’m in love with you.”
Oh.
Oh no.
Shit. That had to be wrong. That was the opposite of what he wanted. No attachments, especially not of this nature. This could wreck all of his plans to just leave quietly with hardly any damage. He put so much effort into not getting close to anyone, but he let his guard down too much with Alfonse. He got greedy, he spent too much time with the prince.
Alfonse had to be confused. He couldn’t love Kiran. They were surrounded by all these amazing, talented heroes. Kiran was just him. There wasn’t much special about him. Why choose him of all people?
But, he couldn’t just say no to Alfonse. He couldn’t just abandon him. The prince had been abandoned before, and Kiran knew of the scars that left on him.
And he had to be honest with himself. He had similar feelings for the man, but he couldn’t just admit that.
“Um, Kiran, are you crying? I didn’t mean to-“
He was crying?
Alfonse started fussing over him, not knowing what to do. He hesitantly, but so gently, placed his hands on Kiran’s cheeks to wipe away the tears. When the tears didn’t stop falling, Alfonse leaned forward and held Kiran’s head to his chest. One hand held his back and one was placed gently on the back of his head, accidentally knocking down the hood in the process.
Why was he crying so much? Why was he crying at all? Why did this hurt so much? Kiran didn’t understand. Of course things didn’t go according to plan but it was no reason to cry.
He could also hear and feel the prince’s heartbeat and that was somewhat comforting.
After a moment of Alfonse holding Kiran, he leaned back and went back to holding the other’s face, wiping away the remaining tears. Kiran looked up at him with grey eyes peeking out from behind a mess of fluffy dark hair. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before Kiran quietly yelped and pulled his hood back up.
“You don’t have to do that.” Alfonse hesitated but pushed the hood back down and smiled. “I like how you look.”
Kiran didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. He just stared at the ground.
“Listen… I… I understand that my confession was very sudden. I completely understand if my feelings are not reciprocated.” Alfonse tried to explain. “It was never my intention make you feel bad. I truly apologize. I just thought that you should know how I felt about you.”
“No. It’s not that. I just… I know you didn’t want to get close to me at first because of what happened with Zacharias in the past. I understood that. And I knew that one day I would have to leave. I would have to abandon you just like he did. I don’t want to do that to you.”
“You are… correct, I didn’t want to get close to you because of my past. But, after I got to know you better, I decided that knowing you and feeling this way about you is worth it. I also know that one day you might want to go back to your home. I just want you to know that I understand and that I am willing to accept that. I really mean it, Kiran, knowing you and loving you is worth so much more than the pain I might feel one day.”
They were quiet for a moment. Alfonse was holding one of Kiran’s hands in both of his. He stared into the summoner’s eyes, trying to convey all the emotion he was feeling then they softened a little. “They’re beautiful.”
Kiran blinked at the last statement, seemingly coming out of nowhere. The shock from the suddenness of it nearly making him forget what they were talking about. “Excuse me?”
“Your eyes. They’re beautiful.” Alfonse said, completely honest and genuine. “You shouldn’t hide them.”
“I- listen, Alfonse.” Kiran had to get them back on track. “Why did you have to tell me this? The war is coming to a close soon. I’ll be useless, you’ll send me back to where I came from.”
“Useless? Kiran, you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Everything you’ve done for everyone here is more than any of us could ever hope to pay back. You are so much more than a tactician or summoner. Everyone appreciates you so much.” Alfonse assured him. “We wouldn’t send you back unless you wanted to go back. I’m not making you stay here if you don’t want to, and I won’t make you leave either.”
“You won’t? But why?”
“I already told you. I love you.” Alfonse dropped Kiran’s hand. “I still understand if my feelings aren’t reciprocated. If you don’t feel the same way, this can be completely dropped and we don’t have to talk about it ever again if you don’t want to.”
“Alfonse, I-“ Kiran stopped, thinking of what to say. He did feel the same way, he wanted so badly to just tell Alfonse he loved him. He thought it might be simple curiosity or a pure desire for friendship for awhile, but he soon realized it wasn’t simple admiration. What he felt was love and there was no denying it.
The summoner took a breath. “I feel the same way.”
“You do?”
“I do.”
Alfonse smiled and Kiran felt like that was all he would ever need in life.
“If you ever change you’re mind-“
“Kiran. I won’t.” Alfonse said sternly before softening again. He started to lean in and Kiran did the same. The summoner hesitated for a moment and the prince’s face instantly became worried.
“Is this going too fast?” Alfonse asked.
Kiran shook his head.
“Can I kiss you?”
Kiran only responded by leaning forward and soon their lips were pressed touching. It was a bit clumsy and awkward, but it still felt right. In that moment, the summoner thought that maybe things would be okay. If they could just stay like this a bit longer, he was sure they would be perfect.