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Sousuke’s used to getting what he wants. Everyone knows this. Nanase knows this.
Sousuke wants to say, Move. Get out of my way. Get out of my sight (get out of my head) — and Nanase says, No, without needing to say it at all. Nanase says, No, no, no.
It keeps Sousuke up at night.
He doesn’t know why.
*
Nanase watches him with eyes like a hawk, eyes like the ocean, eyes that are unnerving and making Sousuke’s heart beat faster, pitter-patter like sudden summer rain that comes without warning, turns into torrential downpour.
Nanase pulls and Sousuke pushes, or tries to, action for reaction, except it’s a tug under his skin, a fish hook, and he can’t get it out. He cannot; he’s tried.
Sometimes, it’s like Nanase looks at him with something akin to condescension, like he knows a secret, and Sousuke thinks: Fuck you.
Fuck.
You.
What do you have that I don’t?
What do you know that I don’t?
*
He dreams once that Nanase whispers it in his ear.
Do you want to know?
And there’s a sparkle in his eye.
I'll tell you, he says. I’ll show you.
*
Sousuke’s seen him swim and yes, he’s beautiful, and yes, it leaves him breathless, but that just means he’s not immune to the effect Nanase has when he’s in the water. He has that effect on everyone so it means no more, no less.
But there’s that whisper that haunts him and taunts him, rings in his ears: Do you want to know?
Do you want to—
Do you want—
*
He dreams of the water, of the sky and sea, and there’s salt in his lungs, burning his throat.
He dreams of water beading down from clavicle to sternum to navel and disappearing against the waistband, bright blue lines on the jammers; his gaze drifts up to the source, the upturned corner of a lip, a quirk rather than smile, higher, and those eyes that are saying, always saying:
Do you want to know a secret?
Yes, Sousuke says, breathless, practically gasping for air. Yes, yes, yes.
Nanase kisses him then, and he’s taking all his air, pinning him to the ocean floor, drowning him and drowning him and leaving him for dead.
Sousuke wakes up with his heart running a mile a minute.
His mouth tastes like salt.
*
They have practice with Iwatobi today, of course.
He tells Rin he wants to practice his freestyle, go up against Nanase, and Rin just shrugs.
Nanase gives him a look before the race, that same quirk of the lips that’s there but just barely. His eyes twinkle even from behind the goggles.
The whistle goes off and Sousuke dives, feels the water thrum and come alive in a way it never does when it’s anyone else beside him.
He’s breathless when he touches the wall, less than a second before Nanase, who comes up for air, shakes himself out, water flying from his bangs. Tachibana helps him up and out of the pool and Sousuke can still feel his heart hammer.
Nanase turns around and offers him a hand up, says: Smile. You won.
His eyes are still glittering.
(Do you want to know a secret?)
Sousuke takes his hand, unthinking, and his train of thought stutters to a stop because it’s this. Isn’t it? Isn’t it?