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He had spotted him sat alone on the park bench, his gaze directed towards something up in front of him. His hands were knitted together on his lap, his normally pale skin now pinkish from the chilly weather. Each time the boy breathed out, a haze of condensation rushed from his nostrils, spread into a thin cloud, and then faded to nothingness.
As he slowed his jog over to a lingering pace, he could see how bloodshot the boy’s eyes still were, the area around them swollen and red. He sat down next to him without a word, spreading his lap out until their knees had touched.
Neither of them moved or spoke as they watched the condensation of both their breath melt together and disappear into the night air.
Even deep in the park could the noise of the city bustling at night be heard clearly: the bassy hum of traffic as people headed home, the pitched wail of sirens echoing off the glass buildings, the muffled chatter of midnight outgoers; despite calling the coastal city home since birth, Samatoki had never really listened to the melodies it produced in silence.
“Sab—...”
“Look.”
Saburo managed to speak up before him, a finger pointed at whatever he had been looking at.
The yakuza followed it up to the lamppost just ahead of them.
It was flickering with a pale white glow, the faint buzzing from the bulb softly resounding around them. Surrounding the light box were tiny dots whisking through the air, moving as if they were blinking in and out of existence.
“... Bugs?”
The boy nodded without a word, putting his arm down while still holding his gaze. “They’re like me: following a light in the dark.
“A small, insignificant bug always going after whatever light it sees...” His voice faded near the end, cracking ever so slightly as the back of his nostrils began burning. “Because it doesn’t know where else to go without it.
“But,” he turned to Samatoki with a genuine smile on his thinly pursed lips. All the while, his narrowed, mismatched eyes began to well up again, marbles of tears magnifying the bright green and blue irises. “I don’t mind.
“Because it’s you...!”
The wells filled up, uncontrollably overflowing with all the feelings he was unable to put into words, and he sat as he had been hours before—when his oldest brother had called, furiously berating him; when his lover had told him to go back home, without hesitation; when he had run out of the apartment, hoping the world would turn to black and swallow him up—sat in tears, not knowing what else to do.
The sobs, the hiccups, the struggle to stifle them—it all blended into the silent melody. Ah, yes, Samatoki never really had listened to the melody in silence; they had shared their secret looks, breathed their passionate words, touched their hidden skin, and yet, all the time they had spent together, he had spent them all deaf.
He reached out towards Saburo, cupping his teary cheeks in both hands. Pulling the boy close, he pressed their cold lips together, kissing him firmly yet gently with the taste of salt and tobacco mixing on their tongues. They latched on to one another, pathetically clutching onto the overly taut string between them that was threatening to snap at any moment. It was all they could do.
When they had finally separated, he thumped their foreheads together, not wanting to distant themselves any further. “I’ve lost so much in my life, but I would do anything not to lose you...!“ he desperately huffed out, eyes tightly shut as if everything would disappear if he dared to open them again.
“Don’t say you’re a bug when it’s me chasing after you...”
The tears grew heavier, thick streams casacading over Samatoki’s hands as Saburo stared at the man’s furrowed brows and pursed lips. It was as if he was the one crying instead.
“Hahah...” He blew out a worn out laugh as he placed his hands over Samatoki’s, squeezing them in comfort. “We’re both bugs, stupidly chasing after each other...”
As the city stirred around them, they sat unmoving, listening quietly to the melody in silence.