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The kid he’s got under his wing has his black mask pulled so high on his face and his cap yanked down so low, he wonders if he can even see where he’s going. He doesn’t linger on the thought too much, it’ll start to bother him, how much these kids have to protect themselves, if he does. Either way, a stray fan tries to leap past him and he has to stick out his hand to keep her away. Sometimes he gets hit by a camera or two. Today is one of those days and he hates them. Seriously, it’s a camera not a weapon.
He keeps a firm grip on the kid’s arm so that he doesn’t stumble & herds him to the van waiting outside, ushering him inside before turning to the rest of the group, already starting to be jostled by the overwhelming crowd. He backs up against the hoard of screaming girls & stands his ground, giving the idols some room to make a dash for their van while he fends off the fans. Once the last boy all but trips into the van, he slides the door close & it eases out of the driveway. The fans start to clamour after the vehicle & Hangyul stands unmoving, finally letting out the breath he had been holding since the kids set foot in the arrival hall.
-
Hangyul’s been a bodyguard for five years now. You would think he’d have gotten used to the job and indeed, he has in some ways. But it’ll never be comforting to know that he’s the only thing keeping a hoard of stir-crazy fangirls from mobbing their precious idols. If they loved them so much shouldn’t they at least have a little awareness of personal space? He scoffs dryly, inhaling his ramyeon by the light of Yohan’s pyeonuijeom signboard. One of the workers, probably Junho, is taking out the trash and he can vaguely hear his friend humming inside the shop to one of those strange new songs on the radio that seem to have taken the nation by storm.
A couple more mouthfuls of soup go down and he lets out a satisfied sigh, reclining in the cold metal chair, staring blankly out at the street. Yohan says something to Junho inside, the younger nodding avidly, before he comes outside and sits beside Hangyul, two bottles of soju in hand.
“Long day?”
“The longest.”
“Do you ever consider quitting?” They knock bottles.
“Sometimes.”
“You should give it some thought, especially if you hate your job.”
Hangyul takes a gulp of his soju, they didn’t have glasses out.
“I don’t hate it. Not exactly.” Yohan looks at him disbelievingly.
“It just wears me out. The same thing over and over again. Makes me wonder if these fangirls will ever grow out of this childish behaviour.”
“Hmm, you know them, they’ll do anything to see their oppas.”
“Yeah.”
Yohan hums quietly along to another song, his eyes slightly unfocused.
“Maybe one day you’ll finally quit when you get tired of being the last line of defense standing in the way of those kids being safe & all hell breaking loose on a Naver article.”
“Maybe I’ll quit tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sure you will Gyul, sure you will.”
-
“You’re being reassigned.”
Hangyul has to pause for a moment to actually take in what he’s hearing. “I’m being what now?” Seungwoo slides the brown folder across his desk and waves his hand in a gesture of dismissal. “Shouldn’t be a problem for you, you’ve been here long enough, a change of scenery might do you some good.”
Hangyul opens the folder, takes one look at the name and closes it after scanning the page a little further, his frustration bubbling just beneath the surface of his skin. “Permanent in-house bodyguard? Are you mad Seungwoo-ssi?”
Seungwoo looks up at him from his desktop, raising an eyebrow and daring Hangyul to challenge him. “I thought you were getting bored of the airport jobs. This would be a great opportunity for the company. And the pay’s better too.”
Well, Hangyul can’t exactly say no to a little extra money. He’d been meaning to buy Dohyon the newest PS4 for Christmas and he could use a little help.
He lets out a sigh, turns on his heel and leaves Seungwoo’s office, running straight into Hyeongjun and Wonjin eavesdropping right outside the door. They look at him, starstruck. Then the barrage of questions follow.
“Is it true hyung? You’re going to be WOODZ-ssi’s bodyguard?”
“Are you going to stay with him?”
“He’s so pretty don’t you think? Hyung you’re the luckiest.”
He stifles a groan, already starting to feel the beginnings of a migraine burning at the back of his head.
-
“Do you think he’s going to take the news well?” Jinhyuk hovers over Wooseok’s shoulder as they both peer into the recording booth. Seungyoun’s inside, busy recording new songs for his debut album, unseeing of his PA & his PA’s PA outside, mind completely focused on his music.
“He’s Cho Seungyoun, infamous all rounder & Mr “I can get anyone to be my friend”, he’s going to take it just fine.” Wooseok shrugs & brushes Jinhyuk off. It wasn’t like there would be any room for Seungyoun to argue with him anyway, the bodyguard had already been hired & the deal had been made. He had been starting to fear for his hyung, what with the mobs at airports getting even more out of hand than usual. No matter how carefree & jovial Seungyoun was, one of these days, his friendly nature was going to get him hurt if he wasn’t careful enough.
He leans forward to press on the mic button, “Hyung, do you have a second? We need to talk.” Seungyoun looks up from his lyrics, sends him a cheery thumbs up & take off his headphones. Wooseok can’t help but smile in return. Seungyoun’s happiest when he’s producing music, & right now he just wants his friend to be able to do so without any distractions. The last thing they want is for the media to grapple at scraps of scuffles in crowded airports & meddle with his career.
Seungyoun steps out of the booth, taking off his beanie to scrub a hand through his hair & Wooseok braces himself to break the news to his friend.
“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”
-
“Everyone I’d like to introduce the newest member of our team, Lee Hangyul. He’ll be the in-house bodyguard for Youn & he will be following us along in making sure the nation’s dearest sweetheart is well taken care of.”
Hangyul dips his head in greeting & says his hellos politely. The man he’s supposed to guard is not even around when he arrives. He meets his stylists, his PAs and managers, heck even his cat, but he doesn’t actually get to see WOODZ in the flesh. “Don’t worry about that,” his PA, Wooseok, assures him. “He’s just busy at a meeting right now. He’ll be back in the evening, why don’t you get settled in, hm?”
Hangyul can only nod mutely & shuffle his bags inside. He didn’t intend to bring much, still unclear about how the housing situation was going to be like because he still had his place but from the look of things, he wasn’t going to be seeing much of it for a long while.
Yohan had snorted when he broke the news to him, ironically enough WOODZ’s debut single had been on the radio at the time & it tickled Yohan even further. “I can’t believe you’re going to look after someone that’s older than you for once.”
“He’s what now? That can’t be true, he looks so much younger than me!”
“Gyul, that’s because you look like an old man, deal with it.”
He rolls his eyes at the memory, even though there’s no one left at Mr WOODZ’s place (except his cat) for him to even roll his eyes at. He takes a quick look around, checks the building perimeter for blind spots & does a quick stroll of the neighbourhood to get a sensing of his new surroundings.
Then he settles back into the house and unpacks his stuff into what he presumes to be his new room.
-
“Luizzzyyyyyyy, ya, where are you?” Seungyoun looks around, peeling off his sneakers by the front door & shuffling inside his place. He hears a faint meow from the living area & heads over to find his cat, all but crumpling into a heap on the floor as he coos & dotes on the feline. “Appa had a tiring day today, can you believe they want to push forward the release date? Unbelievable. I’m only halfway through the album & now I have less time to finish the rest of the songs. This sucks.” He bemoans, rolling onto his back, holding the black and white kitten at arms length above his head. Luizy simply stares at him, green eyes wide.
“Did you really just call yourself ‘Appa’?”
Seungyoun all but jumps a foot off the floor, almost dropping Luizy in the process, at the sound of another voice.
“Ya, who the heck are you? What the hell are you doing in my house?” Seungyoun scrambles to his feet, holding his cat to chest protectively, a frown etched on his face.
Kyeo, Hangyul thinks. He’s leaning against the wall adjacent to the staircase, looking at his new charge. “I’m your new bodyguard?”
With that Seungyoun’s features shift rapidly, from understanding, to vaguely disapproving & finally settling on a mixture of looking grim but also resigned. “Oh, I didn’t realise you’d already moved in.”
Hangyul shrugs, “Wooseok introduced me to the whole team today. I even met the furball that you’re holding.” Seungyoun pouts & covers the cat’s ears. “Hey! No need for the insults, he’s the most wonderful floof to grace your presence.” He all but sniffs.
Hangyul holds up his hands in surrender, “Alright Luizy’s appa.”
“You can call me Seungyoun.”
With that, Hangyul starts to think, maybe, just maybe he can coexist with this guy.
-
“So how’d you get assigned the job?” Seungyoun asks. His dark hair is damp still from the shower, tousled messily over his eyes, & he’s staring up at Hangyul from his position on the floor. They’re sprawled in the living room, somehow having decided chimaek was the best way for two grown men who are going to be forced to live together for an extended period of time to get to know each other. Obviously.
“I don’t know, I just came in one day & my boss told me I’d been reassigned.” Hangyul takes a swig of his beer, entirely unfazed. Seungyoun cocks his head, much like his cat in that moment, and frowns at him. “You didn’t ask to be assigned to everyone’s favourite producer?” He pouts. Hangyul scowls at him, “Why the hell would I willingly choose to be stuck around someone in the public eye 24/7?”
“Ouch, no need to be rude, you could have turned down the assignment if you didn’t want it, you know.”
Somehow Hangyul doesn’t feel like replying because it’s true, he could have turned it down.
Luizy chooses that moment to flop into his lap. He smiles & scratches the cat behind the ear.
“You two sure got chummy fast,” Seungyoun pouts, stealing a piece of chicken from Hangyul’s box. He pretends not to notice. “Well, there wasn’t anyone else in the house for me to interact with was there? Since you didn’t even show up for the meeting.” He chides.
Seungyoun groans and flops onto the floor, “It wasn’t my decision not to show up, the life of an idol is stressful.” He waves his hand about dramatically. Hangyul rolls his eyes, “Yeah, tough.”
They linger in silence for a moment, Hangyul directing his attention to Luizy’s chin. The cat rumbles luxuriously under his soft touches.
“So you’re going to be living here?”
Hangyul looks over at Seungyoun, the other man staring up at him curiously, his hair still in his eyes but he doesn’t move to brush it aside.
“Wasn’t that the point of all this since you’re the nation’s precious child? Everyone’s going to want a piece of you, it makes sense to up the security.” Hangyul says matter-of-factly before draining the last of his beer & starting to clear up the takeout boxes. “You’re too kind, I didn’t realise I was that popular.” Seungyoun beams at him cheekily.
If Hangyul had a dollar for every time he rolled his eyes at him…
“Keep telling yourself that Seungyoun, one of these days you’re going to wish you weren’t so popular.” Hangyul throws over his shoulder offhandedly.
-
Hangyul’s day to day consists of him waking up at six, getting Seungyoun’s schedule for the day from Wooseok around seven, which gives him some time to either pack up the house and make breakfast or work out, and waking the idol up at eight because he refuses to get up any earlier than that. He often does the former because as much as he refuses to help Seungyoun, he is the messiest roommate in existence & Hangyul can’t live like this. He doesn’t understand how the idol can live in his cluttered home. This, is the nation’s beloved sweetheart? They must all be blind.
By the time he’s made the living room look somewhat decent, Seungyoun has already woken himself up to the sound of his atrocious Nyan Cat alarm, for once not needing Hangyul to wake him. He strips himself of his clothes for a shower & leaves then on the floor outside the bathroom. Hangyul wonders vaguely if he should consider that a safety hazard. He decides against clearing his charge’s laundry because he isn’t his maid & he would most certainly love to see Seungyoun trip & fall flat on his face. It’s the least that could be done to maybe make this job more tolerable. It’s honestly like looking after a child and Seungyoun was three whole years older than him. He wonders if maybe he’s just purposely playing up the childish side of himself or if he’s simply just like that. He’s not sure which would concern him more.
Whatever it is, Hangyul continues with his morning & doesn’t dwell on it. He makes breakfast, scans the schedule for the day & waits for Seungyoun to finish showering so he can relay the information to him.
It’s easy enough, he follows him to the studio, to press events, to fanmeets and music shows… They don’t talk that much apart from when they’re both in the house & they work together well, forming a routine sufficiently quickly. Seungyoun sometimes talks to him when they’re in the van together but other than that Hangyul almost never starts the conversation, the picture of professionalism once they set foot outside the house.
When they’re alone though, they bicker like college roommates & fight over who gets the TV remote. Hangyul can start to see why the nation loves the man. He’s charismatic and charming when he’s on shows & the absolute sweetest to his fans. It’s no wonder everyone’s practically head over heels for him. But Seungyoun at home is another story. He’s chaotic, hyperactive & the most clingy human alive. His concept of personal space is non-existent & he’s often half sprawled on Hangyul when they’re sitting on the couch. On other occasions, Hangyul will find him star-fished in the corridor or on the floor having an existential crisis.
Sometimes it happens at night too.
“WHAT IF SNAILS ARE ACTUALLY GOING AT A SPEED THAT’S NORMAL FOR THEIR WORLD & THEY’RE JUST STUCK IN OUR UNIVERSE?”
“FOR FUCKS SAKE SEUNGYOUN GO TO SLEEP.”
Hangyul vaguely wonders what the world would think if they saw him like this.
-
Their first trip abroad comes about four weeks after Hangyul moves in. They’re supposed to be in Japan for the Korean Music Festival & Hangyul’s never been abroad before. He hasn’t left the country & the furthest he’s ever been, is to Jeju Island. He brings it up when they’re having dinner & Seungyoun all but turns into an excited child, rambling about all the food he should try while they’re there as though he’s going to have any time off. Hangyul thinks he forgets that they’re not just roommates but that it’s his job to protect him sometimes.
“You do realise we’re not really going to have any time to visit places, don’t you?” Hangyul rolls his eyes. Seungyoun has his feet in his lap and Hangyul pokes at the base of his feet because he knows the other man is ticklish. Seungyoun squirms & tries to kick his hands away.
“We’ll just have to order some food to our room then.”
“Our room?”
“Mhm.” He doesn’t even seem fazed. Hangyul decides not to pursue the issue. It’s not like he hasn’t been around Seungyoun for long enough but something about being in an even more enclosed space with the man unsettles him.
“Are you excited though?” Seungyoun asks, fingers lazily carding through Luizy’s fur.
Hangyul hums in response. He’s a little nervous because he feels like a foreign environment would only make his job harder but he is looking forward to it.
“It’s going to be weird having to follow you through the departure gates though. I’m used to just crowd control right after the kids get through.” He muses and Seungyoun lets out a strangled noise.
“The kids?”
“Most of the idols I’ve had to handle are younger than me. You’re the first one who isn’t. But you still act like a kid so don’t worry, it evens out.” Hangyul smirks and Seungyoun pouts. “Rude.” He huffs and turns his attention to Luizy to avoid talking to him.
Hangyul smiles and turns back to the television, his mind already listing the things he should bring along. He figures he should call Byungchan to ask him if there’s anything he should be taking with him to make the job easier since the other has been an in-house bodyguard for longer than he has. He should probably call Dohyon too, it’s been a while and maybe he can sneak away to get something for his little brother while he’s there.
When he turns back to ask Seungyoun what he should get for Dohyon, he finds his hyung fast asleep, Luizy curled up on his chest and he feels a strange warmth in his chest at the sight. He carefully removes the other’s feet from his lap and switches off the TV before heading to his room. He pulls off the covers and hauls them to the living room to tuck the older man in before retiring for the night.
-
The airport is crowded as per usual but Hangyul’s never been this overwhelmed before. He’s used to dealing with the hoards of fans but this is on another level. Seungyoun’s managers have hired an additional security team to fend off the fans & the airport staff join in to help. Hangyul glues himself to Seungyoun’s side, his fingers clamped securely around the idol’s elbow & he tows him inside. Somewhere along the way they get approached by a buggy because the fans are getting too rowdy & Seungyoun gets on with Wooseok & Jinhyuk. Hangyul takes a second to breathe because now he simply just has to follow them when Seungyoun gestures to him to get on. He looks at him incredulously because there’s no more room but the other man simply gestures a little more harshly for him to get on.
Hangyul gets on the buggy. He stands at the edge of the back seats and holds tightly onto the front seats & handlebars as the vehicle starts to move. It jostles a little as they speed along & suddenly Hangyul feels something press again his back. He looks down & finds Seungyoun keeping a hand around him, making sure he doesn’t fall off.
The odd warmth blooms in his chest again but he doesn’t have time to register it before they arrive at the departure gates. He jumps off & the rest follow suit, boxing in Seungyoun on all sides until he reaches the opposite side of the gates. From then on, it’s a little easier to get through customs & eventually, they’re on the plane.
Hangyul sits in front of his hyung & fiddles with his seatbelt, unsure of what to expect. He faintly hears Seungyoun humming behind him & tries to relax but the anxious butterflies in his stomach make him want to throw up.
“Ah, Hangyul listen to this.”
Seungyoun’s voice startles him out of his daze. He leans around his seat to face Seungyoun & the other passes him one side of his AirPods.
“It’s the demo for the song I’m going to surprise the fans with a little snippet of.” He says & Hangyul nods quietly. They’ve never really talked about his music or whether or not Hangyul likes it. He may be with him at the recording booths but he often isn’t paying attention to the man himself as opposed to his environment, always on high alert.
He hears Seungyoun’s voice come through & the cool notes of the song take him to a different headspace. He completely doesn’t register the plane taking off as he lets the music take centrestage. When the song finishes he begins leaning back around to return Seungyoun his AirPods but the older man stops him & forces him back. “Keep it, I want you to listen to a few more.” He says.
Seungyoun keeps him occupied until they touch down in Japan & Hangyul’s mildly grateful for the distraction.
-
“Alright, so we’re up at seven tomorrow & we’ll reach the venue at 8 for rehearsal. The event starts at 10 & we’re set to be back by four.” Jinhyuk lists down quietly. They’re all gathered in Seungyoun’s room busy addressing the schedule for the next day because they’re only in Japan for a short stint. Seungyoun’s lounging on his bed already showered & dressed down, nodding along to whatever Wooseok & Jinhyuk tell him but he’s barely with them. Hangyul can tell he’s miles away.
“I think we’re good, we’ll see you guys tomorrow morning then? I’ll make sure this one gets up on time.” Hangyul calmly brings their discussion to a close & Seungyoun lets out a weak complaint about Hangyul always bullying him. Wooseok rolls his eyes and pats Hangyul’s shoulder on his way out, Jinhyuk scampering after him.
“I’m going to take a shower, are you going to sleep already?” He asks the older man.
“Soon, I can’t quite sleep yet.”
“Okay.”
-
When he returns, he comes out of the shower towelling his hair & digs around his bag for a shirt to sleep in. He doesn’t notice Seungyoun eyeing him from under the sheets. He decides against a shirt & instead launches himself onto his bed, burying his face in the pillows.
“You’re gonna fall sick if you don’t dry your hair.” Seungyoun says quietly, voice muffled. Hangyul turns to look at him & sees only his eyes peeking out over the top of the blankets.
“It’ll dry don’t worry, your reliable bodyguard isn’t going to get sick anytime soon.” He chuckles.
“You better not jinx yourself.”
Hangyul hums in reply.
“Are you excited to perform tomorrow?” He asks in exchange. He hears Seungyoun shifting under the covers and he turns to face the other man.
“Yes, and no.” Seungyoun replies. He looks small like that, buried under the sheets, curled up in a ball.
“Why?”
“Because this job is really terrifying and as much as I love performing for people, what if they don’t like me?”
Hangyul can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“But you’re the nation’s sweetheart, everyone loves you.”
Seungyoun shoots him a pointed look & he almost looks like an angry cat, all bundled up. Hangyul resists the urge to smile.
“I’m serious. It doesn’t do me any good to be complacent. I’ve always just wanted to be good at what I like doing. Now that I finally am, the nerves decide to show up again. What if I screw up tomorrow? What if I fall down on stage? Oh hell, what if-“
“None of those things are going to happen.” Hangyul cuts him off firmly. He sits up on his bed and looks down at Seungyoun.
“You’re Cho Seungyoun, your first single reached the top of the charts both locally & internationally. You even made it on Billboard, that’s everyone’s dream. If anyone’s made for the stage it’s you.” Hangyul says firmly, trying to convey sincerity in every word.
When Seungyoun doesn’t reply, just peers up at him, he falters slightly.
“I mean, I know I don’t act like I keep up with trends or whatever but you’re good, hyung. You’ll do fine tomorrow & the day after that & all the days after that. Did you see the number of people at the airport? They all adore you. For every bad comment there’s going to be five good ones thrown right back.” Hangyul rambles, darting his gaze to the side. It’s an awkward topic to discuss because they haven’t known each other long enough but he feels the need to let Seungyoun know this. The older man hasn’t been anything but cheery since he’s met him & it’s unsettling to see him so burdened.
The silence lingers for a little longer before Seungyoun finally replies.
“Thank you Gyul. I appreciate it.” It comes out soft & muffled but Hangyul catches the nickname & smiles.
“Don’t mention it, go get some sleep.”
He shuts off the light & gets under the covers, unconsciously waiting for his roommate's breathing to even out before he slips into a deep slumber himself
-
Japan is a thrilling rollercoaster of emotions for Seungyoun. The show turns out to be a great success like Hangyul predicts & it’s a huge relief. He wraps his dongsaeng in a hug the moment he finishes his segment & Hangyul’s little “Oof” forces the laughter out of him, part relief & part amusement.
They head back to Korea & this time the flight’s less scary. Seungyoun shares his music with Hangyul all through the flight & the short journey through the airport. The fans still come in full force & Hangyul is back on bodyguard mode, his features hardened into a mask as his guides Seungyoun through the mess. Seungyoun lets himself be tugged along although he keeps his head up, flashing smiles at the swarm of girls that have come to see him. Although he knows it’s risky, he’s running on a high from the previous day & he wants it to show.
Until he catches what one of the fans screams.
“WOODZ’S BODYGUARD!! CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH!”
Seungyoun shoots a glance at Hangyul but the younger man doesn’t seem to have noticed, eyes dead set on the exit.
Seungyoun feels his smile drop a little & a sinking feeling takes over his stomach that he can’t understand. He doesn’t, however, have the time to address it as Hangyu hauls his ass out of the airport & they all but collapse into the van.
The younger man smiles at him & the feeling dissipates as he grins back, bursting out into laughter as the van pulls out of the driveway to the sounds of fading screams behind them.
-
Seungyoun’s smile sends a shiver down Hangyul’s spine & he can’t take his eyes off his hyung. He forces himself to look away & he feels his heart racing. He tells himself it’s the adrenaline from escaping the fans.
(Somewhere deep inside him, he knows it’s not.)
-
As the months pass, they seem to grow inseparable save for the times where Seungyoun visits friends & family. Those are Hangyul’s days off & he visits his own friends & family as well if he isn’t simply taking a day for himself.
Other than that though, Wooseok has started to notice how clingy his hyung had gotten. Every time he’s over at his place, the two would either be sprawled over each other on the couch or having an enthusiastic shouting match from opposite sides of the house.
“Yah, Jinhyuk-ah, have you noticed anything off about Youn recently?” He asks one day when it’s just the pair of them meeting up to coordinate schedules & address pointers from Youn’s managers. Jinhyuk looks up from his laptop & gives Wooseok a thoughtful look.
“Now that you mention it, he does seem to be a little clingy around Hangyul. But that’s just normal behaviour for Youn I suppose. Remember when he first met me? I couldn’t get away from him for weeks, he kept babying me & poking my cheeks.” He chuckles at the memory. Wooseok hums noncommittally in reply. He’d like to believe there was nothing going on but he’s been with Youn since before his debut. Before they were in business together, they were friends & trainees together. Sure, the older man was clingy but the way he looked at Hangyul sometimes made Wooseok want to look away, as though he was intruding on some private moment between the two of them.
“Why do you ask though?” Jinhyuk asks, for the sake of it & Wooseoks decides to drop the subject.
“No reason, I was just wondering if I was imagining him being distracted.”
It’s enough to convince Jinhyuk but he knows he’s still unsettled about the matter.
-
Christmas rolls around & it’s a nice breather for everyone to take a week off. Wooseok and Jinhyuk decided to take a short trip to Jeju, Seungyoun goes back home to visit his mother & Hangyul makes a stop at his place to look for Yohan before he heads home, a brand new PS4 under his arm.
He steps inside the familiar corner shop & smiles at the jingle that plays when the doors open. Yohan’s back is facing him. He turns to say hello before realising that it’s his friend & not a customer & all but vaults himself over the counter to give him a hug.
“YAH, LEE HANGYUL! How dare you show up here after not seeing me for months! You absolute traitor, you’ve already replaced me with that WOODZ guy as your best friend, haven’t you!” Yohan huffs mock-angrily & Hangyul laughs. Yohan clearly hasn’t changed in the slightest in the time they’ve not seen each other.
They sit outside despite the weather being much colder & Yohan brings out two boxes of ramyeon. It brings back fond memories of when they used to eat outside Yohan’s grandfather’s shop when they were kids after taekwondo classes. Hangyul smiles at the thought.
“So how it he?” Yohan asks, breaking apart his chopsticks.
“He’s great actually. A little messy & chaotic but he’s a nice guy, you’d like him.” Hangyul replies, digging in.
“Must be if you two are getting so chummy.”
Hangyul almost chokes on his food.
“What?”
“I mean, you’re now the nation’s favourite bodyguard, don’t you know? All the fan sites are squealing in delight at how ‘oh WOODZ-oppa is so close to his bodyguard, that man is so lucky!’” Yohan says offhandedly. Hangyul stares at him like he’s grown another head. When his friend finally realises that he hasn’t said anything, he looks up to meet Hangyul’s completely confused and incredulous look.
“Oh man, you mean you didn’t know? Haven’t you read any of the Naver articles? No? Been on Twitter?”
Hangyul shakes his head, he doesn’t like using his SNS regularly & he often doesn’t have the time anyway.
“Oh man, you need to see some of the stuff these people write about you. There’s this kid, Song Dongpyo, he’s from our old school & he likes to come in here sometimes. He loves to pester me about you ever since he found out that my best friend is THE infamous bodyguard of the nation’s sweetheart.” Yohan laughs and takes in Hangyul’s horrified face. He takes out his phone to show him Dongpyo’s fansite & Hangyul hesitantly scrolls through it. He sees photos of them at the airport & one in particular catches his eye. It’s constantly being reposted & it’s of him with his back facing the camera but with an arm latched around his waist. He gulps uneasily & hands the phone back to Yohan.
“He’s just my hyung man, plus I live with him, it’s inevitable that I’d eventually get to know the guy.” Hangyul dismisses the allegations & turns his attention back to his noodles. The uneasiness in his chest doesn’t go away & he feels Yohan’s gaze on him but he’d rather not have to deal with this right now.
They change the subject & talk some more, filling themselves with hot soup to combat the cold & let the chilly wind carry away their worries. Hangyul leaves after they’re done & makes his way home, his heart much lighter than it was at the start of their conversation.
That is, until he passes by a massive signboard in the train station. It’s of Seungyoun, an advertisement for something or other, he doesn’t really care. All he can see in the other man’s face & the warm feeling returns. He can’t help but feel overly fond, so he shakes his head to clear it of any doubts & carries on walking.
He settles on planning out how he’s going to spend his week with his parents & how he’s going to surprise Dohyon with his present. He bottles up his inhibitions & lets himself be swept up by the cold.
When Dohyon greets him with open arms the moment he gets home, he pushes the bothersome thoughts out of him head & wills himself to not think about Seungyoun for the rest of the holiday.
(He actually manages quite well up until a day before he’s due back at his hyung’s place, when Dohyon plays him one of Seungyoun songs & tells him it's one of the coolest songs he’s ever heard. Hangyul knows the song, it’s first demo that Seungyoun had ever had him listen to. He stops himself from groaning & instead lets Dohyon ramble about how he wants to recreate the song for an hour. He’d rather spend more time with his brother anyway, even if it’s only to talk about Seungyoun.
When he’s a little more distracted at dinner later on, no one in his family says anything & everyone pretends not to notice that he’s miles away.)
-
Seungyoun greets him with a hug when he gets back the following day and Hangyul tries not to breathe in his scent. He goes about the house, dropping off his things and making for the kitchen to unpack the groceries that he figured he should pick up on the way back. That’s when he finds that the cupboards are suspiciously stocked with all his favourite foods and he’s left to wonder when Seungyoun had the time to do any shopping. Or maybe it was just Jinhyuk taking pity on them. Either way, it puts him in a good mood and he chooses not to let the thoughts that had been plaguing him bother him anymore. Instead he quickly settles back in, reclining in the living room only for Seungyoun’s head to settle in his lap within seconds. It feels almost natural at this point and Hangyul doesn’t bother telling him off anymore.
“How was your break?” The older man asks, staring up at him.
“Perfect.” He smiles down at his hyung, running his fingers through his hair.
Just perfect, he thinks, swallowing down the foreign feeling in this chest.
-
Things start to get more hectic once the new year rolls in. Hangyul toggles back and forth between Seungyoun and his family because it'll be the last that he sees of them for a while before he gets swept up being a bodyguard again. There are many more events in store and he can barely keep them in mind as Wooseok sits them down after New Year’s to address all the upcoming business they have to attend to.
More events also means less time spent around Seungyoun one on one. Him and Hangyul get back most nights exhausted from the day’s activities and they can barely manage more than a few sentences to each other before one of them falls asleep. Hangyul tries to see the positive side of their lack of interaction. It means that he has less time to overthink the overwhelming fondness that has been clouding his senses for the past weeks. But at the same time, he misses their late night talks &, he can’t believe this, Seungyoun’s extremely late night existential crises revolving around snails and frogs or what have you.
That’s why, the moment they get a free day, he deems it the perfect opportunity for him and his hyung to have dinner together again. He knows Seungyoun’s decided to sleep most of the day away but he wakes him up in time for dinner because he’s ordered chimaek and honestly, Seungyoun’s never said no to fried chicken and he isn’t about to start as far as Hangyul is concerned.
“You, are godsend.” Seungyoun says as he digs in and Hangyul rolls his eyes at him. “Should I be grateful because that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a compliment out of you?” He scoffs and Seungyoun pouts at him. “If you don’t want my thanks I can take it back.” The older man sticks out his tongue and Hangyul swats at his arm playfully. Things haven’t been this relaxed in a while.
“How are you holding up?” Hangyul decides to ask. He didn’t plan on what exactly to talk about, thinking it would just come naturally to him like their conversations always did whenever they were left to their devices at night. Seungyoun pauses to think for a second, “Quite alright. I’m exhausted but I feel fulfilled so I guess it evens out?” Hangyul hums in approvals.
“What about you? I know we haven’t talked in a while with how busy things have gotten.” Seungyoun asks in return. Hangyul likes the fact that he isn’t the only one who seems to have noticed their precious alone time dwindling over the past few months.
“I’m fine, could definitely use more sleep but that’s nothing new.” He says & drinks his beer. Seungyoun nods in response. Eventually they settle into a comfortable silence and Hangyul realises he didn’t really need or want any words to fill up the space. It was simply this that he missed, this being together. He tries not to let his sudden revelation show but Seungyoun notices the sudden smile on his face and immediately pries.
“I was just thinking about how I missed this. Us hanging out.” Hangyul says matter of factly. Seungyoun looks at him for a moment, his gaze unwavering and his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
“I missed this too, Gyul.” Is all he says in response before he breaks out in a radiant smile.
Hangyul definitely does not think about how much he wants to save that moment in his mind and savour it forever much later.
-
On Saturday, Seungyoun tells him he’ll be out with some friends so Hangyul decides to visit the agency to see how the rest of the cadets are doing. He walks inside the building and sees a couple of other trainees milling about. Wonjin and Hyeongjun skitter past him but immediately skid to a halt when they realise that he’s back.
“Hyung! You’re back!” Wonjin cries, tugging Heyongjun over. Hangyul smiles and ruffles their hair. “Yah, how are you both? Have you two been pissing Seungwoo-ssi off for me while I’ve been gone?” He teases and Hyeongjun whines about how they would never be able to get away with that.
They talk for a little bit, both dongsaengs eager to know about his time with WOODZ. He shares with them what he can & they stare up at him in awe & wonder.
“Hyung you’re so cool, I can’t believe you’re best friends with the nation’s sweetheart!” Hyeongjun says, his eyes wide as saucers as he tries to comprehend how such a feat is possible. Hangyul tries not to squirm under all the attention. It’s still unsettling after all this time, how Seungyoun’s popularity seems to inexplicably attach itself to him. He shakes it off & eventually, manages to break free from the pair to make his way to Seungwoo’s office.
He knocks on the doorframe since Seungwoo tends to keep his door open & the older man looks up & smiles when he sees him.
“Change of scenery do you any good?” He asks by way of greeting & Hangyul chuckles.
“Sure has,” he says & takes a seat in front of Seungwoo’s desk.
“How are you?” His boss asks & Hangyul gives him the standard answer that he’s doing alright, that things with Seungyoun are great & that they get on well. He can’t help but feel Seungwoo isn’t telling him something, though, as he watches him.
“That’s great to hear. Cooperation is very important when it comes to these things.” Seungwoo says cryptically & Hangyul raises an eyebrow at him.
“Is there something you want to say to me Seungwoo-ssi? I’m a big boy, I can take it.” He says jokingly, trying to weasel out whatever seems to be bothering his superior.
Seungwoo’s face falls and he looks slightly concerned. “I’m just a little worried about how close you & your charge seem to be. As much as you two need to be on the same page about things, you guys seem a little too close for comfort & the media’s going to pick up on that.”
Hangyul gulps. He hadn’t been expecting this.
“If there’s anything going on between you two, I suggest you break it off. I’m telling you this as your superior because it wouldn’t do either of you any good. As your hyung though, I’m still going to tell you break it off because you’ll only get hurt. The media loves to tear these idols to shreds & you’re not going to be able to handle him breaking down. I know you Hangyul, you’ve always been soft like that.” Seungwoo says earnestly, his gaze burning so hot that Hangyul has to fight to maintain eye contact.
“There’s nothing going on between us, he’s just my charge.” He dismisses the accusation & he almost feels guilty for labelling Seungyoun as such. The man has become so much in the past year & it’s unjust to call him anything but his hyung.
Seungwoo doesn’t look convinced but he reclines in his chair nonetheless.
“So long as you know.”
-
Hangyul gets back to the house feeling unsettled & seeing Seungyoun in the kitchen throws him off far more than he would like to admit.
“Gyul-ah, you’re back! Great, I’m warming up some stew that my mum sent over.” The older man says, back facing him. He’s got an apron around his waist even though he isn’t even cooking & the fondness swells uncomfortably in Hangyul’s chest. He manages a grunt of approval & escapes to his room, locking the door behind him as he slides to the floor & whacks his head against the wood, silently chiding himself.
There’s no way he could have fallen for Cho Seungyoun. It’s not even a matter about whether or not he’s straight (he honestly doesn’t care & as far as he’s concerned Seungyoun had never given him any reason to believe that he wasn’t straight either.) What bothers him is that fact that it feels like it’s all going too fast. They barely know each other! He only knows how the other takes his coffee in the morning, how he likes watching Taiwanese dramas because they make him cry, how he’s actually allergic to Luizy & has to take meds, how…
Fuck. Hangyul’s fucked & he hasn’t a clue about what to do
He isn’t given much time to figure anything out as Seungyoun calls for him & the warmth returns. It all feels so domestic, he can barely handle their daily interactions at this point, his heart aching with just how much he wants to sweep the older man up in his embrace. He tries not to linger on that thought & manages a half-hearted shout that he’ll be out in a second.
He’ll just have to figure out what to do another time. In the meantime, he’ll simply have to tolerate Seungyoun’s presence because that’s both the only thing keeping him sane & also the one thing driving him up the wall.
-
Jinhyuk admits he’s puzzled when Seungyoun asks him to look up nice quiet places for dinner. He doesn’t ask him why, simply just does as he’s told out of habit & the realisation finally hits him long after he’s sent the other the list of places. Does he have a date? He hasn’t seen his hyung around anybody recently, though. He hasn’t been linked up with other idols either & he’s always been too busy to care about dating anyway.
Maybe it’s a childhood friend? But Wooseok would know about them if that was the case. Jinhyuk wracks his brain trying to figure out the special occasion when Wooseok walks into the office.
“Wooseokie, do you know if Seungyoun is seeing anyone?” He asks & the other tenses & looks at him funnily.
“I told you to stop calling me that. And why the sudden question?”
Jinhyuk frowns, Wooseok isn’t usually this curt with him. “Seungyoun asked me for a list of nice restaurants. I figured maybe he was going on a date or maybe it was a special occasion.”
Wooseoks pointedly looks at the floor and he looks concerned.
“No. He isn’t seeing anyone. But he might be thinking about it.”
-
Seungyoun’s jittery. He’s never been this nervous before. And it’s all over just a simple dinner, that’s all. They’ve gotten back from the studio & he wants to take Hangyul out for a nice treat because they’ve never done anything like this before.
It’s just dinner.
Except it’s not. It’s sunflowers because Hangyul once mentioned that he likes them. It’s Italian because Hangyul has always wanted to try it. It’s a confession because Seungyoun has never felt like this before & he just wants to express all of the emotions that he’s been bottling up for the past few months.
He’d never given much thought to falling in love in the past because no one had ever really caught his eye. Nothing else, however, can better describe this experience. Every day he looks forward to seeing Hangyul’s face when he wakes up (he’s taken to waking up before 8 so that he’s already awake when Hangyul comes in to wake him up.) His face is the first he scans the crowd for when he’s out of the recording booth or done with a show. It’s become impossible for him not to melt at the sight of the younger man lounging around in his house like he simply belongs there.
So here he is, waiting for Hangyul by the front door, like a good date waiting to pick up his partner, when in reality, Hangyul doesn’t know this is a date & they live together. Seungyoun checks his reflection in the mirror for the umpteenth time, fussing about with the sleeves of his button up when Hangyul finally arrives. Seungyoun has to school his features to hide his awe. The younger man looks stunning & if Seungyoun had a little less control, he might have said something stupid right there & then. Instead he responds to Hangyul’s question of, “Does this work?” with a nod of approval. He tries to joke about how Hangyul’s making such an effort but the words die on his tongue as Hangyul smiles at him.
He might not last the night at this rate.
-
When Seungyoun suggests they try a new place for dinner, Hangyul is just happy to be out of the house for once to do something that isn’t work-related. He spends far too long picking out an outfit & frets over his hair for far longer than usual. He keeps reminding himself that this isn’t a date, it’s just them. Hanging out. And grabbing dinner. Nothing more.
Except when they arrive at the restaurant, it looks so much fancier than Hangyul expected & he can’t help noticing that it’s Italian. He’d been meaning to try Italian food…
When they’re shown to their table, there’s a vase of bright yellow sunflowers standing proudly, stark against the darkness of the night & Hangyul glances around at the other tables. None of them have any flowers. He feels the butterflies starting to flutter in his stomach.
He’s suspicious but he also doesn’t want to overthink things. Instead, he settles for ordering his food & for easing into an enthusiastic conversation with Seungyoun about what they’ll be able to look forward to in the coming months. They talk about getting a cat to keep Luizy company, or maybe even a dog, Seungyoun still not quite over his shiba inu dream. It’s all so easy & Hangyul feels a chill creep up his spine when he realises just how much they sound like an old married couple. It’s terrifying.
The conversation dies out & Seungyoun’s simply looking at him. Hangyul looks anywhere but him because he’s scared that Seungyoun will somehow be able to read his mind if he catches his gaze.
“Gyul.”
Hangyul hums but keeps his eyes on the sunflowers. He touches a petal delicately & fiddles with it.
“I’ve never really told you how beautiful you are, have I?”
Hangyul tenses up immediately. He tries to think of a response but his mind isn’t moving fast enough to catch up with his mouth as he says, “Why thank you, I didn’t know my charming good looks had caught your eye too.”
“I’m serious.”
Hangyul tries not to frown. He can feel his heart beating faster in his chest & it starts to get harder to breathe.
He feels Seungyoun take his hand & it takes all of his willpower not to flinch or grip back.
“Hangyul-ah… I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while. Would you look at me please?” The pleading tone in Seungyoun’s voice is what breaks him & Hangyul caves in, looking into his eyes.
He almost regrets it because they look so full of affection & they’re so wide & innocent. He almost wants to choke back gasp. Instead, he keeps his expression blank.
“When I first met you, I didn’t think we’d manage to get close. I was fully intent on making an effort to get to know you but it felt different once we got talking. It felt like we clicked & I haven’t felt the same since. You’re always around & you’ve become such a big part of my life… I don’t really know what I’d do without you nowadays.”
“When I went back to see my mum over the holidays, we were talking about how I was getting on & she asked about you. I told her everything & the first thing she said was that you seemed like a good match. That’s when I finally put two & two together. Took me long enough to recognise the feeling I feel whenever it’s just us two.”
Hangyul holds his breath, he’s not sure if it’s in anticipation or if it’s out of fear.
“Lee Hangyul,” Seungyoun says firmly. He actually looks nervous for once but he voice doesn’t fail him. “What I’m trying to say is -”
“Don’t.”
The word is out before Hangyul can stop himself.
“What?”
“Please don’t say it.”
Seungyoun’s face falters. “What do you mean?”
“I know where this is going & I think you’re making a mistake Seungyoun.”
“Hangyul, how can this possibly be a mistake?”
“I’m saying there’s too much on the line.” Hangyul grits out.
“Hangyul, there’s literally nothing stopping us from -”
“Yes there is!” Hangyul pulls his hand away & he feels the bile rising in his throat. He feels sick for doing this. “There are so many reasons why this wouldn’t work. You know that. You’re just being idealistic.”
“Gyul-ah…”
Hangyul tries his hardest to block out the hurt in his hyung’s voice. He wants nothing more than to reciprocate his feelings but all he can hear are Seungwoo’s words ringing in his head. The media will tear Seungyoun apart if they find out & he’s not going to be able to handle him breaking down.
“Look, I don’t want anything happening to you & your career & I can’t risk my own job for this.” It’s a half-truth because Hangyul knows exactly just how far he’s willing to follow Seungyoun, even if it’s to the ends of the earth.
“So that’s it then. You won’t even hear me out?” Seungyoun looks withdrawn, his eyes betraying the turmoil he’s going through.
“I don’t have to. I know this is wrong.”
It comes out entirely unlike what he wishes to convey, far too harsh & blunt. Hangyul doesn’t mean it like that & he knows he’s made the wrong move when he sees Seungyoun’s face fall. There are tears in his eyes & he feels a pang in his heart. He grits his teeth to stop himself from saying anything more because he can’t believe what he’s done.
“Fine then, I guess I must have been reading the signs wrong all this while.” Seungyoun stands & dumps his napkin on the table. Hangyul doesn’t follow him.
He’s made a terrible mistake.
-
It’s late & Hangyul isn’t even sure where’s he wandering at this point having left the restaurant after realising that Seungyoun had disappeared without him.
He must, however, have a destination in mind because he ends up in front of a familiar store & low & behold, the one person he always runs to for advice is just closing up shop.
Yohan locks the door, checks it twice & turns around, almost jumping out of his skin when he sees Hangyul.
“Hangyul! What are you doing here?” He shuffles over & holds his friend by the shoulders. Hangyul sniffs, he can’t even get any words out before he crumples in his best friend’s arms & starts sobbing.
-
He comes clean, spills his heart to Yohan & cries into his best friend’s shoulder. They sit on the sidewalk because Hangyul can’t walk anymore. He’s just so tired.
Yohan pets his hair quietly & listens. When Hangyul finally finishes, he pulls his friend off his shoulder & holds him at arm's length.
“Gyul-ah. Look at me.”
Hangyul shakes his head, he’s still trembling from the tears. Yohan sighs.
"You know, you used to say that everyone was blind to Seungyoun's true nature, but Gyul. It's really been you who was blind all this while."
That gets Hangyul to look up at him, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
“He loves you, what more could you want?”
“Yohan-ah, do your hear yourself?”
“I do. But shouldn’t you be asking yourself that question? Because it sounds like you haven’t even been listening to yourself. Seungyoun’s two seconds away from telling you he loves you & you stop him. Are you out of your mind?”
Hangyul hadn’t been expecting a scolding of all things so he frowns at Yohan & tries not to get upset.
“You love him, he loves you too, what’s there to think about? You could be with him right now but instead you’re here with me.”
“You don’t get it, his career would be on the line, you know how he gets. He’s so clingy & affectionate, what if he accidentally forgets that we’re in public & I don’t know, decides to kiss me?”
Hangyul tries not to think about how much he would rather be doing that right now instead of crying.
“But isn’t that a decision for him to make, not you? It’s ultimately his career not yours, Gyul. If he’s willing to put his career at risk then that says a lot about how much he must like you.” Yohan reasons & Hangyul feels even worse.
It’s not that he doesn’t know this, but he’s been so fearful. What they have is so special, he’s so used to having Seungyoun in his life that he’s terrified of losing him. The irony is that he may have just lost him anyway.
“Fuck.” Hangyul groans & holds his head in his hands. Yohan rubs his back comfortingly.
He really screwed up.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you two will figure things out eventually. You love him too much to leave him & from the looks of it, he loves you too much to let you go just yet.” Yohan says & gently ruffles his friend’s hair.
Hangyul can only hope that he hasn’t already done too much damage.
-
Things are tense after last night and Hangyul hates himself more than he would like to. He really doesn’t mean anything that was said but he can’t take it back now. He tries to keep reminding himself that he’s doing the both of them a favour, that they could never work out in the public eye. But Yohan’s words still echo in his head & he feels hollow.
Between homosexuality being so taboo in the country & both their careers being on the line… Hangyul still isn’t ready to let everything that Seungyoun has built crumble overnight simply because they like each other.
(It’s most definitely not that simple but whatever helps him sleep at night right?)
((Not that he’s getting any sleep.))
Seungyoun doesn’t leave his room for the entire day and Hangyul isn’t quite sure what to do. The other man doesn’t even come out to eat and Hangyul panics & makes sandwiches to leave outside his door, hoping the other will maybe at least accept the peace offering.
The sandwiches are gone when he comes back and he knows he isn’t forgiven but the relief floods his system immediately. He can’t deal with this when they’re due in Thailand in a few days for KCON and the guilt was beginning to eat away at him ferociously. This would at least stave it off for a while.
He thinks maybe things will eventually blow over when Wooseoks texts him the details for their trip. He scans the information & freezes.
They’re rooming separately.
Hangyul’s heart sinks, all hopes of reconciliation shattered as he rereads the message three times over.
That night he chooses to stay out late again on purpose. If Seungyoun really didn’t want to be around him, he’d grant him his wish.
-
When they leave for the airport, the air in the van is charged with electricity. Hangyul keeps stealing glances at Seungyoun who has his AirPods in and who keeps his gaze firmly planted on the scenery passing by outside. Hangyul wants nothing more than to hold his hand like he did a few days ago but he knows it won’t be welcome. At this point, he’s not even sure why Seungyoun hasn’t fired him yet.
The van stops and they have to prepare to get out. Hangyul looks over at Seungyoun again, checking for any sign that he’s allowed to even touch him. Seungyoun merely stretches out his hand slightly so that Hangyul can get a grip on his elbow and they make their way out of the van together.
There’s not as much crowd control this time so they get jostled about quite a fair bit and both of them have to right their footing multiple times. They try to keep their pace up and continue straight for the gate.
That’s when it happens.
A sudden rush of girls add onto the crowd on Seungyoun’s side of the makeshift pathway and they stumble past the security guard holding them back, all but careening Seungyoun into Hangyul. The younger tries to stabilise his hyung but before Hangyul can register what has happened, Seungyoun’s lips are pressed flush against his and his brain short circuits. He has no time to react because Seungyoun immediately pulls away, the horror evident in his eyes and all of a sudden the screaming grows more deafening as the pair prolong their staring. It’s Wooseok who finally snaps them out of their daze when he shouts for them to hurry up and Hangyul shakes his head, grabbing onto Seungyoun’s arm and dragging him through the departure gates as the screams escalate behind them
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT.
-
They don’t talk on the entire flight, nor on the van ride to their hotel and they don’t spare each other glances at all while Wooseok and Jinhyuk frantically answer phone calls, holing both the idol and his bodyguard up in their shared room. The situation is a complete mess.
Wooseok finally hangs up and sighs, telling them to get some rest and to just carry on with their plan as per usual. They’ll finish up the two days at KCON and handle the situation when they’re back home. Hangyul nods mutely and is the first to leave the room, Seungyoun following his lead more slowly. They both head to their floor, having rooms adjacent to each other this time and Hangyul hesitates as he opens his door, Seungyoun to his right doing just the same.
“Hyung-ah…” He tries, his words failing him because he really doesn’t know where to start.
“Don’t speak to me.” Seungyoun all but hisses and slams the door behind him, leaving Hangyul alone in the hallway with a heavy heart and his thoughts rushing through his head.
-
He wakes up to dozens of texts from Yohan asking him if he’s okay, a handful from Wonjin and Hyeongjun that he refuses to acknowledge, one missed call from Seungwoo and one final message from Dohyon.
“Are you and WOODZ-ssi dating?”
He resists throwing his phone across the room and screams into his pillow.
-
When they get back to Korea, there’s an entirely different security team accompanying them because this time it’s not just Seungyoun their protecting, it’s Hangyul too. It’s an alien feeling, to be the one surrounded by a human wall. They’re herded into separate vans and Hangyul’s takes him straight to Seungyoun’s agency. Wooseok follows him and Jinhyuk accompanies Seungyoun.
The van ride is quiet and Hangyul gnaws at his bottom lip, entirely unsure of what to think. Wooseok doesn’t offer any sympathy or words of comfort, he simply glues his eyes to his phone and gets to work.
-
Hangyul enters the recording studio after meeting Seungyoun’s managers to give them an official statement about what happened and the room is the exact shade of distress and gloominess that he feared it would be. Wooseok's looking grim, his head in his hands. Jinhyuk's on the phone outside and Seungyoun's nowhere to be seen. Hangyul bites back a sigh of frustration. He hasn't seen the other man since they left the airport.
"How's damage control?" He asks weakly, not daring to take another step into the room lest he risk Wooseok's rage. The man in question raises his head and stares ahead of him, not turning to look at Hangyul. "We're handling it. You two should just keep it on the down-low for a little bit. The media is having a field day with those pictures. They're making a mountain out of a mole-hill, but it'll blow over eventually." He says quietly.
"I'm sorry." Hangyul isn't even sure why he's apologising.
"Save it, it's not your fault. We can't exactly predict the fans' actions & we'll just have to deal with it." Wooseok responds, running a hand through his hair & offering Hangyul a wry smile.
He sends Hangyul home with orders to keep an eye on Seungyoun & to get some rest & let them handle the matter. Hangyul doesn't argue.
He checks his phone on the way back: six missed calls from Yohan, two more messages from Wonjin, a missed video call from Dohyon... But nothing from Seungyoun. He sighs, the other can't simply go on ignoring him & avoiding the issue like this.
So they kissed, so what? It was an accident. They could just get over it.
(Hangyul almost wishes they wouldn't, his traitorous heart heavy with want.)
-
It’s six in the morning and Hangyul can’t sleep. He caved in and read some of the articles about them, scanning the pictures and shuddering at the memory. He feels violated in more ways than one and he can’t even begin to fathom how Seungyoun must be feeling. He reaches up a hand to touch his lips, still feeling the phantom touch of Seungyoun’s kiss & he resists a groan. He decides he’s not going to get any sleep like this & gets out of bed.
He shuffles towards the kitchen & stops right around the corner, freezing upon seeing light pouring into the hallway. His first instinct is to reach for the nearest object, a skateboard, & get his guard up. (For once Seungyoun's messiness is useful.) He braces the skateboard against his shoulder, takes a deep breath & rounds the corner, ready to face the intruder head on.
All he finds instead of a burglar, is Seungyoun, leaning against the counter, eyes staring blankly into space. His hair is sleep-mussed & the bags under his eyes have gotten darker. He looks haggard & wrecked. Hangyul drops the skateboard & lowers it against the wall. Seungyoun never wakes before him & he's stumped, unsure of what to do. The other’s words are still fresh in his mind, hissed out of fury from a few nights ago, They’re still ringing in his ears & he hates this feeling.
"Would it really be too much to ask?"
Hangyul startles and looks over at Seungyoun. The other man isn't looking at him but he had definitely spoken. Hangyul doesn't trust himself to speak.
"I never expected this to happen. Hell, I never asked for this to happen, it just did. Would it be too much to ask for you to feel the same?" Seungyoun chokes out. His head is lowered and his voice threatens to break. So, it culminates into this. The confession, the rejection, the accidental kiss...
Hangyul’s heart aches, because he does feel the same. It yearns to just spill those three simple words from his lips, but it would be selfish to assume anything good could come of this, for either of them. He bites his tongue to keep from responding. His chest feels tight & the tears threaten to fall. He wants nothing more than to tell Seungyoun that he feels the same. But the words don't come.
Before either of them can break the silence, Seungyoun's phone rings and brings them back to the present. He picks it up wordlessly and mumbles a quiet hello.
Hangyul takes the opportunity to flee.
-
They keep things civil after that, neither of them speaking more than the bare minimum to each other to get through the day. The tension between them is palpable & he’s sure that both PAs are fully aware now that’s there’s something more to the fault in their relationship.
Wooseok goes out of his way to keep the pair of them apart as much as possible without getting in the way of Hangyul’s actual job. It’s awkward to say the least, Hangyul has never felt so distant from Seungyoun in his entire life. It’s an alien feeling & he hates it so much. He hates himself for putting them in such a spot.
Jinhyuk keeps trying to talk to him but he avoids all his questions & eventually he stops asking. But he tries to drop hints now & again to just talk to Seungyoun. Maybe Hangyul’s a coward but he can’t quite find the courage to do so because he knows he’s at fault.
He just really doesn’t know how to fix this & his heart aches more & more every day with the burden he bears.
-
A month goes by & things don’t ease up. Hangyul’s beginning to lose hope, worrying that Seungyoun might actually sack him & that he’ll never get a chance to apologise or confess.
The worry gnaws at him all the way back from their recent trip to Japan again. The flight brings back all sorts of painful memories about how Seungyoun kept him distracted previously & how they shared a room together. It feels like ages ago, especially with how things are now.
Hangyul tries not to remember because the more he does, the more guilty he feels. He can vaguely make out Seungyoun a few rows ahead, fast asleep & the fondness that used to fill his chest regularly comes back tenfold.
He bites his lip out of habit & stares out the window. They’re reaching Seoul soon. He’ll figure out what to do when they get back. He feels as though he’s finally had enough.
-
When they push through the crowd to get to the van, Seungyoun is hyper-aware of Hangyul’s hand around his arm. He’d admittedly grown used to the other’s touch over the past year but after they’re falling out, it always takes him a moment to mentally prepare himself to be touched by the other man. He yearns for his touch like a man in a desert thirsts for water but he can’t show it because he’s already been rejected. The problem is that he’s still not over him.
They hurry through the throng of fans as fast as they can manage & Seungyoun’s vaguely aware of Hangyul faltering by his side, letting out a grunt as he loses his footing. He rights himself & they carry on. Seungyoun only realises something is wrong when Hangyul let’s go of him as he boards the van. He expects the younger man to follow but instead the next things he sees is Hangyul careening to the floor.
He acts on impulse, crying out & trying to rush out of the van to reach his friend. Wooseok holds him back & the airport security guards surround him. He vaguely sees one of them whip out a phone & he hears the word “hospital”. It sends him into overdrive. He struggles past Wooseok to reach Hangyul but he’s harshly pulled back inside the van as Jinhyuk jumps out instead & slams the door shut. They start pulling away & Seungyoun’s shouting at Wooseok to turn the damned van around because Hangyul isn’t okay & why are they leaving him like that?
Wooseok snaps at Seungyoun that his first priority it to get him out of there & that Jinhyuk will handle Hangyul. The idol tries not to yell at his friend & he feels uneasy the entire ride back to his place.
The moment they reach, he all but rushes inside to call Jinhyuk.
“Jinhyuk, which hospital are you at? How is he?”
“We’re at Severance. I don’t know what happened yet, the doctors took him into the ER.”
Seungyoun’s phone slips from his grip & he slides to the floor. Wooseok is there instantly, trying to get him to calm down.
“Take me to the hospital.”
“Seungyoun, you know that’s a bad idea, the media is already cooking up a -”
“Wooseok. I said take me to the hospital. If you aren’t going to do it I’m going myself.” Seungyoun says dead seriously, his voice almost cold & Wooseok hesitates before getting to his feet, holding his hand out for Seungyoun to pull himself up.
They wordlessly get back into the van & make for the hospital.
Wooseok hopes he’s doing the right thing, throwing glances at Seungyoun the whole way there.
-
“He’s going to be in there for a while. He lost a lot of blood.” The nurse on duty says quietly to Wooseok & Seungyoun is within earshot. He tries not to let his thoughts run wild with worry but he can’t help the nagging feeling at the back of his mind & he buries his head in his hands.
Jinhyuk has a hand carefully rubbing placating circles on his back.
“He’s going to be fine Seungyoun. He’ll be alright.” Jinhyuk whispers & all Seungyoun wants to do is believe him.
He’s never been this scared in his entire life.
-
When Hangyul is finally out of the operating theatre, Seungyoun is the first one in his ward. He sees the gauze wrapped around his waist & his heart sinks.
He has a heartbeat though & Seungyoun barely holds back a sigh of relief. He’s alive, God he’s alive.
He sits by the younger man’s bed & holds his hand quietly.
“Please be okay, I just need you to be okay.”
-
Wooseok & Jinhyuk wait respectfully outside, having called Hangyul’s agency & family already. They lean against each other for comfort, unclear of how things will turn out. Instead of trying to fix anything in that moment, they take a breather, seeking solace in other & sending up a silent prayer for their friend to be okay.
He has to be okay, for Seungyoun’s sake at least.
-
"You used to say that everyone was blind to Seungyoun's true nature, but Gyul, it's really been you who was blind all this while."
Hangyul feels his thoughts swimming and he does feel blind right about then. He knows Yohan had been talking about something else at the time but right now he's struggling to open his eyes and he feels numb. There's some faint distorted mumbling but his senses are dulled and he can't begin to grapple with where he is or why he can't fully move. The only things he can sense are a pressure on his left hand and his waist feeling tightly bound. He lets out a grunt, trying to force himself to wake up and he fights to open his eyes slightly. The pressure on his hand suddenly grows tighter.
"Gyul?"
He knows that voice, he’d recognise it anywhere. Such a sweet, gentle voice.
He barely registers what happens next as he blinks blearily, everything around him blurring together starkly in white.
Then the memories come flooding back.
-
There's a sharp pain in his lower side and suddenly he's half-stumbling to the ground, faltering and almost pulling Seungyoun down with him as he staggers. Someone lunges towards Seungyoun and he forces himself to his feet to block Seungyoun from the barrage of assaults. He feels his side growing wet but ignores it, barely keeping himself upright as he tugs Seungyoun along. They make it to the doors when black starts to creep into the edges of his vision and he's missing his footing again.
Seungyoun makes it to the van but Hangyul lingers outside. He lets go of the idol to get him inside but suddenly feels the world beneath his feet give way & he tumbles to the ground to the sound of someone shouting.
"GYUL!"
-
He'd been stabbed. Someone had managed to sneak a penknife into the airport and had made to attack him so that they could get closer to Seungyoun. The doctors said he had lost a lot of blood because the knife must have been jostled while inside him. Hangyul barely processes what Wooseok is saying, hardly even registering Jinhyuk's worried look, the weight on his arm becoming almost too overwhelming. Seungyoun had his hand gripped in a vice-like hold. He hasn't let go since he’s woken up.
"The police are investigating the matter and -"
"You two should get some rest. Youn, you should go home, someone can come get you." Jinhyuk cuts Wooseok off. Seungyoun doesn't seem to register to comment, his gaze still fixated on Hangyul's bandaged ribs. The silence is almost tangible as they wait for Seungyoun to do something, anything. After a few moments, Wooseok sighs.
"Come on Hyuk, we'd best leave them," Wooseok mumbles quietly, wrapping his hand lightly around Jinhyuk's wrist and pulling him out of the ward.
Hangyul finally turns his head to look at Seungyoun. The man hasn't said a word since the doctors left after checking his vitals. He tries to find the words, to tell Seungyoun he's fine, that he'll be alright and back in fighting form soon enough but his throat is dry and the words refuse to come out.
Instead, Seunyoun speaks.
"We can't do this anymore." He starts and Hangyul tenses immediately. He isn’t expecting the conversation to take such a turn. "I can't let you keep trying to keep me safe, especially if you're going to get hurt." Seungyoun pauses & heaves out a laboured breath.
"I can't have the person I love be the person who's getting hurt because of me."
His grip on Hangyul’s hand tightens and his head is lowered, his shoulders shaking with what Hangyul immediately recognises as sobs.
"I can't... I can't lose you. It doesn't matter if you don't love me back, I can't imagine my life without you & it feels like there's no air when you're not around and... God, Gyul, I can't have you be my bodyguard. Please resign. Please. I was so scared..."
Hangyul stares at the man in front of him, completely wrecked with tears and his heart flutters. He tries to force out a response and feels his voice cracking.
"I can't do that."
Seungyoun finally looks up at him, and God, if he doesn't take Hangyul's breath away. He reaches up to brush away the tears from his face.
"Who'd protect the nation's sweetheart then?" He says softly. He's not sure where he's going with this but he knows he needs to do something now, more than ever.
The moment is charged with tension and Seungyoun is looking at him like he's the only thing in the world worth looking at with his glassy eyes.
"I can't resign. I can't because somewhere along the line, the most annoying, messy and absolutely chaotic person I know glued himself to my side & now I can’t leave him. It’s only been a year but I can safely say that I'm willing to lay down my life for him." Hangyul croaks out, his throat still strained from lack of use. He means every single word.
Seungyoun sobs, a new wave of tears streaming down his face and Hangyul gently cups his cheek in his hand.
"Why do you always have to be so mean... Why do you always have to be so selfish? Can't I make this decision for you, for us?" Seungyoun says hoarsely, gripping Hangyul's hand a little tighter.
Hangyul doesn't say anything, instead he tugs at Seugnyoun's hand and the older takes a moment to realise what he wants. He clambers onto the hospital bed with him and Hangyul rests his hyung's head on his chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let this happen. I'm sorry I didn't say anything until now. I'm sorry I tried to decide what was best for you before, I shouldn't have & I’m sorry that I can't let you decide for me whether or not I'm going to stay. Because right now, I just want to stay right here, with you." Hangyul breathes and there it is. It's out in the open. Seungyoun sobs harder into his chest and Hangyul runs a hand through his dark silky hair until the tears dry and the sobs have melted away.
When Jinhyuk and Wooseok come back later, Hangyul’s family & Yohan in tow, they find their hyung wrapped around Hangyul and the pair quietly sleeping.
The cat is finally out of the bag. There's nothing left to hide.
-
It’s a few days before Hangyul’s discharged & sent home. Jinhyuk & Yohan come to get him, the three of them driving back to Seungyoun’s place in silence. No one even asks why they’re going there instead of his own house. His parents don’t even put up much of a fight after Yohan assures them that he’ll be taken care of. They shower their son with well wishes & make him promise to keep them updated. It’s been quite a scare for everyone & parting ways seems like a reminder of how far away his parents seem to be from him at times. Hangyul vows to ask for more off-days to spend time with them. Dohyon wraps him in a hug, not too tightly because of the bandages & softly chides his brother for being careless although he clings on just a little longer than usual before Hangyul has to leave for his place.
Huh, Hangyul thinks to himself, his place. At some point, Seungyoun’s home had become as much of his as it had become Hangyul’s. Maybe he takes comfort in this, knowing that his charge - his friend? hyung? (lover?) - is just a room away.
Seungyoun’s waiting inside when he hears the car pull up & when his friends step over the threshold, he jumps to his feet before realising what he’s done & awkwardly fiddles with his hands as though he doesn’t know what to do.
That’s new, he’s never not known what to do.
Hangyul realises he’s nervous too & he’s not quite sure why. Jinhyuk makes a comment about dropping off his stuff in his room & Hangyul barely acknowledges it with a grunt. Yohan shuffles about awkwardly before deciding he should follow the PA, throwing hasty glances at the other parties in the room before hurrying off.
Then it’s just the two of them.
Seungyoun speaks first, as always.
“How are you feeling?”
He looks tentative, meek almost.
Hangyul decides to be brave, taking a few steps forward until he’s standing right in front of him. He looks up at him for a moment & takes his hand. Slowly, he places it on his chest, right over his heart. Seungyoun holds his breath.
“I’m doing just fine. I’m here now aren’t I?” He manages a smile & Seungyoun breaks out in a small but uneasy grin as well. He nods silently & slides his hand around Hangyul’s shoulders to pull him in. He just holds him for a bit, quietly savouring the moment.
“I missed you. This place is too quiet without you.”
“You’re telling me, you never shut up! I can’t believe I got away from it for a while.” Hangyul tries to tease but Seungyoun pulls back & frowns at him slightly. Hangyul’s playful grin drops and he tightens his hold around the other man. “Hey, hey, I’m joking. I missed you too okay? Just, don’t treat me like I’m fragile or something, cause I’m tougher than I look. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Seungyoun nods mutely & Hangyul pulls his head down to rest on his shoulder. He can feel the other man let out a sigh & he takes in all that he can.
(Some time before they let go, Jinhyuk & Yohan slip out the door, completely unnoticed by the two, trying not to smile at the sight.)
-
They slowly fall back into their daily routine except that Hangyul mostly stays inside the house & rests. Seungyoun has to leave from time to time for press & Wonjin & Hyeongjun are assigned to take over Hangyul’s job in the meantime. The idol, however, never fails to leave something or other for the other man when he does have to go out.
On Wednesday, it’s a small note reminding him to eat lunch & take his pain meds if he needs them. Thursday greets him with a voicemail telling him that he can expect pajeon for dinner. Friday, it’s the briefest of touches to his head when Seungyoun thinks he doesn’t notice. Hangyul’s awake & he’s fully aware of the kiss being placed on the crown of his head. He doesn’t mention it. They spend the weekend indoors because Seungyoun finally gets a break from the media about the entire airport situation.
Hangyul’s dressing comes off the following week. The wound is healing nicely & he can only express thanks & relief that it didn’t cost him anything more than a few pounds of blood.
When he’s back home (it doesn’t feel weird to call Seungyoun’s place, his, now) he takes a shower & comes out shirtless with his towel over his shoulders. He hadn’t realised that Seungyoun was back, the other man reclining on the sofa, flipping mindlessly between channels on the TV.
When he sees Hangyul though, he freezes up. Hangyul doesn’t notice and walks into the living room, still drying off his hair. “Anything good on?” He asks and looks over at the channel Seungyoun has stopped on. When the other doesn’t reply, he looks down to find him staring at his side. Hangyul immediately knows what he’s looking at. “The doctors say it’s healing well, it’ll leave a scar though but I think that’s kind of neat.”
Seungyoun continues staring. Then he raises a hand & hesitantly rests it against Hangyul’s uninjured side. Hangyul resists a gasp, the hand feeling cold against his shower-warmed skin. Seungyoun tugs him a little closer & he inspects the scar along his side. It’s small, nothing more than a couple centimetres long but they both know it was deep & that the blood loss had been enough to scare everyone.
Hangyul holds his breath, hyper-aware of the other’s hands on him. The older man raises his other hand to lightly trace the scar & Hangyul shivers at the contact.
“I’m sorry.” Seungyoun says suddenly, his thumb still dancing lightly across the scar. “I’m sorry you got hurt because of me.”
“It’s a job hazard, don’t worry about it.”
“Still, sometimes I wish you wouldn’t have taken the job.”
Hangyul stares down at the man & wonders how he could ever leave him, especially with all that they’ve been through. He feels charged with conviction, wanting to prove something in that moment & he leans down towards Seungyoun.
“If I hadn’t taken the job, I wouldn’t be able to do this.”
With that, Hangyul throws a leg over Seungyoun’s thighs & sits on his lap before finally, finally, leaning in to claim what’s been his since the moment he set foot in this house.
His charge, his roommate, his hyung, his friend - his Seungyoun.