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It rains for weeks after Naminè’s funeral. Riku can’t help but feel that even the heavens are weeping for the beautiful life no longer in the world. He couldn’t find the words to say at her funeral, but that’s a pretty nice metaphor. He misses her, they all do but in a way, it’s like nothing has changed. Her presence still lingers around them.
She’s in Kai’s face when she wears that wig for the last scene in Chain of Memories, her eyes (Naminè’s eyes) shining bright as for one brief moment Naminè seemed to come back to life through Kairi. He wasn’t sure what to say afterward, and Kairi hadn’t given him a chance to say anything, shoving the wig into Nomura’s hands and dry heaving into the trashcan onset before sobbing into Sora’s arms.
She’s in her empty trailer, the multi-colored fairy lights no longer lighting up the inside. It’s dark in there, reminding Riku of the darkness he is so well acquainted with in these movies. The darkness in him, in them all. It almost seems like she’s not dead, just stepping out for a moment. Her drawings are everywhere, and he can almost picture her sketching in the dark, like the weirdo she is was. He’d moved her fish into his room, all their colors lighting up his dull trailer. She’d named them after all of them, there was the red Kai, the shimmery silver Ri, the blue Sky, and the little white Nami. She’d loved those dumb fish and they were a piece of her he held close. Her trailer would probably be taken away soon, but he’d keep those stupid fish for as long as they lived.
Not like Naminè’s bitch of a sister cared about anything but a paycheck. Well, maybe that was cruel. They were all sad. Kairi just chose a unique way to remember her. ‘She’s keeping Nam alive, Riku. Please try to understand, Riku.’ Sora said. He had no idea how Sora could stand being around her, how he couldn’t smack her when she’d paraded out in that blonde wig acting like her sister. It was disgusting and macabre, and most importantly a disgrace to Naminè’s memory. Maybe later he’d feel different but for now, he didn’t even want to see Kairi’s face.
Riku loved had loved Naminè. He’d loved her since they were little and running along the beach, her blonde hair blowing in her face as she drew because she refused to pull it up even when he offered her a hair-tie because it ruined her ‘aesthetic’. He never told her of course. He’d seen the way she looked at Sora (so did Nomura if the way KH: COM played out, he thought bitterly recalling the ‘replica’ who had so ferociously loved the little white witch in the tower).
If he had just done something. Said something when she was still here, still alive then maybe things would be different. He knew she liked Sora, but there were times when Naminè had looked at him with the stars in his eyes and he’d had hope that maybe she could like him too.
Maybe she loved Sora because he was so happy. He was cheerful, endeavoring, and kind. Riku was the darkness to Sora’s light, his monster to fight and that was why Naminè had killed herself because Riku was so full of darkness he-
Riku stopped.
Breathe.
Riku breathed in.
You’re not him. You’re not darkness. You are not him.
After a moment he let the breath out. Sometimes his mind slipped into ‘Riku’ ‘s mind. It was bound to happen. Sora had the same issue, so much so that even as his best friend Riku wasn’t sure where the character ended, and the boy started. Maybe Riku wasn’t even Sora’s best friend anymore. He wasn’t really sure. Fantasy and reality tended to blend in his head.
Riku wondered if it happened to Naminè too. If maybe she’d killed herself because she’d been unable to separate the teenager and the lonely Nobody in a tower. Even Kairi had issues, though ‘Kairi’ was little more than a whimpering flower, a prize for ‘Sora’ and ‘Riku’ to fight and totally not be gay over. And now the real Kairi was also being Naminè because Nam connected too much to her character and kicked the proverbial bucket. Maybe with the added stress Kairi would go jump off a cliff or sunny little Sora would have a phycological breakdown and decide that he too would take a bunch of pills and go to sleep (In the recesses of his mind Riku acknowledged that he was being cruel but fuck it was either that or cry because Naminè was dead and his best friends were being complete and utter fucking idiots).
But Nomura had to know this would happen. Nomura seemed to know everything. And raising them as part-fictional characters had probably fucked them all up in the head (And Riku just knows he’s the one who whispered in Kairi’s ear that she should finish Naminè’s scenes). Hell, the bastard probably thought it would be good publicity. Mick had told him he was already working on a new script and looking for a new lead for some character that would remain nameless till the roll was filled. As though KH’s lore wasn’t fucked up enough with the real names being mixed in and such. Nomura had his work cut out for him.
Maybe he was just looking for someone to blame. For some reason to think Nam had a reason, he felt like maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much. And sure maybe it was good Kairi had found a way to keep Naminè living in her heart. But even without her pretending to be her sister Naminè seemed to live on around them.
And of course, Naminè wouldn’t want him to be angry at Kairi or Nomura. No matter how much they deserved it. Riku sighed and ran a hand through his hair before nodding to himself. He supposed he’d go to talk to Kai in the morning. Maybe before he’d call Sora and get him to apologize to Nomura for him. This was a shit time for all of them. There was no use in making it worse for anyone.
He’d just suffer alone. That, he was at least used to.