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Your mouth is a revolver
Firing bullets in the sky
Your love is like a soldier
Loyal till you die
Being a police officer had been her dream. Ever since she was little. Yaz had wanted to change the world, do something that matter, right the wrongs in the world. Sure, she had spent quite a few times in her childhood just being bullied for who she was, but that did not stopper in the slightest. Each little knock to her confidence, all the anxieties she had to work through and still manage as an adult…they had all been worth it. She had left school with some of the highest grades in her year and started straight on an academy course with the force. At sixteen she was a fresh faced and doe eyed cadet, and although she spent her days in the office, she loved every second of it. She got to witness tapes of old cases, listen in on emergency calls, help run the day to day workings of a police force. Her own local no less. It was absolutely everything she had wished. Until…one day…when she caught the faintest hint of dragging remarks from the other cadets about her heritage…it wasn’t.
When she turned eighteen, Yasmin Khan had made it to probationary work. Soon enough, she would be a fully fledged officer of the force. Or at least, that was what she was told daily by her supervisor. How was dealing with parking disputes or standing watch at football matches meant to allow her to grow? Sure, she knew how important it was. She had had to raise her voice and even threaten force at one point, it did grow her confidence. But it was not at all what she had imagined as a little girl. She wanted to work on bigger cases, important ones, she was smart enough and more determined than at least half of her colleagues. But no, she was just left to rot away behind a desk or very rarely behind the wheel. It was a mockery of everything she had learnt. Yaz knew better than to fight the system though. Any wrong move would leave her stricken from the force and unable to return. So all she could do was suck it up, and wait out the next year of her life.
And I've been looking at the stars
For a long, long time
I've been putting out fires all my life
There was one good thing about being eighteen though, Yaz realised, and that was the freedom that driving brought. Sure, she had to borrow her mum’s car to do anything, but she understood her need for space. Sometimes. Tonight was one of those nights, a wordless exchange that saw Yaz walking into her flat briefly and leaving again with car keys. Winter meant that the nights were drawing in far faster, but it was her favourite time of day. When not working the night shift. Drawing her thick knit scarf closer up to her nose, she set the car into reverse and made her way from the housing estate her flats sat on. Hardly anyone was about, which was to be expected at eight in the evening. Everyone not working had the great idea of staying inside where it was warm. But inside was stifling her. She needed the escape from her family, despite how much she loved them.
The drive was a slow crawl, but soon enough Yaz found herself where she needed to be. Parking up in the empty lot, she took hold of her backpack and made her way out into the frigid air. Climbing the steps up from the train station, she finally appeared at the thankfully empty amphitheatre. As expected, by the time she found somewhere to sit at the highest point, clouds had parted enough just for her to see the waxing crescent moon and a glorious spattering of stars. Wrapping her arms around her chest to keep herself warm, Yaz looked up to the glorious night, her breaths coming out as thick plumes of white. Truth be told, her biggest dream had always been to visit the stars. An impossible dream, so much so that she chose the second one instead. At least she had her quiet night to watch them dance.
Everybody wants a flame
But they don't want to get burnt
And today is our turn
The Doctor had appeared like a maelstrom, knocking everyone’s life into complete and utter chaos. Oh how desperately she had wanted to tell the crazy blonde woman on the train to shove off, that she was encroaching on her law-marked territory. But there was something so enrapturing about her. Not that Yaz was ever going to admit that thought. The Doctor was a wildfire, untamed and dangerous. She had drawn in aliens, and people had died because she happened to be in the right place at the right time. It was all too much to think about, and if she had stuck to her morals, then Yaz would have left the country just to get away from it all. Normally it would have been far too much for her. But the Doctor had appeared at the right time for her too. She had taken her away from her terribly unfulfilling job. She had given her the opportunity of a lifetime. The past was there, ready and waiting for her. So were the stars. So was the future. Everything was there for her and Yaz was not going to let it go for anything in the universe.
Travelling with the Doctor also came with another advantage, something that crept up on her slowly and without much attention paid to it. The Doctor was charismatic, pragmatic, considerate and determined to do as much good in the world as she was. Yaz saw a little bit of herself in the Doctor and could not help but be drawn towards it. Sure, she had Ryan and Graham and loved them like the extensions to her own family that they were. They certainly drove her less mad than the rest of them. She was so grateful that other people knew what she was up to, so she didn’t seem utterly mad half of the time. Still, her attentions were drawn to the Doctor. Her original skepticism had become innate curiosity. There were times where Yaz realised that she knew absolutely nothing about the Doctor, the alien was an enigma to her. She so desperately wanted to solve the secrets and the mysteries of the flame that drew her in like a helpless moth.
Days like these lead to
Nights like this leads to
Love like ours
You light the spark in my bonfire heart
The boys had gone away for the day, doing some quality time together. Usually, Yaz took that opportunity to do the same and go home herself, but she really did not feel like dealing with her parents. At least Sonia was on holiday. Really, she wanted to spend time with the Doctor. She realised that there was something that kept her coming back, and it was not just the prospect of endless travel. She was starting to care about the Time Lord. Not that that was a problem, it was nice to have a friend, finally. The feeling appeared mutual, as at least the Doctor never kicked her off the TARDIS to do whatever it was she did without them. She practically encouraged her to stay and got excited over all the things they could do together. For this day, they were heading out to some intergalactic cinema to watch a nature documentary in virtual reality. The prospect was rather terrifying, but Yaz had seen so many alien creatures now that the thought just made her anxious. In the best ways. Because the Doctor was going to be there with her.
When the doors of the TARDIS opened out onto the crowded plaza, the Doctor looped an arm through one of her own and dragged her out into the masses. Yaz laughed quietly as she attempted to keep up with the ever-energetic Time Lord, completely oblivious to the fact that her heart was pounding in her chest and that her stomach was doing hundreds of back-flips as it fluttered around her body.
People like us we don't
Need that much just someone that starts
Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts
One night, Yaz was wandering around the TARDIS, unable to sleep. The smartest idea was to go to the kitchen and make herself a drink to relax, but something was guiding her elsewhere. It could have just been her imagination, or it was the ship, but either way the kitchen never materialised. She continued to wander around the place until the corridor narrowed and she stopped outside a door. It was shaped like an arch, with cogs and circles carved into the wood. Some parts were inlayed with gold detailing, others black, all looking very formal and imposing. Clearly, she was not supposed to be there, but her feet would not move. Yaz was stuck on the spot, listening to faint murmurs coming from the crack between the door and the frame itself. The door was open slightly, which was just drawing her attention even more. There was no door handle to move, a perplexing addition. Tired hands pressed to the wood and gently pushed at the door, realising that the room inside was mostly dark.
Mostly, because there was a lamp on in one corner of the room. With her bleary tired eyes, Yaz could just make out some kind of study. The walls were lined with books of all shapes and sizes, along with various items she could not even begin to describe in her wildest dreams. Except that was not what was drawing her attention. No. Bathed in the warm orange glow of the light, almost slipping out of the chair entirely, was the Doctor. A book had fallen into her lap, on some obviously unfinished chapter, her hands barely still keeping hold of the pages. Her head had lolled to one side, face half shrouded by wisps of wild blonde hair. It was one of the rare moments where Yaz had seen her without her coat, the item of clothing handing on a very fancy hat stand. Instead, her sleeves had been pushed up to reveal bare arms, at least as toned as her own. Not surprising given all the work the Doctor did. The sight woke Yaz up far more than she had anticipated, standing still in the doorway until the Time Lord began to mumble incomprehensible words in her sleep. With a smile on her face, Yaz departed again, a new feeling starting to swell in her chest.
This world is getting colder
Strangers passing by
No one offers you a shoulder
No one looks you in the eye
The Doctor had not meant to pick up more humans. She really hadn’t. If anything, she had been trying to desperately avoid the entire scenario. The only reason she had stayed before and after the funeral of Grace was from her moral compass. It was the good thing to do, and the Doctor tried ever so hard to be good. When the time came to say goodbye to the humans she had haphazardly acquired, she thought that was it. She could go and find her TARDIS and set about on the new chapter of her life. The parting wishes of her former self. Except that was never really going to happen, not to her…the universe was not that kind.
She had dragged them into the vacuum of space. Dragged them across the most hospitable planet she had seen in years. She had almost gotten them killed as a direct result of her stupidity for not triple checking the haphazard teleportation system she had engineered. She was an absolute wreck. Except they had helped her see the light, helped her stay strong when she was so ready to give up. They had helped her stay just long enough to catch the sounds of her calling TARDIS and get her life back on track. Sure, nothing had been like she had planned, but the Doctor was nothing if not a little thankful for the way things had turned out for her.
But I've been looking at you
For a long, long time
Just trying to break through
Trying to make you mine
Why was she always looking? The Doctor caught herself doing it so frequently, but the whereforall as to why alluded her. She just couldn’t stop looking. She liked to think that she doted on all of her companions equally ,especially after their declarations of wanting to stay with her and travel. She kept an eye on Graham and kept his little bits of grief in check so they didn’t spill over. She kept an eye on Ryan’s self confidence about his own abilities and tried to make sure she boosted him wherever she could. Except Yaz was something entirely different. There was some kind of…weakness there. Something so confusing and yet so familiar at the same time. She wanted to get closer to her, to do the things that made her smile. Oh, her smile was something else. It was infectious, spreading out from her body and into the Doctor and making her beam in kind. It was terribly inconvenient sometimes. Still, she persisted in checking on her. All the time.
The Doctor enjoyed her company more than she probably should. Although the TARDIS would keep unusually quiet about the whole ordeal if ever she needed to talk about it. It bothered her. Why was she fixated so much? By the end of it the Time Lord just assumed her new body had a thing for hyperfixating on things. She had fixated so much on getting her TARDIS, perhaps she just needed a new outlet for her attention. Totally harmless. It had to be. The Doctor had sworn to herself that she was not about to get too heavily involved with any of her companions. Except she already had…she had taken Yaz to see her Nani. Only one other person had ever gotten her to do that and…no, she wasn’t going to think about it. She was just going to enjoy all the time with Yaz that she had. It was a finite resource.
Everybody wants a flame
They don't want to get burnt
Well today is our turn
Admiration. That’s what it was. The Doctor admired Yaz. She was strong, capable, smart and funny all in equal measure. She knew how to work with kids and adults alike, knew how to get the best out of everyone. Whenever the Doctor could feel herself veering off course, going into territory she needed to avoid for her own sanity, Yaz always seemed to be there. Kickstarting her brain back into the present moment. All of her rambles? Yaz could dissect them. Couldn’t understand a problem? Yaz somehow had the exact phrase to draw her to an answer. They worked together so well, it was a match that was made to be. Graham was the grounding force keeping everyone together, but he could often head on his own path or get distracted by completely different things. Ryan had a wonderful leading streak and great ideas, except his inexperience and self-doubt would often get the better of him and render him silent.
It often amazed her that, all of her companions on record, had been such strong and individual characters. Was there something in her that just attracted them? Possibly. Although she had kind of hoped that the trend would have been just to her male counterparts. Still, it came with advantages. She adored having her fam around, they were exactly what she needed to keep going. They would solve the problems of the universe together, enjoy everything that time and space had to offer. All topped up with the best cup of tea and biscuits handed over to her by the ever thoughtful Yaz on the nights where even the Doctor had to slow down and admit defeat long enough to curl up on the sofa with some downtime.
Days like these lead to
Nights like this leads to
Love like ours
You light the spark in my bonfire heart
She had offered her the opportunity to go stargazing. Anywhere in the universe she wanted to go. The Doctor would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little surprised to hear that Yaz wanted to go home to Sheffield for the occasion. There were so many wonderful places she could take her, but the Doctor was still weak for any request she gave. With the pair of them wrapped up in winter clothes, the Doctor even branching out to wearing jumpers, the two of them left the TARDIS and stepped out into the bitter winter night. Snow crunched underfoot as they made their way over to the amphitheatre, Sheffield deathly silent. Not even cars were around. The icy roads were far too dangerous that day. The Doctor had chosen the perfect time for them not to be disturbed. While she set up the blanket to sit on top of the stone benches, Yaz hung back and took a sip of chai tea from a rainbow patterned thermos flask. When the place was set, neither of them said a word for hours as they simply looked up at the sky and sat with each other.
But the Doctor could see things. She had a much better brain capacity after all, which lead her to be able to multitask so carefully. She noticed that Yaz’s shoulder was just brushing up against her own, same as one of her legs. Their breath mingled together in the empty night, drifting off up towards the wonderful display of stars up above. Thankfully, in the near distant future, light and air pollution had cleared up just enough for more of the sky to become visible. The Doctor realised, as she thought, that her hearts were working faster. A warm feeling spread through her chest and up her neck to coat her cheeks as she thought about Yaz. She adored spending time with her, alone, it was the best treat in the universe. And there lied the problem. Time. Time that would eventually end. Still, she pushed the thought aside, along with the desperate urge to slide her hand away from the thermos and place it against her companion’s knee and squeeze it gently.
People like us we don't
Need that much just someone that starts
Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts
No, it wasn’t admiration. Not anymore. She was so dense! All the signs were there except she ignore every single one of them. All those feelings…she normally ran away from them. That was what made her so good at realising them. What had happened? The Doctor could do nothing to stop them now. No, they were in full swing, consuming her every breath with a raging fire that was forever stoked. She would move closer to Yaz at every possible moment, try and get her attention somehow, involve her in everything she did. She showed her how the TARDIS worked, and her ship had even allowed a telepathic conversation for a few minutes. She liked her apparently. Which was both a good thing and something awful at the same time. There was only one other person the TARDIS had liked that much…
Still, the Doctor kept all of her cards close to her chest. If Yaz had any idea what was going on, then she was hiding it very well. The Doctor assumed she had no clue and that was good. All that mattered really was keeping Yaz around. Making her happy. Giving her everything she wanted, all the chances to grow that she would never get back on Earth, all the while somehow managing to her home in time for work or tea with her family. She was a mess. But she secretly loved it. Loved the rush it gave her. It was addictive. Yaz was addictive. Desperately she wanted to break the tiny barrier that was left between them, but she also wanted to keep the dynamic with the fam. It was just playing the long game. Keeping hold of her love for as long as she could, lest it come back to haunt her later on.
Our bonfire hearts
Our bonfire hearts
Our bonfire hearts
She had expected the day to have been coming for months, she could feel it brewing in her bones. She could feel the twines of time that twisted around herself and her fam slowly unravelling. It was bound to happen. It was really what she had been wanting for a long time, and the universe really did not play fair with her. It was better that way though. If she was alone, then nothing bad could happen. She could avoid all the problems luck had been keeping away from her by the skin of its teeth. As the TARDIS landed in Sheffield on a mild summer’s day, she walked down the steps to the console room and saw her fam standing in a memorable formation. It was the same as when they said they were staying. So, it really did spell the end. She kept a brave face though, she had to, if they saw her crack…they would change their mind and stay. She had to let them do whatever it was that they wanted to and not be swayed by her.
Of course she was right. Time did not lie to her. It was linear and smooth and there was nothing she could do to change a fixed point. Better to be a quick rip of the plaster than to see the worst happen. The Doctor listened as Ryan and Graham collectively thanked her for the time they had spent together. All the adventures they had been on, the wonderful things they had seen and done, and the bond they had fostered in the last two years. They were a proper family now, stronger than ever. The Doctor could live with that. Be happy with that. It was warming her hearts, and she smiled wide as they left the TARDIS and set about on the rest of their lives together. The only thing left to do was to take the short hop to where Yaz lived, and repeat the same moment again. Something that was going to be even harder still.
You like the spark
People like us we don't
Need that much just
Someone that starts
Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts
The same lines. The same phrases. Just mixed up with different vocabulary. The Doctor was going to zone out, switch her brain off, save herself the torture of taking the words to heart. But something was different. Something was wrong. Her eyes widened slightly as Yaz paused, the very fabric of time rippling around them. She could see it shimmering, glittering. Something was changing. The threads of time weren’t loosening around her anymore and falling out of her reach. They were winding tighter, tighter than anyone else had ever dared to push, crushing their timelines together until parts…they merged. Briefly became a single entity at a point that the Doctor could not even begin to decipher.
She stood to attention then, hands nervously wringing inside her pockets as she listened to the slow and low words of Yaz echoing throughout the TARDIS. No…she couldn’t…she wasn’t…but of course she was. She quoted herself, then and there, reminding the Doctor that she wanted to see more of the universe. She was the best person she had ever met. The space between them seemed to melt away into nothing, so much so that the Doctor was soon caught between the beaming smile of Yaz and the back of the console. Everything seemed to fall away into a blur until only a few simple words began to play over and over again inside her head, causing her to smile in kind.
‘So, where to next then Doctor?’
Days like these lead to
Nights like this leads to
Love like ours
You light the spark in my bonfire heart
Two sets of legs dangled out of the doors of the TARDIS, two sets of eyes looking out onto the birth of a new galaxy. A plethora of colours exploded against brown and hazel-green eyes, not to be overshadowed by their smiles. There was next to no space between them as Yaz gently rested her head against the Doctor’s shoulder, hands resting in her lap as the Doctor kept herself upright with one hand and had the other against her lower back. It was a special day after all, one that the Time Lord had been preparing for so long. She thought that her moment would have passed, that Yaz would have left, but they had been on so many adventures together since then. On their own. Facing unimaginable perils and experiencing endless amounts of joy. It was only fitting that the Doctor took her to the most beautiful place in the universe for her twenty-first birthday. A veritable milestone for her companion. Although she did have o get her back in time for a family celebration back in Sheffield.
However, much like many times before, so many she had forgotten, the Doctor was thinking about other things. She had seen the birth of a galaxy before, that was just for Yaz. No, she was thinking about other important things. Things to do with herself. And Yaz. There was no denying now that something was there between them. It was plain to see. Except, she was far too scared to do anything about it. It was daunting, the Doctor had never done anything so terrifying in all their lives. Everything could be fixed with bravado and courage but…no, she was scared. Scared of messing up, scared of ruining Yaz’s life somehow. After all, she was an alien who was thousands of years old. Yaz deserved a life with someone her own age. Something normal. Something…Something that certainly was not the barest hint of a whisper to draw her attention…and definitely not a pair of soft and warm lips pressing so delicately against her own.
People like us we don't
Need that much just someone that starts
Starts the spark in our bonfire heart
Our bonfire hearts
It was still weird to think about how the last year had gone. The Doctor had lost her companions, at least not through challenging means for once. And she still saw Ryan and Graham, whenever she made a trip back to Sheffield with Yaz. But that life was so far from what she had now. Yaz had told her parents everything…mostly everything…enough for her to quit her job and move into the TARDIS full-time. It had been on the condition that the Doctor brought her back at least once a week for tea, and she was more than happy with that arrangement. Really, she was in the best position of her life. Righting the wrongs of the universe with the most wonderful girlfriend by her side. Together they were unstoppable. It warmed her hearts to be so happy, and to see the same in Yaz as well.
The TARDIS had even combined their rooms together, but still kept seperate one for the odd days where the Doctor just needed some time to deal with her feelings. Most of the time Yaz was there to coach her through them, and she would do the same for her back, although being alone was still sometimes something she needed. But all it did was to serve as a reminder of all the things she had left to look forward to in her life. All the things that she had been given a second chance at. She was going to make the most of her time with Yaz, treasure their relationship, and let it mold her into the better person she had always longed to be, free of fear.
Days like these lead to
Nights like this leads to
Love like ours
You light the spark in my bonfire heart
She tugged at the high collar around her neck, desperate to try and pull it away from her neck so she could breathe, but it was useless. She knew the clothes were outlandish, but still. Nothing could have prepared her for the garish red and gold robes and the high arched collar. Grumbling and griping would do nothing to help. Especially not considering the task that lay ahead of her. With a shaky breath, she looked down at the bracelet around her wrist, smiling at the circular hoops linking together around her. She was safe. She was cared for. She could do this. Eyes set forward, she marched on into the unknown, breaking out into a room lit by endless light. There, she saw so many more faces than she expected, most of which she did not recognise. But there were two that she did, and it helped calm her nerves. She stood before them all, mustering all her strength, waiting for her moment.
“Phi Epsilon Umbreen Khan, you may make your declaration.”
One person’s voice rang out into the silence, a single person stepping forward and beckoning her to stand atop the mass of interwoven circles that decorated the floor.
“I, Phi Epsilon Umbreen Khan, under the watchful gaze of the High Council, do swear to uphold the laws of Time and Space as decreed across the ages. I shall not interfere with the flow of Time, unless there is a threat to the stability of History itself. I shall not interfere with the laws of Space, unless there is due cause. I shall forever be mindful of the effects my actions have, and the damage that I could cause to the Universe. In line with the age old tradition of Time Lords, I relinquish my name and thus forth shall take on the mantle of The Guardian, and all the responsibilities within. High Council, will you welcome me?”
With a final pause for breath, Phi waited, looking over the faces of the Council once more. All she had time to witness, was a row of smiles, before she dropped to the ground and the world fell dark. By the time she opened her eyes again, it was into the shining eyes of her mothers.
“D-did…did I…did they…”
A pale hand came to rest against her cheek, hazel-green eyes becoming clouded over with tears as a weak voice spoke out.
“See for yourself…Guardian.”
Phi felt one of her hands being moved, golden eyes looking down to see a darker hand guiding her own to rest against her chest. For a moment, there was silence, until she felt it. The low, twin thrumming in her chest. They had accepted her. She was a Time Lord.
No more words needed to be said between them, none could, especially not as Phi felt two sets of strong arms scooping her up and squashing her left and right. Both the Doctor and Yaz were crying and laughing, beyond elated that they could now spend the rest of their lives together, with their daughter in tow.
People like us we don't
Need that much just someone that starts
Starts the spark in our bonfire heart