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jisung's pov
they say love is easy, but is it really?
well, unrequited love really sucks at least. after years you start wondering if you're in this shit for life, if it's your destiny to be unhappy or something like that. after years you begin to enjoy the pain and accept that, perhaps, everyone has their own soulmate, but you don't.
jisung always knew that having someone by his side is not everything in this life. he used to repeat to himself... the most successful people in this world are not the ones with the most money or power, they say if you have at least one friend - just one - that you can trust and they can trust you... it's already a successful life.
jisung thought he had already succeded, he had good friends. minho was among one of them, during those years he never left him. even if he had repeated the same shit about felix a hundred times... minho never told him to shut up or to get over his teenage crush already.
yes, felix. he was in love with his best friend, and somehow he still is. felix is one of the kindest humans jisung has ever met. when you meet felix it's like an unexpected light comes into your life. being with him is like that... he's light, pure light and happiness in everyone's lifes.
jisung consideres himself lucky to have him as his best friend, but it hurts to love someone who is already being loved.
and how could you blame felix? hyunjin is also incredibly sweet. hyunjin is beautiful in every sense of the word and felix could not be in better hands.
don't misunderstand, jisung loved hyunjin too, like his brother. the only thing he could blame was his weak heart for falling so easily. and no matter how fucked up the situation is, he did nothing back then to stop falling over and over. for liking the pain, for loving felix so much that the pain didn't matter.
but really, maybe no one is to blame, because how can you easily get over someone who is literally the person you're the closest to? your best friend? of course, jisung had other best friends, he just mentioned minho, but felix already had his heart in a double knot.
listen, in jisung's mind they had to be soulmates. they were born almost the same day, they got along extremely well exactly the day they met and inseparable ever since. so don't blame jisung for not getting over it so easy. they were one.
but there is something that is (almost) always on your side... time. over time you begin to realize and handle things differently. over time your heart gets so used to it that you suddenly feel nothing.
jisung wasn't such a wise man who could overcome everything on his own.
sometimes, seungmin had to sit with him on his bed and hug him tightly until he calmed down, and sometimes he had to put some sanity on jisung's head while jisung just listened.
sometimes, chan would call him to go out and do something, anything, just to make jisung feel like himself again.
sometimes, even felix realized something was wrong and held his hand tightly. jisung was grateful but at the same time all of this just made it harder for him.
sometimes, jisung felt he had nothing to lose and asked changbin to kiss him so he could feel a little more loved. and changbin said maybe he was asking the wrong person but did it anyway, and it was good. but it wasn't felix. as always, bin was the smart one of their relationship and said jisung had to start thinking more about him.
and there's something that happened while jisung was doing his best not to let anything happen. or rather, jisung just realized something, that while in love with felix, he couldn't see.
"i am the happiest when i am with you."
"i think you're prettier."
"i like you a lot."
minho was always there, and although he was one of his best friends as he had mentioned in the beginning... everything with him was different. it took a while for jisung to realize the attitudes and the small words.
and of course, changbin had to say in his face for him to understand: "if you asked minho to jump with a parachute he would probably ask when. if i asked minho to go buy me a coke he would say i have two feet. you don't think that's weird?"
besides hearing his concerns, minho was always there to hug him and even sleep with him when he felt alone. minho always made sure if he was eating right and how he was coping when he saw felix and hyunjin together.
so one day, after years and years, he realized that he was also starting to respond to minho in a different way, in a way that he really meaned. it wasn't something planned... after all, he thought he would be in love with felix all his life. but time, everything takes time.
one specific day minho had just got up to make popcorn, they were watching a movie together on the couch. and as soon as he returned he threw himself on top of jisung hugging him. jisung hugged him back because they were like that... so clingy.
"i like you so much," minho said, like many many times. but this time, unlike the others, jisung really felt the same, so he said back.
"i like you too. so much", and minho was so freaking cute. suddenly he did nothing but smile and pressed a kiss to jisung's cheek. no doubt he noticed that jisung this time responded differently. and then jisung laughed too, a wave of happiness taking over him. a happiness he hadn't felt in a while.
well, maybe love was easy when he was with lee minho. he could learn to fall in love again, maybe he could finally be genuinely happy to see his two friends together. maybe, just maybe, he could be happy himself.
felix's pov, 1 year later
felix was proud of himself.
he had a boyfriend he loved. he had a best friend he was playing with right now. he was doing what he liked... writing lyrics. and yes, he had a good life.
but sometimes he remembers when it was dark, when even breathing seemed complicated. he got over it, maybe. he was in love with han jisung once. it was the best and worst thing in his life.
at that time, if you asked how long it had been since he was in love with jisung he wouldn't know how to answer... because it seemed like forever.
with jisung is like that... when you least expect you're already loving him. he has so much love in him, so much passion and is always so devoted in everything he does. thanks to him... felix felt like himself, felix came to like himself more and at some point he no longer saw himself without the boy.
jisung was everything to him.
but it never seemed like jisung would love felix that way, not like his boyfriend. and it hurted felix, he just wanted to get rid of that pain and be a better friend to him.
sometimes, chan hugged him tightly as he cried his life out. felix always cried about everything, so when something was really wrong it was as if he couldn't stop the tears from falling more and more.
sometimes, jeongin, even being younger, tried to help by playing video games with him and even giving advice: "hyung, you have to think of yourself. me and the boys hate seeing you so sad."
and then there's hyunjin, who always seemed to care so much. hyunjin... who always cudded felix when he couldn't sleep. hyunjin who always kissed his forehead, held his hand and at the end of each day said: "i'm always here for you, you're not alone".
and felix? felix would give anything to make that feeling for jisung go away. so, one day he kissed hyunjin, pretty quick testing what it was like, and afraid he got it all wrong, but hyunjin smiled at him and kissed him back. and after that he kissed the tip of his nose and his freckles really softly.
"i always wanted to do that. i love your freckles," and felix smiled along. maybe he could fall in love with hyunjin, he had to try.
and clearly he was doing great, he fell in love with hyunjin. he still had his best friend, jisung. he hadn't ruined anything and was having a good life.
so when he heard about jisung and minho together months ago... it didn't hurt. not as much as it should have hurt.
and he was proud of himself.
they had stopped the game and felix glanced at jisung. "so... how are things with minho? is he taking good care of you?", he honestly already knew the answer because jisung seemed to be fine lately. he didn't know what he wanted by asking that, but he needed to anyway.
"he is... he's very good to me. i'll see him as soon as we finish here," jisung replied turning to felix and smiled sweetly.
"good, he should. and he's trying to steal you from me already, i see...", felix tried to joke, but he meant nothing by it, that's what he thinks. it was just a joke, he loved how well his best friend was doing, really, that was the only thing he was sure of.
"you know that's not possible," jisung replied placing his hand on felix's thigh, tapping lightly. "let's get back to the game, i need to beat you at this one", felix just smiled and they returned to play. everything seemed just fine the way they were. everything was going to be okay.
and he really just wanted han jisung's happiness.