Chapter Text
Jobin was walking to the grocery store one summer day; in his pocket was his pet beetle, Polnareff. He was going to buy food for his pet beetle. He smelled the aroma of freshly baked goods in the bakery as he entered. In the distance, he could hear the sound of wet shoes flopping against the tile floor. How peculiar, he thought. The sound distracted him for a moment but it was long enough for Polnareff to escape from his pocket.
“Polnareff!” Jobin cried. “Come back here you whore of a Dynastes tityus!!!” He charged towards the little beetle which was just about to crawl under a shelf. He did not notice the sailor standing before him, looking at the various brands of canned peas.
“OUHGIUEYDWGDFWDD!” cried Kira as the beetle enthusiast crashed into him. Like a wet piece of bread, Kira flopped onto the floor. Jobin realized that was the sound of sopping sneakers he had heard earlier.
As Jobin got onto his feet, he noticed the stranger’s impeccably beautiful hands. He was awestruck. Determined to one day hold them, Jobin opened his mouth to call out to the stranger. But he was already gone, wet shoes and all, although a faint squeak could be heard in the distance.
Kira was perhaps slightly disgruntled. That rude stranger had bumped into him. His shoulder also felt itchy and as if there was a weight, perhaps the weight of a beetle, on his shoulder. But his disappointment was greater because his favourite pea brand had sold out.
“All that was left was this green giant shit,” he muttered to himself. “I’ll go check out the Higashikata Fruit Parlour that Karera was telling me about. After all, pea pods are botanically fruits and they’d be fools if they didn’t sell peas.”
When he arrived at the parlour, he went to the nearest person to him and asked if they sold peas.
The old man at the counter with spheres in his long hair answered, “No. We don’t.”
Kira was now even more annoyed. His day only seemed to be getting worse.
Jobin walked into the parlour. “Sup dad--” He stopped when he saw the extremely sexy man wearing a sailor suit. The one who he had knocked into at the grocery store. He instantly ripped out his notepad and furiously scribbled the Higashikata home phone number onto it.
He tore out the page and threw it at the sailor’s face. “Call me,” he said, trying his best to sound seductive. He also winked.
“Ok. sure.” Then the sailor left.
When Jobin got home, he heard the telephone ringing. “Hmm. who could this be?” he wondered.
But Daiya picked up the phone first. “Hello this is the Higashikata residence. Who’s calling?” After a few seconds, she passed the phone to Jobin.
“Hello? Are you the guy with the weird green hair?” the caller asked.
“Yeah. who is this?”
“You gave me your phone number at the parlour earlier today. You told me to call you.”
“Oh yeah! I did. Sup sexy man.” Jobin was completely enamoured by his smooth sexy voice.
“Not much. What do you need? Also what’s your name.”
“Jobin. What’s yours big sexy?”
“It’s not big sexy. You can call me Kira.”
“Oh cool.” Jobin paused. “So….. like can i come over or something?”
Kira didn’t question it. “Ok sure. Here’s my address: 258 Morioh Township, Apartment 204.”
Jobin shouted into the receiver: “Alright I’m coming now!” He winked but didn’t realize Kira couldn’t see it. He put on his shoes in a hurry and dashed to his lambo. His heart was pounding against his chest. This was happening.
Kira heard furious knocking on his door. WHen he opened it, Jobin was standing in front of him, messily dressed and holding a bouquet of roses.
“Come in,” he said, letting the disheveled man inside.”You can leave your stuff on the counter I guess.” He said with a shrug. He glanced at Jobin’s hands, nails untrimmed, ingrown hairs--disgusting.
He grabbed Jobin’s hand. “Let me look at them,” he said. Digging through his drawer, he picked out a nail clipper the right size. Jobin’s hand was extremely warm, maybe a little bit sweaty.
“How forward of you, Mr. Kira.” The man began to swoon. “Very sexy of you.”
“Thanks. I know I am quite attractive. But your hands are not.”
Jobin looked like he had been hit with a crowbar multiple times. “They’re… not sexy?” He said with a bit of a whimper.
“Don’t worry I can fix them. They won’t be on the same level as mine but they’ll come close.” His face was an eyelash’s distance from Jobin’s hand.
Jobin’s heart skipped a beat. Kira was holding his hand. “OKay you can make them look better then.”
After hours of working on Jobin’s hand, the sky, which could be seen through the window, was dark.
Kira stood up. “Oh it’s getting late now. Do you have a place to stay?”
“NO. I’m homeless.”
“I thought you were from the Higashik--”
“NOT ANY MORE….I’m yours now, baby.” He winked.
Kira walked to the kitchen. “Alright. We’re having peas for dinner then.”
“Not peas! Again!” a voice called from another room. “You know what? I’m going out for ramen. Suck it losers.”
“Who’s that?” asked Jobin from the dinner table, chin resting on his hands. Intently listening to every word Kira said.
“Don’t worry about it. That’s just my roommate.”
“Alright babe.” He winked….again.
After a fantastic meal of boiled peas (of course salted), Jobin exclaimed, “That was amazing Kira! You’re so great at cooking!” He giggled.
Kira stood up. “Help me wash the dishes, Jobin.”
“Sure thing Kira!”
As they were washing the dishes, Kira’s smooth hand bumped into Jobin’s less smooth one.
He totally meant to do that! Jobin thought excitedly. How forward of him!!
After they finished washing the dishes, Kira walked to his room.
“Where are you going Kira?”
“To my room to go to sleep. Because it’s night time”
“Oh? Can I come too?” he asked, sweating buckets. BUt he was determined not to let his nervousness show. He had to be confident and bold and most importantly--SEXy.
“Sure. But I only have one bed in my room.”
Jobin screamed internally. But instead he said calmly, “Ok that’s epic.”
They walked into kira’s room. His monitor was still on, minecraft was still running. Posters of boats littered the walls. And infographics on how to prevent STIs. Because he’s a doctor.
Kira, lying down on the bed still in his sailor suit, said, “Why are you standing there. We’re going to sleep together.”
Jobin felt like he might faint. Tonight he was going to sleep with KIra!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUddenly, he saw a large beetle crawl out of Kira’s sailor suit.
“OMG! POLNAREFF!”
“Huh?”
“That’s my Eastern Hercules Beetle, Dynastes tityus . he’s pretty epic. If i do say so myself. IN fact, did you that Eastern Hercules Beetles’ mating can last up to 50 minutes. Also… did you know that………………..”
Jobin spent the entire night talking about beetles, he forgot to try and seduce the other man. Kira looked like he was asleep the entire time but Jobin was sure he was just resting his eyes. Of course Kira thought beetles were cool and epic and sexy!
The next morning, as the sun came up, Jobin opened his eyes. And Kira wasn’t there. Oh well. He should get some breakfast first.
As he walked out of Kira’s room, he saw a teen with a pompadour staring at him.
“Who the hell are you?” the other man asked.
“Me? Well I’m Kira’s boyfriend, you fool.” He winked.
Kira’s roommate pulled a disgusted face and left. “Anyways, I gotta go to school. See ya.”
When Kira came back from a long day at the hospital, it seemed that Jobin had left. Josefumi was sitting at the dinner table, eating ramen.
“So. Kira. When did you get a boyfriend?”
Kira was discombobulated. “What do you mean? I don’t have one.”
“Then who’s the guy with the freaky green hair?”
“Ah. I understand why you might think that. After all, Jobin is a boy and he is my ‘friend’.”
Josefumi conceded and dropped the conversation. “So do you want ramen?”
“No.”