Chapter Text
In the night sky stars twinkled gently together with the moon glowing proudly to the side. Soft, scarce white puffs of clouds floated along the gentle breeze that carried them through the skies, to higher places and further lands. Crickets hummed all together, creating a buzz that echoed in the background of the silence. To the front frogs croaked and splashed softly as they swam about in the dam water, finding food and existing in mere ignorant peace. Besides the sound of the gentle lapping water, the brush of grass and branches as they swayed with the breeze and the various small animals, there was nothing but solemn silence.
Alone, leaning back, sat a figure on a bench close to the dam. Her hands were clasped around an object resting on her lap, her head hanging back, eyes staring off into nothing but pointing at the sky.
Ymir gripped the bottle of vodka tightly in her hands, listening to the clear liquid splosh inside when she jostled the bottle. Her throat tightened, feeling scratchy and dry, pleading for any form of liquid to quench her thirst. Her chest tightened in turn.
Ymir lifted her head and sat up straight. She let her head bow down, unable to conjure the strength to keep it up. She could hardly walk with her head raised these days, not after everything that had happened.
Had it really been four weeks already?
Felt like more. Felt like four years, or more. Ymir remembered everything crisply, as if it was all still happening around her.
“We can find a way, there’s always a way Ymir!”
The voice rang in her ears and for a second Ymir’s eyes widened and her heart sped up. Her head shot up and she glanced around her, at where the sound had come from, only to realize that it was all in her head and it was far too late for there to possibly be another person here. Especially not her…
Ymir returned to her earlier defeated position and continued to stare desperately at the bottle. It would relieve the burn in her chest by creating a burn in her stomach. A pleasant burn, one that would singe away at the troubles of her mind and the damn fucking ache of her heart.
Four damn weeks, Ymir thought. Four weeks since I fell back into this shitty routine; waking up hating the world, slipping through work and ignoring people. Before December, before it all went to hell right after ascending to heaven, Ymir would have cussed at or even punched a number of people before the working day was even over.
Now? She simply withdrew into herself, cold, numb and alone. When people spoke to her, she hardly heard it. If someone bumped into her, she didn’t feel it. Those normally swearing to her face because of their hatred for her received not even a blink of recognition as they insulted her existence. People had even stopped trying to antagonize her, because she just wasn’t there.
Stuck in her own self-inflicted coma, she thought.
It was all because of that day, the day she met someone too good for her. The day she gained her happiness back and unknowingly signed it off for the future.
It had been an early Saturday morning during the beginning of December. Ymir was sitting on the very same bench she sat on now; the only difference was that she had a cigarette held between her lips and a can of beer in her hand. She stared emotionlessly at the shimmering body of water in front of her, not really seeing the ducks waddling around and quacking to their hearts content. She barely even noticed the people walking by either.
Her chest felt empty. Ymir’s brown eyes bore no emotion. She simply sat there like she did every morning before going to a job she hated and dealing with people she would rather stab in the face. She puffed on the cigarette and blew a long string of smoke out into the air, watching in boredom as the string spiralled up into the sky due to a breeze and then dissipated into nothing.
Sometimes, life held no meaning.
Until someone came by and gave her meaning.
“I-is this seat taken?” a timid voice spoke up beside her.
Ymir ignored it at first, surprised that she had actually heard it, but then the girl spoke up again.
“U-um, excuse me?”
Finally she turned her head, her cigarette now between her fingers so that she could reach out and tap the line of ash off before it fell onto her clothes. “No.” she said simply, deciding not to reply with a ‘does it look taken to you?’
“Thank you!” the girl replied cheerfully and flashed a dazzling smile. She sat down beside Ymir and pulled her bag onto her lap, and then she retrieved a book, placed her bag onto the bench beside her and opened the book up. Silently she began to read, leaving Ymir relieved that she wouldn’t try to initiate pointless conversation.
Meanwhile the brunette continued to puff and blow, watching the smoke ascend. Between each exhale of poisonous smoke she lifted the can of beer to her lips and gulped a large amount down, swallowing loudly as she did. When she lowered the can a drop escaped and dribbled down her chin, but she quickly wiped it away with her shirt sleeve and then returned to enjoying her smoke and staring out at the ducks.
Her earlier relief only lasted for about 20 minutes, because the girl eventually sighed softly and shut her book. “It isn’t healthy to drink so early, you know.” she spoke up as softly as she had earlier.
Instead of ignoring her Ymir dropped her smoke onto the floor, killed it with the heel of her shoe and then leaned back and snorted. “Mind your own damn business, kid. It’s not nice to be rude so early either.”
The girl quickly waved her hands in panic, assuming a guilty expression. “Oh no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend.”
“Mm.” Ymir took another long sip and supressed a sigh. So what if the kid was right? It’s not like she had any reason not to get wasted in the morning, other than work. Her boss hated her anyway and he hadn’t fired her yet, so she didn’t give a shit about showing up at work piss drunk. This was her first beer though, so it would take a lot more for her to even feel a buzz.
“Beautiful,” the girl mumbled loud enough for Ymir to hear.
“Huh?” Ymir asked after another satisfying gulp.
The girl blushed bright and red and clenched her hands together in her lap, a sign of nervousness. “I meant the view. It’s beautiful. The sky is blue, the water is clear and calm, and the ducks are peaceful. It puts my heart at ease.”
Ymir raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You must be simple minded to feel eased with only this.” she commented.
The girl turned to her, soft understanding in her eyes. It unnerved Ymir when she looked to the side and met that gaze.
“Don’t you think it’s beautiful?” she asked, her eyes not leaving Ymir’s face.
Ymir quickly looked away, clearly uncomfortable, but the blonde continued to stare.
What was with her? Someone like her, pretty and probably rich, content to sit there and talk to a stranger like Ymir. Did this girl even know who she was talking to?
“No.” Ymir answered simply. The nagging desire to either insult the girl or get up and leave was there, but Ymir felt a stronger desire to stay. That desire changed her life.
“What do you find beautiful then?” the girl pressed on, determined. She was looking at Ymir like she could actually see her, and it was pissing the brunette off.
“Nothing.” Ymir finally said, unable to take that piercing gaze.
She finally downed the last of the beer and then crushed the can in her fist. Before the blonde could demand a deeper answer, Ymir stood and chucked the can into the bin beside the bench. She roughly shoved her hands into her pockets, hunched her shoulders and started to walk.
“Wait!” The girl stood up, arm outstretched towards the stranger.
Ymir paused and looked over her shoulder.
“What’s your name? I’m Krista.”
Ymir moved her body slightly, halfway turned back, and simply stared at Krista for a long while. She was definitely pretty – no, probably gorgeous. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders, shining in the sunlight. Her pale, smooth skin added to her beauty too, and her blue eyes looked like a clear blue sky, full of innocence and determination and naivety.
“Maybe I’ll tell you if I see you again,” Ymir responded. She turned and started walking again before the girl could see the sudden crease of confusion between her brows at her words. Why had she even said that?
Well, it didn’t matter. It’s not like she would ever see her again anyway.
XxX
The next day Ymir trudged over towards her favourite bench, this time carrying a pack of 6 beers. It was her off day, so she decided to get an early start on making herself numb. As she walked over towards the bench she stuck her hand into her pocket and fished around for her pack of cigarettes and lighter. While doing that she glanced at her watch, noting the time, stepped up to the bench and then curled her fingers around her smokes at the same time.
“Good morning!”
Ymir froze in her tracks and slowly lifted her head. Sure enough, sitting there where she had the day before was the blonde with an irritating habit of bothering strangers.
“Go away.” Ymir responded and plopped down on the far end of the bench, away from the blonde.
Krista pouted and a flash of hurt covered her eyes. She shook out of it though and instead scooted up to the brunette and poked her shoulder. Ymir flinched at the touch.
“You said you’d tell me your name if you see me again,” Krista said. “Well, you’re seeing me again!”
“No I’m not.” Ymir replied in a monotone voice and lit her cigarette. She relished the first puff and allowed the smoke to roll up into the sky.
“I’m here so you are.”
“But I’m not actually seeing you, am I?” Ymir pointed out, eyes gazing out over the dam water, though this time not as empty as usual. This time she looked irritated and slightly upset. It was actually an improvement, to be honest.
Krista got up and stood in front of Ymir, right in her line of sight, but the brunette simply looked to the side and continued puffing on her cigarette.
“Why won’t you tell me your name?” Krista asked tearfully. She herself didn’t know why she wanted to know so badly, though a small nagging part of her told her why. But Ymir looked so depressed and alone, it pulled at Krista’s heart, more than usual. If she could offer any kind of help to relieve those emotions, even if it meant she had to come here every morning, she would.
“Why do you even care?” Ymir asked instead, still avoiding looking directly at Krista.
“Because I do! You just… look like an interesting person… I’m just curious.” That was only half of the truth. Krista wasn’t sure if mentioning the other part, that Ymir looked lonely, would hit a sore spot or not. She wisely kept that to herself.
Ymir grunted angrily and suddenly stood up, brushing up against Krista and making the blonde blush furiously and stumble back. When she glanced up she shivered at the brunette looming menacingly over her, brown eyes staring into her face, angry and glaring.
“I’m s-sorry…” Krista gulped. She really hadn’t expected the stranger to get that upset – or be that tall, in fact.
“Ymir,” the brunette muttered. She ran her fingers through her short brown hair and cussed under her breath. “My name is Ymir. Now will you fuck off?”
Instead of flinching at the swear word or the hostility, Krista broke out into a radiant smile and leaped forward without being able to stop herself. She grabbed onto the front of Ymir’s shirt and smiled happily up at her face.
“Thank you, Ymir! I really thought you were mad at me!” She continued to smile so brightly, like Ymir had just made her day by revealing her name.
Ymir blushed, unaccustomed to anyone feeling any sort of positive emotion because of her, let alone just because of her name. She felt the warmth from Krista’s hands seep through her t-shirt and heat her skin. It was pleasant. The feeling snaked up her abdomen and curled around her heart, heating her chest and then burning her face.
Ymir swallowed hard and grabbed Krista’s hands to remove them from her shirt. Krista’s skin was even warmer in Ymir’s hands and letting it go felt almost painful. A faint blush crossed Ymir’s cheeks and she looked off to the side to hide it.
“You know, I never noticed yesterday but you have a lot of freckles on your face.”
Ymir stiffened. “What of it? Are you going to make fun of my face on top of being an annoying brat?” Yeah, she had an issue with her freckles. Growing up, people had always teased and mocked her for the multitude of brown dots littering her body. The worst were scattered over her shoulders but the most noticeable were the ones placed along her cheeks and nose.
Krista gasped softly and then reached out and touched Ymir’s freckled cheek. “Of course not!” she exclaimed. Ymir’s eyes widened slightly and she turned to look at Krista’s face, seeing an open expression and that damn happy smile that hadn’t gone away. “I think they’re really attractive.” She suddenly removed her hand and looked down, a new blush fresh on her face, turning her ears pink too. “N-not that I think you’re hot! Not that you aren’t though! You are! Wait…. I mean… I mean that… that I think you look beautiful with freckles… um… I…” Krista felt her heart thunder, now thoroughly embarrassed and fearful that she had once more upset Ymir.
Instead of getting upset or irritated, Ymir regarded Krista’s red face for a few seconds before she started laughing. She laughed so loud and so hard that she had to wrap her arms around her stomach and bend over because of the force of it.
Krista watched her in puzzlement, confused at why she was laughing but pleased that she had done something to amuse the brunette. She meant it, Ymir was beautiful. A smile should always stay on that freckled face, Krista believed, not a frown or a scowl which is all she had seen of the brunette until now. And anyway, Ymir had a really sexy laugh, Krista had to admit. It made her blush all over again.
“Um… did I say something wrong?”
Ymir raised a hand to signal that Krista should just wait and continued to bellow in laughter. Eventually she regained her sanity and placed a hand on Krista’s shoulder to steady herself. She straightened and used her free hand to wipe the tears from her face. God, she hadn’t laughed like that in years.
“Are you okay?” Krista asked in concern. Ymir looked out of breath and red in the face, though if that was due to shortage of breath or embarrassment, neither was sure.
Ymir took a few large breaths and then shook her head incredulously. “Beautiful?” she muttered and snorted. “That’s new.” She released Krista’s shoulder and plopped back down onto the bench. She was now exhausted, not used to spending so much energy on something useless like laughing.
Krista decided to take a seat down next to her and pulled her bag – that Ymir hadn’t noticed – onto her lap. While she rummaged around in it Ymir pulled one of the bottles out and made a move to pop the cap, more than ready to start her morning drinking.
“Wait!” Krista yelled suddenly and lunged out to snatch the beer away.
Fire consumed Ymir’s eyes as her chest filled with fury, but then something was thrust into her face and the aroma of food filled her nose, dousing her anger.
“What the hell?” she asked.
“Food.” Krista replied. She lowered her arm and placed the open lunchbox on Ymir’s lap. “I made something for you. It’s nothing grand or anything, but I figured I would make you eat something before drinking.”
Ymir rolled her eyes. “And how do you know I haven’t had breakfast yet, Princess?”
Krista blushed slightly at the nickname but ignored it. “You don’t look healthy Ymir, so you probably don’t eat or sleep properly. You’re really thin, too. Drinking without eating isn’t healthy.”
Ymir shifted uncomfortably. How could this girl guess so much about her correctly from only being in her presence for so little time? It unnerved Ymir, but she sighed and decided that she wouldn’t ignore her hunger this time and started to eat. Surprisingly, it was fucking delicious.
Krista beamed when Ymir’s eyes widened and she suddenly started to wolf the food down. When she was done she burped loudly and then slouched on the bench, fully satisfied.
“Good girl.” Krista took the empty lunch box and gave Ymir’s bottle back to her. “I don’t like that you’re drinking, but there, since you ate.”
Ymir took the beer back but narrowed her eyes at Krista. “Why are you acting like my mother?” she asked with a snarl.
Krista flinched, but met her eyes with determination and placed her hand over Ymir’s, feeling it right to be honest this time. “Because you’re lonely Ymir,” she said, “and I want to try to help you.”
Ymir’s eyes widened again and she roughly shoved Krista’s hand away. She looked away to the side and leaned her arms onto her legs, leaning forward. Her hands tightened and relaxed around the bottle in her hand.
“What the hell makes you think I need help?”
Krista swallowed thickly, heart pounding. It was true that she cared too much way too soon already. She didn’t know Ymir, but the taller woman just pulled her in. Something captivated her, but more so, something about Ymir screamed ‘help me, I’m alone’.
The blonde took a breath and wrapped her arms around Ymir before the brunette could react. “I think that you want it, more than you need it. I can see it in your eyes.”
Ymir completely stiffened, uncomfortable and now furious. She waited patiently until Krista pulled away, and then she stood up. Not looking at the blonde she retrieved her beer and headed towards the road.
“I never asked for your help, and I’m not in need of it. Take your charity somewhere else, Princess. It’s not needed here,” Ymir hissed over her shoulder. “And don’t bother me again, brat!”
As she walked away, Krista simply sighed and caressed her palm that had been pressed against Ymir’s skin. It tingled, strangely, and it travelled right up her arm and into her chest, where it consumed her heart. She sighed, hurt at Ymir’s words and how obviously stubborn she was, but clenched her fists in determination.
“I’m lonely too.” she said softly. “So I’ll help you, and we’ll either be lonely together or not lonely at all.” She collected her bag and made for the opposite direction, more determined now than ever.