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Sana’s in her own world as she exits the elevator, whistling to one of the songs she’s been hearing on loop lately. Another day of work passes by and she’s still teased by her friends about the big fat crush she has on her neighbour. It’s not like she hasn’t interacted with her at all – so, Sana wouldn’t call herself a complete lost case. They’ve exchanged greetings and made small talk since they live in the same apartment complex.
Yes, they’ve hung out a few times together too. Usually, with their mutual friend, Nayeon and her girlfriend Tzuyu. Okay, maybe Sana is selling their relationship short. They are pretty good friends. It’s normal for them to bump into each other in the morning. The reason she’s always teased is because Sana is left a stuttering mess by the time they part. Sana really can’t help it when her neighbour is so damn pretty. And, if her friends somehow get themselves stuck in her situation, they’d understand for sure.
With a defeated sigh, Sana fishes out her apartment keys from her suit pocket. She’s just about to insert her key through when she spots her neighbour sitting outside her door, head in her lap. Sana’s worry shoots through the roof immediately, panic overtaking her mind. She lets her bag fall to the floor and she crouches beside the woman.
“Mina?” Sana doesn’t want to frighten her, choosing to speak quietly. Her neighbour moves slowly, making eye contact with Sana. “Is everything okay? Why are you sitting outside?”
She’s not sure how she’s doing it, but Sana is very thankful that she’s not a stuttering mess at the moment. Maybe it’s because her concern for Mina outweighs everything else, enough to shift her attention on let it remain focused on her.
“Hmm?” Mina response isn’t direct and Sana believes she’d just woken her up from sleeping outside her room.
“Mina. How long have you been out here?” Sana prods again. She notes the shift in Mina’s eyes. Realisation.
“Oh, god. What time is it? I’ve been waiting for Minhyun to reply to my message but he didn’t say anything.” Mina sits up, reaching out for her phone.
Sana furrows her eyebrows at the mention of their landlord. Why would Mina need Minhyun? And, he did say he’ll be out of town for a few days at least. It would make sense if he didn’t reply to any of their messages immediately.
“My phone’s dead. No wonder I couldn’t see a reply.” Mina mumbles to herself, dropping the phone back onto the floor. “Of all the times, I had to leave my keys in there today.”
“You’re locked out? Mina, why didn’t you tell any of us?” Sana points to her door, as well as the one on Mina’s other side, Nayeon’s door. “Nayeon would’ve helped out too, you know that.”
“Uh, well… Tzuyu is over so, you know what that means.” Mina’s cheeks turn pink. “I wouldn’t want to disturb them. Plus, you weren’t home either. I know you return home late on Wednesdays.”
Sana doesn’t comment on Mina knowing what time she arrives home. Instead, she stands up, offering a hand to Mina to help her up too. “You can’t stay out here all night. Come to my apartment. Charge your phone inside too.”
Refusal is at the tip of Mina’s tongue, Sana knows it as soon as she opens her mouth. But, she raises a hand and Mina’s mouth closes.
“You’re insane if you think I’ll let you stay out elsewhere.” Sana grumbles. “Plus, I don’t bite. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Mina whines at the last comment, making Sana erupt into a fit of laughter. She’s just kidding to lighten up Mina’s mood a little bit. A warm hand slips through Sana’s and she revels in the feeling of comfort that arises from Mina’s touch. Sana tugs Mina’s hand, helping her stand up.
(she doesn’t even let go when they enter the apartment)
“Do you want to wash up? I’ve got some spare clothes you could borrow if you’d like. The bathroom is the door on the left at the end of the hall. Linen cupboard is right next to it.” Sana points in the direction.
“That would be nice.” Mina nods. It takes all of Sana’s control not to hug her because one, she’ll scare her away and two, she’d rather not make a fool out of herself in front of her crush.
Sana hands her one of her special pyjama sets she loves and treasures. It’s pink and fluffy, Apeach’s face printed across it – Sana’s favourite character from KakaoTalk Friends. Perhaps a part of her decision was the thought of how cute Mina would look in it.
And, when Mina does exit the shower fifteen minutes later, Sana agrees on her choice. The pants are a little too short for her but nonetheless, Mina looks absolutely adorable. Sana fails to stop herself from staring this time around. She’s caught too. Mina tilts her head as she approaches Sana, crossing her arms over her chest with a smug grin on her face.
“Something on my face?” Mina teases Sana, making her look like a floundering fish as she attempts to form a response.
“You’re just too pretty.” Sana thinks she speaks out of Mina’s earshot.
“Well, I’d say the same about you, you know? You’re pretty too.” Mina’s compliment is sincere. There’s no teasing in her tone and it engulfs Sana’s heart. Of course, Mina has the power to do that with a mere sentence.
“I reheated some dinner. I hope you’re not allergic to anything.” Sana clears her throat and changes the topic. The atmosphere has shifted a little bit, most likely due to their subtle flirting. Especially now, as the simple brushing of their hands illicit the tiniest of gasps from their mouths.
Both are too flustered to look at each other while eating, but still maintain conversation while they eat dinner. It turns out that Minhyun had replied and said he’d send someone the next morning. Mina didn’t realise because she chose to play some games on her phone to waste some of her time. The fact that the person to help will come tomorrow meant that Mina had no place to stay at for the evening. Now, of course Sana wants to be the one to ask her if she can stay. But, she doesn’t quite know if it’s the right thing.
It comes to her all of a sudden – the confidence to ask her to stay the night. They’d just moved to sit on the couch to watch something on the television (Sana’s decision) and the thought of her leaving started to make Sana more anxious than ever before.
“Since your hair is wet and all, stay here overnight.” Sana bites the inside of her cheek as her words come off more like a demand than an offer.
“Sana, you have one bed.” Mina rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to inconvenience you.”
“I can take the couch. It’s not like I haven’t fallen asleep here before.” Sana shoots down her excuse immediately. “Please, it would be easier on my heart.”
“Easier on your heart, huh?” Mina smiles at Sana’s demise, watching her cringe at her own words. Did she cross a line there? “How about my heart?”
Sana whips her head to face Mina, shocked with the question. “Huh?”
“Do you think I’d want you to sleep out here in the cold when I’m the one who’s the cause of this situation?” Mina sighs heavily. Sana knows that’s a sign of overthinking. She searches her mind for a solution.
“We can share the bed.” Sana blurts out her solution before her mind registers the repercussions. Goddamnit, she should really think before she speaks.
“Is that okay with you?” Mina rubs the back of her neck. “I might just take the couch instead.”
“The bed is big enough for us both. Plus, we can keep each other warm. A good bonus!” Sana tries to look on the positive side.
Her heart won’t be faring so well tonight, but Mina didn’t really have to know that, did she? Sana doesn’t know how she gets through to Mina, but she responds with a meek nod to her suggestion. Fear slowly settles in her stomach. Fear of her feelings being found out. Fear of doing something stupid. Fear of losing whatever progress that they’ve made.
When she slips into bed an hour later, Mina is right behind her. Sana crawls into the bed quietly, claiming the right side of the bed and staring out the window. She feels the weight on the bed shift, warm from Mina radiates into her body. They’re close. She takes in a deep gulp of air, hoping to calm her nerves.
She can’t sleep.
The fact that Mina is right beside her pushes her mind into overdrive. Sana wants to turn around, to do something about her feelings. Mina’s breathing is low, Sana assumes she’s asleep already. She shifts around and leans on her back.
“I hate this feeling.” Sana mutters to herself. “I really want to say it to you.”
“Say what?” Mina’s voice almost scares the life out of Sana. Her gaze is gentle as it rests on Sana. Sana wants to say something, but doesn’t quite know where to start. She feels like there’s hope in Mina’s gaze, but maybe it’s just the shine of the moon reflecting in her eyes. “Sana. You’re overthinking. We’ve been through this.”
Sana remembers that conversation. Mina scolding her for holding herself back and not showering her with affection because she thought Mina would be uncomfortable. She cornered Sana at one of the dinners at Nayeon’s apartment because she overheard her talking about it with Nayeon. The fury in her eyes is something that Sana remembers so well. That was one of the few times Sana felt like her feelings were reciprocated. That maybe, Mina liked her back too. She wasn’t in some sort of delusional fantasy.
Right now, the light in Mina’s eyes were telling her again. What is it that Mina wants to hear? Is it the same thing that resides in Sana’s heart?
Sana turns to her side, facing Mina. She hesitantly brings up her hand, letting it rest on Mina’s cheek. Her worries are sneaking their way up again. Is she making the right choice? When she notes that Mina responds to her touch, closing her eyes and sighing softly, Sana thinks it is the right choice.
She licks her dry lips, a jumble of words in her mind. Incoherent. How is she going to put her feelings into words?
Mina looks up at her again. And, Sana sees it. What she’s been looking over since the moment they met. All those lingering gazes. The fury tinged with green. The appreciation and gratitude directed towards her.
“Please stop me, before I do something stupid.” Sana whispers, on the brink of tears. “I don’t want to ruin this.”
“When have you ever? You always make the right choice.” Mina’s words are encouraging. What Sana wants to hear. What she needs to hear.
She closes her eyes tightly, opens them again. Mina is patient. Still waiting with a gentle smile. Sana listens to her heart. She brushes her nose against Mina’s and presses her lips against hers delicately.
It’s not what Mina wants. She doesn’t want this delicateness. She wants all of Sana. She tugs Sana forward by her shirt, kissing her harder. Sana’s heart feels like it’s about to burst. To be on the receiving end of this kind of love is welcoming. She lets herself fall into the kiss, lets herself fall for the woman in her arms.
Sana knows she’s made the right choice because it leads her to where she is now, with Mina by her side. Someone who believes in her, someone who knows her so well, even better than herself. She tells herself, Mina is the right choice for her.