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Revertigo
Definition: The change that happens to someone’s personality when he or she spends time with someone from his or her past.
There was a phenomenon in social psychology that Louis knew about only because his flatmate and best friend, Liam wouldn’t stop blathering on about it. It is called regression, which revolves around a person’s ego and its tendency to revert back to an earlier stage of development, and is usually triggered by the arrival of a person from the past. Louis was both exasperated by and proud of his knowledge on the term. Exasperated because Liam never stopped pointing out his regression, making him wonder if his friend had used Louis as a study subject. That wasn’t the annoying part, no. Liam, to sound cool, called it ‘revertigo’. That term was borrowed from a show that exaggerated the phenomenon as part of a theory and Liam found it funny. Louis found him weird.
Sometimes, he didn’t think the phenomenon existed, but sometimes, he almost believed it.
“Please tell me you’re not wearing those trousers,” Liam said flatly the moment Louis walked into the living room, and his words were accompanied by a judgmental onceover. He had kept aside the fashion magazine he had been reading and leaned forward, as if to pass critical judgment. But Louis knew for a fact that his subscription to the said magazine was just for ogling at the models rather than taking advice. “You pulled that outfit out of the back of your closet, didn’t you? Louis, this is exactly what I was telling you not to do.”
“What?” Louis asked, half offended and half confused, as he crossed his arms. His button up was only a year old. Sure, the chinos were an old pair, pulled out of the back of the wardrobe. But they looked good on him, as far as he knew. Yes they were fire truck red and a very prominently used pair from when he was seventeen, but that didn’t mean anything. He had picked them simply because they were nice. “The chinos are a conversation starter, Liam. If I run out of topics to talk about, I can simply be like ‘oh see I still fit into these trousers’. And it’s also a confidence booster. A good choice that should not be analysed.”
“Yes no doubt that they looked great on you but have you thought about why you picked out this particular pair?” Liam asked as he arched an eyebrow, acquiring his annoying ‘therapist voice’. Louis rolled his eyes instinctively, regretting his choices already. “That’s right, revertigo. The effects are starting already.”
“Don’t you start again,” Louis mumbled as he dropped onto the sofa heavily, trying to block out his flatmate who had launched into yet another lecture.
“So yeah, your school friends were a bad part of your life and that’s why those chinos make me concerned for you,” Liam concluded with a frown. “Maybe meeting them tonight was a bad idea. You’re only going to get louder, overconfident and reckless. Remember last time? Are you certain you can handle them?”
“I’ll be fine, Li,” Louis rolled his eyes, “besides, I have you there with me don’t I? You’ll hold me back. So don’t overthink this. And last time wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh, really?”
Alright, it was that bad.
It was almost three years ago that Louis had met his friends. It had been a good evening, right until the point where they somehow convinced him, that just for old time’s sake, he should exact a prank on somehow. The best target was Louis’ awful boss, whose office he broke into while drunk out of his mind and trashed it. He was not caught, but the cleaning staff got blamed for it and Louis felt guilty about it, he quit soon after. He also had to endure Liam’s long lecture about irresponsibly criminal behaviour and it was the worst because he was right. Louis had no justification for his actions either, and could only blame his friends for it. So yeah, he did not want to meet his friends after that, but they were insistent. They promised to track him down somehow and Liam was very against letting them into the flat, so meeting them voluntarily at a neutral place it was.
But while Louis turned reckless, Liam turned even more rule abiding as he was when they were kids. They were neighbours back then, but never friends and their contrasting personality was why. Liam was repulsed by Louis’ behaviour while Louis couldn’t tolerate the former’s stuck-up-iness. It was only later, when they moved past their reservations that they became the good friends they were now.
So yeah, a rational balancing force was what Louis needed that night.
“Fine, it was bad but I didn’t have you along, did I?” Louis grinned coyly and patted Liam’s cheek. “All will be well and you don’t have to worry. We’ll escape within the hour. Just make up a good excuse to leave and be your grumpy, sane self.”
Liam huffed. “I hope you’re right about this, because Louis, I swear to god –”
“I’m always right.” Louis gave him a winning smile before standing up and stretching his arms. He then grabbed his wallet off the table and tried to stuff it in his back pocket, which was a task. He couldn’t remember for the life of him why he wore these tight as fuck jeans. He was unused to it, now that he usually wore trousers or tracksuits. “And don’t analyse me.”
“I try hard not to but it’s difficult to not analyse when you pick out those shoes.”
“What’s wrong with these shoes?” Louis asked, holding up his old battered Vans. They were just fans, there was no deeper meaning. Right?
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Louis had his reservations about the evening, but all of them faded away with time and he found himself having fun. It may be due to his friends’ warm, loud welcome or it might be the three pints he had thrown back, though he knew it was the latter reason. He lost sense of time, and lost his senses as well and was only vaguely aware of how loud his voice was. But he was not drunk, not then at least. The same couldn’t be said for his friends.
Liam, Louis and five of his school friends who made it, had squeezed into a single booth in the back of the pub. It was a tight fit, with the danger of Liam falling off at any point but no one complained. No one except Liam, that was. They were easily the loudest booth in the pub, and that was saying something since the rest weren’t exactly quiet. They received glares and dirty looks, which they ignored. Louis laughed at his friends’ obnoxious jokes, ignoring Liam completely which he knew he would feel guilty and ashamed about. But he couldn’t help it. Besides, the latter was being really sullen and judgmental.
“I think you’ve had enough to drink, don’t you, Louis?” Liam asked at one point, eyebrow cocked. It was well past the one hour timeframe they were supposed to escape in, and Louis didn’t really want to do that either. He was slightly tipsy, which yeah, maybe Liam was right. “You do remember you’re having brunch with your sisters tomorrow yeah? They’ll be mad if you cancel. Again.”
“I could leave early,” Louis slurred and threw an arm around Liam’s shoulder, “but I don’t wanna. These are my friends. Haven’t seen them in a long time. Lighten up and have just another pint. Or five.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway, eh?” Oli said with a laugh that Louis echoed.
Liam gritted his teeth as he glared at the bottle of lager in his hand. “Fine, you know what, I just might. Be right back.”
Saying so, he abruptly left his seat. It was only then that Louis noticed the little balls formed out of the peeled bottle label. It was a sign of anxiety. And it was worrying that he hadn’t noticed earlier and the realisation sobered him just a little. Louis looked up to find Liam in deep conversation with the bartender, Niall. They knew Niall well, mainly because this was pub closest to their flats, hence they were here a few times. And the bartender was chatty, same age as them and funny. So yeah, it wasn’t an unusual sight to see them talking. But it was unusual to see both of them glancing at Louis so often, almost as if they were talking about him. His attention was soon snatched when Oli grabbed his arm to pull him into a conversation.
The incident slipped out of his mind temporarily and Louis forgot to ask his flatmate about it when he returned. He did notice the lad was cheery, carrying a strange twinkle in his eyes. He didn’t make a face even when the topic of their school days came up, only smirked at his half empty bottle of lager.
“We used to be so fun then, didn’t we?” Calvin said with a raucous laugh, shaking his head. By this point, Liam would be scoffing, Louis thought as he eyed his friend. He could practically hear his chastising voice in his head. But Liam was smiling. Odd. “Breaking into the school, pranking people. It’s a shame we don’t have time to meet up anymore. Or trash someone’s place for fun, you know?”
“Like last time,” Oli continued, his face as red as his hair. Louis sunk low in his seat. Yeah he didn’t want to remember that, it only sobered him further. “Which reminds me, you never told me how that wanker reacted.”
“It was funny,” Louis said, chuckling awkwardly. “Wasn’t it, Liam?”
“Oh yeah trashing the boss’ office was something,” Liam replied distractedly. Louis followed his friend’s gaze and saw him staring at the counter, at Niall and they appeared to have a nonverbal conversation. What were they up to? “But it wasn’t that big a challenge. The security was lax and it was just throwing things around. Hardly a challenge. He’s grown tame over the years.”
“Tame?” Louis objected. “And me? I am not tame, and it was a challenge. I could have been fired.”
“Yeah but were you fired? Nope.” Liam shrugged and Louis squawked loudly in protest. “A real challenge has sure consequences.”
“Do you have anything in mind then, Liam?” Calvin challenged, leaning across the table. “I’m sure Louis can do it.”
Louis puffed up his chest confidently and grinned at Liam. The latter looked smug, too smug and this was a trap. This was trap and yet Louis was walking right into it. “Lay it on me, Leemo, I can do anything.”
Liam’s grin widened, as if he was coughing on the recklessness. “Okay then. Go and propose to that guy over by the counter. Red shirt, brown hair. Or are you too scared?”
“I’m not scared,” Louis replied impulsively instead of question his friend over the odd challenge. It was specific, pointed and why just that man? Louis looked over at the counter, and spotted the said bloke holding a brightly coloured drink as he chatted amicably with Niall. It was not exactly challenging, he thought right before the man turned his head just so and Louis got a glimpse of his face. Then he gasped. “What the fuck.”
“It’s not exactly challenging Liam,” Oli said then, voicing just what Louis had been wanting to say a few seconds earlier. Before he knew better. “He is good-looking but not out of Louis’ league. Even if he shot down, what’s the big consequence you were stressing on?”
“He’s the bloke Louis has been crushing on for months, and hasn’t done a thing about it. So if you think about it, the stakes are high.”
“Liam, not so loud,” Louis hissed, finally snapping out of his stupor. He punched his friend’s arm and then glanced at the counter, where Harry was laughing with Niall. And then glared at his friend. “You’re such a fucking wanker. You can’t challenge me that.”
“Why not?”
“The stakes are high,” Calvin pointed out.
“Besides you already accepted, Lou,” Oli added quietly, “And you don’t go back on your word, yeah?”
The others chimed in with their assent and Louis swallowed the ‘no way’ that was on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t make himself deny them, and Liam was the worst, goading them on. Louis had backed himself into a corner with no way out. Fuck.
“Fine, I’ll do it,” he said loudly, squaring his shoulders. He glared at Liam as they stood up. He was going to destroy his chances with Niall’s gorgeous friend he talked to three times. He was also going to exact revenge for this. “Why did you do this?”
“I guess I was a little petty in my past,” Liam whispered, smile faltering. Then he shrugged. “Oh well, I guess that will teach you a lesson so maybe it’s a nice thing. Good luck.”
Louis flipped him over his shoulder as he marched towards the counter. The distance suddenly seemed so short. Outside, he looked as if he was thrumming with confidence but on the inside, he was shaking with panic. What was he doing? He could barely get a word out in front of Harry without embarrassing himself usually. How was he ever going to propose marriage? This was ridiculous.
Louis sat down on a stood a little further away from Harry and took in a deep breath to compose himself. He could do this, he told himself but then a small part of him reminded him that executing the challenge wasn’t the problem. It was the blood consequences. He wished he had his school friends surrounding him, goading him on. At least he could go through the first part with recklessly overconfidence. He sighed.
Louis sat down on a stood a little further away from Harry and took in a deep breath to compose himself. He could do this, he told himself but then a small part of him reminded him that executing the challenge wasn’t the problem. It was the blood consequences. He wished he had his school friends surrounding him, goading him on. At least he could go through the first part with recklessly overconfidence. He sighed.
“You’re in on this, aren’t you?” Louis asked Niall, who had appeared in front of him with a manic grin and a pint. The earlier interactions all made sense. “So who suggested this shit anyway?”
The bartender hummed. “Does it really matter?”
He guessed it didn’t. “What is drinking? I’m just asking because I’m preparing for him to throw it on my face.”
Niall laughed at that, shaking his head as if Louis was being ridiculous. Maybe he was. “You’re always so dramatic. Mate, Harry is the sweetest person. He would never throw his drink in anyone’s face, especially not you.”
With that, Niall walked away to serve another customer. Louis sipped his drink as he glanced at Harry as subtly as he could. Harry was sitting cross legged, wearing a large orange jumper that was tucked in a pair of tan corduroy pants. It was odd for a twenty something to wear, Louis could objectively say but his heart was full of endearment. He looked cosy and snugly, was the thing, and managed to pull off the grandpa clothes. Or maybe Louis was whipped. And that was when he realised his subtlety and ended a while ago. He had fully his body to stare at Harry, but fortunately, the lad didn’t notice.
Harry was staring into his phone with a small furrow between his eyebrows. He looked up at Niall and then back at his phone, frown deepening. Louis breathed in. this was it, this was the moment he ruined it all.
“Didn’t expect to see you here today,” Louis said as he dropped down onto the stood beside Harry, and immediately wanted to smack himself. Really, he asked himself, did he really not expect to see Harry in a place his good friend worked at. He was pathetic. But that line of thought vanished as soon as Harry looked up from his phone and grinned brightly when he realised who it was. And Louis couldn’t only grin back. “You look nice.”
Harry beamed, running his fingers through his hair. “Oh thanks. I came here straight from work so didn’t have time to wear something more, let’s just say, vibrant. It’s nice of you to not tease me about that, or calling me a skinny pumpkin out of autumn, like a certain annoying friend did. Now I’m rambling. You look nice too, is what I should I said.”
Louis blushed and ducked his head, mumbling out a ‘thanks’. He felt giddy and a little like a teenager with a crush, all awkward and silly. He glanced at Liam, who had his head propped on his hand as he grinned. That bastard. “So Harry, I have a question to ask you.”
“You do?” Harry asked, a strange expression flitting over his face. He gripped his phone tightly, biting his lip. And Louis lost his train of thought for just a second. “Um sure then, ask away I guess.”
Louis squared his shoulders. He was reckless and confident, definitely not scared out of his wits. All of those were lies. “Don’t be too offended by my next words, it’s a challenge,” he whispered, even though he was pretty sure he should not and then raised his voice, “Harry Styles, will you make me the luckiest lad in this pub and marry me?”
“Uh I –”
“Get down on one knee, you absolutely loser!” Liam yelled and Louis shot him a quick glare. And it was only then he noticed that most of the patrons in the pub were looking at them curiously. He hadn’t even considered that there were nosy strangers who would be their audience. This was an extremely public spectacle in a pub that he frequented. How fun. “It’s a proper proposal, is it not?”
“Ugh fine,” Louis hissed before proceeding to do the same. Harry, through it all was gaping at him before he glanced at Liam with a peculiar look. An understanding went through those green eyes, about what, Louis didn’t know. “Harry Styles, the love of my life, would you make me the luckiest man ever and accept my very public proposal please?”
Harry took in a deep breath and for a second Louis feared he was going to be rejected but then.
“Yes, of course I will,” he breathed out and held out his hand. Without thinking, Louis made a motion of pushing a ring onto his finger before standing up, a little dazed himself. Harry was confused albeit smiling, which was a good sign. He sat back down on the stool and threw back what was left of his drink. “So it was Liam who gave you that challenge? Interesting. I didn’t know he was here too.”
Louis scoffed. “Yeah, well, he was here to help me but apparently, he’s petty tonight. All these years and I had to find out via his revertigo that he was a petty child. I don’t even know if I used that term right. It’s a bullshit term anyway, so who cares. You know what, let’s not talk about him.”
“If you say so,” Harry replied with a shrug and a smile. He picked up the fruity drink from earlier, still half full and pressed his lips against the rim. He hollowed out his cheeks as he sipped, all without breaking eye contact and Louis couldn’t help but stare. It was sinful, almost as if he was doing it on purpose. But surely he couldn’t drink that way right? And sure enough, Harry spluttered and coughed. “Shit, sorry I was just trying to be all sexy. It was a stupid move. It’s a stupid way to drink. Should have tried a better approach.”
“Yeah?”
Harry nodded as he put down his glass and then shifted closer. “Well, I was thinking since we’re a newly engaged couple, we could try to get free desert. But before that, we should grab dinner at a good restaurant where I pick you up with a nice bouquet of flowers. You know?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Dinner like a date?” Harry asked, seeming less sure of himself. His smile faltered. “Unless this was only due to Liam’s challenge and you don’t actually l –”
“Yes!” Louis exclaimed, startling Harry due to the volume. Niall snorted somewhere behind him and if he wasn’t mistaken, Liam was laughing too. They were both wankers and leaving the pub with seemed like a great idea. “I would love to go out with you sometimes. No, not some time, right now. If you’re free, we could grab a bite to eat? And the dinner you mentioned, we could get like, next Friday?”
“Yes, of course,” Harry said. His cheeks were flushed, smile wide enough for his dimples to pop up. Louis was so lucky. “I would love that.”
They quickly finished their drink before promptly leaving.
They finished their drinks and left before their respective friends could stop them. Louis made sure to look back once, smirking at the flabbergasted look on Liam’s face. The escape was worth it. More so, he was escaping with a gorgeous man whom he would have dinner with. He was on cloud nine, giddy and light.
“I’m glad you asked me out,” Louis confessed with a laugh. His hand accidentally brushed Harry’s and his heart fluttered at the touch. “If it was up to me, I would never have had the courage to.”
“Well then it’s a shame our friends had to plot to get us to go on this date then,” Harry said, and this time, his fingers brushed against Louis’ on purpose. He was grinning wildly, and Louis knew he was looking the same. “I got the strangest text from Liam before you approached. He said that Niall told him that I was not spontaneous so I should yes to the next person who asks me something. I was debating whether or not it was worth it when you walked up. I’ll just admit, I’d have said irrespective of that text.”
Louis was torn between being mad at Liam, touched by his thoughtfulness and flustered by Harry’s confession. In the end, he settled for the last emotion. “I’m glad.”
The two of them kept walking and around the same time seemed to realise they didn’t know where they were going. It took one glance to have them laughing at themselves.
“Where are we anyway?” Louis asked, looking around him. “I don’t recognise this neighbourhood.”
“Well, my building is right up there, so maybe I was leading us here subconsciously,” said Harry before he ducked his head. Louis noticed he was shuffling his feet nervously. “I know I suggested dinner, and you were keen on it but since we’re here, we could just skip –”
“Yes!” Louis screamed for the second time in the night so far and laughed. That suggestion was better. And the night only got better from there.
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