Chapter Text
“Oh, forgive me.”
Macy almost glanced up. Almost. She stopped herself, trying to keep the breath from being stolen from her lungs. She didn’t know how it was possible for someone to be so close and so far away at the same time.
Mel glared at Harry and moved the tray of pasteles to the counter before unfreezing the room. Harry grabbed a towel and began mopping up the coffee that had spilled on the kitchen island.
“Don’t worry about it,” Maggie said, helping him clean up. “Nothing’s ruined.”
“If you wanted caffeinated pasteles,” Mel muttered.
“I am sorry,” Harry repeated.
Macy wrapped her fingers around her mug and stared at the dark liquid halfway reflecting the twinkling lights the windows outside. Harry rubbed his temple and looked down at his sweater vest stained with coffee. Macy could see him out of the corner of her eye. Good. He could throw the damn thing in the fireplace.
“I have some wrapping to finish.” Macy rose abruptly, leaving Harry with her sisters. She didn’t even look back. Just keep going, she told herself. Keep moving forward.
There were no unwrapped presents in her room. Just a mess. She’d had no time to straighten things up in the past few weeks between tracking down the final members of the Noctis Perpetuum coven and helping Jada and Helen ferret out a traitor at the Witchlighter school. Life was busy. It had always been busy. But it had all seemed more doable before.
With a sigh, she scanned the room. There were still a lot of things here that didn’t belong. Not anymore.
Macy began at the closet, pulling out a few items that Maggie had missed in the quick effort to set up a space for Harry in the attic. After that, stray books that were clearly on the softer side of academia, and therefore not her own.
“Funny, how easy it is to lift someone out of your life.”
This should have been harder. There should have been more. Grabbing a laundry basket, she folded the clothes neatly and placed the books inside, then looked to the bed. She hadn’t changed the sheets yet. She should.
But it helped her sleep at night, having his scent still on his pillow.
“There had to be a sacrifice,” Harry whispered, cupping her cheek. “I shouldn’t have made the decision without you… You’ll have to forgive me.”
“What? Why?” Macy demanded. “Harry, what did you do?”
As the warmth returned to her face, light began to creep over Harry’s skin in meandering little cracks.
A light knock on the doorframe jerked Macy out of the memory of Harry’s face, contorted in pain as the magic overtook him. It was replaced by a placid, hesitant face. Harry lingered in the doorway, smiling just slightly.
“Hope I’m not ruining any surprises,” he said.
Macy’s heart lodged in her throat. “Oh, no.” She waved him off. “I just started noticing some things out of place, and so I um, decided to gather them up and rehome them.”
Harry raised a brow and entered. He had in fact ditched the sweater, and the undershirt, and changed into a long-sleeved blue shirt that she’d bought for him. He probably didn’t even remember that. Was he trying to fill the holes in his memory, or had he given up already? Macy didn’t know which to hope for.
“I’ve been messy,” Harry noted.
Macy shrugged. “It’s been a hectic few weeks.”
“Clearly. I wish I remembered more of them.”
As Harry frowned at the basket, Macy quickly picked up a few pieces of jewelry that Maggie had left in there, and a book that she had borrowed from Mel. “We’ve all been a little careless.”
“Can I help?” he offered. “I could put these items in the appropriate rooms.”
“I’ll get to it.” Macy crossed her arms over herself, wishing he would just leave.
Harry let out a slow breath and bit his lower lip. Then said, “I’m sorry that I don’t remember what I did to make you angry. I know it isn’t your fault that I’ve got so many gaps, and if there’s anything I can do to make it right—“
“I’m not angry with you, Harry,” Macy snapped.
Which was a lie. Because he’d taken himself from her. Let some unknown figure manipulate his memories for her. And Macy knew how that must have terrified him after all the ways the Elders had messed with him, even if it had meant saving her life from the curse the Noctis had placed on her. He couldn’t even remember who he’d gone to, so it was impossible for Macy to go to them and beg for them to take anything else.
“All right.” Harry’s slight smile told her that he didn’t believe for a second that she wasn’t angry.
But she couldn’t tell him why she was angry.
As the warmth returned to her face, light began to creep over Harry’s skin in meandering little cracks.
“What’s happening?” Macy demanded.
“I had to make a deal,” he struggled, holding her tightly. “God, there’s not enough time.”
“What kind of deal?”
“Your cure… for my…” Harry closed his eyes tightly as the magic grew brighter through the cracks. “My memories of…”
“Of what?”
“Us.”
He pressed his forehead to hers and ground out, “I love you. Always know how much I loved you. And please, please, forgive me.”
“It isn’t your fault I’m cranky,” Macy said finally. “I’m just… tired, I guess.”
“Reasonable, what with everything we’ve been through. It will be good for you to have some downtime. I’ve not been a hundred percent myself.” Harry rubbed his brow. “But you’re also angry with me.”
“I’m not—“ Macy protested.
Harry held his hands up. “Whatever I did, when you’re ready, tell me what I can do to make it right? I hate to have bad blood between us.”
Macy bowed forward exhaustedly. This wasn’t fair. They’d fought so hard. For her to balance the sides of herself, for Harry to become whole.
“I’m mad because the memory problems you’re having now are a result of what you did to cure me of the Noctis curse.” She shrugged. “I’m mad because there’s nothing I can do.”
“I did know that it was related. Mel explained it was a side effect of the spell. But you shouldn’t be angry about that.” Harry came closer and gave her a gentle look. “Even if I have other responsibilities from time to time, I’m still your Whitelighter. I’ll always try to protect you.”
“Before you talked to my mysterious benefactor, you knew you were more than just a servant for witches.”
“Oh.” Harry frowned. “I do, though. But sixty years of advising witches, and being one of the only full Whitelighters in existence, you understand if it’s a big part of things for me.”
They’d had this argument before. Only then, Macy knew, for certain, that he was allowing himself something outside of his job. Then, they’d kissed when they made up.
His hand touched her shoulder, and Macy wanted to pull him close and grasp his face with both hands. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to shake him. She wanted to send things flying around the room shattering. She still loved him, and he had no idea that he’d ever even had those feelings.
He’d apologized, not because he was sorry for having sacrificed himself, but because he knew how hard it would be for her.
“I’m always going to worry about you, Harry,” Macy managed.
“And I, you.” His eyes met hers warmly.
Behind them, a little chirrup announced Boo as she hopped onto Macy’s bed and immediately began poking her nose into the basket. Harry chuckled and reached over to pet the little tuxedo cat.
“You know, I don’t even remember when we got her, but she’s been quite the companion. Any time I sit down, she has to be right by my side.”
“That’s because you’re the one who found her. You brought her to us. Maggie ended up naming her, although we were tossing around names like Artemis and Phoebe. Before we knew it, she was answering to Boo.”
Harry grinned as his fingers moved over the arch of Boo’s back. “I brought her?”
“You said—“ Macy cut herself off. There was a risk in letting Harry recover any of the memories he’d sacrificed. Who knows what would happen to Harry if they tried to circumvent that cost?
Harry raised both of his brows as he looked at her in askance.
“She reminded you of us. You and me, I mean, with…” She sighed, her nerves on fire with every word. “Witch and demon, Whitelighter and Darklighter. You found this little puffball of white and black fur…” She shrugged. “You thought it would cheer m—um, us all up.”
“I’m sure she’s adequate to the job.”
Boo had jumped into the basket and was sniffing one of Harry’s sweaters.
“I’ve actually quite appreciated her company. Just can’t seem to sleep these days,” Harry muttered. “For some reason.”
Then, it was the both of them. That made her feel less alone with this. It also made her feel worse. Wasn’t the whole point that he’d already made his sacrifice? Did he have to keep suffering?
“Boo will take care of you, then, won’t you, Boo?” Macy said with a little too much cheer.
“She ought to be taking care of you. It’s only appropriate for witches to have a cat about,” Harry instructed. “Their natural energies align with witchly needs and can facilitate healing or calm.”
“You said that when you brought her here, too.” Macy smiled at the memory.
Harry’s cheeks colored a bit, and he pushed his sleeves back. “Of course. Forgive me. My memory…” He waved a hand.
Macy caught his hand and squeezed it. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll fill things in until you’re 100% again. We’ve dealt with worse.”
“Thank you.” Harry squeezed back. He opened his mouth to say something, hesitated, then licked his lips and pulled away.
“What were you going to say?”
“I know that baking helps you relax. And we could both use some relaxation.” Harry stepped toward the door and slipped his hands in his pockets. “Moreover, I think Mel would prefer to get me out of the kitchen, but is being uncharacteristically kind about it because I have a Swiss cheese memory right now. I thought you and I could prepare some cookies for the upcoming gathering.”
“That could be fun.”
Harry’s face lit up. In moments like this, he was like the sun. She’d missed it.
“I guess it couldn’t hurt.” Macy nodded. “We’ll bake. Take Boo so I can finish straightening up?”
Harry scooped up Boo, who gave a meep of protest, but looked up at him and didn’t struggle to get away. Macy pressed her fingers over her lips. A wave of sadness threatened to bow her over, but…
That smile. It was worth drawing out. She glanced at her bed once again. The sheets could wait a few more days. She picked up the basket and headed to the attic to relocate Harry’s things. She needed to stop reacting to this situation and approach it more logically. They needed to know the exact limits of this sacrifice so she didn’t accidently trigger more consequences for him. And if there were a way to substitute the sacrifice, she wouldn’t find it by avoiding Harry and wallowing in the loss.
It was time to forgive him for saving her.