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When Eddie woke up, the fear from his dreams was clutching his chest, blocking the oxygen from his lungs. He shot up - desperately searching for air, the memories chasing him. He thought maybe if he calmed down, so would the attack, but nothing was working.
“Eds- holy shit. Are you okay? Do you need your inhaler!?”
Eddie looked to the side to see his boyfriend as he nodded in between breaths, still shaking with fear in his eyes.
Without waiting a moment, Richie rushed to the bathroom, coming back with an inhaler. Eddie grabbed it — taking quick breaths in desperation, the medicine soothing the burning pain inside his lungs.
As he caught his breath, Eddie felt his boyfriend pull him close.
Richie spoke gently, rubbing circles in his back. “It’s okay Spaghetti, you’ll be okay.”
Without warning, Eddie felt his eyes swell up with tears as quiet sobs slipped out.
He could tell Richie was taken by surprise.
“Fuck, Eds!”
His voice softened.
“Eddie, shh. It’s gonna be okay, you’re safe.”
He kept crying.
“Baby, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
Eddie took a shaky breath, lamenting on how gentle Richie could be sometimes.
“I- I-.”
More sobs.
“I saw-.” He took a shaky breath, tears staining his cheeks. “- I saw it.”
Richie looked confused. “You saw what, baby?”
Eddie took another breath, sobs calming down, and looked down.
“ It.”
“Oh...” Richie said quietly. He knew what Eddie meant.
The room filled with an uncomfortable silence. Eddie didn’t know what to say, and he figured Richie didn’t either.
After a moment, they locked eyes and Richie asked, “Do you want to go for a ride?”
“A what?”
Richie smiled, taking Eddie’s hand in his. “A ride, just you and me. It won’t be long.”
Eddie smiled back at Richie.
“Yah...that sounds nice.”
——
The air was cool - of course it didn’t help his asthma - but Eddie thought it felt nice, calming his nerves.
Richie hadn’t spoke since they started driving - something Eddie was relieved about. He didn’t feel like talking much- not about his dream. He knew Richie would ask about it sooner or later. If he talked to a therapist, Eddie figured they would tell him he should talk about what happened. He had tried - but it always made it worse. He tried to block out everything that had happened that summer, but he couldn’t block out dreams.
As Eddie predicted, Richie broke the silence with a question.
“Do you want to talk about your dream?”
He decided to reply honestly.
“No.”
Richie seemed conflicted. He looked at Eddie with a tinge of sadness before giving a childish grin.
“Your a little shit - you know that right?”
Eddie smiled too, letting out a laugh.
“Fuck you, Richie,” he said, punching his arm.
“Jesus Christ Eds- I’m driving!” He screamed playfully.
They laughed and for a moment, Eddie felt alright - everything he had felt was replaced with pure love.
As the laughing calmed down, Richie’s face turned serious, moving his eyes to Eddie, causing his smile to relax too.
Looking back to the road he said, “You know I have dreams too.”
Eddie tensed up, “I don’t want to talk about i - wait...” He looked at Richie with confusion. “You have dreams too..?”
Richie smiled softly, “Of course. We all do, you know.”
Eddie couldn’t tell what emotion he was being filled with, but it felt like relief.
“You mean you all.. I’m not the only one?”
Richie chuckled.
“Of course not. I’m able to hide it, when I wake up I mean - so that’s why you’ve never noticed.
“Bev too - Ben tells me she wakes up screaming every night. I get the feeling he does too.
“I know Bill’s been having nightmares since he was ten. Mike tells me he can’t stand it anytime it rains. And Stan- I don’t think he ever stops thinking about what happened that summer.”
Eddie looked down as the cool air whipped through his cheeks.
“I don’t know why it’s always been so embarrassing for me. For me that summer always felt like some hazy dream. Part of me thinks it never happened. I guess part of me also wishes it didn’t.”
The dry air hurt his lungs, the sense of tiny pins pricking them come to him, though he shook it off.
“Maybe I’m not even scared of the monster. Maybe I’m just scared of the forms it took.”
Eddie could feel his airway closing but he didn’t care over the hot tears streaming down his cheeks.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying right now,” he sobbed softly.
Richie slowed the car down to stop on the side of the road. He gave hugged Eddie - running his hands through his hair. He grabbed his boyfriends inhaler without saying anything. And Eddie took deep breaths, calming down his crying too.
“I’m okay,” he assured himself. “I’m okay.”
Richie was still leaning over the center counsel bit, holding Eddie’s hand.
“You don’t have to be so scared to show emotion, you know.”
Eddie though for a moment. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, I just-.”
Richie cut him off.
“It’s alright. You don’t need to explain anything. I love you.”
Eddie’s heart suddenly filled with wonder at how lucky he was to be dating someone like Richie.
He grabbed his face in his hands, the two drawing their faces close, softly kissing
When they got home they both still had a few hours until they had to get up. Eddie felt his lack of sleep hit him like a truck. Leaning against Eddie for support with a laugh, Richie casually ran his hand through Eddie’s hair before collapsing on the bed, pulling him with him.
Eddie went to sleep tucked neatly within Richie’s arms, listening to the gentle inhale and exhale of his breath.
That night he dreamed of Pennywise one last time - but not of the fear. He dreamed of Richie - holding him close when the projector turned on, the chaos ensuing from his twisted face, and thing he knew for sure was that Richie would keep him safe.
He dreamed of the Neibolt House, Richie grabbing his face, not letting him see the monster creeping towards them - hoping if they had to die, the last thing the would see would be each other.
He dreamed of how Richie made him feel afterwords, when the terror had subsided; and just then, when he let him know everything was okay. Eddie knew it was, and as long as Richie was there - he didn’t have to be scared anymore.