Work Text:
08:08 AM KST
Jihoon: we have to go early
Jihoon: take care okay?
10:37 AM KST
Seungcheol: hoooon :(
Seungcheol: i’m sorry i was asleep when you got back last night
Seungcheol: now you’re gone again…
Seungcheol: why didn’t you wake me up :(
02:22 PM KST
Seungcheol: how long is this flight… i miss you
(timezone change -- 2 hours difference)
01:48 PM -- 03:48 PM KST
Jihoon: just landed
Jihoon: we got delayed earlier
Jihoon: the rehearsal ended really late...
Jihoon: i didn’t wanna wake you up
02:14 PM -- 04:14 PM KST
Seungcheol: hi baby
Seungcheol: wanted to see you…
Jihoon: cheol…
Seungcheol: it’s gonna be so lonely without all of you for a week
Jihoon: i’m sorry
Jihoon: know that we’ll miss you too
Seungcheol: it’s okay
Seungcheol: have a good time in bangkok!!
04:11 PM -- 06:11 PM KST
Seungcheol: are you sleeping?
05:39 PM -- 07:39 PM KST
Jihoon: barely slept last night
Jihoon: rehearsal
Seungcheol: ok
09:48 PM -- 11:48 PM KST
Jihoon: you didn’t have to…
Seungcheol: do you like it?
Jihoon: it’s rice
Jihoon: of course i do
Jihoon: jaehyung hyung just laughed when i blew the candle
Seungcheol: i had to improvise
Seungcheol: before your birthday ends
Jihoon: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Jihoon: thank you
Seungcheol: vlive?
Jihoon: yeah
Seungcheol: call me after?
Seungcheol: i miss your voice
Jihoon: sure
Jihoon: don’t wait up though
Seungcheol: i’m gonna watch you anyway :)
Jihoon: -_-
Jihoon: then just listen to my vlive and go to sleep
Seungcheol: 😉
Seungcheol: happy birthday love
11:22 PM -- 01:22 AM KST
Jihoon: hyung
Jihoon: are you still awake?
Jihoon: i just ended the vlive
11:30 PM -- 01:30 AM KST
Jihoon: you’re probably sleeping
Jihoon: sorry we couldn’t talk...
Jihoon: goodnight hyung :)
11:35 PM -- 01:35 AM KST
Incoming call: Seungcheol
“Seungcheol, why are you still awake?” is the response that immediately greets Seungcheol as his phone call gets picked up. “Hello, I miss you too, sweetheart.” Seungcheol chuckles. Jihoon only rolls his eyes listening to his silly boyfriend. “It’s late you know, you should go to sleep.”
“Don’t wanna. I napped earlier just so I could stay awake and call you.” Seungcheol complains. “I wanted to greet you happy birthday this morning but you already took off.”
Jihoon exhales, “You didn’t have to. I went to your room to check on you and you looked tired. I want you to rest properly.” He fumbles around a bit as he cleans up the room. He hears Seungcheol murmur, “It wouldn’t be as special though if I didn’t greet you properly… It’s also your first birthday without me ever since we were trainees.”
Jihoon finally sits on his bed, waiting for his current roommate, Seungkwan, to show up. “You know I don’t care about all this, right? I didn’t until you got fussy about it when we were trainees and told me that birthdays are special so we had to celebrate.”
Seungcheol smiles, “It is special though, isn’t it? I have to be thankful that you were born, Hoonie.” Jihoon smiles as well, thinking that he is very thankful for Seungcheol, too.
“Hyung, remember the first time you took me out to celebrate my birthday? I didn’t want to celebrate at first. You said it wasn’t going to be big, so I let you drag me out after our practice… there weren’t a lot of places open, but you knew a tteokbokki stall around the corner.”
“I treated you to your first celebration as a trainee.” Seungcheol fondly recalls the memory.
Jihoon hums, “I insisted on paying but you told the ahjumeoni that it was my birthday and you were celebrating your dearest dongsaeng’s birthday so she didn’t want to take my money.” He remembers the kind old lady calling them cute because he kept nagging at Seungcheol for doing such things.
“I knew you would eat a lot so I saved my pocket money for that. I really wanted to make it special for you, didn’t want you to forget your own birthday. You really should take more care of your birthdays, Hoonie.” Seungcheol repeats the same words he told Jihoon that day years ago.
“I didn’t, and I still don’t. I just don’t care.”
“But you do now, don’t you?” Seungcheol says with a smile in his voice.
“That’s because of you.” Jihoon pauses, “I think I started to treasure my birthdays because of you. Hyung, you always remind me that it’s my birthday, going out of your way to treat me so well despite it was just another mundane day for me. I didn’t realize how different it was until someone mentioned that this is my first birthday without you ever since we met.”
“Hoon…”
“I started caring because you cared about it a lot, Cheol. Back then I didn’t want to make you sad, seeing me being indifferent whenever you tried to do something for me. I remember how your face would look like back when I rejected your advances. You looked like I ruined your whole world. I felt guilty because you had been nothing but kind to me, you never pressured me to do anything. Even when everyone’s attention was on you, you kept trying to give your attention to me.”
Seungcheol snorts, “You liked Baekho better than me.” Jihoon can only roll his eyes when he hears that.
“You know it’s not like that.”
“I know, I know. I was just jealous he could do the things I wanted to do then. Like, he could get away with many things yet you kept pushing my hands away from holding you! How is that fair?”
Jihoon chuckles. “Choi Seungcheol, you’re so spoiled. It’s been 10 years and you haven’t changed.”
“I won’t change when it comes to you.”
“Well, I can confirm that.” Jihoon playfully tells him.
“I’m serious. I’m selfish when it comes to you. I wanted to keep you away from other people if I could. I want you all to myself. That will not change.” The playfulness gone from his voice, replaced by seriousness.
“Hey, don’t be like that…” chides Jihoon.
“Sorry… It’s just…”
“No, it’s okay. I feel like… I should say this sometimes… You know that my heart belongs to you and you only, right? Even when we were trainees, when we weren’t a thing yet… You kept doing these things, went above and beyond for me. I think I didn’t realize it until you started getting really… aggressive?” Jihoon blushes as he remembers the memory.
“I know, and mine, too, but oh God…” He hears Seungcheol whining on the other end, it amuses Jihoon that the memory make Seungcheol feels flustered as well, makes him want to push Seungcheol’s buttons.
“Remember when you pushed me to the ground and just hovered on top of me, trying to kiss me? Or that time when you suddenly climbed up the table I was lying on and took my guitar away just to pin me down an--”
Seungcheol groans, “I get it, please don’t remind me.” His voice sounds muffled. Jihoon can imagine Seungcheol burying his face in the pillow, eyes closed, ears red. Jihoon shakes his head with amusement. “You really got aggressive with me after the marriage announcement, like you didn’t care who was watching.”
“To be fair, I always got tunnel vision when it was about you. You were my wife after all.” Seungcheol laughs, remembering how he looked at Jihoon back then, thinking that while it was a joke, he really wanted to make Jihoon his. All to himself, nobody else’s. He still does, but he learns that in a relationship, he shouldn’t be selfish because Jihoon is also his own person, and Jihoon really deserves all the love in this world from other people. He should never gate-keep someone so precious, someone who should be loved by as many people as possible.
The way Jihoon loves him is different from the way he loves other people, after all.
“I remember how you kept approaching me, whispering so closely to my ear, insisting on holding me, making me sit on your lap, hugging me from behind. Sometimes I felt your lips on my shoulder and breath on my neck, yet I let you be.” Jihoon pauses for a second, lost in nostalgia. “The things I would never ever let anyone else do.” He chuckles.
Seungcheol grins, he did all that hoping Jihoon would finally realize he actually had feelings for him. “Mingyu did that too though, didn’t he? He really liked to hold you close and make you sit on his lap or something.” He recalls. Jihoon remembers that too, his dongsaeng who grew so much taller than him. “Mingyu did that just to annoy me though,” Jihoon huffs. “...and he certainly didn’t make me blush.” He admits shyly, making Seungcheol’s heart flutter even more.
“I think I realized that I got really comfortable with you. I was comfortable before but I didn’t know that. I thought about the days where you took care of me really well, it was like one look at me and you could figure out what I needed or wanted. I ended up gravitating towards you and followed you around.” Jihoon hears Seungcheol humming in agreement. “Just simple things like sharing food you won from the games, offering me water, stood beside me while I was in pain, holding me as you saw I needed it, persistently hugging me while I tried to reject it.” He continues. “Then things kind of changed after…”
Seungcheol sighs on the other line, “People left, the uncertainty about our debut since it kept getting pushed back just stressed all of us out. You got… sadder, you smiled less, Hoon. I noticed but I was trying to keep the team together, too.” And for that, Jihoon is thankful, because if it wasn’t for Seungcheol, maybe both of them wouldn’t be here.
“You didn’t hold me like you used to.” Jihoon blurts out, catching Seungcheol off guard. “You didn’t even remember my birthday that year! We forgot that today is your birthday. Said the one who told me to treasure my birthdays.” He adds in a mocking voice, imitating how Seungcheol greeted him in the impromptu birthday video. Seungcheol can hear the sulkiness in his boyfriend’s voice and he guffaws.
“What! Why are you laughing!” Jihoon exclaims and Seungcheol just laughs harder. I’m really lucky to have you, Seungcheol thinks. “I’d hit you if you were here.” Jihoon mutters.
“You wouldn’t. I’d just hold you hands and kiss your pout away, Baby.” Seungcheol teases, knowing his boyfriend is not seriously mad at him but he’s also expressing his feelings in a way. So precious. That’s just how Jihoon is.
Sounds of the bed rustling can be heard by Jihoon, “I miss you so much, Hoon.” Seungcheol mumbles. “Wanna hold you close, kiss every inch of your face. Show you how much I love you, make you feel special and loved.” Jihoon can picture him pouting, probably holding his bolster tightly, Jihoon thinks.
“You already did, with your surprise earlier.” Jihoon grins remembering his plate of rice with a candle on top of it being held by their manager. “Besides, you can do those things every day.” He adds. “But not everyday is your special day.” Seungcheol protests. Jihoon can’t believe how childish his boyfriend is at times. Always the little kid. So he answers with a tiny voice, “You always make it feel like one.”
Jihoon hears thumping sounds of Seungcheol hitting his pillow as he wails. “How can I survive a week without you around when you’re saying things like that?” Jihoon giggles. He doesn’t mean to make it harder for the both of them, because if he starts to think about it, he misses Seungcheol just as much.
“How was the weather today? It was really windy this morning. I hope it wasn’t too cold.” Jihoon tries to change the subject, taking Seungcheol’s mind away from thinking of how lonely it’d be without the other kids around. “It was surprisingly warm today. I guess the fluctuating weather will continue until winter comes… It’s weird. Too bad my sunshine isn’t here.” Seungcheol smiles.
“I promise when I get back, I’ll let you do whatever you want that you couldn’t today, how about that?” Jihoon offers, knowing that even if he didn’t offer such thing, Seungcheol would find a way to make up for the lost time.
He hears the door opening and looks up to see Seungkwan finally coming back to their room. Seungkwan whispers, "Seungcheol hyung?”, Jihoon nods towards him. “I’ll remember that when you get home. No protesting, okay?” Seungcheol responds, Jihoon hums and tells Seungcheol “Seungkwan is back.” as he puts the phone on speaker and holds it closer to Seungkwan.
“Hi, Hyung!” Seungkwan greets him. Jihoon tells Seungkwan to hold the phone as he’s going to the bathroom. Seungkwan understands and starts conversing with Seungcheol, listening to him asking about the members’ day. “Seokmin hyung really made Jihoon hyung embarrassed a lot today by saying ‘I love you’ so many times. I will send you videos!” He beams. “Where were you? Mingyu’s room again?” Seungcheol asks, “Yeah, he wasn’t sleeping this time though and we talked about…” The two voices start to blend faintly in the background as Jihoon washes up before bed.
When he comes back, Seungkwan is already tucked in his bed ready to sleep. He mouths thank you to Seungkwan as he says bye to Seungcheol. Seungkwan smiles at him as Jihoon takes his phone back and turns the speaker off. “Hi again,” Jihoon greets, readying himself for bed too as he turns off the bedside lamp and arranges his pillows.
“Talking to Seungkwan makes me miss the kids more.” Seungcheol mutters. “I wish I could be there with all of you.”
“When you’re all better, you can. Don’t worry about it, okay?” Jihoon reminds him, the boys want nothing more than to have their leader back too, but he doesn’t say it. “Never force yourself ever again.” Jihoon firmly states, and Seungcheol knows it’s because there are too many occasions of him forcing himself through his illness that it ends up becoming worse.
“I know. Thank you, Jihoonie. Thank the others too for me. Tell them I’m proud of them, and you, I’m proud of you.” Seungcheol says. Jihoon feels his cheeks heat up from such praise, but he can also hear the sleepiness in Seungcheol’s voice. He must be tired, it’s late, “I will. We're proud of you too, Hyung.” He reassures Seungcheol.
“Let’s go to sleep? I have a long day tomorrow and it’s almost 3 AM for you… We should fix your sleeping schedule.” Jihoon worries. “Just for today. I’ll sleep properly tomorrow, Baby. Promise.”
“Okay, Hyung.” Jihoon replies, he adjusts his position, pulls the blanket up to his chest. “Goodnight, Jihoonie. I love you.”
Jihoon bites his lower lip, he looks at Seungkwan who’s still playing with his phone. “Night, Cheol. Me too.” and he hears Seungcheol chuckle and utter cute before finally hanging up the phone.
Jihoon opens the chatroom between him and Seungcheol, types something in, and puts his phone away.
“Goodnight, Seungkwan.” Jihoon mumbles which Seungkwan replies with a ‘Night, hyung!’ and he dozes off.
00:52 AM -- 02:52 AM KST
Jihoon: hyung
Jihoon: do you remember the song we composed together
Jihoon: when we were trainees, in the vocal room?
Jihoon: we should finish it someday
Jihoon: also
Jihoon: supreme team - i just need you.flac
Jihoon: 2nd chorus
Jihoon: goodnight :)
Baby I don’t wanna rush, the touch of your trembling hands
I just need you, I’m earnest for only you
I think this is love, I think this is love, is this love
I miss you so much
Baby I need you (I want your love)
I miss you a lot right now (I want your love)
I need you by my side
Without you I feel like a lost child
I need you by my side
I’ll endure the time I have to spend without you