Chapter Text
A jolt pulsed through her body and she snapped up from her sleeping position on the table. That falling feeling you get when you’re at the brink of total slumber only to bring you back to a reality of utter humiliation especially in public places such as this. No, Lexa’s used to this. She’s slept and jolted awake several times in her unofficial second home at the university. The other people here at the library are used to being subjects and witnesses to that too.
Only now it’s embarrassing because it also caused another student in Lexa’s adjacent table to witness and be empathetic to that jolt too. Clarke Griffin.
“Fuck,” Lexa muttered under her breath fully awake now as soon as she saw it was Clarke that bounced a bit off her chair, startled herself from Lexa’s sudden frantic movement moments ago.
What’s even more embarrassing was that she noticed Clarke trying to stifle a soft giggle.
Can you get any more awkward, Lexa? Lexa scolded herself.
Immediately, she gathered her books as calmly as she could to try and look composed in front of the girl she had been crushing on since orientation day of freshman year.
--- 3 years ago ---
“Ey yo Clarkey!” a gorgeous tanned girl called from behind her as she jogged towards the front of all the gathered new students. But Lexa paid no mind as she stood amongst 30 other people in the grounds of the administration building of Polis University.
Lexa continued to admire her surroundings. It had been her dream to attend P.U. as they also happened to have the best ratings of bar passers in the country. She thought she could do better taking her undergraduate program here as it would allow her to familiarize herself with how the Law department is run and to know the people behind the whole program.
She was giddy thinking about how close she physically is to her dream. It was a hard journey getting here as she had no means to get into college when she lost both her parents in a car accident when she was eight.
To make matters worse, her parents had not prepared a will prior to their demise and Lexa’s legal guardian, her uncle Titus, had mismanaged her inheritance and psychologically abused Lexa to the point of her being able to lie smoothly when confronted by any form of authority.
It wasn’t until her best friend, Anya, overheard her friend’s uncle in one of his gaslighting spiels to Lexa that authorities found out about the poor girl’s condition for 6 years.
She was 14 when Anya’s mother, Indra, took her in and adopted her. And she grew up with her adoptive parents and her adoptive siblings, the twins, Anya and Lincoln.
Lexa had become a great liar and feared social workers, policemen, even teachers and all other sorts of authority because of what Titus had been imprinting on her mind all those years she was under his wing.
Not only did she lose her inheritance but her name was in debt too. Titus had apparently made her accounts that had caused her to owe several banks over ten grand. Indra and her husband, Gustus, worked late hours to clear her name and because of that, Lexa had learned to be more open to adults.
Being under therapy and with a new family, Lexa eventually blossomed and worked hard towards getting a full-ride scholarship to Polis University so as not to be a burden to her family. It took years for her to accept how their love was unconditional and how deserving she was of it.
However, that didn’t mean she was open to the idea of being romantically loved by another soul.
Despite being told numerous times how beautiful and kind-hearted she was or being made aware of the fact that she was popular at school, it was never enough to make her believe that she was worthy of that kind of love.
“Alright, listen up freshies!” Lexa jerked her head towards the voice that was all too familiar.
“I’m Anya and I’ll be your guide today.” Everyone was eerily quiet. Anya had that effect no doubt. Lexa couldn’t hold back her proud smirk.
“Grounder princess looks hot when she’s pissed.” Lexa's eyes bulged. It sounded like a girl and said girl had no filter or fear for the terrifying Anya before them.
“You!”
Fuck. Anya hates being subjected to this kind of ‘catcalling’ especially in front of people she doesn’t know. Lexa squirmed for this girl.
“Yes, handsome?” Whoa, this girl is begging for a death sentence. It looked like the same gorgeous tanned girl she noticed earlier.
“Not you! The girl beside you.” Anya continued.
“Wha- me?” The girl beside the suspect exclaimed.
“Yes. Come over here one sec” Anya pointed to the spot next to her and the girl hesitantly walked towards her.
As soon as the girl reached the spot, Anya swiftly turned her around to face the crowd.
Holy mother of…
Lexa could literally feel something warm inside her chest. The same feeling you get when you can feel and let your soul be consumed by the harmony of an orchestra, or when you can completely immerse yourself in a play and feel the pain and joy the talented actors are trying to convey.
It was very foreign for young naïve Lexa. She doesn’t know what this emotion is, she can only compare it to music and plays or parts of books she loved when read between the lines. She understands this girl in front of them is incredibly attractive but what is this accompanying feeling?
“I know you know who it was that disrespected me. I saw your expression. Who was it? And don’t waste our time, people are expecting us throughout this tour.” Anya seethed.
Lexa could swear everyone around her can feel the energy Anya was sending out. She was just glad her best friend slash sister was someone she got used to early on in her life. She pitied these poor innocent souls.
“Uhmm if.. if people are expecting us, shouldn’t we just get on with the tour?” The girl’s voice squeaked by the end of it when that energy emanating from Anya seemed to threaten everyone again. A low menacing growl coming from her sister.
Anya, please don’t.
Suddenly, the girl’s demeanor changed. The beautiful blonde sighed and straightened her posture. “I’m sorry about that hot stuff. I was caught off guard. I really do think you look hot when you’re pissed.” The blonde ended with a wink and a smirk.
Lexa’s eyes bulged again, and the rest of the freshman group gasped. I could’ve sworn it was the other girl that called out Anya, the Latina girl who’s now worriedly looking over at the stunning blonde.
Lexa looked back to the girl beside Anya, who was staring up at her in defiance still with a smirk on her lips.
“And what’s your name then hot stuff?” Anya asked. Oh no.
“Clarke.” The girl supplied with pride and honor.
“Clarke.” Anya tested. “You may find yourself in front of this group and do the tour yourself. And once you’re done, you may proceed to the disciplinary office as you may know from the University policies, catcalling is a major offense in the campus. Here is your tour map. Feel free to start.”
Anya started walking behind her towards the rest of the students as if she were one of the freshmen.
“So is bullying, I’ve read.” The girl looked up from the map she was holding, staring at Anya again.
“What?” Anya seethed through clenched teeth.
“This isn’t my job, it’s yours and you’re making me do it while trying to embarrass me, isn’t that bullying? I think we may both find ourselves at the disciplinary office once this tour is over.” The girl turned around this time.
“Alright, Freshies! If you could be silent and follow closely we will now begin our tour!” Clarke called out.
Everyone and Lexa means everyone had their jaws a few inches from the floor, including Anya. Lexa hadn’t realized that throughout Anya and Clarke’s exchange, she had moved towards the front of the group and witnessed how dumbfounded the students were. Lexa, however, she already knew this girl was special so she simply watched in amazement how this girl talked and acted.
Anya let out an incredulous huff as if she could taste her own medicine. She shook her head and followed Clarke as did everyone else.
Lexa could tell Anya was impressed by Clarke; everyone was too. And Lexa could not just stop staring at the girl in front of her. She heard and truly listened to every word out of her mouth and her sight followed every movement of Clarke’s.
Every time Clarke paused to look at the map and read out a few important and useful facts of the buildings, Lexa slowed down her pace to simply put a respectable distance and air for Clarke to breathe in. She was protective of her. Unwittingly, Lexa had put Clarke at such a high pedestal that she could never bring herself to accept that Clarke could ever like her enough to even be just an acquaintance.
Lexa will never deserve someone like Clarke, and she’s known that for three years now.
With a deep breath, Lexa ended her stroll down memory lane and walked back to her dorm room.