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Luke: Guys, Ben and Jack are being mean to me!!!
Calum: Go away, Luke.
Michael: Tell them to piss off and move on with your nonexistent life already.
Luke: Ashton!!! Calum and Michael are being mean to me!!!
Ashton: Go away, Calum. Piss off and move on with your nonexistent life, Michael.
Calum: Anyway, what are your brothers teasing you about this time?
Luke: They're knocking Pengey!!!!!
Michael: Not this crap again.
Calum: Oh please! Just yesterday you were complaining that you couldn't find Daniel!
Michael: Daniel's different.
Ashton: Really? Because Calum won Daniel for you last week at the fair, like I won Pengey for Luke. And you treat him like he's a baby. Just like Luke treats his penguin.
Calum: I agree with Irwin over here.
Michael: After all I've done for you!
Luke: Not this crap again.
Calum: I still love you, Mikey. And the jumbo Rasta banana you won me, too.
Michael: I feel a lot better now.
Ashton: Man, you're whipped.
Luke: Let him be. It's cute to see him worshipping the ground Calum walks on.
Michael: I don't worship the ground Cal-umnus walks on!
Ashton: What?
Michael: Calum + alumnus = Cal-umnus
Luke: What the hell is alumnus?
Calum: AN alumnus is a former male student of a particular school, college, or university. Female equivalent to 'alumna'.
Ashton: Wouldn't it be Cal-umni?
Calum: No, that's the plural form of the masculine form.
Luke: What?
Michael: Alumnus = alumni. Alumna = alumnae. Can we change the subject now?
Luke: But he dropped out of school.
Calum: I still went there. Formerly.
Michael: Are you sure you aren't the one who dropped out, Luke?
Ashton: Don't tease him for not understanding.
Luke: Thanks, Irwie!!!
Ashton: Anytime, Mr. Dictionary.
Michael: Are you kidding me?
Michael: Cal and I had to explain four words to him!!!
Ashton: It's an inside joke. You wouldn't get it.
Luke: And we wouldn't explain it.
Calum: That's good 'cause we wouldn't ask.
Michael: I knew there was a reason to love you!!! *laughing emoji with tears*
Luke: There he go worshipping Calum again.
Ashton: Let him. It's cute.
Calum: Thanks, I know.
Michael: All aboard the Malum Mobile!!!
Michael: Except you two.
Michael: Luke and Ashton, just to verify.
Ashton: Well that's mean.
Luke: Ignore those two. We're cuter anyway.
Michael: Ew no.
Calum: We're leaving now.
Ashton: You know what they say. When you leave Lashton, you're left with depression.
Michael: No one says that.
Calum: That doesn't even rhyme!
Ashton: Lukey?
Luke: Sorry sweetie...
Ashton: Damn it! Hold on. Just hold on!
Calum: Not this crap again.
He's going to come up with a now isn't he?
Luke: I don't know. I'm not there with him.
Luke: But yes, yes he is.
Michael: Let's just not answer when he comes back.
Calum: I'm down with that.
Luke: Me, too. It's time I throw pencils at my brothers now.
Ashton: I got one! When you leave Lashton, you're only askin'.
Ashton: Guys?
Ashton: Hey come on, it kinda rhymed better!!!
Ashton: Lukey?
Ashton: I hope your brothers are still teasing you.
Ashton: Calum?
Ashton: I hope you lose your promise ring.
Ashton: Michael?
Ashton: I hope Calum's mum goes back to hating you.
Michael: Bro, that's just mean.
Ashton: So is leaving me here to argue with myself!!!
Calum: Dude, chill yo tits.
Luke: My brothers just told me to run around the front lawn with scissors.
Ashton: Don't do it, Luke.
Michael: Dude, chill yo tits.
Calum: Don't copy me, bro.
Luke: Oooh, you just been #downgraded!
Michael: Lucas. Stop.
Michael: How could you, Calum?
Calum: I'm sorry sweetums.
Ashton: #upgraded
Michael: You are just like Luke. It sickens me.
Calum: Look alike, sound alike; you two are becoming one person.
Luke: I know.
Ashton: It's cute, isn't it?
Luke: It really is.
Michael: It really isn't.
Calum: Oh stop. You know it's cute. You just want to us be cuter.
Ashton: If it's any consolation, I think you two are adorkable.
Luke: Awe, I think that, too!
Michael: Me three.
Calum: Wait what?
Ashton: You didn't even say thank you, Michael!!! #ungrateful
Ashton: We say something nice about Malum and you go off and ruin it!
Michael: Not this crap again.
Calum: Not this crap again.
Luke: Not this crap again.
Luke: Sorry, sweetie...
Ashton: I think it's time we reconcile, Lucas.