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Rafaela hears from Alice, who hears from Eudora, who hears from Layla, who hears from Chou—which makes the information in question legitimate, because had that stopped with Eudora or Layla, Rafaela wouldn't consider it as the truth—that Argus has a thing for Freya.
Which is totally understandable.
Freya is one of the prettiest girls Rafaela knows and she's really nice, got straight As in class, did social works during the weekends, and, you know what? There are tons of other accomplishments she can and cannot name. She's really sporty, too. Did she already mention that Freya is really pretty?
Rafaela suddenly feels like a potato.
"You okay there?" Alice snaps her fingers in front of her face to bring Rafaela back to the present. When she blinks, Alice laughs. "That is some huge blow, isn't it?"
Rafaela sighs and goes back to folding the clothes scattered on her bed. She has just started unpacking her things in their new dorm when Alice slid in her room to check up on her and reveal the big news. "No, it isn't. A little surprising, but not really."
By now Alice has a stupid grin on her face as she dives on the bed and looks at her, scrutinizing her face. "Fake it all you want, but I know you Rafa."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she does, "But I'm honestly just surprised that that Argus is capable of having a crush."
Alice snorts. "What did you take him for? A philophobic?"
Rafaela considers for a second, scrunches up her nose and shrugs. "Perhaps."
"You of all people should know better."
She feels and knows that Alice is watching her, waiting for any sign to let on that she was indeed affected and probably pounce on the opportunity to tease her further, so she tries her best to not give her friend that satisfaction. Alice already knows that she was caught off guard, of course Alice would know, but there's no need to flame it even more. Not when she feels her self-esteem sinking to the bed she's sitting on, further down onto the ground beneath them.
"Anyway," Alice gives up, pulls herself out from her bed and heads to the door. "Freya and Eudora will arrive later tonight. Should we eat out or eat here for our first dorm dinner?"
"It wouldn't be dorm dinner if we're eating out," Rafaela points out.
"Alright, here then. I'll remind Eudora to stop by the grocery else we're screwed."
(They still eat out though because even after Alice drops her 10 texts, Eudora fails to stop by the grocery and their dorm is still empty at most.)
Rafaela has known Argus since grade school, back when he was still that aloof kid who never talks to anyone. He was a little reclusive from children his age, always had that disinterested gaze and never, ever, smiled. Naturally that kind of attitude solicited bullies and he's been on many fights since then.
Rafaela remembers that one afternoon she saw him emerge from an alley while wiping blood from the side of his lip and wincing at the same time either from where he touched his face, or maybe his knuckle was sore. She considers turning around and doing a reroute to her home. It's gonna be another 15 minutes walk but does she really want to head towards his way at this situation? At the same time she wants to come up to him and offer her handkerchief because that looks like a nasty cut, not to mention, the blood on his knuckles. Before her brain could decide he looks up-sees her-and his next action made her frown so hard it almost gave her a headache.
He just straightened up, put on his usual stoic face, and walked as if nothing happened. Sure she can see a faint limp on his walk but the fact that he's trying so hard to look normal sent Rafaela to confusion lane.
He then became that kid who always sits in the back of the class during middle school just so he could doze off on most subjects and to Rafaela's surprise, he still gets decent grades. There are times where he would even beat her scores even when she had studied profusely for a test, which made her realize how God must have designed some people with a little advantage over the others. You know, natural genius really beats hard work. And to her, Argus seems to be that person-a natural genius.
Or, Rafaela had this outlandish thought that maybe he sits there just so he could get a good view of the class secretary which she presumes he has a crush on.
On one occasion, she had intended to ask him about something entirely related to the topic discussed five minutes ago. Rafaela mustered her courage to tap his shoulder because she knows he had been listening intently (the subject seemed to piqued his interest) but as soon as he raised his head and looked at her, she accidentally blurts out her suspicion instead which earned her a squinted look. She swallows hard, god they don't even talk even when they've been seatmates for a three semesters-even when they've been classmates for years-and this is what comes out from her mouth.
He says that's not the case then lowered his face to his arms again. Her question forgotten, and her embarrassed beyond belief. She still catches him looking at her on many instances though, and she thought maybe, just maybe, he had been shy to admit.
Somewhere along the way their friendship sparks. She'd like to think it's been way before but most definitely the turning point would be that time she had to go to the infirmary for a twisted ankle. In front of the gym teacher and their classmates crowding around her who's wincing on the floor, Argus came to her aid and offered his back for her to get on to. She did not expect he would be the one to volunteer to bring her there, neither his offer to stay and watch over her even when she asks him to leave because he's missing lectures.
'I hate lectures so let me just stay here,' he says in a bored tone and leans back on the chair, arms crossed on his chest.
'Okay,' she replies quietly and closes her eyes to avoid his gaze. Opens them. Then closes them again because she doesn't know where better to look or what better to say.
From then on, she recalls him walking her home but not for any special reason. It was because of her broken foot at first, it was because he lived two blocks past her house for the next days to come.
They eventually warmed up to each another; from being dead silent, to having small talks, to actually having common interests to talk about, to actually hanging out.
Until that point where he suddenly becomes a hallway name in high school. People started to notice him, which isn't the right way to put it because Argus has always been noticeable—Rafaela notices him for one—but what she meant was people really noticed him.
He's gone from being her height to towering over her; he now has that deeper and fuller voice as contrast to that one time his voice cracked after being called to recite so suddenly; and from the aloof, timid boy he used to be, he was now mister smiles who smiles at people when they walk by him in the corridor, the hallway, the cafeteria—wherever, you name it. And that elicits giggles and confessions from girls (and boys alike).
Argus knows how she was proud of him coming out from his shell, she's been supportive of him all the way and even helped him ease to a crowd of his own before they fall into that silent understanding that nothing can come between their friendship from there on. But what Argus doesn't know (and he doesn't have to know) is how that made her feel from a different angle. Rafaela knowingly but not deliberately crossed that line which is taboo because you shouldn't fall in love with your best friend, that's considered betrayal.
So as she squints against the harsh sun while she walks across the open field, whereas Argus jogs to meet her halfway while wearing a huge smile on his face, she reasons that her heart was beating erratically because of the heat, nothing more.
"Sweet," he whistles as she hands him the baseball glove he had asked for. "I didn't expect that you'd have this with you when you moved for dorms." He examines the glove that once belonged to him, which he gifted to Rafaela as a remembrance when they graduated high school. He was the captain of the baseball team and she was his biggest supporter, his best friend, so he deemed it just for her to have it.
Rafaela raises her hand to her forehead to block the sun. "I was saving to bring it in case you ask me to watch a ball game," because college involves academics and a lot of sports, she thinks, "That is, if you still haven't found a new crowd by then and actually ask me out."
He lets out a humored chuckle. "Of course I would ask you. Who else would I bring other than my girl?" His smile was blinding and Rafaela's throat is tight, until he adds, "My fangirl."
She scoffs, lightly hits him in the shoulder, and diverts the topic. "Why did you ask for it though? It's a gift, remember? You can't take it back."
"I'm going to try out for the baseball team today." He slips it on and flexes his hand inside. "You know how this is my lucky glove, right?" He glances at her, his smile becoming void of any teasing. It's now just a soft, gentle smile, the one that tugs at Rafaela's heart. This is Argus talking about something dear to him. She knows how much baseball helped him and how much it meant to him.
Her face softens too, his smile definitely affecting her, and she notes the excited undertone of his voice. It hasn't even been a month since college started and he's set on doing something already. He's really gone a long way from the Argus she knows back in grade school. She returns his smile. "I'm sure you'll get in."
"Do you have any classes? It's starting in fifteen minutes."
I've got chemistry class in twenty, is what she wanna say. But she swallows it down and shakes her head. "I'm free."
When Argus takes off his cap and puts the same on her head, saying, "You know you really look good with sun kissed skin but this should cool you down somehow," Rafaela still reasons out it's the heat that's causing her heart to be this way.
(Without a doubt, Argus makes the team and her heart skips a tiny, little bit when she was the first one he goes to to share the good news after the trials. He puts a hand on top of her head, maybe to ruffle her hair but to no avail. She still has his cap on.)
On the eve of their first month in college, Rafaela finds herself on the beach with her best friends and other college acquaintances, some she recognized as coming from her high school. the world is saturated, especially since almost everyone chose the same uni.
Eudora was somewhere howling in laughter at some joke Rafaela assumes is too much for what her friend can handle. She saw Alice walk off earlier, arms locked around a man she thinks she knows but doesn't really remember the name. Argus is huddled with the other guys, Hayabusa and Chou to name a few, and he looks really engaged in whatever story Chou was telling. She catches some of Chou's words due to him being naturally loud and the group erupts into laughter. Argus lets out an unprecedented guffaw. Rafaela sighs into Freya's shoulder.
Freya cranes her neck to look at her. "It's the fifth sigh of the night and you've been boring holes into Argus. Is there anything wrong?"
"None? But my eyes may be faulty." She keeps herself from gesturing towards their subject. "I mean look at him laugh. It's the most unsightly of all yet he still looks really good." She groans and mentally kicks herself. "I am so going to hell for thinking that."
Freya chuckles and pokes her side, earning a surprised squeal from her. "No you won't. Although I can't say I agree with you, Argus seems like a good catch."
"He is," She affirms with another sigh, and she notices he's looking over their direction, no, over Freya's direction, with a gentle smile on his face. She feels her chest tighten, maybe from all the food she's eaten, maybe out of teensy, bit of jealousy. She feels queasy as she turns her gaze back to Freya. "So when are you planning to reel him in?"
"Excuse me?" Freya raises her brows, "Why am I the one reeling him in?"
"You said he's a good catch, and he likes you. It all works well—wait, did you not know that he likes you?" Rafaela sort of panics, cheeks flaming as she cups them, "Oh my god. You didn't know? Forget I ever said anything!"
Freya was staring at her with wide eyes, mouth hanging agape. For a moment, Rafaela considers the gravity of the situation. Freya looks astonished so it must be pretty bad if she really hasn't an ounce of grasp regarding this.
Freya breathes then says with a shake of her head. "Well that's just wrong. "
"I know, I know." Rafaela lowers her face into her palms and mentally kicks herself again for running her mouth, possibly ruining whatever confession Argus might have stored up on his sleeve. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have heard it from me I—"
"What I mean is," Freya interjects. there was another roar of laughter from the group of Chou, someone squeals from the other group of girls,then Freya continues speaking. "I don't think I'm the one Argus likes."
"You don't think but I've heard about it." Rafaela insists, suddenly feeling bad for Argus that Freya is already rejecting the idea of his affection. She blames herself even more for messing up the circumstances and more importantly, Argus' chances.
"That's big news." she snorts, "but probably fake."
"But Freya," Rafaela begins but Freya stops her before she could continue.
"But Rafaela," they hear their names being called to join the bonfire that was starting. "If you're really concerned about this issue, why don't you just ask Argus himself?"
Rafaela wants to stand by the knowledge that Argus likes Freya but after so, she starts to deliberate. Is the source really legitimate, or is the information even unbiased to begin with? She feels like there is something she is missing from the way Freya smiled at her before getting up and pulling her to huddle around the circle.
"I can't believe you asked me to walk," Rafaela says over the sound of the waves. Moreover, she can't believe she agreed to go with him at her current state. "You're cruel."
"Thoughtful," Argus corrects her, flashes her one of those cocky smile of his, and she hates how much that didn't even seem sincere yet it makes her heart go overdrive. "I'm helping you sober up."
She rolls her eyes, which she regrets doing because that made her head spin a little. She's starting to regret her decisions and want nothing but to lay in bed yet Argus has other plans, actually asks her to walk with him along the night beach under the pretense of helping her sober up. Oh really.
Argus stands before her and holds her shoulders to keep her steady. She sees his hands go up to her head and starts massaging her temples gently. She leans in to his touch, appreciating the gentle pressure he's applying on her flesh. "You shouldn't have taken Irithel up on her challenge. Drinking's not your thing— I've never even seen you drink before."
She wants to tell him that she isn't feeling so bad, that she is faring better than she expected. She's witnessed people get drunk, as in drunk, before, and it wasn't a pretty sight. Or maybe it's some sort of beginner's luck? Whichever it is, he should stop worrying, or whatever he's doing, because his hands on her is causing internal turmoil but she doesn't have the heart to say it even when she should be brave (alcohol spirit, please do your job).
"You know you never stood a chance to begin with yet you still did it."
Suddenly she feels her ears ringing. He compliments her, sort of, then quickly shoots down everything to the ground. You never stood a chance to begin with. Well, that stings.
"Sure I can't take down a pro drinker but I wasn't that bad," she defends herself, hoping he'd validate her somehow but Argus only laughs.
"Freya did better than you though, and that's to say that she's also not a pro," he quips.
Rafaela raises her brows, thinks of what Freya said earlier about Argus liking someone else, probably, but considers it a definite hoax when he's clearly found a way to insert her in their conversation just now.
"To be fair, on pro standards you both still did poorly. Only, one was smart enough to withdraw before her limit." And he means Freya. Of course. What do you expect, really?
She takes a step back, shrugging off Argus' hands from her and plants her left foot on the ground. She's made poor decisions in the past and this is being added on the list as the ground quakes beneath her feet from all the sudden movement. She feels her stomach clench. Rafaela cannot take this anymore. "Why didn't you tell me you like Freya?" She blurts out finally.
Argus' hands that were about to catch her freezes midair while his brows furrow. "Wait, what?"
Rafaela presses her lips together, trying to calm herself because suddenly it feels like she is on a marathon with the way her heart rate has gone up. Pent up emotions and the intensity of his gaze altogether makes her mouth taste bitter. "I said," she starts again when she's pretty sure she's collect herself, sort of, "Why didn't you tell me? I don't understand why you would keep this from me. Perhaps I could have, I don't know? Sold you on or put in a good word for you? Freya's my friend and I could have done something if I knew you felt that way," she rambles.
"Whoa, whoa," Argus interrupts. He gestures with his hands which doesn't really make sense. Rafaela can feel her frustration growing because she thinks he's trying to find excuse until he says, "There was nothing tell, Rafa!"
She stares first, hears herself let out a laugh that wasn't really a laugh before she turns to face the sea which she doesn't really see. She hates herself for feeling this upset over this matter but when she thinks of his answer, she just can't help it. Apparently, the friendship she thought run deep isn't exactly what it is, considering he finds it irrelevant to inform her.
Shallow but still.
Rafaela hears him call her twice, thrice, but she's too upset to respond or even look at him. She can feel the tears burning in her eyes but even she was surprised they hadn't fall. Argus then forces her to look at him, fingers firmly holding onto her shoulders and he frowns immediately upon taking a good look at her. The light is dim but he sees her eyes damp anyway.
He lets out an exasperated sigh, detaches his one hand from her so he can brush back his hair from his face and oh god, Rafaela wishes he didn't do that because she hates herself even more for finding him attractive in this situation. "Look, I'm sorry. Perhaps I shouldn't have insisted on bringing you this far out. You must be tired, let's—"
"I'm not that tired," she interjects, then admits. "But I am upset."
"Did I say something wrong?" She feels like scoffing at his question but didn't because it just flames her anger even more. "I don't understand. You suddenly say I like Freya and I tell you there's nothing to tell because there's really nothing to say? I don't like Freya, not in that way at least. And now you say you're upset so what's up with that, Rafa?" He says in all confusion and he's starting to sound a little frustrated too.
She catches him say something else like are you upset i don't like your friend? but Rafaela doesn't linger on that one.
I don't like Freya, I don't like Freya.
It repeats itself on her head, forming a beat which syncs itself to her heartbeat and she starts to feel it on her throat, hear it on her ears.
I don't like Freya.
"Then," she exhales. "Who do you like?"
It sounded so quiet in her own ears it makes her wonder if she even said it loud enough for him to hear. But she sees his expression shift. He clears his throat once, then again. Rafaela breathes too, gaze locked with his.
She then feels his hand on hers. She looks down, finding he's tangled his fingers with hers. When she lifts her gaze back to him, he's already turned, looking out to the sea. Rafaela recognizes this as the bashful Argus and that gives her all sorts of surprise.
He clears his throat once then glances back after a short while. Once, twice, until he's worked up the courage to look at her directly, not taking his gaze off of her. He then breaks into a smile, and whatever question was building up on her throat disappears.
She releases her breath and they both fall into a bubble of laughter because it's so silly and crazy how this could be.
She hears Alice's voice in her head, remembering that conversation they had a month ago, and mentally agrees with her, I really should have known better.
Rafaela wrinkles her nose; Argus pulls her in and the next thing she knows, warm lips pressed on her forehead.