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Namjoon pulled his shirt off and tossed it on the treadmill next to him with a sigh. He glanced quickly at his reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror in front of him before pressing the increase speed button until he felt his legs could barely keep up. He was desperate to let the feel of his feet pounding beneath him block out his thoughts. He reached and tapped his AirPod to switch to the next song and his breath felt heavy in his chest. He continued to run, his strides in time with the beat of his music and the song switched to Sam Smith’s, Promises. The voice rang out and Namjoon’s hand was halfway to his ear to skip the song when a playful squeal from across the room broke through the music and he stumbled slightly.
Namjoon regained his footing and glanced in the mirror to see Jungkook’s hands on Jimin’s waist, lifting him to reach the pull-up bar. Jimin’s face was reflected in a mirror on the opposite wall and his face was shining in happiness. Namjoon felt his stomach lurch with a pang of jealousy and he shook his head hard, annoyed at himself. He jammed hard on the stop button and his steps slowed, coming to a stop with the machine.
“Done already?” the trainer, Chan-U, asked moving from his place next to Yoongi on a weight machine to stand behind Namjoon’s treadmill.
“No,” Namjoon said, tugging his AirPod out of his ear. “Gonna fill my water bottle,” he lied and he tugged his full water bottle out of the holder on the treadmill. Chan-U nodded and glanced back at Yoongi to check on him before making his way to where Jungkook and Jimin were still giggling. Namjoon shoved his AirPod back into his ear, desperate to drown out the cheerful flirting noises as he strode from the room. He closed the door sharply behind himself and made his way to the water fountain just for something to do.
He couldn’t place what was bothering him so much about seeing Jimin and Jungkook together. Everyone doted on Jimin and this was no different. Namjoon hated feeling like this. He had no claim to Jimin, and he loved Jungkook. It was stupid to be jealous. He shook his head hard as if he could shake the feeling away and one of his AirPods fell to the floor. He sighed and stooped to pick it up, thinking that maybe he should leave and finish his workout later but the door to the gym opened before he could make up his mind.
“Are you hurt?” Chan-U asked from the doorway.
“No,” Namjoon lied. He was hurt. But not physically anyway. “'m okay,” he said, tipping his head slightly and pretending to screw the lid of his water bottle back again as he followed the trainer back into the gym.
“Hyung!” a voice said, and Namjoon looked up to see Jimin trotting toward him looking upset. His heart fluttered uncomfortably and he bit his lip and then pulled both AirPods out.
“What’s wrong, Min?” he asked, looking hard at Jimin, trying to see if he was hurt.
“Can I run with you for a bit?” Jimin replied. His face was dark and Namjoon looked around the room to see Jungkook bench pressing with a trainer spotting him.
“Sure!” Namjoon replied automatically. “But are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine. Just annoyed,” Jimin said. “Let’s run.” And he made his way to the row of treadmills, moving Namjoon’s discarded shirt and starting to press the speed increase button. Namjoon followed and did the same, increasing the speed until he fell into stride with Jimin. They ran in silence for a while and sweat dripped down Namjoon’s bare chest. His chest heaved and he pressed the button to slow to a walk so he could take a drink. He gulped water down and then held the bottle to Jimin who stopped his machine and took the bottle before sitting down hard on the belt. Namjoon glanced at the timer on the machine and saw that he’d been running for 45 minutes. Deciding this was enough, he followed Jimin’s lead and stopped the machine too, stepping down and moving to stand over Jimin. Jimin was staring at the floor, Namjoon’s water bottle open but inches from his lips.
“Let’s go home,” Namjoon said, extending a hand to Jimin to help him stand. Jimin handed Namjoon his water bottle instead of taking his hand and pushed himself to his feet.
“Okay,” he replied, too quiet. Something was definitely wrong.
“We’re headed out, hyung,” Namjoon said to Chan-U, who was back with Yoongi as he pulled his t-shirt over his sweat drenched body. “See you at home, Yoongi-hyung!” He held the door for Jimin and watched Jimin’s face for any sign that he was physically hurt as they walked out of the Big Hit building. Jimin showed no sign of pain but he was chewing his lip the way he did when he was deep in thought. Their apartment was within walking distance and it was a nice night, so Namjoon was content to walk slowly, letting Jimin set the pace. They walked in silence and Namjoon reveled in the beauty of the city, feeling happy to just be with Jimin. Just as their apartment complex came into view, Jimin brushed sweaty hair from his face and stopped abruptly, turning to face Namjoon under a streetlamp.
“Hyung, do you think I’m delicate?” Jimin asked, his voice subdued.
“What?” Namjoon asked, caught off guard.
“Am I weak?” Jimin rephrased the question.
“Minie, what’s this about?”
“Jungkook said I’m delicate.”
“I doubt he meant it as an insult, Jiminie…” Namjoon said, hating himself as a fresh wave of jealousy swept over him. “Don’t you think he was just teasing you?”
“Everyone’s always teasing me… Calling me little…” Jimin replied. His eyes were downcast so that the streetlamp highlighted the length of his eyelashes as Namjoon looked down at him. Namjoon stepped toward him instinctively and brushed his hair back before tilting his chin up gently. Jimin’s eyes were watery and Namjoon’s stomach clenched unpleasantly the way it always did when Jimin was sad.
“It bothers you?” Namjoon asked, his voice almost a whisper. Jimin nodded and his eyes locked with Namjoon’s. The depth of the hurt in them was enough to bring Namjoon physical pain. “Oh, Min, I’m sorry… Come here,” he said, pulling Jimin close and wrapping his arms tight around his waist. Jimin folded into his chest easily and Namjoon felt self-conscious of his sweat. “Sorry… I’m gross…”
“No you’re not,” Jimin said into his chest, and he nuzzled his nose against Namjoon’s sternum in a way that sent a jolt of electricity through Namjoon’s entire body. He wished he could always hold Jimin like this.
“There’s nothing wrong with being small…” Namjoon said truthfully. It had always been one of his favorite things about Jimin.
“I don’t wanna be small. I want to be… I dunno…” Jimin said into Namjoon’s sweat drenched t-shirt.
“Let’s go home and we can talk,” Namjoon said, taking a step back and putting a hand on the small of Jimin’s back to guide him into their apartment building. He kept his hand on Jimin’s back as they entered and moved toward the elevator. His hand felt like it was on fire, but Namjoon wouldn’t dare move it. He watched Jimin out of the corner of his eye. Jimin continued to chew absentmindedly on his lip as they exited the elevator and made their way into the apartment, shedding their shoes in the entry way. “My room?” Namjoon asked. Jimin nodded and they made their way down the long hallway into Namjoon’s bedroom. Jimin slid down and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Namjoon’s bed. Namjoon followed suit, sitting in front of Jimin who looked even more upset. “Jiminie,” Namjoon said soothingly. “Small things are cute!” And he knew in an instant he had said the wrong thing as Jimin’s face crumpled and he looked dejectedly at his hands.
“Thanks, hyung,” Jimin replied bitterly. “Glad to know you think I’m cute.”
“Um, Jimin… Does it bother you that I think you’re cute?” Namjoon said. His heart sat like a rock in the pit of his stomach. Had he been that obvious?
“No, hyung. It’s fine. I get it. I’m tiny and delicate and cute. That’s all anyone will ever see.”
Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows and looked hard at Jimin, confused. “What do you want people to see?” he asked.
“I want… People only see me as … I want someone to… I want you to… UGH!” he groaned in frustration, interrupting his disorganized thoughts. “I hate being small.” Jimin said finally.
Namjoon shifted and slid over so that he was sitting next to Jimin. He reached for one of Jimin’s hands and Jimin let him take it, letting his hand lay limply in Namjoon’s. “There are lots of benefits of being smaller,” Namjoon said, threading his fingers through Jimin’s and letting himself play with Jimin’s soft knuckles. Jimin leaned his head on Namjoon’s shoulder and Namjoon felt the rock in his stomach leave to be replaced with fluttering. “Like, you can lay your head on my shoulder when you’re sad…” he said, matter-of-factly.
Jimin laughed and Namjoon saw his lips quirk up slightly. “Thanks, Joonie…”
“What’s really bothering you?” Namjoon asked, squeezing Jimin’s hand just a bit tighter and trying to resist the temptation to smell Jimin’s hair, which was temptingly close to his face.
Jimin sighed and picked absentmindedly at Namjoon’s fingernails with his other hand. “I want to be sexy…” he whispered. “But I’m just cute Jimin. Little Jimin. No one really sees me…”
Namjoon felt his heart stop. He knew Jimin must be thinking about Jungkook and the dragon of jealousy reared its head in Namjoon’s chest. “I see you," he said. The words had come out unbidden and Namjoon felt his face flush as Jimin lifted his head off his shoulder and turned so that they were facing each other, still holding hands.
“What?” Jimin asked, and there was something in his eyes that Namjoon couldn’t quite identify.
“Sorry… Uhm, I just said I, uh, notice you. I…” Namjoon hesitated. He’d never voiced this aloud and wasn’t sure he really wanted to. He wavered for a minute on the spot and then finally decided Jimin’s need for affirmation was greater than his own need to save face. Jimin was looking at him, wide-eyed and beautiful and suddenly Namjoon couldn’t help but speak. “I think you’re sexy…” he said, his voice so soft he wasn’t sure Jimin could actually hear him.
“You do?”
Namjoon could only nod in response. His face was on fire but he couldn’t look away from Jimin. He was sure his eyes would give him away. A blush crept over Jimin’s cheeks and he was smiling in the shy way that drove Namjoon crazy. Jimin pulled his hand free and Namjoon felt a surge of panic in his chest. He knew he should have kept his feelings to himself and wanted to explain. “I… You’re just… irresistible…” Shit, he thought. He was making it worse. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Shit,” he said, out loud this time and he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from talking, unsure what had come over him and why he didn’t seem to be able to control his speech.
Jimin giggled and tucked his feet underneath himself, sitting on them so that he was a bit taller, now face to face with Namjoon.
“Sorry… I just… I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but… Small isn’t a bad thing, I guess is what I meant to say. I… um, I think it’s hot,” Namjoon finished. He was sure his face would rival the reddest of red wines and he looked at his hands in his lap, one hand still scorching from the heat of Jimin’s hand. He could see Jimin shifting in his peripheral vision and was sure he’d made him uncomfortable. Namjoon looked up, wanting to explain, and he locked eyes with Jimin who’s face was inches from his own.
“Your opinion does matter, hyung,” Jimin whispered. His breath tickled Namjoon’s nose as he spoke. And then Jimin’s lips were brushing against Namjoon’s and Namjoon was sure he was dreaming. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He would surely burst into flames at any second. This couldn’t be real. He was afraid to move. Sure that anything he did was the wrong thing. Jimin kissed him softly and when he pulled back, there was concern written all over his face. “Was that okay?” he asked, his voice so tender it somehow hurt.
“Fuck yes,” Namjoon said without hesitation. Then, “Sorry…” and he laughed, embarrassed. “Come here,” he said, gesturing for his lap. Jimin obeyed, crawling into the spot in his lap he’d sat so many times before. But this time was different. Namjoon entwined their fingers again and wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know what This was. But he didn’t want to ruin it.
“I like you, Joonie…”
“You do?” Namjoon asked, again kicking himself for his lack of control.
“You really didn’t know?” Jimin asked.
“No!” Namjoon replied earnestly. “If I’d known…” Namjoon broke off and pulled his hand out of Jimin’s, lifting both hands to Jimin’s jawline and cradling the man’s face, his thumbs ghosting the shadow of a day without shaving. He looked into Jimin’s eyes and then pulled him in, covering his lips in his own and trying to put every ounce of feeling into the kiss. When he finally pulled back to take a breath, he kissed Jimin’s nose. “If I’d known I’d have kissed you a long time ago…” he finished.
Jimin smiled up at him with the smile that made his eyes disappear and Namjoon felt like he needed to pinch himself to make sure this was real.
“Wait,” Namjoon said after a minute of staring at the details of Jimin’s face. “What did Jungkook say to you that made you so upset?” he asked.
“Oh, he was just teasing me because I couldn’t reach the pull-up bar… Said I was delicate and little… But then…” Jimin hesitated. “Well, I saw you look at me and you looked kind of… I dunno… Disgusted? When you saw that Jungkook had to lift me to the bar. I… It was stupid…” he finished, biting his lip again.
“Oh… Um… I was jealous actually…” Namjoon said, embarrassed.
“Of what?” Jimin asked.
“Jungkook… Um. I thought you liked him?” Namjoon admitted, still annoyed at himself.
“Hyung… You know Jungkook likes Hoseok, right? And besides… he’s like my brother…” Jimin said.
“Oh,” was all Namjoon could say. Jimin laughed and buried his face in the crook of Namjoon’s neck. His laughter slowly turned to soft kisses pressed behind Namjoon’s ear. Namjoon felt heat pooling in his stomach and pulled Jimin back so that he could kiss him again. He felt Jimin’s thin arms wrap around his neck as the kiss deepened. He dropped his hands to Jimin’s waist and thumbed at his hipbones. “Cute,” he said, pulling back just slightly. Jimin flushed.
“Hyung…” he pouted.
“I love cute things though…”
“Okay… Only you can call me cute then,” Jimin replied.
“Deal. But good luck getting the others to stop…”
Jimin pouted again and Namjoon was so endeared. He kissed the top of Jimin’s head and shifted Jimin off his lap so he could stand. “So, um, do you want to maybe go get dinner together?” Namjoon asked, suddenly nervous.
“Yes!” Jimin said brightly. “But I need to shower first…”
“Me too!” Namjoon said, relieved that things weren’t awkward. “We’ll leave in a half hour?” he asked.
Jimin nodded and stood on tip-toes to kiss him once more. Namjoon’s heart was in his throat as he watched Jimin disappear from the room. It felt like a dream and finally he pinched himself hard on the leg to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
“Ouch!” he shouted. Yep. This is real. Holy shit! he thought.
“You okay, hyung?” Jimin asked, sticking his head back through the door.
“Yep! Never been better,” Namjoon replied.
Fin.