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His eyes are squeezed shut, but everything is red. It’s all h can see, all he can feel is heat and red and fire. The smoke burns his lungs and he wants to scream, but he can’t get enough air. The ground trembles and he’s on his feet, the world dizzying around him. He can see more now, not much though, just dark shadows in the red world that pulses around him. It’s disorientating, he can hear screaming, can hear guns shots. He can smell the fire and feel the ground shake, it makes his stomach lurk and makes his head throb.
“Not without you,” The words grind out of his throat, hot and dry. He knows where he is, knows he’s yelling at Steve, a Steve that’s big and broad, but still as stubborn as ever, He hears the thump, knows without seeing that Steve has made the leap and is beside him now. There are cool fingers on his arms and he jolts forward, one word ringing in his ears.
“Bucky…” The world goes black and he blinks, he can see now. He can see the bed and the door, the shadow of the cupboard and the dresser draws. The world around him isn’t really black, it’s blue, dark and shadowy, but it’s the blue of night. Bucky hasn’t been afraid of darkness in years, this darkness is good, cool and safe compared with the crushing blackness of pain, despair and emptiness.
“Bucky?” The touch on his arm hasn’t left him, it lingers there and he looks down at the big, pale fingers. Steve’s hands never really changed, not in any way that mattered. They’ve always been big, long fingers and broad palms. Now there’s just more muscle on them, strong enough now to defeat all his childhood bullies. Bucky looks up, finds Steve’s face and just stares for a moment.
“You ok?” Steve asks, teeth a flash of white in the blue darkness.
“Yea,” Bucky moves slowly, wraps his hand around Steve’s. They sit still like that for a long time, they don’t need words to understand each other. They just sit there in the dark, comforted by each other’s presence. Finally, Bucky slides down again, buries himself under the blankets and presses close to Steve. He keeps a hold of Steve’s hand and Steve doesn’t question it. When Bucky finally drifts off to sleep again he dreams of blue, the blue of Steve’s eyes and even in his sleep he knows that Steve’s still holding his hand.