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“Ahaha, that was so close Aya-chan! You almost made it through the MC… but this way definitely feels more like you!”
Aya sighs and slumps in her seat while Hina continues to cackle over the video. They are supposed to be reviewing their previous lives and even rehearsals to find ways to improve their performance, yet it has completely devolved into a Pick-On-Aya session. At first, the criticisms are welcomed, especially since they are made by Chisato and Aya loves hearing proper feedback from the experienced actress. After all, harsh or not, Chisato’s words mean a great deal to Aya, and they motivate her more than any other praises could.
But then the busy actress had to leave the agency early because of another job and that was when things got disheartening. With her sharp eyes, Hina was able to zoom in on every little gesture that was weird, funny, or ‘bopping’, and most of them were embarrassing to be put under the spotlight.
It would be simple if she could just chide or even get mad at the genius guitarist for teasing her, but the fact that Hina laughs so guilelessly without any hint of malice makes it difficult. Eve and Maya, bless them, are able to balance things out with their sincere praises and encouragements. Nonetheless, Aya decides that she has reached her limit.
“Mou, Hina-chan, please stop that. Surely I’m not as terrible as you say I am!”
“Eh? But you keep messing up!” Hina grins so brightly that Aya has to look away. “It’s so Aya-chan, I love it! You’re so boppin’ interesting, even though you really suck at this part haha!”
The leader of Pastel*Palettes pouts again and sinks deeper into her seat. There it is again. How can Hina keep making fun of her, sometimes to the point of insulting, and then dish out a heart-pounding compliment the next moment, only to wipe it away once more with a harshly honest comment?
Despite being together in the band for almost two years now, Aya still doesn’t understand the enigma that is Hikawa Hina. Sure, she’s long accepted Hina’s eccentricity but there is only so much roller coaster rides of jests and compliments she can take.
Sighing tiredly, she gets up and heads for her bag. “I… I think I’m going to go home for the day.”
“Huh? How come? We still have a good 30 minutes left in the video… the best part is coming up too!” Hina blinks at her innocently, though the corner of her lips is quirked in a characteristic smirk. “Hehe, it’s definitely the best of the best~ The Aya moment!”
Frowning, Aya is more convinced that she’s made the right choice to take her leave before she… what? Snap at Hina? Burst into tears? Neither options are appealing and so it should be wise to make her exit. In her current state, she honestly doesn’t remember what happened in that particular performance but it was probably something mortifying, judging from Hina’s bright expression.
“It’s fine. I’ve had enough.” Oh, that must have come out more frigid than she wants to sound, because Eve and Maya are staring at her in surprise while the spark in Hina’s eyes diminishes.
“I-I just remember I have something to do, that’s all! See you all tomorrow!” Aya mumbles hastily and practically flees the room. The bright lights in the hallways of the agency seem to be mocking her as she runs and tries to leave her insecurities behind. By the time she reaches the front door, she is already gasping lightly and she has to lean against the wall for a moment to regain her composure.
At the very least, the night sky and cool evening air offer a certain degree of solace.
She resumes her walk in a more leisurely pace, relying the background noise to drown out her thoughts. Blending in the crowd is what she does best, the sea of anonymity providing the haven she needs to recover. Although, being able to remain incognito also pricks at her pride. In spite of Pastel*Palettes’ popularity, she is easily overlooked and never recognized in crowds. Heck, no fan has ever come up to her for autographs at the fastfood restaurant she works at part-time!
Her mood plummets once more and she finds herself dragging her feet, reluctant to go home now because being alone in her room always turns her thoughts in a pessimistic direction. She shakes her head, determined not to let the gloomy cloud ruin her night. Chisato, Eve and Maya all gave her valuable feedback earlier and she should review their opinions.
As for Hina’s remarks… well, all she could do is work even harder and try to be perfect, so that the brutally frank genius won’t have any ammunition to tease her!
“Aya-san! Wait!”
“Eve-chan- wha-” Aya almost stumbles backwards from the force of Eve’s tackling hug. She couldn’t help but giggle as the taller girl nuzzles her and tightens her embrace. She always feels comforted by Eve’s hugs, for they are warm and sincere, just like the girl herself.
“Please don’t feel bad, Aya-san! I’m sure that Hina-san doesn’t have any ill will.” Eve pulls away and gazes at her seriously, her hands on the pinkette’s shoulders. “Maya-san is talking to her so everything will be fine! I guarantee it! If not… I-I will commit seppuku tomorrow!”
“Waaah! Eve-chan! There’s no need to go that far!” Aya chuckles again, touched by her bandmates’ concern. Judging by Eve’s flushed cheeks and slightly out of breath state, she must have run all the way after Aya from the agency. “I know Hina-chan doesn’t mean anything bad… she’s just really honest, as hurtful as her words are sometimes…”
Eve furrows her brows. “I don’t want you to be sad… I don’t want Hina-san to be sad either, she likes you so much after all.”
“Huh?”
“Oh I know! This should help you!” Eve takes out a small bag from her purse. “Please accept this, Aya-san!”
“Wha- you don’t have to, Eve-chan, I-”
“But I insist!” The tall model beams and gently drops the accessory onto Aya’s palm. It is a small pendant of a flower with five petals. The metallic surface is faded in color but it is still mesmerizing to look at.
“T-Thank you, Eve-chan. It is very pretty.” Aya cradles the item against her chest, touched once again by her friend’s gesture. “But why-?”
“I got this from Ryuuseido actually. It is supposed to be a soothing charm that I was going to bring with me to the next photoshoot. But I think you need it more than I do!” Eve smiles prettily and pats the back of Aya’s hand. “I hope it will help you feel better!”
“Eve-chan…” Aya could feel her eyes tearing up but does her best to smile back. “Thank you!”
They hug again and chat for a bit before they eventually have to part ways at an intersection. Aya’s spirits remain high by the time she arrives home, so much that she sings in the bathroom, to the annoyance of her little sister. She is able to keep up her smile even as she gets ready for bed despite having survived a long day.
If you fall, you just have to get back up again. If you fall too hard, it’s okay to rest for a bit and still get up once more. That’s the philosophy she’s lived by and today is no different. Besides, it hasn’t been a big, traumatic incident such as their first live. It was just Hina’s usual teasing. She should not get so upset.
A quiet hum of vibration reminds her that she has yet to check her phone since she left the agency. Scrolling through the messages, she sees several messages from Maya reassuring her that she should rest well, and that the drummer had a long conversation with Hina though she did not elaborate on the content of the talk.
She also sees a few texts from Chisato, brief but supportive, and the last one is to remind her not to ego-search before bedtime. Aya guiltily looks away, because she actually thought about doing that since she is in a good mood and all. She quickly replies to Maya and Chisato, as well as thanking Eve again, and she is surprised by how fast they respond to her.
She must have really worried them, hasn’t she? Even Chisato, who must have heard about it from either Eve or Maya.
She is really fortunate to have such amazing friends and bandmates, isn’t she? Pastel*Palettes would not be the same without any of its members, and she would not be the Maruyama Aya today if it weren’t for them.
Her thumb pauses at the single unread message notification next to Hina’s name. Taking a deep breath, she presses it and feels a chill crawl up her skin at the simple words on the screen.
[I’m sorry.]
Aya instinctively wants to reply, to reassure her friend that everything is okay. The final sounding way of those words, as opposed to Hina’s usual cutesy stickers and incomprehensible phrases, instills a sense of guilt. Just what did she and Maya talk about?
Unsettled, she flops down on her bed and mulls over whether to respond or not. For the first time ever, she does not know what to say to Hina. It’s not like those times she was bewildered by the mint-haired girl’s random gestures, when Hina would just giggle at her reactions and all goes well.
Nodding to herself, she decides to just be honest.
I’m not mad, Hina-chan. It’s just that, sometimes your words can be really hurtful and I’m not exactly the most confident person, Aya pauses and deletes what she’s typed. She doesn’t want to make things awkward but she’s not the best when it comes to words either.
[I’m not mad, Hina-chan, but is it okay if we meet up early and talk, just the two of us? Say, 7:30AM at the park?]
Nodding again, she sends the message. She would convey herself better if she could speak with Hina face to face. While she doesn’t enjoy being teased by Hina often, she tries to imagine how a routine band meetup without such interaction would be like and is rather disconcerted.
She likes it best whenever Hina smiles after all, even if it’s at her expense.
[Okay .]
Again, Aya feels goosebumps at that one-word reply. That is so uncharacteristic of Hina. She could practically picture the other girl’s despondent expression, which has only happened once or twice, ever, since she’s known her, and those had been brief and she bounced right back up fairly quickly.
Hina doesn’t get sad about things. When she did, it used to be because of her frail relationship with her twin Sayo. Nowadays, with the siblings’ bond slowly but steadily healing, Hina seems freer and happier, especially with the way she plays her guitar.
Perhaps Aya is reading too much into the singular word, but sadness does seem to ooze from it.
[See you tomorrow! I can’t wait ;)]
There, that should be enough to show Hina that she isn’t upset. The message shows as read but the other girl doesn’t reply. Bummed, Aya puts away her phone and crosses one arm over her eyes. She ignores the muffled thud of something falling onto the floor, too drained to check what she inadvertently dropped.
She can’t wait to see Hina. She wants to make things right between them again.
But what is right? Maybe one day she would get fed up with Hina’s teasing again so she would need to deal with this now. How could she stop Hina from making fun of her but still keep things the same so that Hina is still Hina?
Groaning, she rolls on her side and fervently wishes that an answer would reveal itself through her dreams.
============================
“Hewwo! Are you a ghost??”
Aya snaps her eyes open and starts flailing when she finds herself lying on the top of the monkey bars. She tries to cling to the metal pipes but her hand directly falls through them!!
Screeching, she looks around her frantically, finding familiarity in the surroundings though some small details feel off. It is one of the many parks in the neighborhood, though the slide doesn’t look that worn out and the swings’ chains are rather rusty, as opposed to the new ones in her memory. What’s going on? Why is she here? The last thing she remembers is drifting off on the warmth of her bed…
Speaking of which, she can’t seem to feel anything. She stares at her hands, or rather, where she thinks her hands would be. She can’t see an outline of her body at all!
Is she really a ghost? A spirit? Did her soul get separated from her body somehow oh god-
“Ne! Are you still here? Or are you an awien?? Did you come fwom space??”
Blinking, Aya looks around again and spots a tiny figure waving comically. The little girl appears to be around five or six years old, her wavy mint hair fluttering on her shoulders in tandem with her animated movements. A single braid is tied with a yellow ribbon behind her right ear.
The resemblance is so uncanny that Aya couldn’t help but blurt out. “Hina-chan?!”
“Wow you know my name!! Ahaha so boppin’!!” The little girl hops excitedly and waves her arms again. “Ne ne where are you, Awien-san??”
Since Aya couldn’t see herself, it makes sense that Hina couldn’t see her either. Although at this point, she no longer understands the definition of sense. Overwhelmed, she can only convince herself that this must be a dream because she couldn’t feel anything, not even pinch herself to test the theory. She should wake up at any moment, she must believe that she would return to reality eventually! Until then, she just needs to remain sane and perhaps humor this little Hina doppelganger.
Or is she the actual Hina but just younger?
Aya wonders if she somehow went back in time.
She manages to stomp down a burst of panic and attempts to regain a sense of normality by drifting (hovering? flying??) towards the swings. She pretends that she is corporeal and sits down on one of the seats. Truth be told, she is getting spooked by how the swing starts moving even though she can’t even see herself seated upon the plank.
“I’m… here,” she calls out faintly. “Over by the-”
“Yaaaaay! This is so so SO BOPPIN’!!!!!” Hollering, the little girl cartwheels and practically lunges onto the swing beside Aya. She could only watch in utter amazement at how energetic Hina is.
“Aren’t you afraid?”
“How can I be?! You came fwom space! This is great! I’m not awone haha!”
Now standing up on the seat, Hina begins to rock back and forth while Aya watches on anxiously, appeased by the girl’s tight grips on the chains. She then looks around the playground, realizing that it is indeed empty and that it is also really dark.
“What are you doing here by yourself at this hour? Where are your parents? And where’s … Sayo-chan?”
The girl’s chartreuse eyes becomes wide like saucers and they’re so bright that Aya has trouble maintaining eye contact.
“You know Onee-chan?!?!”
“Careful!” For a moment there, Hina almost falls off the seat in mid-swing but the acrobatic little girl simply spins around the chain and rights herself without breaking a sweat. “W-Will you please stay still?”
“Eeeehhh why? This feels so shooby wooby!” Hina beams, and Aya could see a missing tooth in her grin. “I wanna talk about Onee-chan!”
Aya sighs and rubs her non-existent temple. It seems like that it’s possible to feel exhausted despite not being able to feel anything else. Still, she is intrigued and worried why the little girl is all alone here at night.
“So zappin’! I never pwayed with anyone else! Only Onee-chan pways with me! Come on Awien-san, let’s race and see who can swing the highest!”
“E-Eh? Wait what do you mean, you’ve never played with anyone else?” Aya recalls being shy at kindergarten and elementary school, and that she didn’t have any close friends either, but she got along with classmates enough that she was never really alone either.
Hina tilts her head, the smile still bright on her face. “Well, the other kids call me mean but it’s true they’re bad at games! Why can’t they jump ropes? Why can’t they pway cards right? I get so bored pwaying with them.” She shrugs and laughs. “They called me an awien, so that means we’re the same, Awien-san!”
Aya wishes she could hug Hina then and there. In spite of the big smile, loneliness seems to seep from her tiny body. “Um, so where’s Sayo-chan? Why are you here by yourself?”
Hina looks down, her shoulders drooping. “Oh, I made Onee-chan mad so I ran away.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah I got all perfect on test thingies and those not-bopping grown ups want me to go to some special school but that doesn’t sound fun,” Hina mumbles, her movements slowing down until she is slumped on the seat. “I wanna go to same school with Onee-chan! But Onee-chan didn’t get perfect and she is upset and I dunno what to do so I ran.”
Aya is surprised but also not surprised at this implication, that Hina had the opportunity to attend an elite school for the gifted of some sort. From what she’s heard, her genius IQ would’ve easily allowed her to skip grades too.
A quiet sniffle snaps Aya’s attention back to the little girl. Dream or not, Hina is crying and that in itself is enough to send her into a state of panic.
“I don’t want Onee-chan to hate me I wove Onee-chan! Waaah!”
“H-Hina-chan, it’s okay, Sayo-chan doesn’t hate you. There is no way, I promise you,” Aya tries to recall all the stories she’s heard from her bandmate recently, about how Sayo is much easier to talk to now and they even make plans to go shopping together. “Sayo-chan may be upset but it’s not at you!”
“Reawwy?” Whimpering, Hina wipes at her eyes and peers up at her hopefully.
“Yes, really. Sayo-chan just isn’t sure how to express her feelings, that’s all. She is, um, proud and that makes it hard to be expressive,” Aya struggles to explain, though she feels guilty about sounding like an expert on the elder Hikawa when she really isn’t. “So there are times when it might seem like she’s mad at you but she’s not, I promise. You’re her baby sister after all, ne?”
However, she is able to speak the last part with utter certainty. From what she’s heard and seen, that is the undeniable truth.
“Okay… thanks, Awien-san!” Hina smiles up at her again and Aya is taken aback by the rush of joy she feels at the sight. This is much better. A smile suits Hina the best.
“Hina! Where are you?”
Looking at the entrance to the playground, she sees a small figure accompanied by two adults, presumably the Hikawa parents. Little Sayo’s hair is styled exactly the same as her twin’s except the braid and ribbon are done on the left side. If Aya hadn't confirmed Hina’s identity already, she wouldn’t have been able to tell the two girls apart.
“Ah, Onee-chan!” Hina’s expression lights up brighter than the lamp post as she hops off the swing and runs towards her sister. She is about to lunge but stops herself the last moment, almost like a hesitant puppy. “Hewwo…”
Sayo frowns, the expression oddly cute with those pudgy cheeks of a child. “Don’t run off like that!”
The twins stare at each before Sayo hesitantly opens her arms and, upon that signal, Hina dives into the hug. Then, simultaneously, the little girls burst into tears.
“Oh dear…” The mother nudges at the father, whose scowl melted away at the sight of his little girls crying. “It seems like they don’t want to be apart.”
“You’re right, maybe it’s best that we don’t send Hina-chan to the Academy…”
Aya could only watch them, conflicted but relieved at the reunion. Before she could even think about whether to speak up or remain silent, the scenery suddenly flutters away before her eyes.
The colors drain away, darkness fills her vision, and then a burst of light blinds her.
============================
Aya blinks and finds herself staring at her room, which has turned upside down.
Or rather, she has fallen off of her bed in a ridiculous position.
Groaning, she slowly gets up and rubs at her aching head. The fact that she can feel pain assures her that she has returned to reality. Just what kind of dream was that? The information is rather overwhelming too, whether it is real or not. A quick check to her phone shows her that it is only 2AM.
At least, going back to bed now should still give her enough rest. As she is about to climb back onto the bed, she notices something glittering from the corner of her eyes. Using her phone’s light, she shifts closer and realizes that it is the pendant Eve had given her.
“Oh no…”
To her dismay, one of the petals has broken off, presumably from when it fell off her nightstand. She stares grimly at the small accessory in her palm, wondering if she could glue it back on somehow. The break looks quite clean and… there is a barely visible clasp at the center of the flower.
Curious, she uses her nail to open it and a tiny ball of paper drops out. The pendant is very small, so small that Aya wonders how this scrunched-up paper got stuffed in. She carefully smoothes out the note and squints at the scribbles on it. The yellowed and crinkly material, along with the old language written in faded ink, are enough clues that this must have come from an older era.
She does her best to decipher the words. “Pluck a petal… understand your important person… wither away... in dreams you will see…?”
Aya is very confused, though she assumes that that broken petal must have caused her to have that strange yet very vivid dream somehow. It is true that she would like to understand Hina, and so this presumably magical pendant gave her a glimpse to Hina’s past? Is that it?
“Haha, there’s no way… right? Magic isn’t real,” Aya mutters, glancing at the paper and the pendant suspiciously. Eve did say she got it from Ryuuseido, which has many antiques dated all the way back to the Edo era even.
Still, that dream felt too real. It would’ve been a huge coincidence
She rubs her eyes groggily. She is too tired to think about this logically and she is also curious about what happened (will happen?), to see how Hina and Sayo got along after that. And if it really had been part of the past, then it meant their relationship worsened.
Well, she has nothing to lose anyway from doing what the ancient paper said, right?
After an inward apology to Eve and the pendant, she gingerly pulls off another petal, surprised by how easy it is to do so. “I’d like to see Hina-chan again,” she whispers hoarsely as she tucks herself under the blanket.
And closes her eyes.
=============================
“Wow, so soft! Bopping!”
Aya jolts awake at the very ticklish sensation of someone poking at her… chest?! She looks up and find Hina grinning with her eyes all lit up.
And her hand is relentlessly groping and kneading her breasts!
“Hyaaaahhhh!!!!”
She rolls away and promptly falls off of where she was lying on. Instead of the pain of impact, she just finds herself bouncing on the concrete before coming to a still. Blinking, she looks around and deduces that she’s on the rooftop of some school, though the scenery isn’t familiar. This is neither Haneoka or Hanasakigawa.
Looking down at herself, she finds that she still cannot see her own body, though this time there is a faint and translucent outline.
“Woooow, so you are a girl! Did I just touched your boobs? I’m sorry then!” In spite of her words, Hina does not look apologetic at all since she is wearing her characteristic grin. This Hina resembles the one in Aya’s reality, the same short wavy hair and twin braids, but she looks younger and is slightly shorter. She is also wearing a school uniform that Aya vaguely recognize as a nearby junior high’s uniform.
So, this is a lot of time jump, from that little Hina to this teenager...
Aya crosses her arms, or at least she feels like she had, and glares at Hina who easily jumps down from the top of the storage shed and comes up to her spot beside the entrance door to this roof. “Don’t you do that ever again!”
“I said I was sorry! I really couldn’t see you… you were some sort of boppity bop pudgy shape, I thought you were a marshmallow or bread dough!” Hina skips up to her, head tilted and smiling.
A perfect image of innocence, except her eyes are glimmering in typical mischief.
“So, you can see me, sort of.”
“Yup! An outline of you! A girl like me! Well, you’re smaller there haha,” Hina makes prodding motions towards Aya’s chest again.
Squeaking, Aya backs away quickly. “Will you stop that!”
“Sorry, Alien-san, but I’m just so excited! It’s been years after all!”
Hina’s words temporarily douses her annoyance. “...huh? What- you remember me-?”
“Of course! I don’t really remember what you sound like but this same bopping feeling, it’s gotta be the same! You’re Alien-san from the playground, aren't you?” Hina rocks back and forth on her heels, unafraid of being close to a supposed extraterrestrial being. “Well, it’s more zappity this time because I can sorta see you now!”
Aya is shocked. The dreams are connected? Or more importantly, is this actually real? Did she somehow travel to the past which affected this older Hina’s future?
With her head swirling at the possibilities, Aya slowly sits down and slumps on her back. Ah, she doesn’t know what’s going on anymore. She stares into the distant sky, deciding to stop thinking and just admire the pretty stars. This is just a dream. There’s no need to try to find logic.
Giggling, Hina mimics her actions and flops onto her back too. “So where have you been all this time, Alien-san? I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“You… have?”
“Yeah! I keep looking at the stars, especially on clear nights like that time at the playground! I mean, I’ve always liked stargazing but searching for you makes it even more zappin’, Alien-san!”
Aya knows of Hina’s hobby but she has no idea about this extra detail. Is this exclusive to the dreams or does it affect the real world? If only she could decipher the full content of the note from the pendant.
“Erm, did you tell anyone about our… meeting at the playground?”
“I did, but no one believed that I made friends with an alien. Mom and Dad made me see some doctors and do some weird tests, so I don’t mention it to them anymore. Onee-chan just ignores it, and the other kids just told me to go back to my home planet, haha! I wish I could do that~”
Aya winces, wondering if Hina ever realized that her classmates were ostracizing her. Naturally, people would think you’re crazy if you talk about invisible aliens.
“But nah, I don’t want to leave Onee-chan so I won’t ever go to space. And I don’t want to think that I’m also an alien either because that would mean Onee-chan and I aren’t related, she’s 100% human after all! But, sometimes, I wonder...” Hina’s grin drops and her brows become furrowed in contemplation. “Maybe, I really am an alien? That would explain why Onee-chan and I are so different.”
“...how are things between you and Sayo-chan?” Aya asks gingerly. If this really is connected to the previous dream and they’re both part of Hina’s past, then the twins’ relationship must have reached the ice age at this point in time.
“Hmm, she doesn’t really talk to me nowadays,” Hina’s voice is still nonchalant and she’s wearing a small smile. “Y’know, she actually applied to Hanasakigawa without telling us. I thought we’d go to Haneoka together but, well, she really doesn’t want to be around me. I don’t know why and I don’t know what it is that I do that makes her mad. Sometimes it feels like she hates me.”
The brittle quality in the junior high girl’s voice causes Aya to cringe. “No way, Sayo-chan can’t possibly hate you, she-”
“Aha, you really are the Alien-san from that time!” Hina sits up abruptly and grins down at her. “Thanks for saying that! I’ve always believed that Onee-chan isn’t really mad at me and she doesn’t dislike me. She’s the one who defended me from the other kids and ate those yucky carrots for me! There are times when I wanted to give up but I can’t. Whenever it gets hard, I would always remember your words and that keeps me going! She’s my Onee-chan and I love her.”
The stars behind Hina are nothing compared to the brightness of her smile. It is so innocent and untainted that Aya couldn’t help but return the smile, though the other girl probably couldn’t see it.
“I really admire that, Hina-chan.”
“Hmm? What?”
“I mean, if I were in your shoes… I would’ve given up long ago. I wouldn’t be able to handle the cold treatment. I would’ve become quite spiteful towards her.”
Aya thinks about her little sister but she is unable to relate because of their age gap. They banter and play games together like any other siblings do, but most of the time they have their own friend circles so they don’t spend much time together. For sure, she is nowhere close to her sister as the Udagawa sisters are.
Hina and Sayo have a complicated relationship, more so than Aya could have ever imagined. She has always wondered why Hina is so perky and happy-go-lucky. She’s not one to pry about a person’s past but by the time Pastel*Palettes and the other bands held joint lives together, she’s heard all about the twins’ issues. Even then, she’s not close to Sayo at school, and Hina always sings praises about her twin at the agency so Aya never really thought about how bad things were.
Aya herself is only able to remain optimistic because of the self-deprecating moments she has when she’s alone at home. Once she’s gotten the negative emotions out of her system, she’s back on her feet and ready to be the hard-working person everyone knows her to be. She used to think Hina may have such moments too but that doesn’t seem like the case, not completely. At the core, Hina has always remained her optimism.
“Hmm, yeah. No way I would’ve been able to continue to admire and love my sister if I keep getting the cold shoulder…” Aya murmurs.
To her surprise, Hina opens her arms wide at that and simply laughs. “Can I hug you, Alien-san? I mean you look so puffy and fluffy and cuddly! It’d be a win-win for both of us!”
The random request throws Aya off guard so much that she finds herself sitting up and complying. For the first time in the dreams, she is able to feel warmth as Hina pulls her into a bear hug.
It is so nostalgic and comforting, and it prompts her to recall all the hugs Hina has given her in real life. She’s never taken her time to appreciate them, has she? She’s always taken them from granted, sometimes even brushed them off as disruptive and unwelcomed.
But Hina means her hugs, Aya could feel it fully now.
“I’m glad I’ve met you again, Alien-san!”
“Me too, Hina-chan, me too.”
=====================================
There is no other warning, just a brief period of darkness before Aya finds herself back in her bedroom again. She has her pillow tucked under her chin and her limbs are wrapped around it like a koala. Groaning, she languidly sits up and reaches for her phone.
3:17AM.
She pulls her legs against her body and rests her chin upon her knees. These two dreams are bewildering yet soothing at the same time. She’s happy that she got to learn about her bandmate, but at the same time she is filled with guilt that she never even tried to get to know her. Sure, she and Hina are friends, and they sometimes hang out outside of Pastel*Palettes-related events, but she wouldn’t say that they’re particularly close.
Yet, Hina seems to know all about her, the good and bad, and she always has a comment to make about everything she does. Whether it is the dessert she likes, the poses she does, all these random things about her, Hina is sure to chat with her about it, sometimes teasingly and sometimes in curious tones.
“She likes you so much after all.”
Since Eve mentioned it, that means the other members may think the same too. Hina doesn’t initiate many hugs, as hyper and touchy as she is. Now that Aya thinks about it, she and Sayo are the only ones Hina has ever hugged. But why her? Because she’s ‘funny’, according to Hina?
Sighing, Aya rubs her warm cheeks and shakes her head. The pendant didn’t help her understand Hina at all. If anything, the mint-haired girl is even more of an enigma now.
So, this is how Hina-chan is like before joining Pastel*Palettes…
She is glad that things between the Hikawa sisters are better in the present time. That lonely image of the younger Hina isn’t true anymore, considering what a charismatic and popular student council president she has become.
Maybe she doesn’t need to understand Hina’s past, seeing how she is now. All she wants to know is why Hina tends to pick on her so much.
“Right, that should be my main goal,” Aya mutters resolutely as she reaches for the pendant once more. “If I were to understand, then I would know how to handle the situations better.”
After praying inwardly to the magical item, she carefully breaks off another petal and rolls back under her blanket. Sleep doesn’t come as easily this time, as her mind is busy going through all the times when Hina has hugged her.
She vows to pay more attention to those hugs in the future.
Maybe, I should try hugging her next time…?
=====================================
“Aya-chan~ Wakey wakey~”
There is a puff of hot air against her sensitive ear, causing her to jolt up from her seat with a squeal. Aya furiously rubs at her ear, face hot in embarrassment while the perpetrator guffaws and pounds on the school desk.
“Hina-chan! You could’ve woken me up in a nicer way!”
“I can’t help it, Aya-chan, all of your reactions are just too zappin’!”
Scowling, Aya turns away and studies the papers strewn out before her. Why do the scribbles look so familiar? Where is she anyway? Oh, she is wearing her school uniform and so is Hina, so is she now at present?
Wait, she is inside her own body instead of being an invisible entity!
However, there is a jarring sensation that she’s not really connected to her own body. She tries to move but couldn’t, and suddenly she finds herself floating in the air again.
What the heck?!
Gasping, she is now looking at herself getting teased by Hina in a third person’s point of view. She tries to make a sound but nothing comes out, as if she is really just an observer and not meant to interact with what is happening. What’s going on? Why is this so different than the previous dreams?
As she watches on, she reluctantly agrees with Hina’s playful remark that she does look kind of funny whenever she puffs up her reddened cheeks. She is used to checking herself in the mirror but to see how she is normally in a daily occurrence feels both unsettling and refreshing.
So this is how her peers see her. The regular Maruyama Aya, not how fans sees the idol on stage or TV shows. And, perhaps now that she is disconnected from her body, she is able to observe Hina better.
The mint-haired girl is giggling now, her eyes glimmering so very brightly. She looks really happy.
Aya wonders if teasing her really gives Hina this much joy. Looking around, she recognizes that they are in the Haneoka student council room, and there’s something déjà vu about the scene unfolding in front of her.
“H-Hina-senpai! I’ve been looking for you!”
“Aw, busted~”
As Hazawa Tsugumi frantically enters the room holding a laptop, Aya realizes that this is the day before the joint school festival. Her temporary band, the part-timers, has gathered at Haneoka for one last rehearsal, it took them hours to get to that point due to the individual members’ busy schedules and respective responsibilities. Aya remembers that she was studying her notes to make sure her MCs are perfect on the performance day while Hina was all over the school.
So, this means she is reliving her memory? Unlike the previous dream segments about Hina’s past, she is now observing an actual event that happened not long ago.
It’s not like she can do anything else but wait for this dream to be over. It might be interesting to relive the experience again, to see if she’s missed any interesting details. She recalls that it was a hectic afternoon but the rehearsal later on was very good at least. She loves performing with Pastel*Palettes but Lisa, Tsugumi, Moca and Kanon are such wonderful company and bandmates to have too.
She is amused by the way Hina slumps over the desk like a deflated cat while Tsugumi diligently shows her something on the laptop screen. They make a great duo - Aya has heard many stories about how Haneoka is so much fun and lively through their efforts. Now that she thinks about it, Hina is quite the popular figure at her school and she has many good friends outside of Pastel*Palettes, such as Lisa, Kaoru and so on.
Compared to the lonely figure on the rooftop back in middle school, Hina sure has come a long way. Aya feels a burst of warmth at the thought. The guitarist mentions that the band has helped her understand people better. She really means it whenever she proclaims her love for the band, and Aya is pleased that she is one of the many other people who have helped Hina reach this point.
“I see you have been working hard, Aya-chan.”
“Chisato-chan! And Sayo-chan!”
Aya is taken aback by how she practically hops out of her seat to greet Chisato. She doesn’t always behave like that, does she? Sure, she is always happy to see her reliable friend but she has no idea that she almost looks like a happy puppy eager to greet its owner.
It’s almost similar to the way Hina runs towards Sayo only to brake at the last moment before impact. The elder Hikawa only gives a disgruntled sigh and reprimands her sister for making Tsugumi run errands all over the place. Shifting her attention back to herself, she notes how happy she looks as she chatters away, with Chisato making comments every now and then. It’s almost embarrassing really, viewing this from a new perspective. She couldn’t help it! It always makes her happy to talk with Chisato. Surely, that’s enough of a reason?
The blonde actress is still as perfect as ever, in spite of preparing for the cultural festival as well as juggling with her many jobs. Even in school, she remains the impeccable picture of grace and composure, qualities that Aya admires and struggles to achieve.
“Kanon is already in the auditorium with Lisa-chan and the others…”
Aya recalls being too absorbed in catching up with Chisato that she doesn’t know what the others talked about at the time. Since her conversation with Chisato more or less matches her memory, she decides to use this chance to study the Hikawa twins better. Maybe it’s because of the previous dreams, she feels rather invested in wanting to see their relationship improve.
Hina is draped over Tsugumi like she belongs there but her glittering eyes are solely focused on Sayo, whose frown is as intimidating as ever. However, Aya could see a hint of exasperated fondness as she sweeps her gaze over her twin and the brunette. While Sayo updates Tsugumi on what Arisa and Rinko have been doing at Hanasakigawa, Hina briefly glances at her band members’ direction.
Hina’s grin diminishes to a smaller smile, and there is an unreadable emotion in those bright eyes. Aya’s back is facing the guitarist then, so she has no idea that the latter even looked her way. As she drifts closer to observe better, she notices that Hina has regained her giddy expression and resumed chatting with Sayo and Tsugumi.
What was that just now?
A commotion outside interrupts their conversations, matching Aya’s memory. Indeed, Chisato calmly strolls towards the window, takes one peek, and gives them a sub-zero smile. “I have an… errand to take care of. Please excuse me.”
“Ahaha, Kaoru-kun is always so funny,” Hina folds her arms behind her head while Tsugumi chuckles uneasily. If Aya remembers correctly, the prince of Haneoka was doing extravagant improvs outside the gates for the benefit of the Hanasakigawa visitors and Chisato basically had to drag her childhood friend away for causing disturbance.
“Perhaps we should go help Shirasagi-san. The crowd is quite big after all,” Sayo murmurs, a bare hint of annoyance in her flat voice.
Hina nods readily. “Yeah! Time for the student council president to the rescue? Heheh, it will be so boppin’ to go together, Onee-chan! Oh, I see Kokoro-chan there too, that’s even more perfect! I-”
“No, you stay here, Hina, you’ll make the ruckus worse,” Sayo briefly closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.
“Eeeeehhhhhh, but Onee-chan~!” Hina clings to her sister’s arm, though the latter pries the vice-like grip off of her limb with practiced ease. “Fine, but let Tsugu-chan go with you. Kaicho’s order!”
“M-Me?” Tsugumi shrinks slightly, being sandwiched between the twins’ intense stares. She peers up at the taller girl bashfully. “M-May I, Sayo-san? I do have to talk to Seta-senpai about her class’s cafe…”
“Of course, Hazawa-san. I would appreciate your assistance.”
Aya is stunned by the soft smile Sayo gives to the younger girl then. She did not notice this detail back then because she was anxiously watching the crowd of fans surrounding Kaoru and Chisato, as well as Maya and Eve trying to help out. She did know that Sayo and Tsugumi were dating (only because Hina happily announced it to everyone in Pastel*Palettes the moment she found out), but she never really gave it much thought since the two girls in question were in different school and class, and things were too hectic during the cultural festival.
It is pleasant though, to see this shift in the elder Hikawa’s demeanor. Hina definitely notices it too and is wearing a pleased smile.
As soon as Sayo and Tsugumi leave the room, Hina spins around and whispers, “Did you see how shooby dooby Tsugu-chan looked? And Onee-chan’s smile! So wooshidy!”
Aya’s past self turns away from the window and chuckles sheepishly. “Sorry, Hina-chan, I think I missed that…”
“Well, you did see how they were earlier, right?” Hina puts her arms akimbo, her chin tilted rather proudly. “They are so bopping together! I wonder if I’d ever get to feel as zappity as Onee-chan does whenever she’s with Tsugu-chan. Ne, Aya-chan, how about you?”
“Me?” Aya tilts her head, and this time she could clearly notice Hina’s off-the-charts energy level dropping several increments.
“Yup! Would you want to be close to someone like Onee-chan and Tsugu-chan are to each other?”
“You mean… do I want to have a g-girlfriend?” From her new vantage point, Aya watches herself blushing from uttering the taboo word. Having a relationship regardless of the partner’s gender is forbidden in the idol industry. Having a boyfriend would be scandalous and detrimental to an idol’s pure image, while having a girlfriend would open a whole can of worms that Aya is certain that the media cannot accept yet, in spite of all the ‘yuri baiting’ she’s read about online.
She’s been so focused on becoming a worthy idol just as Ayumi-san is that she’s never thought about the possibility of a relationship. Of course she craves for intimacy but she does not have any candidate in mind. It’s not like it would ever be possible for her, given her dreams.
She remembers being too surprised at Hina’s question that she wasn’t able to observe the latter’s expression. Now, she notes how uncharacteristically serious Hina’s gaze is in spite of the ever-present smile.
“I’d like to be in a relationship as pleasant as Sayo-chan and Tsugumi-chan are in. I mean, like you said, they seem very happy with each other. It even reminds me of romance movies and novels,” Aya drops her gaze in embarrassment and fidgets. “But as long as I’m an idol, I don’t have the… luxury? To even think about that.”
“Ooooh, I see. And there’s no way you’d quit being an idol since it’s your dream and all,” Hina’s voice is oddly soft and contemplative.
“Yeah, you could put it that way. I don’t feel like I’m missing out anything though! This is what I want after all,” Aya replies honestly. Even now, she wholly agrees with her answer back then. She’s acknowledged that one can’t have everything, and she’s content with the way things are.
“How about in the future? You’re not gonna be an idol forever! Unless…. Pink and fluffy Aya obaa-chan? Ahaha! Your weird pose is gonna break your hip!”
“Mou, Hina-chan!” Aya pouts at her friend’s snickering. “Of course at some point, I’d like to fall in love and get married and all that too! But I’ll think more about that when the time comes.”
“I see, that sounds like Aya-chan!” Hina’s toothy grin morphs into an odd smile. “The future seems far away doesn’t it? But it’ll come one day. And when that day comes, you’ll have a girlfriend or boyfriend, and you’ll be a bopping couple.”
“E-Eh? Well, that does sound nice-?”
Hina suddenly turns around and runs out of the room, and the floating Aya follows her.
“Hmm, I think I should go after Tsugu-chan and Onee-chan! It’s still gotta be the kaichou to bop the crowd, haha! Aya-chan, you should go ahead to the auditorium, I’ll catch up with you in a bit!”
Aya recalls that she cleaned up the notes before joining up with Kanon, Lisa and Moca at the auditorium, where they rehearsed a bit before Hina and Tsugumi arrived. Hina teased her as usual and nothing out of the ordinary happened since then.
However, as she hovers after the Hina running through the hallway, she is shaken to her core at what she sees on Hina’s un-smiling face.
Why were you crying, Hina-chan?
================================
Aya shots up from her bed with a yelp, her hand extended towards the darkness of her room. The image of Hina’s tears is seared in her mind like a terrible wound.
It’s not like Hina to make such an expression.
But why?
Am I the one who’s hurt her?
Aya feels nauseous at the idea. Just what was it that she said? About relationships?
“But why…?” She whimpers quietly, though the words sound so loud in the silence of the night. A possible explanation forms in her churning mind but she refuses to grab it. Or rather, she is too afraid to acknowledge it. Because it would mean that she must have inadvertently hurt Hina’s feelings countless times.
How many instances like the one in the dream have already happened, and she just never noticed?
Hesitation hinders her movement as she cradles the pendant in her palm. Will she be seeing the future next? She checks her phone and is conflicted over the time stamp of 4:17AM. She won’t be getting any proper sleep now but she could still take a nap instead of trying to go through these exhausting dreams. All she’s learned so far only makes her feel worse and confused, and she still doesn’t understand Hina.
“There is so much I don’t know about her,” Aya says to the pendant, her sleep-deprived voice cracking. “If it weren’t for those dreams, I wouldn’t have known what she’s experienced and that she...cried… because of me. She would’ve continued to tease me as usual and I wouldn’t know any better. I don’t like this. I don’t want her to be sad. If there’s anything I can do to make her smile… then please, will you show me?”
Naturally, the two-petal pendant continues lay there in her palm, cold to the touch and mute to her plea.
Sighing, Aya breaks off another petal and lies down on her bed. The ceiling is out of her reach yet it feels oppressive within the darkness, so unlike the open night sky filled with the stars. She’s already come this far.
She needs to find out more.
==========================
“You’re spacing out, Aya-chan.”
Aya blinks once and again, staring dumbly at the passers-by outside the quiet cafe. She looks down at her hands and moves them experimentally, not expecting how real everything feels. She has full control of her body, and another quick glance to the reflection on the window tells her that she is older, perhaps in her twenties. She is wearing red-framed glasses that don’t have any prescription, and her hair is all curled rather professionally in a style that she wouldn’t have dared to try because it doesn’t suit her.
Yet, just from the way she dresses and looks, she is enveloped in an aura of confidence and maturity, the kind of grown-up she wishes to become.
“Aya-chan? Are you okay?”
She mumbles an apology and finally turns around to face the woman sitting across from her. She quickly sweeps her gaze over the older Hina, whose long hair is tied in a side tail that drapes over her right shoulder. A pastel pink beanie is deliberately slanted on her head, though the look suits her. She’s always considered Hina to be pretty, and age seems to have given her a new attractive quality.
“Haha wow, it’s taken me years but I’ve finally managed to make you do a double-take at me~” Hina grins playfully, a familiar gesture that helps Aya relax.
She harrumphs at the comment and uses the few moments to check the surroundings. The medium-sized cafe is not overly crowded, though the interior designs are chic and the drinks look instagram-worthy. Judging by the patrons, this appears to be a popular spot for college students. Aya wonders if she is in college now. And since she is wearing those fake glasses, does this mean she is in disguise?
She takes a sip from her cute mug, relishing in the sweetness of the latte.
This is a dream, right? Even though she can taste the drink so clearly?
“So? What’s on your mind?” Hina daintily cuts a slice from her piece of cake with her fork and eats it with finesse that is uncharacteristic of the energetic girl. She does seem more mellowed out with the way she talks and moves.
“Oh, m-many things,” Aya stammers truthfully. She knows nothing about this future so she can only play along and be vague while trying to learn as much as she could.
Hina sets down her fork and purses her lips. “I know you’re still sad. I am too.”
"Huh?”
“It’s okay. It’s only me here. You don’t have to put on that tough front like you did last week on TV,” Hina reaches over to cover Aya’s hand with her own. It is warm and comforting. “It’s hard, but that’s the way things are. We’ve had a good run and we ended on a high note, at our peak. Pastel*Palettes will continue to be the talk of the industry for a while still.”
Aya feels a chill trickling down her spine.
As if noticing her stricken expression, Hina tightens her grip and smiles sadly. “Aww, don’t make that face, Aya-chan. I know it’s bad timing, with the band officially disbanded recently and all, but I need to tell you something. I can’t delay it any longer and I don’t want to do it over texts.”
“T-Tell me what-?” Aya squeaks. She doesn’t realize that she is practically squeezing Hina’s hand but the latter doesn’t comment on it.
“Well, it’s why I’ve asked to meet up with you today,” Hina takes a deep breath and gazes into her eyes. “I’m leaving Japan, Aya-chan.”
“Eh?”
“I’m only in the industry in the first place because I love Pastel*Palettes. I’m not really interested in anything else, and it’s not like I want to become a professional guitarist either, not like Onee-chan. Speaking of which, have you gotten Roselia’s latest album yet? If you don’t, it’s okay because I have tons of-”
“Hina-chan. You’re… going away? You’re leaving the country? Permanently?” Aya finds it difficult to breathe as her brain tries to wrap around the concept. Pastel*Palettes is no more, and Hina is leaving.
Is this what awaits her in the future timeline?
Hina’s expression softens as she rhythmically pats on their intertwined hands. “Mhmm. Kokoro-chan’s hooked me up with a team of scientists who specialize in astronomy and history. They’re travelling all over the world, rediscovering lost worlds and how civilizations are connected to the stars. I don’t know the full details yet but that sounds boppin’ already, no?”
“B-But… why leave Japan?”
“There are so many things out there! I’ve always been searching for the stars and I don’t plan to stop, Aya-chan, but I figured it’d be zappity to do that in other countries. New perspective!”
Aya recalls the previous dreams. “Wait, is this about your alien friend? Are you s-still looking for her?”
Hina’s eyes widen a fraction. “How did you know that? I think only Onee-chan knows…”
“I-I’m that alien! It was me!” Aya blurts helplessly, “So you don’t need to go look, I’m…” I’m right here.
“Ahaha, what’re you talking about, Aya-chan? Hmm, while it’s true that I’d like to see Alien-san again, that’s not it. I really feel like it’s time to go abroad, to get a fresh new start,” Hina’s expression falters briefly before the smile returns. “Also, by going away, it should be clear that I’m not interested in any of the offers, and I don’t see myself in any of the jobs.”
“But… you’ll be good at anything,” Aya mumbles weakly, still trying to absorb her words.
“Haha, maybe! But I know I won’t really enjoy it. I mean, I know Eve-chan will be a great fashionista, with all those revolutionary and zappin’ designs. Maya-chan’s been doing great in her magazines too - you’ve heard about the extra serialization right? And Chisato-chan’s movie is airing soon, isn’t it?”
Hina pauses and lightly squeezes her hand again. “But how about you, Aya-chan? You’re the only one who hasn’t decided since we disbanded. I know you said you want to finish college but, what comes after that? You’ve received a lot of offers too. Didn’t Chisato-chan say that there could be a lead role for you in another project? You’d be co-starring. Wouldn’t that be boppin?”
Aya takes a big gulp of her beverage, mindless of the scalding heat coursing down her throat. If she hadn’t done that, she might have started hyperventilating. This is all too much. She did think it would be great to be involved with another movie like that time with the moleman, but the idea doesn’t appeal to her now that Pastel*Palettes is no more. Even though the opportunity of working with Chisato excites her, it is overwhelmed by the magnitude of everything else.
“I-I… I don’t know…” She says finally. “I want to continue, I want to be an even greater role model than Ayumi-san ever was, but-”
“Then there you go! That’s the Aya-chan I… that’s more like Aya-chan.” Hina chuckles as she retracts her hands and leans back in her seat. “You belong there, Aya-chan. You’re meant to shine on stage. You’re born to be an idol! It’s always been your dream, so you should follow it through.”
Aya keeps her gaze on her hands, missing the comfort of Hina’s warmth. She doesn’t dare to look up because the sincerity in the other woman’s voice is already threatening to cause her tears to spill.
“We Pastel*Palettes may have gone our separate ways but we’ll always be one, ne?” Hina’s tone is light and encouraging. “It might be hard for me to catch your lives if I’m somewhere in the mountains haha, but you bet I’ll keep cheering you on. All of us will.”
Unable to trust her own voice, Aya could only nod and hope Hina could see how grateful she is.
After freshening up in the washroom and some more chit-chat, the two women decide to leave the now-crowded cafe. It seems that Aya has an appointment later with her manager anyway, and Hina offers to walk her to the meeting place.
“When, will you be l-leaving?” Aya asks meekly as they make their way down the bustling street. She is deliberately taking her time, wanting to prolong this dream as much as possible.
“Next week. I’m spending the weekend with Onee-chan and Tsugu-chan, and they’re gonna drop me off at the airport,” Hina either doesn’t notice their slow pace or chooses not to comment on it. She is busy scrolling on her phone. “I think Tsugu-chan is holding a send-off party for me at her cafe, isn’t that wooshidy of her? Do you think you can make it, Aya-chan?”
“I will,” Aya says firmly, which prompts the other woman to smile.
“Boppin’. Okay, now I just need to-” Her phone suddenly starts to ring but instead of answering it, she only frowns. “Aw, now she’s calling me.”
“Who?”
“My girlfriend.”
“Your what-?!” Aya is so shocked that she stops walking.
Hina blinks at her. “Didn’t we talk about her earlier?”
The conversation must have happened before she ‘arrived’ in this future timeline. “W-Well… I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention…”
Hina’s lips quirk into an odd yet familiar smile, the same one that Aya has noticed many times throughout those dreams. “Well, I don’t really mind her company, she’s pretty and cool but Onee-chan doesn’t like her, said she’s only using me. Even Tsugu-chan told me to be careful. The other day too, Lisachi told me that she saw her enter a hotel with a guy. So, I’ve decided to break up with her, that’s all. I’m not gonna do that over the phone though so we’re meeting up later. She’s been calling me the whole day for some reason.”
Aya doesn’t know how to feel about this. They’re in their college years now so it wouldn’t be surprising that Hina’s gone on dates, especially since she doesn’t have the restriction of being an idol anymore, not that she cares for that sort of rule in the first place. However, the idea makes her heart ache and she dislikes how relieved she feels to hear that the relationship is not working out.
I’m an awful person. How could I think like this for my dear friend? It’s not like I have feelings for-
She covers her mouth at the revelation. She’s never allowed herself to think about relationships but feelings are capricious and not meant to be controlled. Has it always been there but she was just too focused elsewhere to notice it?
Hina tilts her head and takes a step closer. “You’ve been acting really weird today, Aya-chan. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Well, I-”
“Is that Maruyama Aya?” “I think it is! Look, she looks just like the one on the cover of The Voice.” “It’s got to be her! Wow!” “Who’s that she’s with?” “She looks familiar… hard to tell with the hat…” “Doesn’t matter! It’s Maruyama Aya!”
Aya blinks dumbly as people begin to gather around her. She’s finally become famous enough that she’s being recognized on the streets yet it doesn’t give her the elation she’s always dreamed of. Instead, she feels caged and cornered by the heavy reality of this future timeline.
Hina’s hand is suddenly holding hers, securely and protectively. “Get ready and off we go!”
She could only watch in amazement as she allows herself to be tugged along after Hina. They smoothly break through the crowd and maintain their little sprint unimpeded. Aya’s heart soars for the first time as they laugh without a care in the world. She’s gotten involved in many of Hina’s schemes and stunts back in the real world, but this one feels different because it only belongs to them. It’s like a little secret that only they have access to.
She’d like to spend more time with Hina like this, just the two of them.
The moment is over too quickly for Aya’s liking though, for soon they find themselves resting in an alleyway to catch their breaths.
“Well, no one’s following us this time at least! Phew, remember the time when we were all at the amusement park? That was… boppin’ but also not at the same time,” Hina snickers as she pokes her head out at the corner to check out their surroundings. “Looks like you’ll need to upgrade your disguise, Aya-chan.”
“I-I guess…” Aya pants shakily, wondering if the physical training has decreased or if she is out of shape. “Maybe a wig next time?”
“Maybe~ Oh, how about this?” Hina takes off her beanie and tugs it over Aya’s head. Her touch is achingly gentle as she brushes the latter’s hair.
“There… it suits you,” Hina murmurs, her eyes half-lidded though there is something intense in her gaze. Aya could not look away and her throat feels dry.
She is also very aware of the way Hina grazes her knuckles against her cheek before pulling away.
“Aya-chan…”
She gulps nervously, unused to this low and scratchy quality of Hina’s voice. “Yes-?”
“We probably won’t have a chance to talk face to face like this at the send-off party, so I think I should tell you now.”
“Tell me what?” She could feel her heart pounding almost painfully against her ribs.
“I want to say thank you.”
“Eh?” Aya suddenly finds herself enveloped in Hina’s arms. The latter’s voice is thick and muffled against her beside her ear.
“Without you, I never would have known how bopping it feels to love someone, so thank you, Aya-chan. I’ve always...”
Even though Hina’s voice wavers and is so very soft, Aya hears her clearly.
============================
She could feel the warmth of her bed. She could feel the hot tears staining her cheeks. However, her body is drenched in cold sweat.
Slowly, she opens her eyes and sits up. It’s exactly 6 o’clock now and she still has about an hour before she needs to get ready, to meet up with Hina. She looks over at the bedside table and stares at the pendant, at how innocent and enticing the sole remaining petal looks.
Aya swallows hard and wipes at her eyes. She gathers the petals she had plucked off and places them close to the pendant. She also carefully balls up the ancient note and returns it to the rightful place, closing the lid with an inaudible click.
Dreams or not, the past or the future, enough is enough. She doesn’t need to break off that last petal. The future is hers to make and she sure refuses to mess it up now that she’s gotten a glimpse of what it might become.
There could be discrepancies between her dreams and the real Hina, but Aya decides that it doesn’t matter. Hina does care about her, albeit unusual in her ways to express her feelings. Aya wants to start returning the affection properly and be honest to herself too. She doesn’t know exactly what that might lead to but she would like to at least try.
It takes her the next whole hour to super-glue the petals back onto the pendant but she is satisfied with the result. She then hastily gets ready and is out the door before her little sister even emerges from her bedroom. She runs and runs, feeling the cold morning air entering her lungs and seeing her breaths coming out in white puffs. The sensation is liberating, reminiscent of the short sprint she had with the older Hina, and she finds herself smiling in spite of her fatigue.
For once in her life, she has never felt so confident as she does now.
By the time she arrives at the Hikawa residence, the sun has long risen and Sayo is about to close the door, ready to head for school. She raises an eyebrow but greets her politely.
“Good morning, Maruyama-san. What brings you here so early?”
“I-I’m supposed to meet up with Hina-chan this morning but, um, I r-really want to talk to her. So I’ve decided to come here instead of the park.” Aya almost falters under Sayo’s intimidating gaze but she stands her ground.
“I see. Hina is still in her room,” the elder Hikawa pauses and makes no move to let Aya pass. As the shorter girl peers up at her quizzically, she continues speaking in a lower octave. “Forgive my prying, Maruyama-san, but what happened between you and Hina last night? I only had a vague picture from what she told me, but she was… distraught.”
This time, Aya couldn’t help but wince. “Something did happen but that’s why I’m here. I want to see her. I want to talk to her, Sayo-chan. I… I really do.”
Sayo remains silent for a few nerve-wrecking moments, but she sighs and steps aside. “Please don’t make my sister sad. I’ve done enough of that already.”
“Sayo-chan-?”
“She talks about you all the time, you know,” Sayo’s lips quirk in a way akin to Hina’s peculiar smile. “She’ll listen to what you have to say. I’ll see you at school, Maruyama-san. Try not to be late.”
Aya stares after Sayo’s back, feeling a weight lifting off of her chest. Nodding to herself, she enters the Hikawa residence and politely greets the mother before heading for Hina’s room. She’s been here a few times with other members of Pastel*Palettes but never alone like this. As nervous as she feels, the sense of purpose is strong enough to override any jitters she has, allowing her to knock on the door without hesitation.
“Onee-chan? Sorry, sorry, you can come in. I’m almost done, just a few more minutes left!”
Curious, Aya opens the door and finds Hina perched on her bed, watching a video on her phone. They stare at each other for a moment before Hina scrambles to sit up.
“A-Aya-chan?! What are you doing here-?” She glances at the clock on the wall, “It’s not time to meet yet.”
“I know, but I really want to talk to you so here I am,” Aya boldly sits down on the bed beside Hina, who scoots away with her head drooped, like a child who’s done something wrong. The sight is both comical and endearing, prompting her to giggle.
“Aya-chan-?”
“We need to talk, Hina-chan. I-”
“Wait, wait!” Hina holds up her hands, her eyes fixed on her feet and refusing to keep eye contact. “Um, oh! Here! This!”
She holds up her phone and resumes playing the video she was watching. Aya recognizes it as the same footage they were reviewing yesterday at the agency. “I’m sorry about what I said. Maya-chan talked to me and even Onee-chan did and I understand the things I said to you weren’t very nice so I promise I won’t do that anymore or at least I’ll try!” Hina rambles breathlessly, her shoulders still drooped. “I can’t help myself, you’re so boppin’ that I just have to say something even though now I see my comments aren’t nice sometimes but-”
“H-Hina-chan, breathe, slow down,” Aya tentatively places her hand on Hina’s shoulder, and the latter shrinks even more so under the touch.
Hina takes a huge gulp of air before gesturing at the video. “But Maya-chan said that I should finish what I started, my comments about this performance. Remember I said the best part was coming up?”
“Yes-?” Aya also remembers what happened during that live now that she’s in a calm state of mind. It had been a good live, but it wasn’t a particularly successful one, at least not for her due to the mistakes she made in the first halve. Therefore, she doesn’t understand Maya’s suggestion and why Hina seems so desperate to talk about it.
“Look. This is The Aya Moment,” Hina whispers with a smile so soft that Aya is compelled to follow her request. In the video, she was doing her closing MC. The spotlight was on her and she still stumbled over a few words, earning chuckles from the audience. After she took a bow and thanked the audience, she was met by a huge round of applause and she thanked her fans again by waving and smiling wholeheartedly.
Even now, she could remember the wave of gratitude and bliss she felt then, for it made all the hard work worth it. It was a good live, but she still failed to see why Hina is so hung up over it.
“You see? You were so boppin’ there, so bright, so very bright, Aya-chan,” Hina closes her eyes and exhales deeply. “You mess up, and sometimes it takes you a long time to learn to sing or dance right but that’s okay. In the end, you shine like a star, the brightest star I’ve ever seen. You belong on stage, Aya-chan.”
There is a burning sensation in Aya’s eyes. “I… I had no idea-”
“Ah! Please don’t cry!” Hina fumbles for the tissue box. “I know you’re a crybaby- ack! That’s not what I mean to say, um, I don’t want to be the one to make you cry, uh, please don’t be mad at me, Aya-chan. I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.”
Sniffling, Aya accepts the tissues and messily wipes at her face. “I can never be mad at you, Hina-chan, let alone hate you. Yes, your words do sting sometimes and I’d like not be teased so much… but, more importantly, what you said just now, do you mean it?”
Hina still looks apprehensive though she seems calmer now. “Hmm? About The Aya Moment? Yeah, of course I mean it. And that’s because-” She clamps her mouth shut and looks away.
“Because-?” Aya coaxes and gently turns Hina to face her again.
“Maya-chan’s helped me figure it out and Onee-chan helped too, but I don’t know if it’s a good time. I don’t think it’ll do anyone any good anyway so-”
“Hina-chan.”
“Wha-”
Aya pulls Hina into a tight hug, sighing at how pleasant and soothing it feels to embrace the person she likes. Hina is completely stiff, as if not expecting the gesture at all and uncertain how to react. “A-Aya-chan?”
“I’ll say it first then,” she licks her dry lips and speaks it just as clearly as the older Hina had in her dream. “I love you, Hina-chan.”
The other girl becomes even more rigid if that is possible. Aya would have liked to see her expression then but she also doesn’t want to let go. Slowly, she could feel Hina shifting and returning the hug just as tightly.
“... I love you too, Aya-chan. I’ve always loved you.”