Archive of Our Own

today is a day just like any other. wonpil sits in a small, drafty lecture hall, listening to his professor drone on about the natural behaviors of humans. how someone’s evaluation of others leaves an impression that might not always be true to their character and how certain factors can impact those first impressions into something negative because your mind is already unfairly made up about that person. well, at least that’s what wonpil’s gathering from this as he jots down obscure words into his notebook. wonpil is tired, and the rain tapping lightly against the window isn’t doing him any favors here. he yawns, covering his mouth with the back of his hand before he props his elbow against the small built-in desk and rests his chin in the L shape that his fingers form. he looks out the window and watches the branches of the trees lightly sway back and forth with each gust of wind. he wonders if the rain will let up any time soon before he has to venture outside to go home after his lecture is over. not that it matters much, he had made sure to pack an umbrella in his backpack before he left his apartment this afternoon.

someone just then sneezes, and it catches wonpil off guard, makes him divert his attention to the source of the sound. park jaehyung. jaehyung was someone that wonpil had only ever spoken a few words to since jaehyung had arrived here. mostly quick hello’s when they’d enter the lecture hall at the same time. wonpil didn’t know too much about him, just that he had come from america—california—to be more specific. as if it wasn’t hard to tell by jaehyung’s general demeanor, from the tone of his voice and his generally cool appearance. jaehyung was all the talk across the university campus, everywhere wonpil went he always heard girls talking about how cool jaehyung was, how funny he was and how they wanted to befriend him in hopes that he might pick one of them to date. wonpil’s sure it’s just because jaehyung is the new guy on campus—not just the new guy, but the attractive foreigner. everyone seemed interested in wanting to get to know jaehyung, including wonpil.

“ahem, kim wonpil would you like to name the four major areas of human behavior. or is there something more interesting about mr. park jaehyung that’s keeping you distracted from my teachings?” wonpil’s professor’s words ring through his ears. he hadn’t realized that he had been zoned out watching jaehyung write his notes. he turns around, clearing his throat, and faces the front of the room again without a word. the rest of the hall murmurs and glances in his direction, but it’s not them that he’s concerned about, it’s jaehyung staring at him that he can see through his peripheral. “that will conclude our discussion for today, thank you, students. please get home safely,” his professor dismisses them.

wonpil quickly collects his notebook and pen, stuffing them inside of his backpack as he hastily zips it up and slings one strap across his shoulder before he makes a dash for the door. once he’s outside, he exhales deeply, regaining his train of thought. the lump in his chest is still heavy, but he’s at least able to regulate his breathing once more. the fresh air and the scent of rain calming him down, he takes another deep breath and unzips his backpack halfway to feel around for his umbrella. he feels around the sides of his bag, moves around his textbooks and notebooks, but his umbrella isn’t there. he’s confident he packed it. he’d looked at the weather app on his phone before leaving the apartment and saw the forecast predicting rain. he zips his backpack and turns around to make his way back into the building to see if he had left it in his lecture hall, by now everyone should have had time to disperse from the room. as he turns and takes a step, he bumps into someone. “oh sorry—” wonpil says instinctively to the taller person standing in front of him—park jaehyung.

“sorr—” jaehyung stops abruptly, “ahh! just who i was looking for.” there's a smile forming across jaehyung’s lips.

wonpil panics immediately. why would jaehyung be looking for him if not to talk about the embarrassing moment in class not more than five minutes ago? he’s definitely going to confront him about it, and wonpil isn't going to have a coherent answer for him. why, besides the fact that wonpil is having difficulty thinking clearly? simple, he's now noticing jaehyung has small dimples on either side of his mouth that become visible when he smiles. absolutely not fair. that's his new problem leading him into further losing his mind and setting him into existential crisis mode.

“me?” wonpil manages to say. “i can explain—” he gets cut off.

“this is your umbrella, right?” jaehyung extends his arm out and reveals a simple black and white polka-dotted compact umbrella. “i think it fell out of your bag as you got up to leave?” jaehyung says and hands it to wonpil.

“ah, i was looking for it. it was no longer in my bag,” he pauses and looks down at his feet, or the umbrella, which isn’t really relevant since he’s buying his time with jaehyung until he can think of what to say. “thanks for returning it,” he says in a hushed voice looking back up tentatively.

“don’t mention it, wouldn’t want you walking home and getting drenched,” jaehyung replies. “anyway, there was actually something i wanted to ask you,” he clears his throat and runs his fingers through his hair, strands falling perfectly back in place. not that wonpil is intentionally looking.

here it is. right on cue. wonpil returns to internally panicking about what he should tell jaehyung. he watches as jaehyung’s gaze falters and shift from him to their surroundings; he looks anywhere but at wonpil as he seems to collect his thoughts. wonpil stands there anxiously waiting for jaehyung to get out whatever he has on his mind so wonpil can go home and melt away in his bed.

“i can expl—” wonpil begins.

“i left my umbrella at home, do you think i could share yours?” jaehyung hesitantly asks, scuffing his shoe back and forth against the pavement.

wonpil isn't expecting that. he most definitely isn’t expecting jaehyung to ask him if he can walk him home. that's what he was suggesting, right? wonpil wasn't mishearing him? wonpil’s pretty sure that jaehyung has plenty of other options. he could call a cab, take the bus or ask one of his actual friends. why is he here asking him instead?

“uh. oh? sure, that’s fine,” the words roll out of wonpil’s mouth before he has a chance even to process what he agrees to.

“you don’t mind, really?” jaehyung asks.

the truth is. wonpil doesn’t know, doesn’t know what’s going on. in theory, it sounds fine. walk jaehyung—the new hot guy he and everyone else had been crushing on since the first day of the semester three weeks ago—home, no big deal. he’s only got to walk him home. easier said than done. for wonpil, that means walking jaehyung—repeat: the guy he maybe sort of has a thing for—home, as in, walk and talk with jaehyung for an undetermined amount of time. communication wasn’t wonpil’s forte. keeping a conversation with jaehyung sounds like the last thing wonpil should ever subject himself to for his own sanity and further embarrassment.

“not at all,” is what he says instead.

“man, i really appreciate it,” jaehyung replies with a sigh of relief escaping through his words.

wonpil unlatches the velcro that holds the fabric of the umbrella in place and props it open and steps under the canopy. jaehyung follows him and ducks down a little; he’s visibly much taller than wonpil, not to mention a good portion of all the other students around campus. wonpil raises his arm, but jaehyung takes the umbrella from his grip, hand lightly grazing against wonpil’s in the process, and holds it for them instead. “i’ve got it,” he smiles and takes a step out into the rain.

the two walk in silence for a while, jaehyung leading the way, which is smart because wonpil hadn’t bothered to ask where jaehyung lived. jaehyung could be leading him to a back alley somewhere to kick his ass for all he knows, and here he is, playing into jaehyung’s masterful plan while waiting for his untimely demise.

(kim wonpil, always quite the dramatic.)

“so, you’re planning on majoring in psychology, right?” jaehyung says breaking the silence of their footsteps as they try to avoid, but still step in shallow pools of rain that are accumulating along the sidewalk.

“that’s the plan,” wonpil answers, thinks it’s kind of obvious since he’s taking a psychology class. “aren’t you?” he supposes there’s a few that are trying it out to see if it suits them.

“nah. i got placed in here by mistake, and it was too late to drop the class since the one i needed was full, and i still needed some type of credit, so i’m stuck here for the rest of the semester,” jaehyung explains.

“what are you majoring in then?” wonpil asks curiously, jaehyung falling into neither scenario.

“political science,” he chuckles.

“that’s very—” wonpil begins.

“drastically different? trust me i know,” jaehyung says.

“how are your grades?” wonpil asks without thinking. he wishes he could take it back because it feels like an insensitive question to ask suddenly. “that’s if you don’t mind me asking, of course,” wonpil adds on.

“absolutely horrible,” jaehyung admits so honestly that it almost surprises wonpil. “i’ve actually been looking for a study group to join just to try and improve my grades so that i don’t flunk out of the course,” jaehyung continues.

“ahhh. i’m sure there’s plenty of study groups that you could join,” wonpil says a little more bluntly than he means for it to sound. he has an annoying tendency of being a bit too straightforward with his words than he intends for them to be. he's trying to break the habit, but it's still a work in progress.

“i’ve looked all around and asked everyone i could think of,” jaehyung begins. “everyone’s group is either ‘at max capacity’ or for ‘friends only’ or at least that’s the excuses i've been given,” he explains.

wonpil’s shocked. jaehyung is well-liked all around campus, there’s no way that someone would just turn him down from joining their study group, not with his interest amongst everyone. there had to be some kind of mistake. besides, it’d be the perfect opportunity for all the girls to get some outside of school time with him. why would anyone say no to something like that?

“that’s unfortunate,” is all wonpil can say, finding it unbelievably unlikely that someone, especially all the girls in their class, wouldn’t swoon at the opportunity to allow jaehyung to join their study group. it just didn’t make sense. but wonpil supposes that a lot of things in life didn’t make sense. for instance, how your face is invisible to only you. sure, you know what you look like from photographs and the mirror, but you don’t know which one is more accurate. everyone else in the world can see you, raw emotions, and all; however, amongst the billions in the world, you’re the only one who can’t see yourself. then there was the more relevant fact that made even less sense; wonpil walking jaehyung home after that series of events played out in class earlier. he's still processing it, but it's too late to back out now, he's stuck with the consequences of his decision.

silence falls over them once more as they continue to walk down the sidewalk, footsteps falling in sync with each other. it takes wonpil until now to register where they are and that jaehyung lives in the opposite direction of him. it’s not a big deal, wonpil didn’t mind walking in the rain. in fact, he found it rather peaceful.

“it’s not much further,” jaehyung says as they round a corner after another five minutes has passed. “i live in the apartments just there,” he points to a block of grey buildings that wonpil can just make out through the fog that’s slowly starting to move in.

“that’s fine,” is all wonpil says. he wishes he knew what to talk about to make this whole thing less awkward for both of them. he doesn’t know much about jaehyung, and therefore, he doesn’t know what they share in common. he could talk about school, but why when they just came from there. besides, he’s not ready for explaining why he had been caught staring at jaehyung in lecture. in truth, wonpil isn't so sure either. the only explanation he has is that he zoned out, and his eyes just happened to stay fixated on jaehyung. it was all just a pure coincidence, he reasons. it’s not as if he was admiring the way he listened so intuitively and diligently took down notes or the way his light brown hair looked from his view, disheveled but soft. nah, it definitely wasn’t for any of those reasons. it was just another typical day where wonpil found himself too bored out of his mind to focus. he’s naturally someone who gets easily distracted anyway, so his monotonous professor going on about something wonpil knew already wasn’t doing any helpful favors for his attention span.

wonpil isn’t sure when they had stopped walking, but he snaps back to reality when jaehyung's standing in front of him, hand waving back and forth to get his attention.

“um, what?” wonpil says, trying to regain his thoughts.

“i said we’re here,” jaehyung laughs, scratching the nape of his neck.

“oh, okay,” wonpil replies. oh. okay. what kind of response was that? wonpil’s not sure where his head is at, but he’d be appreciative if it could stop betraying himself by making him look foolish with how absent-minded he’d been acting around jaehyung today.

“thanks for taking the time to walk me home and to use your umbrella,” jaehyung smiles and passes the handle over to wonpil.

“anytime,” he says. i mean, he supposes.

“cool, appreciate it!” jaehyung says and begins to walk up the steps of the apartment complex.

a moment passes by as wonpil watches him. jaehyung’s reached the door and is about to pull it open when wonpil involuntarily takes a step and then two forward.

“if you need help studying… i could help you out,” wonpil calls out, the words tumbling out of his mouth so fast that he’s not even sure they came from his own. of course, they did, but he isn’t sure why.

jaehyung gives a thumbs up and walks into the building, doors gently shutting behind him as he disappears.

wonpil stands there under the umbrella as the rain continues to fall down, tapping heavily against the canopy that’s keeping him mostly dry. what had he just suggested? studying with jaehyung? essentially becoming his tutor? he should have just left after class and not worried about his stupid umbrella, much less, opened his giant mouth. there’s a big clap of thunder overhead, and a car passes by wonpil, splashing water up onto his clothes. as if his day could get much worse, there's his next problem.

wonpil sighs in frustration and stands there for a moment in disbelief. things like this only happened in the movies when the main character was having a shit day, so why did he feel like he had booked the lead role in someone else's story. he didn't want to be apart of this narrative anymore. taking a moment to cool off, he looks down at his clothes, trying to shake the water off them as if that’s going to help at this point. 

(it doesn’t.)

a pair of shoes enter into his vision, stopping right in front of him as he’s shaking his pants out, trying to prevent them from sticking so much against his legs. when he looks up, he’s face to face with park jaehyung who’s standing under his own umbrella.

“here... take this,” he extends his hand and gives wonpil a warm towel. “would you like to come in and dry off and wait for the storm to pass?” jaehyung asks.

wonpil shakes his head to decline his offer, “it’s fine, really. i don’t live far from here,” he points behind him in the opposite direction that they came. if far didn’t mean living on the opposite side of their school, then sure, that’s what wonpil’s going to roll along with.

“i insist. you’ll get sick if you go home in this weather. at least come in and let’s get your clothes dry,” jaehyung tugs his arm and drags him along with him.  

well. shit.

jaehyung lives on the seventh floor and has a view that overlooks the main street. wonpil supposes that jaehyung must’ve seen him out there, just as he had been witness to the other embarrassing things wonpil had done beyond his control.

“here, the shirt might be a little big, but you can go change into these, and we can dry your clothes,” jaehyung says once they've made their way indoors, handing wonpil a pair of athletic shorts and a plain oversized white t-shirt.

“um, thanks,” wonpil mumbles. jaehyung points to the bathroom and wonpil trudges past him, dragging his feet slowly with each step he takes. once inside, wonpil shuts and locks the door out of pure habit. he looks at his reflection in the mirror and sees how miserable he looks, his hair damp and returning back to its natural curly state. the right side of his shirt is thoroughly drenched and clings tightly to his body, and his pants still weigh him down by the water absorbing in them. it’s no wonder jaehyung’s being so nice to him, but he figures he’s also probably right. there’s no way he can go home like this and not catch a cold, or with his luck, pneumonia. he changes and exits the bathroom with his clothes wrapped up in the towel that jaehyung had given him, so as not to have them dripping all across the wood floors. he had planned to give them to him, but jaehyung’s no longer in the room. wonpil walks around a bit and looks around. jaehyung’s got a few pictures of him and who he assumes are some friends spread out on his desk by his laptop. 

“those are some of my friends from back home,” jaehyung’s voice startles wonpil, and he jumps slightly.

“oh um, sorry i didn’t mean to snoop. i was just waiting for you to get back,” wonpil says nervously and walks over to hand jaehyung his clothes.

“like i said, a bit big, sorry about that,” jaehyung chuckles, touching the shirt that he’d loaned wonpil. “i was just starting the wash. you don’t mind if i do a load of laundry with yours, do you?” he asks.

wonpil thought jaehyung was only going to toss his clothes in the dryer, not wash them. he’s certain jaehyung had said he’d just dry them, and yet he finds himself saying, “i don’t mind.” he seemed to be saying that a lot today, particularly to jaehyung. to be fair, he doesn’t mind. it just means he’s going to spend more time with jaehyung, which meant more opportunities to sink himself further into an early grave. perfect.

“great, let me go toss these in. by the way, are you hungry? we can find something in the kitchen to eat when i get back,” jaehyung mentions before he leaves the room.

wonpil supposes he could eat something, he hadn’t had anything else to eat since lunch, and that’s going on a little over four hours ago now. he’s not starving, but he’s also not going to pass up a snack. he wanders into the kitchen and flips the light switch on. jaehyung’s got a decent variety of chips, ramen, chewy cakes, and candies stashed away in the cabinet. he’ll probably settle on ramen, something quick and simple.

“i see you found the snacks without a problem,” jaehyung chuckles sneaking into the kitchen and pulls out the bar stool from under the counter to sit on.

“oh um—” wonpil begins. “i was just looking to see what all you had,” he blushes shyly.

“no need to apologize. there’s not much, i usually go by the convenience store and pick up something since i don’t keep a lot stocked up here and try to budget out my money,” jaehyung explains. as far as wonpil can tell though, jaehyung’s got a lot to choose from, and he hasn’t even looked inside the fridge. with jaehyung watching though, wonpil doesn’t feel that he needs to rummage through all of his belongings.

“could i just have some ramen?” wonpil asks. jaehyung nods and stands up and shuffles past wonpil and grabs two containers of instant ramen. one must be for himself. “you want any help?” wonpil offers.

“nah, you can sit. this will only take a few minutes,” jaehyung insists.

wonpil walks around the other side and pulls out a stool for himself where jaehyung had been sitting and watches as jaehyung prepares their ramen. “thanks, by the way. for uh, letting me wait out the storm here and the meal—oh and the clothes,” he says, looking down at the t-shirt jaehyung had lent him for the time being.

“no problem, looks good on you,” jaehyung smiles, those last words spoken nonchalantly. “actually, i figure since you’re here, maybe we could study a little. you know we have that test coming up, so we might as well utilize our time and study while you’re around,” he suggests.

looks good on you. had wonpil just heard him correctly? he’s choosing to ignore that since there could be a million ways that jaehyung had indented that to be taken as, and wonpil’s positive that the way he took it for is not how jaehyung had implied it. there he went being delusional trying to interpret jaehyung’s words that probably held no deep meaning to begin with.

“ah, uh…” wonpil pauses, recollecting his thoughts. he’s not really sure what he expected to do here in the first place, which was one of the many reasons he had declined jaehyung’s initial offer of staying here until the rain stopped. studying was better than his grand plan of sitting around in awkward silence while his apprehension took over entirely, so he says, “sounds good to me.”

“really? that’s great,” jaehyung says enthusiastically as he closes the lid of the electric kettle he just poured water into. he rushes across the room to the couch where he had placed his bag and returns, setting it down on the countertop.

wonpil finds it strangely cute that jaehyung is excited to study. most people dread studying. or maybe jaehyung was just eager to have someone to study with finally? either way, he finds jaehyung’s behavior endearing. oh boy, what was he even thinking? now wasn’t the time, and definitely not the place to have his mind distracted, not that he wasn’t already. he’s not sure why he finds it hard to function normally around jaehyung. he’ll be the first to admit he’s not the best at making small talk, especially with new people, but somehow he’d always managed to fare well enough. however, with jaehyung, it’s like his brain is entirely unable to operate on a basic level. there’s a clear and practical explanation for that, wonpil reasons, but it’s not one that he’s willing to acknowledge as something being feasible.

(jaehyung being cute? sure? wonpil having a crush on him? well, he’s not denying that. presuming the idea that the two combined is what’s been making wonpil unable to form clear and coherent sentences when subjected to converse with jaehyung or that he’s the primary source of being a major distraction for him? nahhh, not a chance.)

the kettle screeching brings wonpil out of his thoughts. he really should stop over-analyzing everything and at least make an effort to focus. fortunately, it doesn’t seem that jaehyung noticed, not that wonpil could be sure since he had spaced out. he’ll just assume that he hadn’t been talking, he’s convinced that he’d hear jaehyung’s voice in the back of his mind if he had been trying to make conversation. he watches as jaehyung pours the boiling water into the containers of ramen and dumps the toppings onto the noodles before he stirs them in.

“here you go,” jaehyung sets the container in front of wonpil and takes his seat next to him. “should we start on chapter seven and see how far we get? i think the professor said the test would cover chapters seven through ten?” jaehyung pulls out his notes and textbook, flipping to the correct chapter.

“hmm. can you explain what you already understand so i can gauge what area you need to improve on?” wonpil replies.

“uhhh… well—” jaehyung stammers, biting at his lower lip.

“let’s just start from the beginning,” wonpil finds himself smiling, eyes straying to jaehyung’s lips when he’s not looking.

fuck. everything.

(and that’s how wonpil inadvertently came to be jaehyung’s tutor.)

✧ ✧ ✧

[16:21] wonpil: where are you?
[16:25] jaehyung: running late. be there soon.
[16:25] wonpil: no rush. just checking to make sure you were still on for today.
[16:26] jaehyung: of course. the test is in two days. you know i need all the help i can get.
[16:26] wonpil: true.
[16:27] jaehyung: thanks for the support.
[16:27] wonpil: in case you've forgotten, i don’t get paid for this.
[16:27] jaehyung: i pay you in food and laughter. what more could you want~ ha ha!
[16:28] [draft] wonpil: well… 

“sorry i’m late!” jaehyung says out of breath as he flings his bag onto the table and pulls the seat out beside wonpil before excessively flopping down.

wonpil locks his phone and sets it face down on the table, sliding it away from him. it’s just the two of them like any other typical day of studying as they had been for the last month and a half. monday’s and wednesday’s were their designated days set up for tutoring, but they met up most other days as well to hang out outside of studying. wonpil’s isn’t really sure how it became like this. sure, he had been the one to offer jaehyung some help, but he didn’t expect it’d develop into friendship. not that wonpil’s complaining, he’s definitely not complaining.

wonpil has been more open now that he’s officially gotten to know jaehyung. he used to assume jaehyung was just nice to him in his own twisted way of teasing wonpil for that day back in the lecture hall when wonpil had been caught zoned out and ironically staring at jaehyung. the truth of the matter is that jaehyung’s just nice by nature. he’d eventually come around and explained the situation and how it was a simple misunderstanding. jaehyung hadn’t asked or so much as brought it up once, but wonpil felt the obligation to clear the matter up anyway. once he had explained it, wonpil felt more at ease. of course, jaehyung had laughed at him, told him it wasn’t a big deal. wonpil then felt silly for having kept it bottled up for so long, even more ridiculous for thinking too much on such a trivial incident, but what was new. the rest was history.

they’re in the back of the library, tucked away in a nook near a window that overlooks the courtyard. it’s early in october now, and the leaves that have changed from green are now yellow, red and orange begin to fall from the trees. meeting at the library was the most convenient for both of them since it was directly on campus, and they could prioritize their time and focus better. the first time they had met here, the library had been pretty packed, that was wonpil’s mistake for suggesting they meet at half-past five. they had searched the place for two open seats, but every chair and desk had been occupied. they’d about given up hope and were going to just go to jaehyung’s place, but when they rounded the corner of the last bay of shelves, they found an empty desk that suited both of them perfectly. the secluded area had become their favorite spot here, away from everyone, hidden by the books and allowing them some privacy. 

“what took you so long?” wonpil asks casually. the answer doesn’t matter to wonpil, he’s got nothing better to do all day, but he adds, “it better have been for a good reason.”

“what do you take me for?” jaehyung says as he unzips his bag and pulls out a couple small packages of candy.

“really?” wonpil looks at jaehyung quizzically. jaehyung never ceases to amaze him.

“fine. don’t accept the chocolate i bought for you then,” jaehyung says, sliding the bag away from wonpil.

“for goodness sake, jaehyung! stop being dramatic, i was teasing,” wonpil sighs, rolling his eyes.

“so was i,” jaehyung smirks. “i got your favorite. hopefully, it’ll give you the strength to deal with me today since i need to be extra prepared for friday’s test.”

“are you really bribing me, suggesting that i don’t always put my full effort into helping you?” wonpil interjects, sarcastically, of course.

“are you implying that i’m making that accusation. goodness, i’m offended you think so little of your best friend,” jaehyung chimes in, nudging wonpil with his shoulder. “let’s get to work then,” jaehyung plunks his textbook and notes out on the desk.

there it is. the words that wonpil both love and despise at the same time. best friend. of course, he enjoys having jaehyung as his friend, never taking it for granted. he doesn’t take it for granted, but that doesn’t help his perpetual dilemma that he faces by having the world’s biggest crush on jaehyung, his best friend.

wonpil had once—scratch that—twice, almost plucked up enough courage to kiss jaehyung. the first time was last month when he had walked jaehyung home after one of their sessions. it hadn’t been long after that day he’d given in and explained the lecture hall debacle he’d been battling in his mind. wonpil had felt more at ease and comfortable with jaehyung in every aspect from conversing to how close they sat beside each other without him immediately breaking into a sweat, one of his many accomplishments. they had been lingering outside jaehyung’s apartment complex discussing their meetup plans for next time until they ran out of words to say to each other. wonpil had been lost in jaehyung’s dark brown eyes and the way they seemed to shine brightly every time they talked. he managed to catch himself from leaning in all the way right there and then. jaehyung had cleared his throat, and they said their goodbyes. the next day everything carried out normally as if wonpil nearly kissing jaehyung hadn’t been a thing that almost happened. jaehyung didn’t even seem to acknowledge it, like the first time all over again; it went undiscussed. surely, he had noticed, he wasn’t that blind. if jaehyung did, he did not attempt to show any indication that he was aware of what almost happened. fortunately, this was for the best because wonpil wasn’t sure how he could explain himself out of that one. unfortunately for him, it made jaehyung that much more challenging to read. wonpil was never sure what was on jaehyung’s mind because he never clearly expressed any affinity or affliction toward him when it came to things like this where all he wanted was some sort of sign, a green light. that maybe, just maybe jaehyung had caught onto things. wonpil felt like his crush was a pretty obvious thing by this point and the way he always seemed to go off in his own realm to daydream about what it must be like to have jaehyung’s lips pressed against his. he’d catch himself staring longer than usual at jaehyung’s lips far too often for it not to have become noticeable no matter how hard wonpil tried to contain himself. it didn’t seem to matter, because jaehyung always overlooked it as if he never even noticed to begin with, and that was the most frustrating thing of all. 

the second time came a week after that, and they had also been at jaehyung’s apartment. it had been raining again, so jaehyung invited him inside. neither had any motivation left to continue studying, so they opted for watching a movie instead. wonpil’s heart had been beating a mile a minute when they had first sat down side by side on the couch. he contemplated if he should shift over a little, but jaehyung didn’t complain about how close he had sat next to him, so wonpil remained there. all throughout the movie, wonpil could barely concentrate since his mind had been so fixated on jaehyung’s outstretched arm resting on the couch behind his head. he secretly wished that jaehyung would let his arm slide down against his shoulders instead, perhaps pull him close into an embrace. typically, that was wishful thinking on his end. at some point during the movie wonpil had fallen asleep, and when he awoke, he found jaehyung soundlessly asleep, arm draped over wonpil’s shoulders, head resting gently against him and lips slightly apart. wonpil looked down at jaehyung, who seemed so peaceful as he slept, chest rising and falling with every breath he took. now was his moment he had thought, just a quick innocent peck on jaehyung’s forehead. that’s when jaehyung stirred and moaned as his eyes slowly shifted open. jaehyung had apologized for falling asleep and readjusted himself on the couch. wonpil smiled, insisted it was fine, pretending that he hadn’t also fallen asleep. one day, he promised himself, he would tell jaehyung exactly how he felt. but it would not be that day. instead, he kept the image of jaehyung cuddled up against him as a small victory to lock away in his memories.

“wonpil? hello? anyone there?” jaehyung says, and wonpil’s suddenly back in the library.

“huh?” wonpil replies, regaining his train of thought.

“everything all right?” jaehyung asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“just got a little side-tracked for a moment,” wonpil dismisses the situation, avoiding jaehyung breaking into another one of his ‘if there’s something on your mind, you can tell me’ talks. he’s pretty sure jaehyung isn’t buying it, but he brushes it aside, and tears open the bag of candy, sliding a piece to him. wonpil unwraps the chocolate and pops it into his mouth, it’s his favorite chocolate that instantly melts onto his tongue. “keep reading the chapter and let me know when you’ve finished,” wonpil yawns, resting his head against his arms that are crossed over the desk. jaehyung nods and resumes back to his textbook.

there’s no arguing fact that jaehyung is probably the most beautiful person he’s seen in his life. it’s sometimes rather annoying actually, now that wonpil thinks about it and how it’s cruel that one person could be so attractive. no matter if jaehyung is wearing his glasses or not, if his hair is styled or in disarray, he’s always handsome in wonpil’s mind.

the good thing about having jaehyung read the chapters that they’re going to have a test over is that wonpil can pretend to rest his eyes while secretly stealing glances at him without going noticed. today it’s his defined jawline and the way that jaehyung always puffs his cheeks when he’s frustrated. it’s his slightly crooked nose and the way that wonpil wants to plant a kiss against the arch where he had once broken it and the way his eyes slightly twitch. it’s the dimples on either side of jaehyung’s mouth when he smiles, and the way wonpil wants to kiss him there too. it’s his perfect plump heart-shaped lips and the way that they naturally fall into a pout when jaehyung’s idle. he’s sure that jaehyung’s lips were designed with perfection to be kissed a million times. wonpil closes his eyes for a moment to try and rest them, but jaehyung begins to whisper a section of the chapter he’s reading low under his breath. wonpil doesn’t mind it though; he likes the sound of jaehyung’s soft voice when he isn’t being obnoxious. even then, he still likes the sound of jaehyung's voice.

“tired?” jaehyung mutters, and wonpil opens his eyelids.

“not particularly,” wonpil chuckles. “how are you coming along with the chapter?”

“halfway,” jaehyung sighs flipping to the next page. “you can rest your eyes more if you’d like.”

“mmm,” wonpil mumbles and shuts his eyes again. there’s a voice in the back of his mind nagging at him. he squeezes his eyes tighter, trying to suppress the thoughts. he’s imagined what it’d be like to kiss jaehyung so many times that he practically knows what it’d be like, but his mind is greedy and wants to know for real. he wants to stop falling into daydreams, to stop wondering, and actually experience it before he loses another opportunity. he wants the voice urging him to kiss jaehyung to stop telling him he’ll only regret it the more he procrastinates and is stuck forever with thoughts of what-if. he knows that if he doesn’t do anything now, he probably never will, and he’ll definitely regret that for the rest of his life. wonpil opens his eyes once again and lifts his head up from the desk, shifting his body to face jaehyung. 

jaehyung doesn’t look away from his textbook, but he mumbles, “what’s up?” as wonpil watches him read.

“just thinking,” wonpil replies.

“about?” jaehyung asks.

“you,” wonpil says without reserve.

“a given,” jaehyung says and turns to face wonpil. “what is it about me you’re thinking about?” he asks in something unmistakably like bemusement.

“something stupid,” wonpil quietly laughs.

“also a given,” jaehyung rolls his eyes and begins to turn back to his textbook before wonpil grabs him by the shoulder to keep him facing him.

“i’m going to do something stupid,” is all wonpil says before he leans in close.

wonpil is expecting jaehyung to recoil backward as he leans further and further in, but jaehyung doesn't move a single inch. he shouldn't be surprised, but needless to say, wonpil is dumbfounded when his lips graze delicately against jaehyung's parted lips with full and deliberate intent. jaehyung's lips are warm against wonpil's, they breathe fire into wonpil’s heart, and when jaehyung leans in, deepening the kiss, the feeling spreads right down into his soul. jaehyung’s lips are wet against wonpil as he plants one innocent peck after another, and another, until wonpil’s own lips are trembling with each exchange. how jaehyung had got the upper hand in wonpil’s plan is beyond him. all he knows is that jaehyung’s scent, the smell of his moisturizer, his freshly washed hair, the fragrance that still lingers on his clothes work in tandem to completely captivate every sense in his body. jaehyung’s kisses make wonpil feel like he’s floating on a cloud, drifting high above without a care in the world, utterly entranced. jaehyung’s sweet, tastes dangerously sweet, and it intoxicates wonpil’s mind. he barely registers where they are and what they’re doing before he breaks away from the kiss slowly, a small strand of saliva conjoined as their lips separated. he gently wipes away the remnant with the knuckle of his thumb before looking up at jaehyung.

jaehyung doesn't say anything for a moment, he's probably trying to gather his thoughts just as wonpil is trying to do the same. he's not entirely sure what, if anything, he should say either. he should say something; he has to say something. instead, his eyes lock intently on jaehyung’s, who’s own swivel back and forth in something that resembles nerves if wonpil isn’t completely mistaken.

“i—” wonpil starts.

“that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, kim wonpil,” jaehyung breath is hot and laced with desire as he pulls wonpil in for another, more passionate kiss. jaehyung’s arms fit comfortably around the nape of wonpil’s neck, as if that’s where they were meant to rest, and wonpil’s hands instinctively slink their way up against jaehyung’s arms, gently gripping onto him for stability. wonpil responds back to the kiss, pressing firmly against jaehyung, wanting to savor each moment as he captures jaehyung’s smile as it spreads over wonpil’s lips and locks it away in a bottle to keep forever.

the kiss ends more quickly than the first one, and wonpil feels lightheaded, still caught off guard by jaehyung’s reciprocation. wonpil isn’t sure what’s going on, except that he’d kissed jaehyung and jaehyung kissed him back. they’re both slightly out of breath, their breathing a little heavier than usual, and it takes a moment before wonpil regains his senses once more. he blushes as he looks at jaehyung, who’s now bashfully biting at his lower lip.

“you’re full of surprises,” it’s jaehyung who breaks the silence after they go minutes with an awkward silence between them.

“how so?” wonpil’s voice hitches, he didn't mean for it to, it just sort of happens. a thousand thoughts are swirling around in his mind. perhaps it wasn’t the right thing for him to do, or at least to have occurred here in the public school library. maybe he’d just ruined their friendship. maybe jaehyung didn’t like it? no— he kissed him back, willingly. so what was it?

“do you remember that day in the lecture hall?” jaehyung asks.

of course, wonpil did as if that wasn’t the defining moment in his life that prompted this whole chain of events. the moment that had given him dozens of sleepless nights, the moment that he wished he could go back in time and change. he simply nods.

“i knew since then,” jaehyung chuckles.

“knew what?” wonpil asks in confusion.

“knew that i wanted you,” jaehyung says, a smile beaming across his face that sends wonpil into a state of euphoria.

“is that so,” wonpil stammers trying to stay calm and collected.

“mhm… been waiting for this moment since the first day you tried to kiss me outside of my apartment," jaehyung admits. "do you remember that?” wonpil feels his face heat up in instant embarrassment. he hadn’t thought that jaehyung took any note of that.

wonpil clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak, but the words don’t come out. he let’s silence take over for a moment, jaehyung patiently waiting for him to assemble all his thoughts into something more cohesive.

“you knew this whole time?” wonpil pauses. jaehyung chuckles and nods. “then why didn’t you ever make the first move?” he asks hesitantly.

“i wasn’t sure if you still felt the same way,” jaehyung shrugs and nudges wonpil’s arm teasingly with the side of his body.

wonpil supposes that’s fair. isn’t that part of the reason he was doing this now, to solidify his feelings and to take a risk at gambling everything for jaehyung. if anything, he’s the one who should be talking about how unsure he was of jaehyung’s feelings for him. he guesses it doesn’t matter now since he has his answer.

“you’re a complete mystery, you know that?” wonpil says, voice cracking into high pitch fits of laugher after a moment.

“you’re one to talk,” jaehyung pokes wonpil’s nose before ruffling his hair in the palm of his hand.

“you should get back to that chapter…” wonpil clears his throat and points at jaehyung’s book.

“right. you can rest your head again and continue to sneak glances at me as you pretend you sleep,” jaehyung winks and wonpil almost chokes on his own salvia.

“is there anything… anything at all that you were oblivious to?” wonpil sighs and begrudgingly folds his arms, resting his head against them on the desk.

“hmm let me think about it,” jaehyung pauses quickly before adding on, “nah.” and sticks his tongue out playfully at wonpil.

they spend the rest of the evening in the library as jaehyung continues to read, and wonpil continues to admire him. every ten minutes or so, jaehyung would look at wonpil and kiss his forehead to keep him awake. it’s strange, wonpil thinks, how he could feel so anxious one moment but feel so comfortable now. he figures it was bound to happen; there was always a part of him that already knew what it would feel like to kiss jaehyung. he’s not disappointed when jaehyung lives up to every sweet expectation he’d envisioned. he’s suddenly grateful for everything and decides that maybe everything happens for a reason, even if not in the way he expects them.

“hey, jaehyung?” wonpil says, sleepily lifting his head up and props it on his arm, tilting his head slightly to look at jaehyung. jaehyung glances over and gives wonpil his full undivided attention.

“hmm?” he says curiously.

“what were you thinking in the moment that i kissed you?” wonpil asks shyly, not even sure why he’s asking, since it sounds a little odd after hearing himself ask it.

jaehyung doesn’t seem to find it strange at all. he turns his head and pulls the bag of candy near them, takes one out of its wrapper, and with his free hand, he rests his thumb against wonpil’s lips, dragging it down as he delicately slides the piece past his lips to melt onto his tongue.

“tastes like chocolate,” he smirks.