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Shouyou frantically picked up his clothes from the floor. The front door was opening faster than he could put his pants back on. Kenma sat staring at the door, seemingly already accepting his fate. Kuroo walked through the door and began laughing at them.
Shouyou felt his heart drop. Both he and Kenma were naked, standing in front of Kenma’s best friend. Kuroo left the room and Kenma led them to the bathroom. Shouyou watched in silence as Kenma calmly helped him clean up a bit.
Kenma drew a bath and stepped into it. He closed his eyes and submerged himself to his chin. Dazed, Shouyou couldn’t turn away. The ends of Kenma’s hair floated around him. Kenma brushed his hair back out of his face.
Shouyou thought briefly to himself that Kenma looked nice with his hair pulled back.
Kenma looked up at him, “Are you coming in?”
It felt as if his heart stopped. Just the idea of bathing with Kenma felt intimate. It made it feel like they were more than whatever it was they were.
Shouyou stepped into the tub. It was a challenge considering the size of the tub wasn’t made for them. Which surprised Shouyou considering how small they both were. He sat facing the side of the tub. Kenma laid against the wall, legs stretched around Shouyou.
Embarrassed, Shouyou played with the soap bottles that lined the edge of the tub. He opened up and smelled a few. He pretended to read the ingredients or think about volleyball. He tried not to focus on the fact that he was sitting in a tub with someone he just had sex with. With Kenma, who he just had sex with.
Just the thought of it made him blush. Just minutes ago he had Kenma on top of him and under him. He had Kenma melting into him, showing him a side that was meant only for Shouyou. He wanted to see that side over and over again. He wanted to make Kenma happy. He wanted to be with Kenma forever.
Shouyou was in love.
“Kenma,” Shouyou rubbed the side of the tub.
Kenma hummed and closed his eyes.
‘I love you,’ Shouyou thought to himself.
But it wasn’t his place to say it. Not here, not now. Probably not ever. Shouyou sunk lower into the water. Kenma’s leg brushed against his back. He realized that Kenma wanted a response.
“Nevermind,” Shouyou couldn’t look at Kenma anymore.
There was a lump in his throat. Shouyou fought hard to hold back the tears that were forming. He splashed water onto his face. Neither said anything after that. Shouyou felt like it was his fault.
They got dressed in Kenma’s room. Kenma left without another word and Shouyou was left alone. He sat down on the bed and wiped away tears. He couldn’t control what was coming out and continued to wipe them away before they reached his cheeks.
Shouyou felt like he simultaneously lost and gained something. He couldn’t say the words when he wanted to. But he wasn’t sure if that was what Kenma wanted to hear.
He looked around the room, Kenma’s room. It was full of who Kenma was as a person. A pile of dirty clothes over flowing in the hamper. Games and figures lined and set up in a way that only Kenma understood. A few old text books on the floor. He had a few posters on his wall of bands and characters.
Shouyou looked at the futon on the floor next to Kenma’s bed. It lay unused by Shouyou. He had been sharing the same space as Kenma. He had been trying his best to sneak out of the room before Kenma woke up. Trying to hide how aroused he was in the mornings from the idea of sharing a bed. And trying to go running instead of having to face those emotions.
But now they had both crossed that line. They had done something together that couldn’t be taken back. Shouyou thought about where they stood with each other. It made his head hurt to think about. His chest felt tighter as a wave of sadness washed over him.
He took deep steady breaths before leaving the empty room. Shoyou joined Kenma and Kuroo in the kitchen. He saw a mug with tea was already waiting for him. The sadness he was feeling lightened up and he smiled.
Shouyou felt left out, watching Kenma and Kuroo talk to each other. He was always a little jealous of the way they interacted. Kuroo was the only other person who saw sides of Kenma that Shouyou was allowed to see. He felt a sense of pride knowing that he was able to see a new side to Kenma.
Kuroo brought the conversation over to Kageyama. Shouyou always felt like Kuroo was testing him in some way. Trying to see and compare his thoughts on Kenma and his thoughts on Kageyama. Shouyou couldn’t compare the two.
Shouyou felt tense talking to Kuroo. Eyes were on him to answer correctly, it felt like. Kenma lightened his mood, smiling at him. He had a hand set on the table closing the gap between them. Shouyou’s cheeks heated up and he couldn’t help blabbering about useless things he knew Kenma wasn’t interested in.
Kuroo invited them to watch a movie with him. Shouyou agreed immediately, wanting to stop his racing thoughts. His mind kept jumping from feelings of joy and love, to fear of rejection. It was a challenge Shouyou felt like he could chase.
They sat watching the movie in silence. Kenma looked as if he was dozing off through parts of the movie. Shouyou wondered about Kenma’s sleeping habits. He wished Kenma could get a good night’s rest.
He placed a hand on Kenma’s knee in hopes of sending that message across. Shouyou felt like all of his focus was on Kenma. He startled when Kenma placed a hand over his. Kenma’s eyes blinked at the screen and shut again.
Shouyou wanted to reach out and touch Kenma’s face. Trace over his chin, feel down his throat as his adam’s apple bobbed, unravel him all over again. Kenma had long eyelashes that fluttered, shining under the blue light of the TV. Shouyou bit his tongue, feeling the beginning of a confession bubble inside of him.
In that same light he locked eyes with Kuroo. Shouyou turned back to face the movie, tightening his grip on Kenma’s knee. He hesitantly looked at Kenma from the corner of his eye. Kenma was back to watching the movie. Shouyou followed his gaze and let the sounds of the TV block out his soft whisper that made its way out of his mouth.
“I love you.”