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Soft drums and low lighting take over the stage. A shout rings out and I step forward, slinging my guitar onto my back and taking the microphone from Sero. The crowd riles up and cheers out at the first notes of the song. A crowd favorite few understood to its full extent.
“(Three and four and)
Ba-ba-da, ba-ba-da-ba-da
Mmm, mmm”
The song has a calm and slower rhythm to it, setting a good atmosphere. Someone in the crowd shouts out their love for my song. I smile and wink into the crowd before continuing on.
“My boy's bein' sus, he was shady enough
But now he's just a shadow
My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends
And by that, I mean he cuts 'em off
(What?)”
The song’s about cheating - or rather when I was cheated on. By Shinsou of all people, the one that hardly lets anyone get close to him or show any emotion at all. Shinsou, who had my entire world in his hands, but dropped it to catch someone else.
“My boy, my boy, my boy
Don't love me like he promised
My boy, my boy, my boy
He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest”
He’d lied to me, told me he had to study and couldn’t go out with me because of it. He told me that he was falling behind in English and needed space to catch up. He told me that he wanted to go out with me, but couldn’t. He told me that he loved me, then he hung up the phone.
And when Mina and Kirishima wanted to take me for dinner to help me feel better, we stumbled upon him. And the girl he had his tongue down the throat of. Upset was an understatement of what I felt in that moment.
I ran, leaving my friends in the dust and took a cab back to the bands’ flat. I heard Mina and Bakugou gave him hell, but that’s just a rumour spread around on the internet. Nobody chased after me when I left. He stayed with the girl like I was nothing to him at all.
“My boy's bein' sus and he don't know how to cuss
He just sounds like he's tryna be his father (Who are you?)
My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar
And by that, I mean he said he'd change”
He’d promised to be loyal, to be honest, to be trustworthy. He broke all of those promises in that one moment. I left crying. He didn’t even try to stop me - none of them did. Why would he do that to me? What had I ever done to make him act that way? All I had ever done for him was give, I never asked for too much. What makes me worthy of this? What did I do to him? What did I do? I never got my answer, I didn’t get anything.
“My boy, my boy, my boy
Don't love me like he promised
My boy, my boy, my boy
He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest”
It took a week before I started to allow anyone close to me again - I pushed everyone away and locked myself in my room for days on end. I couldn’t eat, sleep. I could hardly function without him around to make me laugh and feel better. But he was the cause of my problems, not the solution. I couldn’t text him and ask him to come over, I couldn’t call him and ask that he sang to me. I couldn’t turn to him like I had before. He took something from me I didn’t know I could lose. I felt broken.
“My boy, my-my boy, my friends
I love-love, I-I love-love my split ends
My boy (Love, love, love, love, love, love)
My-my boy (Love, love, love, love, love, love)
My boy, my (Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love)
(Alright, dude, go trip over a knife)”
Bakugou finally forced his way into my room, we needed a new door afterwards. He came to snap me out of my haze. To bring me back to reality. He came to blast me back into the present with his explosive nature. It worked. Who needed Shinsou if he treated me like that? Who needed Shinsou?
“My boy, my boy, my boy
Don't love me like he promised
My boy, my boy, my boy
He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest”
Shinsou had lied to me, he’d cheated on me, and he’d broken all the trust I ever had in him. And even after all of that, he hadn’t tried to make things right. He stayed away and left me to rot. Even worse is that my friends went to find him without me knowing to get him to apologise, but he refused. He told them that it was inevitable - I would find out eventually that I wasn’t his all, I wasn’t his first choice, his everything. But he was mine.
“You want me to be yours? Well, then you gotta be mine
And if you want a good boy, then goodbye
You want me to be yours? Well, then you gotta be mine
And if you want a good boy, then goodbye”
Perhaps he heard this song, maybe he realized just what all he had lost. If he didn’t want to be mine, who says I have to stay? Only fate can know, but let her keep her secrets. If my absence made no difference to him, neither did my presence. I learned an important lesson during the whole thing: never give your heart to someone that doesn’t give you theirs.