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Mina knows she likes the stars.
The first time she noticed it was a long time ago. She was woken up after she heard a thud, knew Nayeon was slipping out of the warmth of her bed without looking. So she stirred, trying to get a better look at the older girl just to be sure she was okay. Though the room was dark, it was clear Nayeon wasn't getting up to go to the bathroom, or to get some water, because she saw her reach for Mina's cardigan, laying at the foot of her bed for some reason.
So Mina spoke up, her voice a bit rough from sleep, "Unnie, where are you going?"
She didn't think that her small voice would startle Nayeon that badly, but the older girl let out a muffled shriek. She seemed to register that it was Mina, however, her eyes softening as her gaze landed on a half-seated Mina. She was propped on her elbow, blanket still halfway up over her body, and her hair tousled from her sleep. A small smile tugged on her lips at the sight, her heart growing warm as Mina's balled fist rubbed the drowsiness from her eye.
Nayeon's feet had a mind of their own, for the next second, she heard the soft padding of her own bare feet as they carried her over to Mina's bed. Mina seemed to notice, looking up at her with curious eyes, clearly expecting her to answer or explain herself. Nayeon spared a glance towards her two other roommates, glad to find that they were still sound asleep, before kneeling down beside Mina's bed. Mina watched her carefully, her eyes following every one of her movements. Just as Nayeon gripped at Mina's blanket, her hand shot up to stop her, hard grip on her wrist.
"No." It was firm, something Nayeon had never heard from Mina. Nayeon's eyes darted to Jihyo's and Sana's sleeping figures, afraid that Mina had been too loud that she woke them up. Mina, on the other hand, seemed calm yet determined, a sharp look in her eyes.
She looked at Mina, matching the determination in her eyes, though her words were whispered urgently. "Go back to sleep, Mina-yah."
"You didn't answer me."
"I'm just going out, you don't need to worry. It's late, you'll need the rest."
"So will you."
"And I will. After a walk, okay?" Mina seemed unconvinced, her grip on her wrist never loosened. Nayeon sighed, rubbing at her temple. "Just go to sleep, okay? I promise I won't be long."
"Then I'm coming with you." Mina said, finally letting go of her wrist to yank the blanket all the way off. She made a move to stand up but Nayeon held her by the shoulders, eyes wide.
"Are you crazy?!" It sounded ridiculous when it was being whisper-yelled. "We're not allowed to go out at this hour."
"That doesn't seem to stop you." Mina said with a shrug, though there was a challenge laced in her voice before she said, "and I can always tell Jihyo and the managers about this."
"You wouldn't dare."
Mina shrugged once again, Nayeon swore she could see a hint of a playful smirk on her lips.
"Fine." Nayeon groaned, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Grab a jacket with you, it's starting to get cold out there."
"You're wearing mine."
"No I'm not–" Nayeon looked down, only to find that Mina was right. She sighed, but Mina stopped her just as she was about to take it off.
"It's okay, I'm already wearing a sweater. This will do."
And so that was exactly how they ended up walking on the park, under the street light, with no moon out. It was silent, apart from the sound of their feet hitting the pavement and the distant traffic around them. The park was empty, too, Mina remembered that there was usually an ice cream cart at the bridge up ahead. Reminiscing back to the time when Nayeon had relentlessly teased Momo after they got their ice cream there, chuckling to herself a little.
It seemed to pull Nayeon out of her thoughts, because she glanced at Mina with a tilt of her head, "What is it?"
Mina cocked her head to the exact bench they had sat on, still giggling, "The ice cream date."
"Ah," Nayeon started chuckling too, "that was fun, wasn't it?"
They chuckled to themselves, the silence no longer awkward as it engulfed them once again. But one thing Mina finally realized, Nayeon must have had her reasons to come here.
"Unnie?"
"Hm?"
"Why did you come here? At night, no less."
There was a shift in the mood, as Nayeon crossed her arms over her chest and looked down. They continued to walk, albeit a bit slower, and Mina realized that Nayeon was gathering her thoughts. So Mina waited, silently walking beside her for however long she might need.
"I was hoping I could see the stars." was all she said after a long while, looking up to the sky as she put a halt in her steps. Mina saw it gleam under the light, the stray tear running down her face. She reached out, her thumb brushing the tear off her cheek subconsciously. Nayeon gasped, clearly surprised, her eyes darting to meet hers. For the first time, her eyes seemed to show her everything, and Mina could see that she was holding back all the pain from showing. That she had been dealing with this alone, possibly all throughout their debut promotion. And something in Mina broke, because she didn't have to deal with it alone, she had all eight of them for support.
Nayeon didn't pull away even as Mina continued stroking her cheek, silently encouraging Nayeon to continue. And so Nayeon did, taking a shaky breath before she said, "I like to find comfort in them. When things are starting to get out of hand, I like to think that there's a whole another universe out there that we still don't understand, and it makes my worries seem trivial."
Mina frowned, "but what you're feeling, it's never trivial. It's valid, and burying it won't ever get you anywhere."
Nayeon laughed, bitter and empty, while pulling away. She continued walking, and Mina hurried over to follow her.
"I guess I've gotten too good at ignoring my own feelings."
It was silent again, Nayeon had started kicking tiny rocks in her path as she walked. Mina could make out orange hue in the sky, had they been walking that long?
"You know," Mina started, but Nayeon didn't spare her a glance and continued walking. It didn't stop Mina from continuing, "The thing about stars and the universe, scientists are working every day to understand it."
She still didn't get any reaction but Nayeon did stop walking. So she proceeded, stopping just beside her even as she refused to meet her gaze. "and though they don't understand it, they make the effort to. It is big, vast, enormous. It's also scary and dark, full of the unknown. But when they learn something new, wouldn't it be a wonderful lesson to learn? Wouldn't it enlighten them, and everyone else, in a way?"
Nayeon merely played with the hem of Mina's cardigan, jaws clenching and tears brimming. She looked up at the sky, noticing the same orange hue Mina noticed just moments before. She cleared her throat, pulling the cardigan closer around her body and said in a rather firm tone, "We need to go back."
And so they did, their walk back filled with more silence than when they left. They slipped back into their shared bedroom before the other girls were up, tip-toeing to their beds before Mina pulled the blanket up until her chest. Not long after, however, Mina felt her bed dip. Nayeon smelled like the night air with a hint of jasmine, the cardigan she wore already off and her skin felt soft as she shifted beside Mina.
"Can I sleep here?" she sounded small, unlike the Nayeon she always presented to everyone.
Mina replied with the softest yes, throwing the blanket over both of their bodies. She made a move to hug Nayeon, but she only shook her head, gesturing for Mina to turn around. With her back facing her, she felt Nayeon's hands circling her waist, her face pressed against the back of her neck, and felt a damp stain against her shirt soon after.
She didn't dare move, only moving her hand over the hand resting on her stomach to run a soothing thumb across her knuckle as she heard the first hint of a sniffle. Her grip on her shirt tightened, and she let Nayeon cry against her back, until eventually it lulled her to sleep.
Since then, Nayeon would crawl into Mina's bed sometimes, whether when things get hard for her or for Nayeon herself. Most of the time, they would sleep like that, with Mina's back pressed against Nayeon's front. Other times, Mina would shake her head, insisting on facing Nayeon as they spent the night talking in hushed voices, or as they spent it in silence, with Nayeon's eyes tracing every bit and curve of her face. From such close proximity, under the safety of Mina's blanket, it has secretly become her favorite time of the day. Mina loves learning new things about Nayeon. Like how she would scoff and roll her eyes whenever the younger girl tease her, how she likes holding Mina's pointer finger in her fist like a baby, how she would whine whenever she can't sleep, how she only opened up whenever Mina can't see her, her confessions and secrets always muffled against her back.
Nayeon once said, on one of those rare moments where they were laying facing each other, that counting Mina's moles might help her sleep. She said that in a slur, sleepy smile stretching across her face, as she touched the first one on her forehead. She mumbled one under her breath, her finger tracing down to the one on her nose before mumbling two, but it stopped there, as her eyes drooped close and a soft snore escaped her lips.
Sometimes, Nayeon would ask her for a walk. Mina would go with her from time to time, though it has never been as long as the first time they did it. But Nayeon would always hold her hand whenever she comes with her, intertwining their fingers and sometimes kissing her knuckle as she shares stories about her childhood, trainee days, or something she read on the internet. Mina would do the same, sometimes eagerly rambling about Marvel or settles for stories of her past herself. Mina loves the sparkle in her eyes, thinks that Nayeon always looks pretty under the street lights, seems the brightest against the dark sky.
These days, however, Mina feels like Nayeon never asks her to go on a walk anymore. And it got her wondering if Nayeon is okay at all. Has she gone back to her old ways? Shutting people out did seem like an easy job for her. Did she do it because she thought Mina wouldn't be able to handle it? Mina shakes her head at the thought, knowing Nayeon would never think of her as weak. But with her anxiety's worsening state, maybe Nayeon–
"Whatcha thinking about?" Nayeon flicks her forehead with a giggle, pulling the blanket with her as she lays next to Mina. They no longer shares a room, none of them do, but Nayeon still slips into her room from time to time. The other girls are used to it by now.
Mina frowns, though not pulling away as Nayeon rests her head on her shoulder. "What are you doing here?"
"Do you not want me here?" Nayeon looks up with an exaggerated pout.
"Unnie..."
At the serious tone, Nayeon's eyes soften. She props herself on her elbow, gazing down at Mina. Her hand reaches out to fix Mina's hair, pushing it out of her face. "I just know how hard the past couple of weeks have been for you–"
"I don't need your pity, unnie."
Nayeon looks taken aback, a scowl taking over her features. "Why would you think I'm pitying you?"
"Because," Mina sits up, sighing in frustration. "It feels like you're tiptoeing around me, like you're walking on eggshells, like you're just– avoiding something I have no clue about."
"Wait, hold on. Where did you get this conclusion?" Nayeon sits up fully too, gently taking Mina's face in her hand to get her to look at her.
"You don't take walks anymore." Nayeon merely blinks, so Mina continues despite the tears pricking at her eyes. "Or maybe you do but maybe you don't think I can handle it anymore because of–"
"Mina," she cuts, cupping her face with both hands now and Mina stops. Because there's intensity in her gaze, because she finds tears in her eyes as well. "I would never think that."
Mina lets out a shaky breath, feels the first tear rolls down her cheek and Nayeon, always Nayeon, is there to wipe it off. Just like she did to Nayeon first.
She lets out a shaky breath herself, her thumb still moving back and forth on the apple of her cheek, the intensity of her gaze never faltering though her voice comes out shaky, "I never go on walks anymore because you were right."
Mina waits, and she realizes that this might just be the first time Nayeon lets her see her so vulnerable, words spoken so clearly instead of mumbled against her back, face full of emotion she has yet to see. There's a pause, with her closing her eyes, as if she's gathering her courage, before she continues, "My feelings, I shouldn't avoid them. It helps, processing them with you, and it does give me a lot to learn. It does help me function better, healthily. It does give me the confidence I have now. It helps me become a better person."
The younger smiles, and she sees it reflected in Nayeon because her lips are stretched into a smile too. "I also find stars in you."
She feels the cold air hitting one of her cheeks as Nayeon moves her hand, finger pressing on her forehead before tracing a little to the left, then down to the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are following the movement of her finger, Mina feels like she's burning under the intensity of it. It clicks then, what she was doing, and Mina realizes that the burning of her skin was just herself blushing under Nayeon. The older girl retracted her finger, but the other hand shifts lower and her thumb is now stroking the mole under her bottom lip. She turns a shade darker when Nayeon says, "Did you know that they form a constellation?"
Nayeon's eyes are finally back to meet hers and suddenly her mouth feels dry, a lump is forming in her throat so she gulps. Her eyes dart down as soon as she does that, running her tongue over her lips just as her gaze shifts higher and falls on her lips.
"Cassiopeia, I think, they resemble that a lot." a pause, her gaze starts moving from one mole to another. "There's a whole universe, Mina."
The stroking stops, just resting there under her lip and Mina holds her breath, because her gaze now falls to Nayeon's lips.
"Maybe… I'm trying to understand it, the universe." Nayeon says, gaze shifting up to find Mina still gazing at her lips. Her heart skips a beat, blood rushing in her ears. "I wanna know more of her, because she inspires me to be better."
Mina is the first to move, shifting forward to take Nayeon's lips in hers and taking in her sharp gasp.
It doesn't feel as scary and dark anymore.