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it all began in the winter of three years ago, when the snow and cold weather meant nothing to taeyong. growing up as a child, taeyong loved the bright and warm sun. he loved the loving and accepting sunshine, loved how the bright sunshine would drive away all the clouds.
but some things are better when they're left in the past.
so taeyong left his love for the sun in his childhood, and now the little seed was now a beautiful flower who lived his life well and alone. till he met another beautiful flower, jung yoonoh — or as he would like to call himself, jaehyun.
taeyong first met jaehyun in a coffee shop taeyong was a regular at, jaehyun was new in town and his first destination was the coffee shop. taeyong still remembers that day crystal clear — it was seven in the morning and taeyong was alone with the other.
taeyong always sat in the corner and that day was no different. his same order, hot chocolate with a pinch of chocolate. he used to stare at the empty streets and the beautiful sky, but that day, he had another spectacle to stare at.
jaehyun wore a white shirt, tucked into a pair of blue trousers and his blonde tousled hair with his gold framed glasses, he looked ethereal. when he entered the café, the entire atmosphere changed for taeyong. it seemed nicer.
jaehyun sat away from taeyong, maybe he didn't notice the pink-haired, but he sat in an approachable distance so taeyong could monitor his habits. jaehyun would order a cup of cappuccino and would always have a book in his hand.
it was an everyday routine now, seven in the morning and taeyong would just watch jaehyun from afar. one day, jaehyun brought with him a novel. romeo and juliet, the title read and jaehyun would read the book while he would sip his cappuccino.
taeyong observed how jaehyun's plump lips would curve into a beautiful smile when he would read something from his book, how his glasses would slip till the edge of his nose and how jaehyun would push them back with his pinky finger when he would realize it.
but jaehyun would never look at taeyong, unfortunately. he would just come, order, read his book and leave. taeyong really wanted to know the individual's name, so one day, he goes up to the counter and asks the barista and the barista answers with, "jaehyun."
taeyong smiled to himself when he heard his name, it was such a calm name and a name taeyong wanted to repeat and repeat. taeyong would come at his regular hours and leave after jaehyun would, it was a daily thing.
but taeyong once ran in late, he was late for about thirty minutes. he had slept late the night before, so he woke up late but he wasn't going to skip any day. he had to see jaehyun again, he couldn't just miss any day.
taeyong wore something he could first grab, but today he couldn't find his necklace. it was a gift from his mother he had received when he was six, but maybe he had misplaced it earlier that night. but regardless, he went without it to the café.
he banged the door open, panting and breathless but his fatigue disappeared when he saw jaehyun on his usual spot. but this time, jaehyun was looking at the pink-haired with a sort of sparkle in his eyes— maybe it was the sun, taeyong concluded ( it was cloudy that day. )
taeyong could feel blood rush to his cheeks, so he just avoided the blonde and ran to his usual spot. taeyong had embarrassed himself in front of jaehyun even before he spoke to him, just perfect.
he shut his eyes tight, in order to control his panting and muscle ache. it took him some time to regain his consciousness, but when he opened his eyes, he felt a shadow beside him. presuming it was the barista, he turned around to face the barista and parted his lips slightly.
it wasn't the barista, it was jaehyun.
with two coffee cups? taeyong tilted his head habitually to scan the two cups, and then he looked at jaehyun himself with a quizzical look. jaehyun lips curved into the same smile like when he would read his novel, and the blonde placed the two cups on taeyong's table.
taeyong remained confused, as jaehyun sat in front of him and slid him a cup which spelled out taeyong's name. taeyong didn't order this, so did this mean—
"i thought you wouldn't mind, so i ordered you your coffee,"
— jaehyun ordered for taeyong? taeyong's blush probably worsened, "y-you shouldn't have." but jaehyun just laughed, not with a mocking tone but with an underlying tone of adornment. "it's okay, taeyong. i just wanted to initiate something, you know."
jaehyun knew his name.
"i asked the barista your name, in case you were wondering. i'm not some creep, and i'm jaehyun." the blonde extends his arm for a handshake and since then jaehyun never left taeyong's hand.
"where is your necklace? you didn't wear it today?" jaehyun inquires, stirring up his coffee as his intent gaze remains on the older. "i think i misplaced it somewhere— wait, how do you know i have that necklace?"
that dimpled smile, again. taeyong's heart blooming and fluttering, again. "it was a pretty necklace. a pretty necklace for a pretty boy." jaehyun smiled at taeyong with his pearly white grin sending taeyong's heart fluttering at thrice it's original speed.
but some things are better when they're left in the past.
they don't hurt much later on.
it was their tenth anniversary, and taeyong managed to reminisce those old memories again. silly yongie, such a love boy. taeyong peered out of his window, it was very cloudy and dull. the sky was a really pretty shade of grey, tones of black and tints of blue shading the clouds.
there was no sunlight at all. taeyong really liked it.
taeyong dressed himself up in a suit, a lily tucked into his pocket. lilies were jaehyun's favorites, they reminded jaehyun of the beauty, the grace and the serenity of his world. taeyong was jaehyun's world.
taeyong really loved jaehyun with all his heart, jaehyun was his other half and his soulmate. jaehyun was everything taeyong needed and wanted, jaehyun filled up that empty void in which taeyong had lost himself in.
taeyong didn't like the sun anymore. he didn't need the sun anymore, he had his jaehyun. taeyong didn't need anything anymore, he had his jaehyun. every time jaehyun would hold taeyong's hand, the electricity between them just made taeyong warm.
whenever jaehyun held taeyong close to his chest, he could hear the younger's heartbeat. taeyong knew it was beating only for him and no one else. whenever jaehyun would kiss taeyong's lips, taeyong would feel alive once again.
the way jaehyun's soft lips pressed against taeyong's cold ones, it brought warmth to taeyong. taeyong felt like he was home again, taeyong felt like he mattered something. whenever jaehyun looked at taeyong with his sparkling eyes, taeyong would feel like he was the only one on the planet.
that's how taeyong wanted their story to be. just the both of them and no one else. taeyong was a selfish man, and destiny would never let that slide past. taeyong lost control of his destiny, he wasn't writing it anymore.
destiny re-wrote itself. with terrible endings and unwanted plots.
taeyong hated that. but he grew along it and finally accepted it, and here he was. in his lovely suit and a fresh bouquet of lilies in his hands, he looked really nice today. of course he would be looking nice, it was their tenth year.
taeyong looked at himself in the mirror before leaving, and he realized he wasn't wearing something jaehyun loved when taeyong wore it. his smile.
taeyong wasn't wearing his smile, so with his heavy heart, he curved the edges of his chapped lips to form a little smile. jaehyun was right, taeyong looked nice when he wore his smile. taeyong always looked nice, selfish people always manage to make themselves look nice.
taeyong realized he was going to run late if he didn't leave right now. it was six thirty in the morning, taeyong had a nice half an hour. so, he left his apartment to head out to meet jaehyun. he got into his car and drove carefully. very, very carefully.
taeyong looked at the morning sky, it was the same dull sky. the same boring one, with no sun or no partner. maybe the sky was selfish as well, that's why destiny stole away the sky's sun. taeyong smiled, jaehyun used to say that he reminded jaehyun of the sky.
just as vast, just as free and liberal, just as pretty and elegant. just like a wonderful painting, just beautiful. taeyong smiled again, he and the sky were the same. jaehyun wasn't lying, he never did.
taeyong reached his destination soon, he didn't even realize that he did. he was so lost in thought, silly yongie. but nonetheless, taeyong got out of his car with the bouquet in his hands, not forgetting to wear his smile.
taeyong walked and walked and finally reached his destination. a genuine smile replaced his fake one, and he felt ten times happier. jaehyun was really his everything, wasn't he?
with the same genuine smile, taeyong placed the bouquet of flowers onto the grave.
"jaehyun, it's been ten years. so long, right? and i never stopped loving you, not even for a second." taeyong smiled, his eyes were wet. "i never gave up, hyun. i stayed strong, for you and for me,"
"it's been five years since you left me, but as you promised, you actually never left. you were always there, and will always be alive for me. in my heart, hyunnie, in my heart." taeyong didn't realize he was crying, but the tears flowed.
"everyday i would think, what would it be like if my hyunnie was still with me? and trust me, hyun, i made up the weirdest stuff. but the ending was always with both of us, unlike the reality." taeyong sat down near the stone, under which his lover lay.
"i didn't know what my mistake was, hyunnie. i just loved you, just loved you and destiny stole you away from me. it's still so unfair, s-so unfair," taeyong wasn't going to bottle everything up, he wanted to let everything out.
"life is so unexpected, you don't know which second which loved one will be snatched away. you will never know, and so was my case,"
"you protected me but i never protected you, hyunnie. i apologize for that, i'm deeply sorry." taeyong checked his wrist watch, six fifty five.
"you always loved me, hyunnie and i never asked for more. you were my everything, hyun." six fifty six.
"from the first time i saw you till the last, you never changed. you always remained jaehyun, my jaehyun." six fifty seven.
"it was a beautiful journey with you, hyunnie. it'll always be the most beautiful one," six fifty eight.
"those five years you gave me, thank you very much, hyunnie," six fifty nine.
"i love you so much, forever and always." seven o' clock.
and the rain poured, heavy and sturdy. soaking taeyong completely, but nothing mattered to him that instant. he was overwhelmed with his emotional outburst, still completely and utterly in love with the younger.
but jaehyun sat in the coffee shop in extreme solitude, no one saw him and that didn't matter. he was still slurping his cappuccino and reading his romeo and juliet. waiting and waiting.
waiting for taeyong to come and kiss him again. so he could relive his past again, and feel the same emotions.
but some things are better when they're left in the past.
but, they really hurt later on.