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Everyday since Shen Wei and him moved into their new house, Zhao Yunlan would work on the garden he had grown so proud of, filling every tiny corner with a variety of vegetables and fruits. Right now though, he was planting something new: flowers.
Sitting down with his legs crossed and wearing a big straw hat on his head, he reached for the seeds next to him. The sun wasn’t high up in the sky yet, but the heat was already too bothersome. Even him, with his newly recovered godly powers, found sunburn to be quite annoying. He wiped the sweat off his face with the back of his hand when a shadow suddenly appeared above him.
Looking up, he met Shen Wei’s tender gaze.
“You shouldn’t be under the sun too long. It’s too hot today.”
“I know! I’m almost done. Wanna help?” he asked with a big smile on his lips; something that had become a very common reaction when seeing his Shen Wei.
Pulling his pants up to kneel down more comfortably, Shen Wei stared curiously at the ground. “What are you planting now?”
“Camellias. I thought we could have some flowers here and you can also make tea from it!” Zhao Yunlan then took two other small seed packages from his pocket, “There’s also orchid and sunflowers. I wanna put them over there too, do you think it’ll look good?”
Shen Wei smiled and nodded, dropping the seeds on the ground and mixing them in the soil. Taking the small watering can next to him, Zhao Yunlan started to water the spot Shen Wei had just touched.
With the smile still on his lips, Zhao Yunlan continued excitedly, “Actually, when winter comes I wanna try planting a plum blossom tree, make it grow as big as the one we had…”
Shen Wei’s hands froze in place for a second and he felt a knot forming in his throat. Looking up, Zhao Yunlan noticed the sudden frown on his face.
“… What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Shen Wei blinked innocently, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.
“You promised you wouldn’t keep anything from me anymore. If something is upsetting you, tell me.”
It took Shen Wei a few seconds to respond and Zhao Yunlan knew he must be over thinking again. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and low. “Do you remember everything?”
Zhao Yunlan straightened his back, his lips opened slightly as he tried to understand what was bothering the other man. He tried to sound casual as he explained, “Of course not! Having ten thousand years worth of memories would drive anyone mad! You don’t remember everything either, do you?”
“You know what I mean.” Shen Wei said, clearly avoiding his eyes.
“I remember the important stuff… My memories as Kunlun, my memories of you and me- those are the only ones that feel real. Everything else just feels like stories I read about way too long ago and can barely remember the plot.”
As he heard his answer, Shen Wei dropped his head low. His hands, which were resting on his legs, closed tightly in a fist and Zhao Yunlan immediately reached over to comfort him.
“Shen Wei, what is it? You don’t want me to remember?”
Shen Wei shook his head, but still didn’t dare meeting Zhao Yunlan’s gaze.
“I’m sorry…”
“What are you sorry for?” Yunlan asked with a sweet smile that Shen Wei didn’t get to see. He touched Shen Wei’s chin, making him look up and found that the white parts of his eyes had turned red and his chin was trembling slightly. Seeing him like that, Zhao Yunlan felt a sharp pain in his heart.
“... I killed you.”
Zhao Yunlan was not expecting this answer at all and the shock could be seen clearly on his face. “Of course you didn’t!”
“If I hadn’t been so careless… If I hadn’t gotten close to you-“, Shen Wei wanted to continue, but was interrupted when Zhao Yunlan raised his voice.
“Then I would have died falling from that damn cliff!”
“…”
“Do you really think I would have lived a long and happy life if I hadn’t met you? I had no one, no home, no money – fighting was all I was good at! Xiao Wei, you gave me a reason to live.”
Shen Wei’s breathing was irregular and his eyes turned even redder. He opened his mouth, but no words would come out. He couldn’t tell if what he was feeling was sorrow or relief. The pain in his chest only got worse when he heard Zhao Yunlan’s next words: “Can you take me there?”
Shen Wei blinked in surprise, his heart felt like it doubled in weight. He hadn’t gone back to that place in thousands of years and he was suddenly overcome with anxiety about going back, but if Yunlan wanted to go… He’d do anything he asked.
“I know there's nothing left there now, but…"
"There is."
Shen Wei stood up, took off his glasses and pressed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Yunlan also got up, throwing the straw hat on the ground. Taking Shen Wei off guard, Yunlan suddenly held him tightly and rested his head on his shoulder.
"I would do it myself, but I don't remember the exact location… and I'm also not good at the whole fast travel thing yet." Feeling a soft kiss on his temple, Zhao Yunlan closed his eyes and the next moment, they were already somewhere else.
Hearing birds chirping close by, he opened his eyes. The big plum blossom tree that should have withered and died thousands of years ago, stood beautifully and in full bloom, exactly the way he remembered. The ground was taken over by cute little pink petals and his heart felt heavy on his chest, filled with nostalgia.
"You kept it alive…", he said in awe as he reached towards the tree trunk and touched it with the tips of his fingers.
"With the powers you gave me, keeping one tree from dying is nothing." Shen Wei explained, forcing himself to smile.
"What about the house?" Zhao Yunlan quickly turned his head to where their little hut used to be, but he found nothing there.
Shen Wei shook his head.
"I only kept this tree."
Before Yunlan even got to ask why, Shen Wei answered as if he could read his mind. His voice broke when he spoke.
"I buried him here."
Shen Wei had a deep expression on his face; a mix of longing and sadness. He kneeled in front of the tree and touched the green grass near the roots.
"His body is long gone, but you're still here" he picked up a petal in his hand, caressing it with his thumb. "Can you ever forgive me?" His voice was almost a whisper, as if he was asking the plum blossom and not Zhao Yunlan.
Zhao Yunlan hated to see him looking so devastated. He hated that Shen Wei had to carry all this sorrow alone for so long… A-Wei, it’s been so long, why are you still blaming yourself?, he thought as he sat down next to him.
"There's nothing to forgive, I never blamed you for anything.” Zhao Yunlan stared at Shen Wei’s eyes and his gaze was sweet and reassuring, but his voice carried a hint of sadness. “Just don't tell me you regret it… it would break my heart."
Shen Wei trembled at his words. The last thing he wanted was to make Zhao Yunlan upset, so how could he explain to him that while Shen San had given him some of the happiest moments of his life, it also brought him devastating guilt? Thinking about those days still hurt too much… He decided not to say anything and instead, reached for Yunlan’s hands, kissing the back of it in a most devoted way.
"You gave that lonely vagabond the happiness of a lifetime." Zhao Yunlan… Shen San whispered, pulling Shen Wei closer and kissing him softly on the lips. "Everyday with you, felt like I was living in Paradise. Never forget that…"
"Hmm", Shen Wei sounded muffled with his face hidden against the crook of Zhao Yunlan's neck. He felt long fingers softly caressing his hair and the good sensation sent shivers down his spine.
"My beautiful demon bro, my little Wei" his voice felt soft and comforting being whispered so close to Shen Wei's ears. "I'm the one who is sorry that I couldn't be with you all these long years… I don't know how much longer we have on this world, but be it 500 or 5000 years, I swear to you I will never leave your side again."
Shen Wei hadn’t cried in a long time. He had taught himself to hide any strong emotions deep inside, but hearing these words from the mouth of the only man he had ever loved, was more than he could take.
The last time he had shed tears, was under that very same tree, and now, as he embraced Zhao Yunlan tightly, he couldn’t find the strength to hold back. It felt like all the tears he had kept inside since that day, were flowing out all at once, carrying in them all the heavy weight of the guilt in his heart. He felt lighter and safe in Zhao Yunlan's arms. He was kissed softly again and again, until the tears turned into smiles and he knew he would never be alone anymore.