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I used to believe Simon Snow would kill me in some dramatic, heroic way like a stake through the heart or somehow finding a big enough cross to burn me to a crisp. Now I believe Simon Snow will kill me in small, adorable ways. He kills me softly every morning when he stretches and his shirt lifts and every night when he throws an arm over my chest and whispers sweet nonsense.
My days that were filled with worry whenever he left on his missions are now filled with dread whenever he’s called away, only to be soothed with small touches and promises to always be by my side. Quiet nights spent cold now burn with his body heat pressed against my side. A simple reassurance that perhaps this is actually real. He gave me the world that I wanted. He and I together.
“Baz, love, you’re thinking too much.” Simon smiles above me. “You don’t want to hurt yourself.”
“Thinking about us.” His hand cards through my hair.
My eyes close. It would be lovely to sleep here, with the sun shining over me.
“What about us?”
“What I did to deserve you.”
I can feel his body move with his laughter. “That’s my job to wonder. How did I manage to trap the great Baz Pitch? I think I won some kind of lottery for you to put up with me.”
If it weren’t for the head massage, I’d punch him in a very undignified way. And then maybe kiss it better. I settle for silence.
Simon, of course, continues anyway. “I know you think I’m being ridiculous, but it’s true. You’re brilliant, kind, caring, amazing, and so unfairly attractive. This lighting is extremely flattering for you. Not that that’s difficult. You make anything look good. You could wear a potato sack and I’d still want to jump you.”
“Snow.” I blink up at him from my spot in his lap.
“Baz.”
“You’re rambling.”
Simon unfortunately has the gall to flush. How dare he say I’m attractive when he’s this gorgeous? The setting sun filters through his curls and I have the urge to pull him down to my level. The angle has to be hell on his back, but he follows and allows me to touch his lips to mine. The discomfort of the sun is nothing compared to the heat his closed eyes and soft smile bring to my heart. I’ve memorized every freckle and scar and somehow he still manages to catch me off guard with just how beautiful he is. I would follow this stupid amazing boy anywhere.
“I love you, Baz.”
I start, sitting up straight (as if) and almost knock heads with him. “You don’t have to say that if you aren’t ready or don’t want to. It’s not mandatory. Just because I feel that way doesn’t mean you have to.”
I grab his hand to give me something to fidget with. I trace the constellations I know as if they were on the back of my own hand.
“I love you more than I can wrap my head around actually. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I think I’ve felt this way for a long time. I’ve waited too long to say it.”
The intensity in his eyes burns through me. When he raises his hand to my cheek, I think I might explode.
“You mean so much to me.” His words are whispered into the space between us. “I know I’m not going to live forever, and you might. Both of us might not live through the war. Who knows how many days we have left?”
“Simon –”
“I don’t care how many days we have left together. I want to spend as many of those days as I can by your side.”
He holds my hands between us. He holds my heart for however long he wants it.
“Are you proposing, Snow?”
He sighs, but it sounds like a laugh. “I was trying to lay out all of my feelings and you had to tease me.”
“That was quite a lot of words for you, it had to have been for a special occasion.”
Simon tugs my hands and I fall into his chest with a very undignified yelp. His arms wrap around me as I more to make myself comfortable, enclosing me with much needed warmth.
“Shut up, asshole. Let me love you.” He kisses the crown of my head and I melt. “We’ve only got so much time and I’m pretty sure it would’ve killed me if I never told you how much you mean to me.”
“I know, love.” If only magic allowed me to send the depth of my emotions through our bodies pressed together. “I know.”
The darkness falls around us as we fall into each other.