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Nana is scared. She’s terrified of all the possibilities running along a cracked path inside her mind. Even her head is scared, but deep down she knew her heart is facing the worst fears.
Nana didn’t mean to make her angry, to upset her. Nana just wanted Junna to be safe during her play. She knew that Junna wasn’t the best at swimming, and so did Junna. That’s why Nana felt like she needed to step in and speak to Mahiru about Junna’s situation.
Nana didn’t expect Junna to be listening the entire time from down the hall. Nana clearly didn’t know her partner enough to know her footsteps.
When Nana saw the anger in Junna’s eyes, Nana knew she messed up big time. After Junna ran into their room, shutting the door with a slam, Nana knew Junna didn’t want to speak to her.
And her mind took over.
Now she’s in the present, sitting on the living rooms couch with her legs curled up against her chest, head deep between her knees. She knows she’s shaking and looks pathetic like this all alone with the chill in the room.
Nana is just too scared to go and speak to Junna, mostly now since she might just get even more angry from the hour Nana would be waking her up at.
Though, with the silent footsteps from down the hall, she can tell she’ll be having company soon. Around the corner comes Claudine, not even noticing Nana as she goes to the fridge.
After she shuts it behind her while holding a cup of what Nana guesses is Vanilla pudding, Claudine notices Nana.
“Nana? Why are you down here alone? It’s almost 4 am you know..”
Nana knew it was late, but she didn’t expect herself to be awake this long. Overthinking really takes time away from anyone’s day. After a moment that Nana doesn’t respond, Claudine comes over to her, observing her body.
“Nana! You’re shaking. It’s cold down here why don’t you have a blanket?”
But Claudine’s words seem to be ignored as there’s a crack in Nana’s voice, followed by a weak hiccup. Claudine’s eyes widen, slowly sitting next to Nana, resting her arm around the taller woman’s back. The blonde doesn’t move from her ball, body shaking more now as the tears escape again.
Her fears have been heightened ever since the Seisho Revue’s ended. Even with Junna by her side at the time, she still felt lost. Useless sometimes as well. But everytime she felt like that, Junna would catch on to it. Comfort her. Take her out to town and let Nana shop for different frog related items to put around their shared room.
Now, Nana didn’t have that. Only the ghostly touch of Claudine’s arm around her back, telling her everything Is alright. When truly NOTHING is alright.
Nana had made another selfish mistake, and now she’s paying the consequences. By losing the trust of her dearest Junna-chan. The only person who brought her out of such a traumatizing cycle that she was more than ready to repeat over and over again.
Junna was her everything, and without her...she was nothing. Just a girl named Daiba Nana apart of Seisho’s 99th class. A girl with no future life besides working on scripts. Not the Stage Girl Daiba Nana. The title Junna had given her back then underneath the stars.
She still remembers those days like the back of her hand. All those days of longing in the different loops. Each attempt from Nana to assault Junna with her own selfish desires. Only to find out Junna did like her after all each time, but just wanted to take things slower.
Nana has been patient her whole life. Until she got her beloved once in a life time stage in danger.
And when it was gone and just a distant memory, she clung onto Junna. Being the last part of those loops she kept besides the torn up script.
“Nana, are you feeling any better?”
Claudine’s soft voice reaches Nana’s ears instantly, her mind self aware now where she is and that she’s not crying anymore. Instead she’s looking in the direction of the other dorm rooms.
“Yes...I’m fine.” Nana turns her head towards Claudine, smiling a bit. Even with tears that linger on her face. Claudine’s ruby orbs widen from the expression, frowning now.
“Why were you out here in the first place?”
Nana chuckles at that, letting her knees fall to the ground. Without leverage to hold onto, she grabs a pillow to replace her legs.
“I got in an argument with Junna-chan...” Claudine’s face seems to shift from surprise to pity, her frown increasing with the situation.
“Come practice with me. Tendou Maya didn’t wake up in time, it’s her loss. You need it more anyways.”
Nana looks at Claudine for a moment, before nodding and joining her. She was still wearing her school uniform so going to her room to change wasn’t necessary. Nana leaves with Claudine for the day, them practicing different scenes in Starlight to distract Nana from her pains. It seems to work on the outside until there’s about 30 minutes before class.
—-
“Don’t ever think about doing that again Nana!!”
Junna storms off, tears prickling her eyes as she slams the door behind her. She had heard the desperate attempts of Nana calling for her, but her anger took over, completely ignoring the girl.
She flops onto her own bed, grabbing the sheets below her tightly as the tears stream down her face. Thankfully her glasses had fallen off from the impact, letting the tears roll down her nose and drop down onto the sheets.
She doesn’t know how long she lays there crying her eyes out, screaming in her mind.
‘You’re too weak’
‘Nana knows you’re weak’
‘You ruined everything’
Junna’s eyes squeeze shut, the final tears falling onto the bed. By the time she sits up, even without her glasses she can the sky hard darkened.
Nana should be in the room by now.
She sits up abruptly, expecting her girlfriend to be sitting on her bed, maybe waiting to apologize, aching in pain seeing Junna crying that hard.
But all she sees is an empty half made bed. Nana’s Banana plushie on the ground by the end.
Junna’s breath catches in her throat. Was Nana already done with Junna? Moving on to another girl within the dorm to love and give all her attention to? She would have came into the room by now if she still wanted Junna in her life.
Junna’s eyes water again.
Nana has been in her life long enough that Junna didn’t know what she’d do without the tall blonde. Her comforting voice and smile always made Junna feel at ease. And the fact that Nana trusted her pain with Junna had made her feel like Nana’s main person. Her special girlfriend.
Though now Junna regrets having such thoughts.
Her pride is on the line tomorrow, she must sleep. And prove Nana wrong that she can truly do that jump without taking breaks in between the scenes.
—
After the performance, the girls go on ahead of Junna and Nana. Claudine had seemed to rally up everyone, realizing they need to talk privately quickly before she wakes up to see Nana shaking in sadness at 4 am in the morning.
Nana’s pace matches Junna’s awkwardly, nearly having them bump into each other. Their minds both fidget with things to say.
Suddenly, Junna stops, looking up at Nana as she stops as well.
“We can end things now if you’ve moved on from me.”
Nana’s eyes widen, clearly surprised by Junna’s words. Her Junna-chan’s words.
“Y-You want to end things..?” Nana’s voice cracks, on the verge of tears, but she tries her best to compress herself, using the stage girl posture to keep herself that way.
Junna hears the crack, and suddenly her worries are washed away. Instead replaced with all types of concerns for Nana. She can now see the eye bags underneath her girlfriends eyes.
“I...I thought you’d want to end things because of last night. You didn’t come back...I had thought you moved on from me.”
Nana’s sudden grip on Junna’s shoulders tell her otherwise almost immediately. Her grip is strong, but not too overwhelming that Junna is in any pain. Nana knows Junna very well.
“Junna-chan! I’d..I never want to leave you! I can’t..I just can’t..” Nana’s head falls, looking down at the ground. Her grip on Junna’s shoulders tighten, hands beginning to shake.
Junna’s eyes widen, hearing the familiar sound of Nana crying just in front of her. That sound is forever burned into her memory, one she’ll never forget from how many times Nana has broken down from her past.
“N-Nana..” Junna escapes Nana’s death grip, wrapping her arms around Nana’s torso, squeezing her close. When she feels strong arms wrap around her own backside, Junna finally sighs in relief. The feeling of safety washes over her, having this feeling every time she has been close to Nana like this. Junna’s protective and loving side wasn’t a surprise, and she enjoyed every moment of it. Even if that same side made them fight the night before...
“Junna-chan, I’m sorry...I’m so sorry for hurting you.” Nana’s hold on her tightens, to which Junna holds back a grunt of sudden pain. Her body eventually gets over it, having to get used to her death grip eventually.
“It’s alright Nana...I’m just happy I’m with you again...I hated not having you with me last night.” Her face hides in the crook of her neck, inhaling her sweet sent to calm her growing nerves from the confession. Junna can tell she let Nana struggle alone all night, the fact that she didn’t return being proof. Now that Junna is out of her head, she knows that Nana had stayed up overthinking the situation, most likely crying her poor eyes out. There’s a sting of hatred towards herself for letting the love of her life endure such a reality just because of her own outburst.
“I’m happy too...Junna-chan, I love you..” Junna feels Nana’s lips press against her hair, holding her closer even if it seemed impossible. Junna’s hands grip the back of Nana’s shirt, no way in hell moving from the comfort of her strong girlfriends arms.
“I love you too, Nana.”