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Tim Gutterson really wasn’t one for relationships; he felt this was a bit of an understatement because in over thirty years of life he had never been in a relationship before. He was much more for finding a one night stand in the back of a dimly light bar and then stealthily leaving their place before they woke up the next morning if he could manage. So when Tim found himself waking up in a bed that wasn’t his but was still familiar it left him feeling a little confused.
Tim had been talking to Ben for over a month and had stayed over at Ben’s a handful of times now. While a part of him found waking up at Ben’s familiar another part of him still felt disorientated and made plans to sneak out before he even opened his eyes. Tim always woke up before Ben and before he was fully conscious he’d know he wasn’t at his place. The sheets weren’t right, the pillows were too soft, and noises from outside weren’t right. Those signs alone tended to jerk him out of sleep. However the smell was familiar, so was the sound of Ben’s deep breathing, and the warm weight of Ben’s arm around him was reassuring. So when Tim opened his eyes and saw Ben’s scrubs all over the floor in the corner, the green colored walls, and the carpeting on the floor he knew exactly where he was and fought against the urge to jump out of bed and find where he had tossed his clothing the night before.
It was different, whatever this was, different but not in a bad way.
Tim allowed himself to stay in bed with Ben for a couple minutes before he had to get up; years of military training didn’t allow him to lay in bed no matter how good it felt. Tim slipped out from underneath Ben’s arm and got out of bed without waking the other man up. He picked up the first shirt and pair of boxers he could find, pulled them on, and made his way to Ben’s tiny kitchen where Tim immediately went about making a pot of coffee; the fact that he knew exactly where everything was in the kitchen was something else that he couldn’t ignore. While he waited for the coffee to brew, Tim retrieved the newspaper from the front door.
Ben rolled out of bed somewhere around Tim’s third cup of coffee, just as he was finishing his second section of the paper. Tim couldn’t help but grin when he saw the man stumbling into the main apartment area, usual messy brown hair looking like a tornado had hit it while he was dressed in only a pair of boxers, a worn-out old college hoodie, and one sock. After yawning widely and rubbing at his eyes, looking very much like an over-grown child, Ben spotted Tim at the table and grinned sleepily at him.
“Morning,” Tim said before he took a sip of his coffee.
“Mmgghh, morning,” Ben mumbled as he shuffled over to Tim.
Ben paused on his way to the coffeemaker to bend down and press a quick kiss to the top of Tim’s head. It wasn’t much but it was enough to make Tim pause in the middle of his reading while blood rushed to his face; he buried his face back into his newspaper.
“You always wake up so damn early,” Ben mumbled as he dropped into the chair opposite Tim with a steaming cup of coffee. “I’ve never seen you sleep in.”
“Ever since Ranger school I haven’t been able to sleep in past six-thirty,” Tim said.
“Wow. How does a person live without having the joy of sleeping in?” Ben asked.
“I make due somehow,” Tim smiled.
“Well I think I’m gonna have to make it my mission to get you to sleep in one day,” Ben declared.
“Oh yeah. And how are you gonna do that?”
“Wear you out,” Ben said with an over-exaggerated wink that made Tim snort.
“I’d like to see you try,” Tim mumbled as he returned to the paper.
“I bet you would, you dirty bastard,” Ben teased as he stood up and made his way over to the fridge. “You hungry? I’m starving.”
Tim watched as Ben made a monster plate of scrambled eggs and a tower of toast; Tim knew he was capable of making breakfast but watching Ben cook was sort like watching the most entertaining cooking show ever. Whenever Ben cooked he always entertained Tim with stories from the E.R. Today he told Tim about a famous patient of his who at least once a month would come into the E.R. with some foreign object stuck in an orifice of his body.
“I swear that guy either doesn’t have cable or he is into some really kinky shit,” Ben said as he scooped a large helping of eggs onto Tim’s plate. “Three times last month he had something stuck up his ass. One time he got a light bulb stuck in him and I don’t even know how that’s possible.”
“Sounds like an interesting guy. I’m assuming he’s taken or else I’m sure you would have snatched him up by now,” Tim said with a serious expression.
“Who says I haven’t already?” Ben smirked as he returned to his seat across from Tim.
“Oh, right, because the E.R.’s where you pick up all of your dates,” Tim countered, grinning widely when he saw Ben blush and fumble with the spatula in his hand. “So did you actually hook up with this guy who shoves things up his ass-?”
“No. No, I didn’t hook up with him nor have I ever had the wish to hook up with him,” Ben cut Tim off with a pained expression. “The guys almost fifty and he’s bald with this Dumbledore level beard… I would never. Not even if someone paid me a million dollars.”
“Not even for a million dollars?”
“I may be a little low on funds but I’m not that desperate,” Ben declared.
“Well, it’s nice to know where your draw the line,” Tim said.
The two men fell into a peaceful silence after that as they dug into their breakfast. After their plates were cleared Ben allowed Tim to load the dishwasher before he gripped his hand and pulled him to the second hand couch in the living room area. Tim thought it was a good idea to clean up after meals but Ben thought other things were more important, like Saturday morning cartoons; Tim couldn’t really argue with Ben on that one.
“Do you have to work today?” Tim asked after over an hour of bright colors, high pitched voices, and animated animals.
“Nope,” Ben answered, head resting on Tim’s shoulder while his bare foot was propped up on the coffee table in front of them. “My day off. How about you?”
“Unlike you I rarely work on the weekends,” Tim reminded him.
“Well, I don’t know if you’ve got some crazy fugitive you’ve got to chase,” Ben mumbled as he shoved his hands into the front pouch of his hoodie. “Figure fugitives don’t adhere to the usual nine-to-five set up.”
“It’s someone else’s problem this week,” Tim said.
“Well… do you wanna do something today?” Ben asked.
“You asking me because you have something in mind or because you’re trying to kick me out?”
“Why do you always think I’m trying to kick you out?” Ben pouted as he removed his head from Tim’s shoulder and stared at him. “And yeah I kinda had something in mind that we could do. If you want to do it.”
“What’s your idea?”
It was an hour later when Tim sat down in a dark, cool movie theater with Ben and a bucket of popcorn. They found seats near the back of the theater and sat back while they enjoyed the movie. Tim had thought of seeing the movie for a while now but had never thought of going with someone; he couldn’t remember the last time he went to see a movie with someone. It was nice, both the movie and having someone there with him, having someone to laugh and enjoy it with. When the movie ended the two left the theater but when Tim turned to head for the exit, Ben caught his arm and stopped him.
“What?”
“I was just thinking…you ever sneak into a movie before?” Ben asked with a wide, eye-crinkling grin.
“Not since I was a kid,” he admitted.
“Would you be completely against sneaking into a movie with me?” Ben asked. “Does that kind of thing go against your beliefs as a U.S. Marshal?”
“Hmm, ya know I don’t remember reading anything about movie theaters in my Marshal handbook,” Tim mused. “I guess maybe I could ignore it if we were to accidentally walk into another theater and sit down for an hour or two.”
“We bought a large popcorn and a large drink and twizzlers,” Ben reminded him. “That shits so overpriced we should be allowed to see another movie.”
“So what are we seeing?”
The second movie was shit, no other way to put it. The theater was empty except for them and six other people, all of who were several rows away from them. Once again they took their seats near the way back and settled in with their remaining popcorn to watch their illegal movie. Ten minutes into the movie Tim was glad that they hadn’t paid for it. Twenty minutes in Ben leaned across the arm rest and whispered into his ear.
“How far do you think you can throw a piece of popcorn?”
“Are we aiming it at anything or is this just for distance?” Tim asked as he picked up a piece of cold popcorn.
“Oh you wanna be a show off, huh?”
“No, we can just go for distance if you’re afraid of losing,” Tim said cockily.
“Well I’m not afraid of losing,” Ben declared before he grabbed a handful of popcorn. “First one to hit that exit sign wins.”
“What’s the prize when I win?” Tim asked as he focused on the exit sign that hung about twenty feet away, ten feet up.
“The prize will be determined by the winner at a later time,” Ben answered.
“Then I’ll be sure to think up something good,” Tim said before he aimed his piece and gave it a toss; the piece veered left and missed the sign.
“I didn’t say we could start yet!” Ben exclaimed before he was cut off by a stern shush from a couple seats in front of them. “Now you’ve got me in trouble.”
“You got yourself in trouble with that big mouth of yours.”
“I seem to recall you liked my big mouth,” Ben reminded him cheekily; Tim was thankful of the dim lighting of the theater because it kept the blush that crept up his neck hidden.
“You’re stalling because you know you’ll miss the sign by a mile,” Tim huffed as he grabbed another piece to throw.
“Fine. You wanna play? I’ll show you.”
Ben spent a couple moments lining up his shot before he tossed the piece; it fell short and landed on the ground a couple of feet from the sign.
“There’s a learning curve to it,” Ben stated in defense.
“Oh yeah?” he goaded before he tossed another piece which just barely grazed the bottom of the sign.
“That doesn’t count,” Ben said. “It has to actually hit the sign.”
“One more shot and I’ll get it,” Tim said while Ben attempted to hit the sign again; it went too high and too far to the left. “Unlike you who probably would need the rest of this bucket to hit it.”
“Wow, that was uncalled for,” Ben said, voice heavy with fake hurt.
“Just telling it like it is,” he grinned.
“Fine but seeing as you claimed you could hit it in your next shot, I dub you the loser if you don’t hit it with your next shot.”
“Who said you could make up the rules?”
“You were so confident a moment ago that all you needed was one more shot I don’t see what the big deal is,” Ben teased.
“Okay,” Tim agreed. “But when I win I get to pick whatever prize I want.”
“You know the way you phrased that is making me a little nervous.”
“Don’t be,” Tim smirked.
“Will this prize require me needing a safe word?” Ben asked as Tim busied himself with finding the perfect piece of popcorn.
“It might. I haven’t decided yet,” Tim grinned before he decided on his projectile of choice.
He took his time lining up the shot but once he was sure of it, he tossed it. Unfortunately for him, the second it began to leave his fingers Tim was shoved to the side by a very forceful kiss to his cheek and the piece of popcorn flung wide to his left, just barely missing one of the few other patrons in the theater.
“Yes!” Ben cried victoriously while Tim glared at him.
“You’re a fucking cheater,” Tim said with no real malice in his voice before he grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it at Ben’s face.
“There were no rules against diversionary tactics,” Ben giggled as he tried to dodge the fist full of popcorn.
“You are so full of shit,” Tim hissed as he tossed more popcorn at him. “Next time we do this I want a full list of rules before we start.”
“So we’re doing this again?”
“Oh my god!” someone from further up exclaimed. “Can you two fucking shut up? Some of us are trying to watch the damn movie.”
Tim grimaced and dropped the popcorn from his hand back into the bucket while Ben continued to grin like an idiot.
“I think we should get out of here,” Tim said quietly in an attempt to sound mature. “Before we get kicked out.”
“Eh, we could take them,” Ben said but he stood up anyhow and began walking towards the exit. Once they were out in the hallway Ben grinned at him and said, “See. I told you it’d be fun.”
“Yeah it was fun, right up until you smashed your face against mine,” Tim said as he gave Ben’s shoulder a small shove.
“You liked it,” Ben said as they exited the building. “Don’t lie.”
“You kiss like a St. Bernard,” Tim grumbled while he wiped at his face.
“Well you must like that kind of thing because I haven’t heard any complaints yet.”
After the movie theater the two went out for lunch at restaurant on the other side of town near Ben’s apartment. At the restaurant Tim didn’t mention it but he couldn’t help but notice that Ben wasn’t acting normally. He was awfully quiet during their meal and whenever he spoke he fiddled with his placemat and had trouble meeting his eyes.
“Do you want me to take you home?” Ben asked as they left the restaurant and headed for Ben’s car.
“Yeah, that’d be good,” Tim answered after a moment of deliberation; on one hand he didn’t want to stop hanging out with Ben but on the other hand he had been wearing the same clothes since Friday morning and felt like he could use a shower.
The ride back to his apartment was quiet and when Ben pulled into the parking lot Tim was surprised that Ben pulled into a parking space instead of simply pulling up to the curb of the building to drop him off like he usually did.
“I’ll walk you up,” Ben offered with a kind smile as he turned the car off.
Tim knew Ben had something he wanted to say or do so when they reached Tim’s apartment he invited Ben inside. Once inside Tim grabbed a beer from the fridge and offered Ben a drink which he declined without looking at him.
“So, what’s up?” Tim asked as he cracked opened his beer and leaned against the counter; if Ben wasn’t going to spit out what was wrong he’d just have to help him.
“Noth-,” Ben started but stopped himself when he saw Tim’s flat expression. “Um, I was just kinda thinking about something.”
“What were you thinking about?” Tim asked before he took a long drink from his beer to calm the nerves that were building inside of him.
“Uh, I wanted to, um… I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Ben stuttered as he fiddled with a button on his shirt.
“Okay,” Tim said while he mentally prepared himself for whatever bad tidings Ben was about to bring his way. “What is it?”
“It’s just that we’ve been, uh, hanging out for like a month or two and, and it’s been great. I always have such a good time with you, Tim,” Ben rambled while he looked at Tim with an expression similar to a deer in headlights. “But I, uh-”
Here it comes, Tim thought quietly =while he felt his heart sink somewhere close to his stomach. He’s ending it, isn’t he?
“Are we, like, dating?” Ben finally chocked out.
“What?” Tim asked out of reflex; he wasn’t quite sure he heard that correctly.
“I just, we spend a lot of time together and, and I really, really like spending time with you, Tim,” Ben stuttered quickly, now back to avoiding eye contact. “And if you don’t want to be exclusive or whatever that’s fine, I get it, I just don’t want to stop hanging out with you. But, um, if you wanted to, if you wanted to, uh, officially date or whatever… that, that would be nice.”
Once Ben finally stopped his rambling admission he looked up at Tim with a bright red face, looking more nervous than when he first hit on Tim at the bar. Tim, meanwhile, was stuck in a mild shock and was still in the middle of processing all of the rushed words Ben had just unloaded onto him.
“I should go,” Ben said quietly as he backed away from the counter and towards the door.
“Ben, wait,” Tim said while he reached out and gripped Ben’s arm before he could leave. “Just… wait.”
Tim didn’t know what to say. Well, no, he did know what he wanted to say. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say that he wanted whatever this was to become a concrete relationship. He wanted to know that Ben wanted him as much as Tim wanted Ben. Tim wanted to say those things but he didn’t know if he could. It scared him to think like that, to think about saying he had a boyfriend or that he was someone’s boyfriend. It scared him but Tim knew that if Ben was capable of bringing up the question he should be able to answer it.
“Ben…I’ve never been in a relationship before. I don’t think I ever really thought about myself ever being in a relationship,” Tim started; he appreciated that Ben kept silent because he felt like if he stopped talking he’d lose his nerve. “But after these last couple weeks, being with you, it’s been a lot of fun. I really liked it. And the idea of us making this a more defined thing… I really like that too.”
“You do?” Ben asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Tim exhaled while he tried to stop the shaking he felt throughout his entire body. “I do.”
The next thing Tim knew Ben’s chest was pressed against his and Ben’s arms were wrapped tightly around his body. Barely missing a beat, Tim wrapped his arms around Ben and rested his head on Ben’s shoulder.
“So, you’re my boyfriend?” Ben mumbled into Tim’s hair, arms still wrapped tight around Tim’s body. “And we’re dating?”
“Yep,” Tim sighed into the side of Ben’s neck while he tried to adjust himself to the term ‘boyfriend’. “That’s how it works or at least from what I’ve heard and seen in movies.”
Ben loosened his hold on Tim just enough so that he could pull back and grin at him, teeth showing and eyes crinkling at the corners. As the two of them stood embraced in Tim’s kitchen, Tim knew that while the idea of a relationship still scared him it was a fear he was willing to face.