Work Text:
After Lena was cleared from all suspicion, she was let go and could make it home a free woman.
Free.. Ha-ha... She thought as she walked toward the balcony and lift her gaze up to the sky, looking for a figure she’d grown accustomed to seeing hover and land in her property wherever she went. Truthfully, a part of her more than expected, wanted to have the girl of steel come and let her know she’d be watching her every step, remind her she would never be truly free for as long as she had a breath. But the girl didn’t come.
Lena let out a deep, pained sigh.
Her balcony had been open for Supergirl to come to her, so many times before, but now emptiness would be her only company and shut that liar out, she would. She would make that woman suffer the way she was, too.
Oh, Kara.
It hurts.This one hurt much more than any other betrayal in the extent of her forsaken life. By now Lena should be used to it, used to being used by the people she cared about most, and yet she wasn’t. She could present herself to the world as a woman of steel in own right; unbreakable, except to her, to the actual girl whose heart was made of cold steel and who took advantage of poor little miss Luthor’s need for someone—anyone to call a friend.
“How could I be so stupid!” Lena chastised herself. Opening my heart to her, “I shouldn’t have!”
In her hand she held a picture of both of them, all smiles and joy… all lies. She took another sip from her wine, looked once more to the empty sky and enraged she wanted to turn that piece of paper into tiny shreds, but couldn’t. She felt strength leave her body and just cried herself to sleep, repeating in her mind she would never make the same mistake again, swore her heart would become an impenetrable fortress of solitude itself.
Kara was having her own moment of mourning, too, weeping at the friend she lost as she looked at the same picture in her hands, feeling miserable, wrapped in a blanket that did nothing to bring back the warmth to her trembling body. This particular night seemed darker and felt colder and she needed sunshine to recover. But not just any sunshine; she needed the light that came from seeing Lena’s smile beamed at her one more time.
Just once.
She wanted so much to see Lena, wanted to fly up to her balcony and sweep her off her feet, tell her they would work this out, that their friendship was worth it, beg Lena to give her the chance and she would prove herself over and over again, as many times as necessary. But she also wanted to respect her request for space. It was taking all her might to do that but she would honor Lena’s wish to be left alone, even if this distance was sucking the light out of her every cell.
“I can’t live like this!”
Kara cried, clutching the picture against her chest, feeling a new kind of ache she hadn’t felt before, one that squeezed and sucked her soul into a black hole starting in her heart, and for a moment she thought she might die, but all she did was lose conscience until the next day.
Kara tried to focus on her work at CATCO, to keep her mind off Lena, but couldn’t. She could barely hold herself up in the office as all her thoughts would bring her back to green, saddened eyes, filled with disappointment in her.
She’d wanted to protect Lena but all she’d done was break her.
“I know I don’t deserve a chance but I can’t go another day without seeing her, Alex,” she said to her sister.
Kara had called in sick to work and Alex brought breakfast to her sister’s apartment to check up on her per Nia’s concern.
“Kara, I know you feel terrible but you need to stop beating yourself up,” Alex said gently, trying her best not to upset her. “To be fair, Lena’s lied to us far more.”
“She had her reasons to!” Kara got on defensive, as she always would. “But me, I just lied and lied and continued to lie to her. I made her open up and went on and betrayed her with the very thing she begged me not to.” She cried out.
“What you did, you did out of love, Kara. All you’ve ever done is protect Lena— all of us. You can’t keep blaming yourself for that. Hell, even now you’re doing it. There’s reasons to take her under custody, we know Eve’s confession is bullshit, but you keep finding ways to justify and keep law enforcement away from her. It’s not… right.”
“Don’t you dare go after her, Alex,” Kara said sharply. “I swear If the FBI, the CIA or the DEO do so much as to touch one of her hairs, I will punch through every wall, tear every weapon apart and stop at nothing until I save her. You have my word on that!”
“Kara, are you listening to yourself?” Alex looked at her sister in disbelief. “I know you’re hurting, but that doesn’t give you the right to threaten me or talk to me like that.” She was firm, but then softened. “Look, I’m only trying to help…” She tried to reach for her sister’s hand across the table but Kara pulled it back.
“Well thank you, but no thank you.” Kara didn’t even bother taking her glasses off before fleeing, not giving a damn if someone recognized her true persona.
Realization downed on Alex. This was more than just two friends having an argument, it went deeper than a friendship. This was a matter of the heart.
Her cellphone kept ringing and Kara dropped it in the air as she flew over the ocean. She spent the day flying around the world in hope she would drain all her energy and make herself so tired she could cease from existence or at least fall in a long, deep sleep. She hadn’t been able to rest more than two hours a night since revelation day and it was taking its toll on her. It had been just fourteen days but somehow it felt like eons.
It got dark and Kara was very tired, so weak and tired she fell asleep on the one balcony in all of National City she wasn’t welcome.
She had failed miserably in stopping this new bad habit of hers of waiting outside Lena’s building, hovering high in the air, only to leave before actually making eye contact with the woman she so desperately needed seeing. Instead, she would use her x-ray vision to follow the woman’s silhouette in the elevator as it moved, up to where the CEO of L-Corp would enter her new penthouse and Kara would flee before Lena took any notice of her presence outside.
Lena disarmed the alarm system, entered her home, walked to the kitchen to get some water for herself to drink and when she turned around, she dropped her glass as she noticed a familiar body lying still in her balcony.
“Kara!”
Lena ran toward the balcony and promptly moved to where she controlled the light on a green-glowing lamp that was made specifically to keep Supergirl at bay, if she dared come uninvited. Like those buzzing lamps used to keep flying pests away, which could burn you if you got too close, Lena had engineered the device, designed it specially for her very worst friend.
As she expected, Kara was affected by the radiation, Lena could see green veins glowing in peach skin, and dimmed the light just enough to lower its impact on the Kryptonian girl but not completely so not to make it too easy on the trespasser to leave without hearing a thing or two.
Miss Luthor almost touched Kara’s face, but pulled her hand back and regained her composure. She would not allow herself a moment of weakness again.
As the radiation lowered, Kara began making soft noises and slowly opened her eyes to see Lena Luthor standing tall before her, arms folded across her chest, looking down at her with disapproval and completely unsurprised.
“Glad to see you’re still alive,” Lena said with disdain but Kara smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m just glad you breathe because I don’t need the Director of the DEO blaming me for a crime I didn’t commit. Again.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how I got here,” Kara said weakly.
“Sure.” Lena was cold. “I trust you’re well familiarized with the way out, am I right Supergirl?”
Kara squinted at that, at the cynicality and detachment in Lena’s tone.
“That’s Kryptonite…” Kara mumbled as she looked at the lamp, “Why?” asked sadly, already knowing the answer but she had to hear it, had to hear Lena Luthor hurt her with words as they made a better punishment than her synthetic Kryptonite.
“Need you ask?” Lena’s eyebrow rose. “I seem to have a Kryptonian stalker, mind you. Now, you will leave these premises immediately or so help me.”
“No,” Kara replied. “Please, hear me out.”
“I don’t have to. Besides, we both know all that comes out of your mouth are lies, so spare us both this waste of time or I will.”
Lena moved her hand to the control panel on the wall and looked at Kara with a menacing semblance, but also hurt. Inside, she kept convincing herself she wanted to turn up that green light and put Supergirl in so much pain, but deep down she hated herself for even thinking about hurting Kara this way.
They are the same person, Lena kept repeating in her head.
“Do it, Lena. If that’s what it takes for you to make me pay for what I did to you, I accept it.”
“Please… Playing martyr won’t work with me, I’m a Luthor.”
Kara finally could get on her feet and took one, two weak steps closer to Lena. Lena’s eyes filled with fear but she wouldn’t show weakness to Supergirl, so she didn’t step back, instead she looked straight into Kara’s eyes with a challenging gaze but Kara could see more into those green eyes, glazed with unshed tears.
“Back down, Supergirl. I don’t want to kill you, but I will if you take one step further. Afterall, you’re trespassing and I’m only exerting my right to self-defend.”
Kara’s tears started falling but non-the-less she took one last step further and with her arms she surrounded Lena’s body, pulling her into a weak embrace.
Lena panicked, her own tears started pouring down the sides of her face and she used her trembling voice to emote a command; “Hope, activate nightfall.”
“Nightfall initiated,” The artificial intelligence responded. “Kryptonian DNA detected. Aiming. Kara Zor-El, you have three seconds to evacuate.”
“Three…” Small canons came from compartments within the lead-coated walls.
Lena’s eyes were begging her to leave, but Kara only pulled her closer, sobbed into her hair and decided to share one last secret she’d been keeping from her best friend.
“Two…” Green lasers where pointed at Kara’s body.
“It’s fine,” Kara whispered.
“One…” Energy began to gather in the canons aimed at the target.
“I love you, Lena.”
A piercing sound that could only hurt Kara’s hearing began beeping, bring Kara to her knees, and then Lena’s voice cut it.
“Hope: Abort!”
“Nightfall deactivated,” Hope responded.
Lasers were shut off, canons withdrawn, and the green kryptonite lamp was turned off entirely.
“This is a new low, Kara, even for Supergirl. Just. Leave. Please.” Lena’s voice quavered.
“Lena, please,” Kara cried more, “I meant it.” She tried to take Lena’s hands in hers but she pulled them away. “I really do love you,” she confessed, still on her knee.
“Stop lying to me! Stop hurting me, Kara! Quit playing with my feelings, I can’t keep doing this.”
“I mean it, Lena.” Kara brushed her own tears away. “All this time I was a coward. I didn’t want losing you as a friend because… because… I’m in love with you and if I could at least keep you as a friend, that'd be more than a dream come true. But I've always felt like I can't have this for me. If knowing my identity ever put you in harm’s way, I couldn’t live with it. I just can’t! I can’t live without you, don't you see? You're my yellow sun.” Kara gave her a soft, innocent smile, bearing her heart out and giving her the choice to break it or rebuild it.
Lena’s heart skipped a beat. There was silence for a long moment and Kara was freaking out.
“Say something…” Kara braced herself, trying to stop her body from shaking.
“If that’s how you truly feel, I’m very sorry, Kara. I’m afraid I can’t return such feelings.” Lena turned her back to her. “Please go.”
Saying it made a knot in her throat, but she would hold her poise and not give away anything that could remotely give Kara any hope. No silver lining.
Kara felt her heart break in a million pieces. If she felt blue before, this was something else entirely. Her spirit was devastated; her hope: obliterated. But then something clicked.
“No.” Kara took a deep breath, rose and felt stronger as the effects of kryptonite subsided.
“I beg your pardon?” Lena was dumbfounded.
“You don’t get to tell me that and look away. Look at me, Lena. Look me in the eye and say you don’t love me. If you can do that, I will give up on you, once and for all.”
Kara got impossibly closer again and Lena could feel her warm breath, making it harder to put back up her façade. She was flabbergasted. She’d always known Supergirl was stubborn but she thought she was more, so she slowly turned around to face Kara again and cleared her throat.
“Unlike you, I have no intention to prey on you or humiliate you over your sentiments,” Lena responded.
“That’s not what I asked you. Try again,” Kara was firm.
“You’re being ridiculous now. Not everyone has to fall head-over-heels in love with you Supergirl. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Leave. Me. Alone.”
Kara felt brave and went on and cupped Lena’s face in her hands. Lena was disarmed, eyes opened wide as she saw Kara lean closer, bring her lips closer to her own, and she wanted to push Supergirl away and spit in her face but not really.
“I fucking hate you, Kara,” Lena said before pulling in Kara and kissing her lips desperately.
Her hand was searching for something, touched the pillow next to hers and green eyes opened worriedly when she felt the empty spot.
Had Supergirl mocked her again?
“Breakfast in bed?” Kara lowered a tray with all of Lena’s favorite things she brought from across the globe.
Smiling blue eyes met a green gaze and Lena her wiped smalls tears away.
“Sounds perfect. My love.”