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“Hey Y/N.” Johnny says to you across the bedroom, holding up a grey hoodie with a small smirk. “You remember this?”
“My… your hoodie.” You smile, walking around the bed and carefully taking the hoodie from his hands. You hold it close to your chest, breathing in the soft smell of fabric softener with a soft chuckle.
“Do you remember that day?” Johnny asks softly, a small smile on his lips. “When we first got together.”
That day, it was raining heavily. You had gotten into a fight with your then-boyfriend, Jaehyun. He had been cheating on you for six months, and you only had discovered it when it was far too late. It ended in a screaming match; and you stormed out in a huff. You didn’t know where you were going, but your feet gravitated towards your best friend, Mark.
Only, Mark didn’t answer the door that day. His brother, Johnny, did.
You were soaking wet as he pulled you into the house, immediately handing you a towel to dry yourself off. He apologised, and told you Mark had gone out to the store for some things, but he would be back soon. Eventually, you were telling Johnny what had happened -- Johnny confessed that he had known for a few months, and begged for Jaehyun to come clean.
Johnny soon brought alcohol into the equation, saying that it would “ take the pain away.” You didn’t really know Johnny very well -- you had only talked to him a few times whenever you both crossed paths -- but you were quick to realise that Mark was right to speak so highly of his older brother; he spoke to you so kindly, took care of you when he had no need to. He made sure you weren’t drinking alone either; he had his own reasons to drink, which he never disclosed to you.
Mark soon came home to find the two of you making out on the couch. Mark had laughed, and told the two of you to get a room. That kiss was the first of many, and it didn’t take very long until Johnny was calling you his.
“Yeah.” You hum, breathing in the hoodie once more. Even though the smell of the rain was gone, the feeling of the hoodie had remained intact all this time. “Yeah, I remember that day.”
“Are you taking it with you?”
“Hmm..” You hesitate. You didn’t want to let it go, but something deep inside was telling you to. You sigh, pushing the hoodie into Johnny’s chest. “You keep it. It was yours to begin with.”
You walk back around the bed, picking up your bag. You go around the apartment, as you and Johnny slowly make your way through many of your shared items, and the memories they held. Like the scented candles you had bought together, each burnt out wick previously holding the gorgeous scents that filled the apartment with the most beautiful of aromatic memories. If someone was to name one of the many scents on your shelves, both you and Johnny could each give a precious memory from the time the candle was burning.
You both knew you should have thrown them out once they had burnt out, but you could never bring yourself to. So, your shelves would be filled with burnt out candles being replaced by burnt out candles.
On those same shelves housed frames from days past; old movie stubs, cute handwritten notes on diner napkins, pictures from the pop-up booths you’d find at the city fairs. Each frame told a story that both of you cherish. Johnny picks up one of the frames, a photo of the two of you together in front of the apartment. You both had a big, overly-cheesy grin, as Johnny had his arm around you and you held up the keys.
“Remember this?” There’s a slight crack in Johnny’s voice, as he shows you the photo. You smile fondly, taking it from his hands. A laugh escapes you.
“The day we got the apartment.” You hum. “How could I forget?”
“Eating take-out on the floor because we barely had any furniture.”
“Sleeping on an airbed for a week. We nearly popped it when we--” you blush profusely, remembering one of the later nights of the apartment where you and Johnny would make sweet love under the moonlight on the airbed that was in the corner of your bedroom, shoved against the wall -- you would roll off of it many times before you both bought a proper bed to sleep and play in.
“Yeah.” Johnny chuckles, taking the photo back from you and putting it back on the shelf carefully. “It was just the two of us back then, until we got our little one.”
You smile, looking past him into the living area where your dog, Artic, is led on the couch as he chews on an over-chewed toy. He was appropriately named for his thick, white fur, but also because of you and Johnny’s shared love for the Arctic Monkeys. You sigh, walking over to the couch and plopping down. You wrap your arms around the large mass of fur and bury your face deep inside, breathing in the comforting smell. Arctic is none the wiser, happily chewing on his little plaything as he wags his tail contentedly.
“Do you think he knows?” You ask, not looking up at Johnny who has now joined you by the couch and is petting the dog’s head. Arctic stops chewing his toy, reacting to Johnny’s touch and pushing his head further into his palm. Johnny chuckles, taking his other hand and scratching under the dog’s jaw as he pants happily.
“Maybe? I think dogs can sense things like this.” Johnny says, shifting his position so that he’s half-sitting, half standing on the back of the couch. “Like, I read somewhere that dogs can sense sadness in their humans. Why do you think they always whine sadly when we’re sad, and give us licks on our hands and faces which will cheer us up?”
“Oh, baby.” You whine, no longer burying your face into the dog’s fur and now just burying your cheek as you aimlessly stroke him. Artic reacts more to your touch, turning his head and licking your hand. You hum softly.
“You’ll be a good boy for Daddy, won’t you?” You ask, sitting up and petting the dog’s head. “Mommy’s gotta go away for a little while, but I’ll come and get you soon.”
It is then that the reality of the situation had begun to dawn on you. You were packing your things to leave Johnny, after he had done to you the same exact thing that had happened in the past. A stupid mistake that he had apologised to you for countless times, you knew what to do going forward. You were eternally grateful that Mark was going to take you in for a few days whilst you settled other affairs. After that, you planned to move back home.
It hurt you to leave the place where you and Johnny had made so many memories, but it was hurting you more to stay within those memories knowing that the love was tainted.
“I’m overstaying my welcome.” You say, sitting up. Turning away from Johnny, you grit your teeth as you hold back your tears, as Johnny equally kept back his. Picking up your bag, you get up and walk towards the door. Your hands shake and your palms sweat. Your heart beats so loudly in your chest that you were sure it could be heard from outside the apartment.
You put down your bag, fumbling in your pockets as you pull out a set of keys. Finding the key to the apartment, you take it off of the keychain. You turn to face Johnny, heart heavy in your chest as you push the key into his palm and enclose his fingers around it.
“I’ll get going now.” You say, voice faltering as a damned tear falls across your cheek. There follows a sharp intake of breath, as you turn away from Johnny with squeezed-shut eyes. A lump rises in your throat as you choke out, “Mark will be by tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff.. and the dog.”
It had only made sense to the two of you that you would be taking the dog with you; you were the one to find him after you discovered one of your relatives was selling a litter of puppies, you were the one to name him, you were the one to take him for his first walk. And, even though Johnny would never admit it publicly, he knew that the dog favoured you more.
Johnny knows it will kill him to be so far away from his most favourite pet that he’s had in his lifetime, but being so far from you, the one he cherished and hurt, would be the final nail in his coffin.
“Y/N,” Johnny sighs, voice quiet. Tears stream down his cheeks, which he isn’t so quick to hide as you are. You open your eyes, looking at him for the last time; the longest time. The way his bottom lip quivers, the way his eyes, that are so full of hurt, still have that signature twinkle in them. Looking at him this final time is soul-crushing, even more so as he says, “is it too much to ask to touch you one last time?”
You relax slightly, walking over to him. Stretching, you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck. He pulls you in, holding you tightly as he rests his chin on your shoulder, and you rest your chin on his. Both of you softly sniffle as you share a fragile heartbeat. Your stomach ties itself in knots in the worst way, and you finally stop hiding your tears.
“I’m sorry.” A soft voice murmurs into your shoulder. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for letting you go.. if I could turn back the clock, if I could erase what I did, I would in a heartbeat.”
“I know you would. But maybe,” you sigh, and push yourself out of his embrace. You ball your hands into fists, digging in your nails as you focus on the way Johnny continues to reach out to you. “Maybe this is how things are meant to be. How we end.”
“I don’t want us to end.” Johnny grits his teeth, choking back a sob. “I want you to stay right here, with me and Arctic. I want us to eat crappy takeout and buy more scented candles, I want us to love until dawn. I want us… to be us .”
You shake your head, stepping backwards as you reach for your bag. Arctic gets up from his place on the couch, whining as he trots over to the pair of you. It broke your heart, and you turn your back on them. Opening the door, you let out your final goodbye:
“I know you do. And, I want that too. But.. that just can’t be anymore.”