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“Doctor! Is she going to make it!? Why is the machine beeping so loud!?”
“Mr. Majima, we’re doing the best we can to save her but you need to step back.”
“She’s my fucking wife!”
“I understand sir but you need to take a step back and calm down.”
“Go…..ro…..”
“Makoto! Makoto, I’m here, don’t ya worry!”
“I….love….you…..”
“I love ya too Makoto but ya gotta be strong. C’mon, think of our little puppy!”
“Doctor, we’re losing her.”
“We need to take her to the operating room, now!”
“Prepare for surgery.”
“Hey, where the hell are ya taking her!? What’s goin’ on with her!?”
“Sir, she’s going to die if we don’t hurry.”
“Can I come with her at least!? She needs me! Look at her!”
“Sir, I think she needs us more than she needs you right now.”
……
……..
………..
…………..
“I’m so sorry but she didn’t make it. We did everything we could.”
“Are ya really certain of that? Are ya sure you didn’t just let her bleed to death!? You didn’t even let me be with her and she fucking died without us sayin’ goodbye-”
“Sir, I understand this is hard but you need to calm down. There are other people-”
“The fuck you mean there’s other people!? My wife just died because you’re all a bunch of asshats!”
“Sir-”
“Now my daughter doesn’t have a mother anymore ‘cause y’all didn’t do shit to help her!”
“We’re sorry-”
“Sorry?? Sorry!? I just lost my wife and the mother of my child and all you can tell me is sorry!? How the fuck are you supposed to fix this shit with just a sorry!?”
Majima’s eye opened up, jumping into being awake from a vivid dream that brought back memories he tried to push down in the corner of his mind. He heard violent coughs coming from the other room and he sighed in dread.
Technically, he could blame this burst of waking up on his daughter, Himeko, who laid sick in bed with a relapsing fever that made her cough out her lungs. She was being loud and the walls were thin enough that it echoed throughout the hall.
But that wouldn’t be the truth. Rather, it was the uprising of that day, that horrific day, that woke him up, that kept him from falling into blissful darkness.
It was a day of what ifs that Majima kept wondering what could have happened if things worked out differently. It was supposed to be a happy day, a day of celebration, a day that commemorated the anniversary of Makoto agreeing to be his wife until death do them part. They had entrusted Nishida to look after their small daughter, Himeko, while they took off into the night to relive the days of young love they used to have. The evening started off magical with Makoto wearing a dark blue dress that hugged her curves and draped over her legs. Jewels glistened on her porcelain skin and Majima found himself falling even more madly in love with her. They started off at a wonderful restaurant that had the finest of foods and drinks. Majima wasn’t entirely content on the idea of dining in such a classy atmosphere but being with Makoto was enough to push any grumbles he might have had.
It was when they walked the streets that things took a turn for the worse. Without knowing any motive behind it, a bullet ran through Makoto, causing blood to pour out of her onto the sidewalk with her knees buckling to the ground. Majima took her to a hospital as her skin grew paler and her body stopped functioning. It was then that she died in the operating room, before Majima could even give a proper goodbye.
Needless to say, Majima did end up finding the guy and forced enough damage that he wouldn’t be able to live comfortably for the rest of his life but in the end, that didn’t make Majima happier. No matter how much suffering he could inflict, it still wouldn’t change the fact that Makoto was gone.
So it was just him and his daughter. It was hard at first, especially since she was so young that she didn’t understand that her mother wasn’t coming back. But over the past months, realization came to her and Majima could see that in the way she behaved. She went from being a carefree girl who desired attention in all directions to a girl who walked on eggshells and chose silence. Time from time, he would see bruises on her arms and legs but she would brush him off and handle her own cuts. Himeko was only a child yet, maturing like an adult. Whenever Majima tried to do anything for her, she’d only give him a sad smile and tell him that she doesn’t “want to make things difficult for papa”.
Which was happening currently. Earlier in the day, Himeko looked like a ghost with only red splotches covering her cheeks. No matter what Majima said, she’d always respond that she was fine, just cold and light headed. Until she happened to pass out and her forehead burned up beneath his hand. So he sent her to bed for the rest of the day, calming her worries that he’d handle calling the school to tell them that she wasn’t coming in. Of course, easier said than done since he’d never done it before (Makoto always was the one to do it) but after a few screaming matches and threatening phrases, he managed to get her off for the day.
Her coughing had quieted when they officially went to bed but from how violent they sounded all the way into his room, it appeared that her fever picked up again.
Kicking his legs out of bed, Majima walked out of his room and down the hall into his daughter’s. He quietly opened the door and he saw her curled up in the sheets, heavy breaths coming out as sweat beaded down the side of her face. Immediately, Majima went to the kitchen and placed a cloth into a bowl with frigid water and allowed it to soak for a bit before returning back. His fingers numbed against the bowl as he slowly went into Himeko’s room. Quietly, he stepped over to the night table and placed the bowl on top. He could hear her heavy breathing as he wrung out the water from the cloth and gingerly placed it on the top of her forehead.
Eyes flickered open and black pupils looked up at him. “Papa….” she raspingly called to him, her reddened cheeks intensifying against her whitened skin.
“Hi puppy,” Majima whispered to her, his fingers pulling back strands of hair that stuck under the cloth. “You sound like you’re coughin’ up yer lungs out. How are ya doin’?”
“I’m….I’m ok….” Himeko coughed out, her words being interrupted by the hacking of her throat, clearly showing the opposite of what she wanted to say.
Majima gave a scoff. “That don’t sound like yer alright.”
“.....My body does hurt and I’m really cold but I promise I’m ok…..Don’t-”
“ ‘Don’t worry about me.’ How many times do I have to hear that before ya start being honest with me puppy?”
“.....I am being honest though……”
“Yer forehead feels like a blazing hot heater and you wanna tell me yer fine?” Majima gave her a stern look with his eye, making Himeko sheepishly glance away and partially hide under her sheets. He gave a sigh and brought his head down as he watched his fingers fidget around each other. His usual tick when he was going to say something uncomfortable. “.....Just because your mother ain’t around anymore doesn’t mean ya gotta act tough. I’m your dad, I gotta take care of ya, especially when yer sick like this.”
Himeko didn’t respond to that. Majima cursed under his breath. He had to have hit a nerve with that. Even if it had been a couple months and the worst of the pain was gone, it still didn’t help the elephant in the room from leaving. Makoto was a huge part of their small family and she was the one who could keep everything together without fear of falling apart. Not that anything was falling apart now necessarily but when she was around, there was no need to worry anyone. It was as if there never was an idea that she would ever die; by the way she acted, she was going to live forever. Too bad shit like that wasn’t as magical as Disney films made them out to be.
“Papa?” Himeko finally broke, shattering the silence.
“Hmm?”
“How did you and Mama meet?”
Oh no no no no no, not this question. “That’s a bit of a complicated story that I’ll tell ya when yer older, not now.”
“I think I’m old enough now…..”
“Give it a few years, then you’ll be ready for it,” was what he said. What he really meant was: Give it a few years so I can have time to process it since I’m still not over Makoto dying and I can’t relive those memories right now.
He could sense Himeko got the message since she grumbled an acceptance. Majima thought she would stop it there but then she looked back at him with the same wide eyes that Makoto would give him. “Then, will you sing me the song you used to sing Mama whenever she was sad? You know, the one where you would dress up in an idol costume and pretend she was Cinderella? Please?”
What the fuck was up with this child tonight? Never did she bring up a word about all this shit before and now, all of a sudden, she dug it up from the inner workings of her mind to spew them out? Jesus fucking Christ, how did Makoto handle shit like this? Especially when his daughter gave the same look as her mother? Fuck.
He had to approach this as softly as he could. A hand lightly touched her shoulder and he gave her a sad smile. “I think you need to go back to sleep, puppy. I can do that for ya another time.”
Which probably was the absolute wrong thing to say. Her cheeks ballooned into a pout before she turned away from him, giving him her back. The cloth on her head shifted away and misplaced itself on her forehead so Majima reached over and adjusted it. “C’mon puppy, let’s get some rest.” Still no answer.
He gave a sigh and stood up from her bed to start walking to the door. His hand hovered over her doorknob when he heard her speak up once more. “Mama would have done it.”
Holy fuck did she hit the nail on the coffin. Majima thought that she abandoned that needy attitude when Makoto died but clearly, Himeko being sick was enough for her to bring it back in an instant. It was funny and cute when Makoto was alive but now that she was gone, a statement like that hit him harder than it should have. “Well, she ain’t here anymore.”
“I know,” Himeko said quietly though she might have screamed that with how loud it echoed in Majima’s ears. He heard her shifting in her bed and he glanced back to see her staring back at him with those big eyes that she inherited from Makoto. “I miss Mama.”
“I know, I do too.”
Majima expected her to wiggle back away from him and go into a tangent on how significantly better Makoto was than him. How he was a horrible father to her and that he was nothing without Makoto. That she would be better off with no guardian than with one.
But she didn’t do that. Instead Himeko sat up, giving small whines when doing so, and she looked straight in the eye. “I miss her a lot but I don’t think she would want to see you like this.”
“What do ya mean?”
“Papa, you don’t want to talk about her or do anything we all used to do together. And when she is talked about, you always look so sad and….that makes me sad,” she quietly continued, her eyes glossing over. “I don’t want to see you sad.”
Now it was Majima’s turn not to speak up. Despite her being a child, she was a perceptive one, exactly how her mother was. It seemed that no matter how much Majima tried to fake it around her, Himeko managed to see right through him.
Fuck, the more he looked at her, the more she looked like Makoto. Like a smaller, mini version that had a few physical features like his but mostly based on Makoto. As if losing his wife was bad enough, now he had to see it in his daughter too. No matter where he turned, some semblance of Makoto was always going to haunt him.
Himeko gave a rasped sigh and huddled back under her sheets. “Well, goodnight then,” she said softly, her infected throat chopping up her words. Her breaths were heavy that mixed in with a cough.
Majima played the eternal debate back and forth until the picture of her looking sad stained his mind. His eye looked around and landed on a frame that had a photo of them before everything happened. Back when smiles were the norm and life had more meaning than it did now. Back when they were a happy family that wasn’t weighed down by the death of a family member.
Fuck.
He walked back to his daughter’s bed and sat at the edge, watching the change in her shoulders. Despite the gnawing pain that bit at his heart, he started to hum the melody of the requested song. “ Truly I love you. I’ll send it to you. Surely you love me. I feel it. Let’s search for the glass slipper that fits you ,” he started to sing, though his voice was devoid of the hyper energy he used to have. This time it was soft and quiet, as if each word made a sharp pain in his heart. “ As two, step and go. Until the end. Even if it’s passed 12am midnight, our love magic will not disappear. ”
“ Come and eat, princess. I am enthralled with you, so sweet, you seem like you’d eat a poison apple and fall asleep, ” Himeko joined in, taking over Majima’s lapse of singing that came with a slight surprise. She twisted back to face her dad and the look of happiness over all that sickness made his heart skip a beat.
“ Natural things = my treasure. The earth is round, the sun rises, you smile ,” they started to sing together, starting off slowly to build up the chorus. “ Truly I LOVE YOU! I’ll send it to you.
Surely YOU LOVE ME! I feel it. Let’s search for the glass slipper that fits you ,” they continued on, their voices getting louder and louder. It was like going back in the day when they would dance around, bellowing out the lyrics and getting Makoto to join them in silly outfits. Of course, it wasn’t the same and probably wouldn’t be the same but it was a moment that they were sharing together.
“ As two, Step & Go! Until the end.
Even if it’s passed 12am midnight,
our love magic will not disappear!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ” They shouted the last part, leading Himeko to giggle at the end. Of course, sickness didn’t let happiness last too long but she still managed to smile at the end.
“Thanks Papa,” she whispered, wrapping her arms against his bare chest. Himeko leaned into him and he could smell the same sweet scent that Makoto used to have.
Her forehead heated up against his skin the more she squished against him but he didn’t focus on that. He had his little puppy cuddled up to him like she used to do. Majima didn’t realize how much he missed that until it was actually happening again. “Anythin’ for my little princess.” His eye gazed around the room until it came upon a clock that clearly read 2:48 a.m. “Alright, puppy, now let’s get some sleep.” He tried to say but clearly she refused to hear it since she kept holding on tight. His hands tried to lightly move her arms and that only encouraged them to grip harder. “Puppy, what’s the matter? We gotta get sleep.”
She didn’t move her head up. Rather she brought it more into his chest. “Papa, can you sleep with me tonight?”
“What? Oh, c’mon, let’s-”
“Please,” Himeko begged, finally looking up at him and ah shit, he really wished she didn’t do that. Her eyes enlarged like a puppy dog and it certainly didn’t help that being sick reddened her cheeks into an adorable blush that complimented the rest. “I’m already starting to feel better with you here. So please, Papa.”
Majima knew he should have said no. It wasn’t for the fact of sleeping in the same bed that made him think that way, it was that Makoto always reprimanded him for giving into that look. When she was around, she didn’t want Himeko to be drenched in spoils whenever she wanted. It made her feel bad to say no to their daughter but she implored Majima to do the same, to teach her at a young age the meaning of not begging and getting things at the right moment with the right amount of patience. It was Makoto’s way of wanting to raise their daughter in a way that was never given to either of them and as much as Majima wanted to fight (and did so occasionally), he tried to respect that wish. Even more so now that she was gone from their lives.
So he should have said no and not given in once more but….god dammit did she look so sad and cute like that. How the hell could he resist that face that hypocritically Makoto made sometimes too?!? Ok well, she didn’t exactly mean to make it and when she did, it was for other reasons but still! How could he tell her no!? It was like not giving a dog a nice treat after they’ve been good with their tricks. Pretty inhumane if one asked him.
Plus, she didn’t ask for much once Makoto passed so indulging it once in a while was alright. She wouldn’t know from all the way up there or, rather, she would know but she couldn’t stop it.
Majima gave a sigh. “Alright, puppy. Just for you. But only because yer sick, kay?” He sternly said the last part, though they both that was a total lie. She nodded in agreement and he pulled back the covers to snake in there next to her. His back wormed against the pillows until it found a comfortable spot, keeping his upper body somewhat upright against the bed frame while still being able to be cushioned. Himeko decided to substitute her pillows for his chest, burying her head into the crevice of his shoulder. He was about to reminisce on all the times that Makoto did that after their intimate moments but the coldness from the cloth on her head started to really pack a punch on his bare skin so it snapped him out of it for a while until he pulled it off of her and placed it back in the bowl where it was originally. “Let’s get some sleep, eh?”
Himeko mumbled an acceptance and both of them closed their eyes to get into the comfort of the night.
However, mouths clearly weren’t following the same rule. “Papa?”
“Mmm?”
“When I get better, will you take me to Disney again? I miss going there.”
“By the way yer goin’, that’s gonna be a while but if that’s what ya want then ya gotta get better soon and that starts with gettin’ some sleep.”
“Okay….”
“........”
“........”
“Ok but Papa?”
“Hime-”
“I know Mama always said no when we went there but do you think you could get me that huge castle that I’ve always wanted?? You know, the one that plays music and has all the characters in it?? Pretty please??”
“Himeko, yer mama said no for a reason and just cause she ain’t around no more doesn’t mean that’s gonna change.”
“But I really want it. Please??”
Majima’s eye opened up and ah fuck, she was giving that face again! “Dammit, I thought you stopped this shit a long time ago. Does makin’ ya sick revert ya back or somethin’?” She didn’t respond but those eyes became glossy and her eyebrows lifted up in sadness and Jesus Christ, how can being sick make her do this 180 back to how she used to be!? “Besides, what’re ya gonna do with that castle?? Ya gotta go to school.”
“Well I would play with it of course. And you would to.”
“Me?? Hime, I got men to take care of, I don’t got time to play with this kind of stuff-”
“Then I’ll ask Mr. Nishida to play with me. He’s really fun to be around and he helped me build the last castle I got. He can do these cool accents and he’s really good at acting too. I’m sure he’ll say yes to playing with me if I asked him to.”
“Ya know, I’m pretty good at those things too.”
“But you never play with me so I don’t know. But Mr. Nishida does!! I haven’t seen him in a while. Hey maybe he can take me to Disney while you deal with things Papa. I know he’ll get me the castle if I ask so maybe you won’t have to worry about it after all.”
“......Fine. Fine, we’ll go to Disney and I’ll get ya that castle with the music so we can play with it together and do all that bondin’ stuff. But, only if ya go to sleep now.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll sleep now,” she consented, finally closing her eyes and nuzzling back to her spot.
“Good. Night puppy,” he said before closing his eye.
“......”
“..........”
“Papa?”
“What did I tell ya-”
“Thanks for being the best dad ever. I miss Mama a lot but knowing that you’re here makes everything a lot better so thank you. I love you Papa. Night.” And finally, nothing else came out except for her breathing turning heavier and slower. His eye sharply opened up to take a better look at her. Her forehead was still warm but she didn’t look like she was in pain against his chest. She looked calmer and serene.
Majima was the patriarch of his own yakuza family. He had men fear him and could shoot down anyone in a flash. One look at his eye and they would see a cruel monster ready to attack for blood. Majima was a menace, a man that distorted his real personality and didn’t feel anything for anyone else.
And yet, there he was, smiling like an idiot over a little girl pressed against his shoulder. Of course, she wasn’t any ordinary girl; she was the product of the love that he and Makoto shared. She was only a kid but she was his kid and it made him all sorts of stupid happy just to hear her say that. Whether or not she meant it in that sick induced haze was a different story but Majima took it and let his heart flutter in a weird sort of cuddly way that only happened around her.
He gazed at her softly and his hand lightly ran through her hair as she fell more into sleep, the fever making her breathing sound worse than it actually was. But she was asleep and that’s what mattered to Majima for her recovery. True he might get sick in the process but it would be all worth it if his little girl ended up alright with her dad by her side.
“I love ya too, puppy,” he whispered to her as he leaned over for a small kiss on the top of her head before he settled back and closed his eye, enveloping back into the darkness.