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Xie Lian was sweating like it was summer, looking wild-eyed, and even Hua Cheng seemed to be experiencing some kind of quiet mental breakdown. The waiting room walls were green with white dots, and there were toys everywhere. To every normal-sized chair there was a small one, close by; colourful crayons, broken in hundred pieces, were half hidden behind a fake flower pot. The posters around them all had important messages:
everyone, please be cheerful and full of hope! just like the children!! set the example!!!;
and
the flu season’s around the corner and it’s particularly brutal to little kids, don’t forget to make an appointment with your pediatrician;
and
the resident psychologist is announcing new spots for family therapy, don’t be too proud, talk to us — OUR FAMILY can help YOURS!;
and also
the new hockey season seems to be going really well, but it really depends on which team you’re rooting for… hope it isn’t the coyotes… if so, you’re fucked.
Xie Lian held Hua Cheng’s hand between his, trying to measure his breaths with the beating of his heart, but it was useless; Hua Cheng was like a rabbit in fight or flight mode, there was no peace to get from him, Xie Lian was at the verge of tears of despair.
Suddenly, when all was lost and gone, a lady wearing a smart pink dress and a severe haircut showed up at the door of that green little room, holding a pile of blankets — and from that a baby hand appeared, looking for the world like it was waving hello.
“So.” Xie Lian said, staring sternly at A-Lan, “I guess it’s just you and me today. Let’s do our best, okay?”
She blinked at him, slow like a cat, and Xie Lian thought, Oh my god, so cute! Then, of course, as if reading his mind, she immediately threw up right on his favorite shirt.
In front of Xie Lian the homepage of Google stared at his face without any mercy whatsoever. The doodle of the day was probably something relating to art; there was a stylized paint brush resolutely forming the letter G in a soft shade of blue. The unmistakable yelling-crying sound of an upset infant kept coming from the living room, followed by Hua Cheng's panicked singing voice. Xie Lian sighed, feeling a terrible headache, and wrote how to soothe a crying baby please help, but there was no hope left on his soul.
From crying colic to gas…, it started, and Xie Lian went to find Hua Cheng, holding the laptop close to his chest like a lifeline. “It says here that babies can cry for lots of reasons.”
Hua Cheng, who was very busy rocking A-Lan like the world was going to end if he didn’t, looked at him wide-eyed. She seemed to be just getting started, no sign of stopping anytime soon. Was it normal? Xie Lian had no idea.
“What’s happening to her? How do we figure it out??”
“I’m going to ask Google, hold on.” he said, and sat on the carpet. He normally would want to sit on something less uncomfortable, but A-Lan had thrown up on the couch, and all the chairs were piled up with papers, coats and baby clothes.
How to figure out why a baby is crying, he typed after a couple tries. The first attempt had so many typos, the results were all useless. Was it really his fault, though? His daughter was crying her lungs off and his husband was at the edge of a mental breakdown. The noise was so terrifying it made his classroom look sane, and he taught history to teenagers.
“Oh! San Lang, San Lang! I found the best site ever, it’s basically babies for dummies!”
“What does it say??” Hua Cheng asked him, looking very, very close to losing his mind. A-Lan, bless her soul, seemed to have the lungs of god.
“Oh, shit. We’re so doomed.”
“What? Why?”
“It says here that she’s tired, but…”
“Well, no buts? Let’s just put her down for a nap, how hard can it possibly be?”
“San Lang… It also says here that since she’s already at this stage, she’s too worked up to sleep… She cried herself into the edge of insanity, I guess…”
“Gege.”
Xie Lian sighed. “I know.”
“Oh my god, gege.”
“I know.”
They stared — with absolute despair on their eyes — at their beautiful, lovely, red-faced, hysterical daughter. “What do we do now?”
“Give her a warm bath, I guess?”
Hua Cheng looked up, as if asking for divine help and providence. “This is so great, gege. This is so fine.”
A-Lan liked to pull at Hua Cheng's hair like there was no tomorrow. Xie Lian thought it so endearing, it like he was this close to dropping dead — the cuteness, it was just too much. She also liked to babble non-stop when they were all together at the living room, or the kitchen, and during the baths. Hot water was her best friend, probably only second to the stuffed rabbit that Qing Xuan gave her as a welcome [new] home!! gift.
The first few months were intense. Xie Lian was still shocked that he didn't die. Who would've known that babies were so fragile? Cried this much? Had to take so many baths? Threw up on all your clothes and furniture? As she got more mobile, A-Lan also widened her range of mischief. Hua Cheng was excited to see her running around; Xie Lian felt a lot of dread. His daughter was crazy. She was a crazy baby. Who knew what she was going to do next?
Still, nothing in the world had ever made him happier.
It was Monday morning and Hua Cheng was dragging his body around the house as was usual. He mostly worked Tuesday-Saturday, night shifts, but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t dead to the world during his off days. It usually took three cups of coffee and at least two hours before he became functional again. A-Lan thought it hilarious, and would always try to babble at him, even if the only answer she would get was a pat on her head.
“Baba.”
Xie Lian blinked at her, and Hua Cheng yawned. “What again?”
“Baba.” she said, a little clumsily, but determined. She looked like a baby on a mission, and like she couldn’t bear to be slowed down. Also, like she thought them a little stupid.
“Uh, San Lang?” He was napping again, his face smashed against the kitchen table. Xie Lian shook him, urgent. “San Lang??”
“...What…”
“A-Lan!”
“What about her…?”
She repeated, seeming, to Xie Lian, like she was vaguely bored, “Baba.”
“San Lang!” he shook his husband, freneticaly; Hua Cheng blinked at him owlishly. “Look at your daughter!”
“Baba!” she giggled, the happiest baby on Earth, and Hua Cheng just casually fell off his chair.
There were balloons everywhere. They were all green and yellow and white, because it was a surprise party organized by Yushi Huang, who believed fervently that birthday celebrations should always be mother nature-related to bring luck during the next year. Since A-Lan was so little, she went even more intense.
The birthday girl was too busy pulling at her daddy’s braid and sucking on her pacifier to give the theme of the party much mind. Everyone were around her, cooing and taking pictures on their phones, muttering about filters and babies being Instagram-friendly under their breaths. Hua Cheng was proclaiming loudly how A-Lan was clearly the most well-behaved baby ever, enduring so gracefully all those annoying people staring at her. Xie Lian giggled.
“Is she talking much?” the hostess herself asked, nursing a mug of wine. And it was really a mug, since you wouldn’t find any fancy cup at her house, no matter how long you searched. Yushi Huang was like, the hippiest woman who ever hippie.
“Just a few words. Started to make sentences last month; the doctor said that it’s normal. Also, she’s starting to walk around; A-Lan is the smartest.”
“Amazing, amazing.” she said, softly, sounding like she could cry out of happiness for them. “Such a blessed occasion, isn’t it? Such a blessed child.”
Xie Lian looked at his husband and daughter, who were both shining under the attention of all their friends and family, and grinned at her. “The most blessed, yes.”