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Listening to the rain as it poured outside, Sean sat still in his car. He lifted his head off the steering wheel, watching the drops trickle down the windshield. His front door was only a few steps away, yet he couldn’t find the energy to even get out of the car.
He took a few deep breaths, allowing himself a moment to collect his thoughts.
Sean adjusted his rear view mirror and studied his weary face- his scruffy beard, his eye puffy and red from crying earlier.
Though he had been free for a while now, taking time to look at his reflection was still something he could never really do. It always felt so foreign to him, especially with the glass eye.
It was like looking at a version of himself he dreamt up, and one day he would wake up back in his cell. Or back on the road with Daniel. Or maybe back to the day of that party all those years ago.
But it was real. All of it. And there was no turning back time.
The man in the mirror was him.
He checked his watch, then looked at the plastic bag resting on the seat next to him.
“Not today.” He sternly muttered to himself, returning the mirror to its original position. “You’re not doing this today.”
Shaking his head, he grabbed the bag and stepped out of the car. He didn’t bother putting on the hood of his jacket, letting the dying rain drizzle over him.
Although he was tempted to sit out on the porch for a bit, he pulled his keys out and unlocked the door as soon as he got to it. Entering the house, he was met with the sound of old punk rock and the smell of freshly baked goods. The music stopped the moment he shut the door.
Before Sean could finish taking off his jacket, Lyla was bolting out of the kitchen to meet him. She was dressed like she was ready for work- hair in a low bun, plain button up, dark slacks. The only thing that ruined the illusion was the apron she wore over it.
“There you are.” She sighed with relief, wrapping her arms around him. “What took you so long?”
“Just got really caught up in the rain.” He hung his jacket on the coat rack before peeking through the arch, into the kitchen. Finding it empty, he checked the living room in front of him. “Where’d Daniel go?”
“He’s upstairs.”
“Of course he is.”
“Did you get everything?”
“I couldn’t forget with the list you gave me.” He said with a hint of playful annoyance as he flashed the note written on the palm of his hand.
“Oh come on,” She rolled her eyes, taking the bag from him and walking into the kitchen. “How are you not used to that by now?”
Sean followed closely behind her. “I just think it would be nice to have a grocery list that I can’t sweat off for once.”
“It’s what you signed up for when you married me.”
“Then I want a divorce.” He said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
She took a small tub of frosting, a shaker of sprinkles, and a pack of birthday candles out of the bag, setting it down on the kitchen counter. “Nice.” She took out a baking spatula from a drawer nearby. “Now we really have a cake going.”
Opening the frosting, she began to spread a thick layer around the cake. “Can’t believe we forgot this stuff in the first place.”
Sean bowed his head, fiddling with the plastic bag in his hands as he took a seat at their dining table. “Sorry.”
“It happens sometimes. It’s alright.” As she scrapped the rest of the frosting out of the tub, she turned her head slightly to face him. “You were out for a while.”
Her voice was soft. Like whenever he would wake up in the middle of the night, shaken by a nightmare. He couldn’t help but wonder if she spoke to her patients the same way.
“You sure it was just the rain that held you up?”
“Worried about me?”
“It’s a hobby of mine.”
“Not much to worry about.” He crumpled the bag up and tossed it onto the table. “The line at the store was so long. And there was an accident on the way back. I had to reroute.” He forced a laugh. “Just my luck, huh?”
“That’s what happened?”
“Mhm. That’s it.”
She paused, twisting the spatula in her hands. “Alright.”
Sean felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw a text notification.
“Karen.” He skimmed through the message. “She’s a little busy now, but she’ll call later tonight.” He hesitated for a moment. “Did your mom-”
“Nope. Still nothing.” She kept her eyes on the cake, trying her best to smoothen out patches of uneven frosting.
“Why don’t you text her again?”
Setting down the spatula, she sighed. “It’s a waste of time anyway. She just… doesn’t want to talk.” She picked up the shaker and peeled off the plastic cover from its lid. Sean quietly watched as Lyla poured sprinkles around the cake. “Her loss, right?”
“Yeah,” He muttered, absently fumbling with his wedding ring. “Her loss.”
Finished with the sprinkles, Lyla grabbed the pack of candles in one hand and picked up the cake tray with the other. “There we go.” She placed it on the table, then held out the candles to Sean. “Would you like to do the honors?” She asked in a terrible posh accent.
“I’d be happy to.”
As she went back to the counter, he took a second to admire her handiwork. Even though they needed a second supply run and she was on a time crunch, Lyla did a good job with the cake. Simple but still cute. Sean poked the candle into the center of it.
“Do you want me to call the party in here now?” He asked, trying to lighten his tone.
“Yup.” Lyla replied, a kitchen lighter now in her hands. “I think it’s time to hear the verdict on my sweet baking skills.”
Sean rose from the table, making his way towards her. “You mean Betty Crocker’s baking skills.”
“Oh, fuck off.” She smeared some of the leftover frosting from the tub onto Sean’s nose.
He laughed, wiping it off. “That’s one for the swear jar.” He picked it up from the counter and rattled the half-full mason jar in front of her.
“No, it doesn’t count. I was defending my cake!”
He held the jar out to her face, shaking it slightly to taunt her. “Gotta do it for Lupe.”
“Fine.” She shook her head, adding some change from her pocket into the pile.
Sean chuckled, eyeing the high money level they were sitting at. “I’m surprised her first word wasn’t a swear.”
“Shut up.” Lyla playfully snatched the jar away from him and returned it to the counter. “You’re just jealous that she said ‘mama’ first.” She gently nudged him out of the kitchen. “Now go get them.”
Making his way towards the stairs, Sean glanced at the photos hung up on the wall. There weren’t many of them, but each one was so important to him. His and Lyla’s first day of high school. Their first time meeting up after his release. Their first date. Their wedding. Lyla lying in a hospital bed with a tender smile, eyes brimming with tears as she cradles their newborn.
Sean paused, resting a hand on the picture frame. It was hard for him to believe that it was taken a year ago.
In a week or two, they would probably have a birthday picture up for her. One day, the wall would be filled with pictures of her first day of school, her prom, her graduation, her moving out...
He didn’t even want to think about how soon that day would come.
At the top of the stairs, Sean could already hear Daniel’s voice, loud and full of energy. “And then Miss PowerUp flew into the evil lair...”
Sean shook his head in amusement. No matter how old he got, he would always be the rambunctious pup he was as a kid.
Reaching Lupe’s room, he found Daniel sitting on the floor, his niece in front of him. Sean wasn’t surprised to see a caped plush doll floating high above them. He watched as his brother made it dance in the air. Not ready to interrupt them yet, Sean waited at the door, unnoticed by the two.
“In a single hit, she took out the wizard!” Daniel flew the doll towards a Hawt Dog Man toy propped on a chair, knocking it down. “With his powers vanquished, the force field faltered.” He lifted up a small basket to reveal another plush doll, this one adorned with a blue felt dress and crown. “And with the force field gone, she was able to finally free the Moon Princess!”
The Miss PowerUp doll wrapped her arms around the princess, and the two soared around the room. Lupe clapped, babbling incoherent praise, and Daniel beamed with pride. Finally, Sean lightly pushed the door, causing it to creak. “Looks like Miss PowerUp has saved the day again.”
Daniel pointed at him with an exaggerated gasp. “Lupe, look who’s back!”
“Dada!” She picked herself off the ground, stumbling towards him. Sean took her into his arms before she could topple over, planting a kiss on the top of her head.
“Did you have fun?” He asked as Lupe rested her head on his shoulder. She began to tug at his beard, and he carefully pried her hands off, earning a pout from her. Sean raised a brow at his brother. “Tío Daniel didn’t try to make you fly this time, did he?”
“I told you I was joking.” He rose from the floor, holding his hands up in defense.
“I know, I know. I mostly trust you.” He lightly punched Daniel in the shoulder.
“Don’t even start with that, man.” With a smug grin, he began to lift a few toys off the ground. “We both know who would win.”
“I could take you.” Sean plucked the superhero plush from the air and placed her into Lupe’s little hands. “As long as I have this girl in my corner.” He lightly squeezed her arm. “Mama has cake in the kitchen. You want cake?”
“Cay?”
“Cake, nena .” He corrected, and she tilted her head in response. Amused, he chuckled. “Come on, let’s go eat.”
As he made his way to the door with Daniel leading in front of them, he heard a muffled squeak from underneath him. He glanced down and noticed he was stepping on a small rubber duck- a toy that Daniel didn’t even pull out for her. A toy that was just laying out already. Looking around, there was quite a bit just laying around.
Try as he might, there was never enough hours in the day for Sean to make sure everything in the house was perfect. It seemed like it should have been easier. Like he should have been able to manage it all at this point.
He felt a pang of embarrassment, letting Daniel see what how messy everything was. Sure, he didn’t seem to care, and he was prone to leaving his own things around the house when he was younger. But Sean couldn’t fight the urge to pick up some of the toys before their little celebration.
“Here.” Sean handed Lupe to Daniel. “I’ll be down in a second.”
As his brother stood at the door, he grabbed the dolls from the ground and tucked them into a bin on a nearby shelf.
“Oh, right.” He heard Daniel say to himself. He walked up to Sean, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Let me.”
With the simple flick of his wrist, he sent all the toys back where they belonged. Lupe’s eyes widened in amazement as she watched everything fly. “Now we’re good to go.”
In a matter of seconds, all the chaos was contained. Surveying the room, Sean realized that even the crib was tidied up. All the blankets were folded. The books were back on the shelf. It looked like a picture in a furniture catalogue.
For the first time in months, the room was absolutely pristine.
He set the stuffed toy down on the chair. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem. It’s cake time, Lupe!” Daniel tapped her on the nose, and she giggled, waving her doll around in delight as they went down the stairs. Sean slowly followed behind them.
It felt like he had never heard her laugh as loud, or seen her smile as big. Her happiness meant everything to him, but there was a small twinge in his heart knowing it wasn’t because of him.
The rain was picking up again, and Sean tried to ignore the tapping on the kitchen window. He could hear faint chatter in the living room. Cleaning up powdered cake mix and drops of batter, he wiped down the counter with a folded paper towel. As he stored the sprinkle shaker into a cupboard, Sean heard Lyla laugh one last time followed by the sound of footsteps drawing near.
“All done with Karen?” He asked as she came into the kitchen, fidgeting with the phone in her hands.
“Yup.” She set it down next to him. “It’s a shame you left before Lupe’s goodbye song. And the encore performance.”
“I’ll be sure to catch the next concert.”
She propped herself against the counter, just watching him as he finished tidying up. “I’m gonna get Lupe ready for bed. You’re good with kitchen duty here?”
“Yeah, don’t worry.” Tossing the paper towel into the trash, he walked towards the sink. “But I’m gonna need a team for these.” He pointed at the pile of bowls and measuring cups with a dramatic flourish.
Lyla snorted. “You have the easy job.” She leaned against the archway and gestured to the living room. Sean came up behind her to see Daniel helping Lupe as she clumsily walked around the coffee table. He cheered her on when she finally made it back to where she started. “You’re not the one who has to pry her away from the world’s greatest babysitter.”
Keeping his head low, Sean began to collect the dirty dishes from the table. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lyla still standing at the archway, turned away from him. “All jokes aside, I’m really glad he’s here.”
Sean didn’t even realize how tight his grip on the plates were as he brought them to the sink. “I’m surprised he could make it.”
“Well, he loves Lupe.” She shrugged. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to miss out on spending time with her.”
“Yeah…”
Sean knew what that was like.
“What time’s his flight tomorrow?” Lyla asked, coming closer to him.
“He needs to be at the airport by 6.”
“I can take him before work.”
“No, I got it.”
“Are you sure? I’d already be out. I understand if you want-”
“I can do it.” His voice came out harsher than he wanted to. Sean shook his head, ignoring his trembling hands as he forced himself to pick up the dirty plate at the top of the stack. Letting the water run, he began to harshly scrub away the leftover crumbs and frosting.
“Sean?” He could feel Lyla reaching out to him, but remained silent as he grabbed another plate. She laid her hand on his back. Flinching, the plate slipped through his fingers, crashing to the ground.
“I’m sorry.” He muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “I’m sorry. I’ll take care of it.”
He rushed past Lyla, averting her gaze. He retrieved the broom and pan from the corner, quickly returning to the broken plate. He began to sweep the debris, but his vision was blurred by his tears. He found it harder to hold himself up.
“Sean…”
“It’s all going so fast. I-I can’t keep up.” He faltered to the ground, burying his head in his hands. “I’m not doing anything right. I can’t... I’m not-”
“Hey.” She sat beside him, then tilted his chin up to meet him face to face. She gently pushed his hair back. “Breathe. It’s alright. You’re okay.” His sobs beginning to subside, she brushed his tears away. “Breathe, Sean. You’re doing everything you can. That’s all we need.”
She pulled him into her arms, and he held onto her like she was his world. At that moment, she really was. He closed his eyes, listening to her heartbeat, and they stayed there for a while, just letting the silence settle between them.
“I love you so fucking much.” He finally said, trying his best to make sure she could understand him through his shaky voice.
She laughed weakly, wiping away her own tears. “That’s a dollar for the swear jar.” She pulled away from the hug, rising from the ground. She held out her hand, and he accepted it, pulling himself up.
“It was for a good cause.”
“Alright. We’ll let it slide. Only because I love you, too.” Her expression softened. “You still want to take kitchen duty?”
“Yeah.” With a nod, he picked up the broom. “Won’t let you down.”
“You never have.” Lyla offered him one last smile before heading to the hallway.
Sean held his gaze at the archway. He wondered how he went fifteen years without seeing her everyday, without being able to hold her close. All he knew was that he was so lucky to have her here with him now.
He swept the broken plate into the pan, making sure the floor was spotless before he returned to wash the dishes. He stared out the window as he did. With the clouds clearing up, he finished his chores under the light of the moon.
Ready to retire for the night, he left the kitchen, but he stopped at the bottom of the stairway, turning his head to see Daniel setting up a spot to sleep on the couch. “You sure you don’t want the air mattress?”
Daniel let out a soft chuckle as he sat down, pulling a pillow onto his lap. “No, it’s alright.”
Sean was used to that reply. After all, he had been through way worse than having to sleep on a couch.
“Okay.” He awkwardly tapped at the banister before adding, “Well, if you need anything else, Lyla and I are right upstairs.”
He nodded slowly, looking out with a vacant stare. “Hey, Sean?” He let out a shaky breath. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”
He took a few steps towards the couch. “Yeah. I know.”
Daniel paused for a moment, considering his next words. “What you have here is good. You’re doing a good job. Don’t doubt that for a second.”
Sean froze. A part of him wanted to ask how much Daniel heard. But it didn’t even matter. This was all he needed to hear. “Thanks, enano. ”
“Are you ever gonna stop calling me that?” There was no annoyance or offense in his tone. Only genuine curiosity.
“Never.” Sean replied, and Daniel looked almost grateful for it. “Goodnight, man. Love you.”
“Goodnight.” Daniel laid back on the couch, tired but still content. “I love you, too.”
With that, Sean shut the lights off and went upstairs.
Passing by Lupe’s room, he lingered at the doorway. Lyla was reading a bedtime story to their daughter- the picture book he made when she was born. The story of a wolf protecting his pack, no matter how hard things would get.
Lyla bounced Lupe on her lap, letting her see every drawing, every bit of love and attention he had put into each one.
A faint smile played at Sean’s lips.
It took a while, a long while, but things were normal now.
Normal as they could be.
Taking one last look around before heading to his own room, Sean swore he saw a toy on the ground inch closer to Lupe when she reached out to it. He wasn’t sure if it was just his exhausted mind playing tricks on him or if there really was another superwolf in the world.
Only time would tell.
And Sean didn’t mind having to wait.