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“I love you.”
Raven flinched ever so slightly. This wasn't the first time those words had left Kat's lips, but they hadn't gotten any easier to accept. The frustration and shame didn't waste any time in invading her, but there was one other feeling that refused to leave her alone every time she started to enjoy herself. Every time she lowered her guard. Every time she started to feel like she could finally let the past go…
Guilt.
There it was again, rearing its ugly head.
Time had stopped for her, and only her. As much as she wanted her to, Kat couldn't join her inside her head to quell those thoughts. This was something she had to come to terms with on her own. It's something they had both talked about…
Twice. Only twice.
She could remember both instances with extreme detail, word for word. How she explained that she felt unworthy of Kat's love. How every time that she was with her, she couldn't help but feel that she didn't deserve that time with her shifter partner. How Kat deserved someone better than her. How Raven didn't deserve to be happy.
Kat would respond exactly as expected. She would assure her that everyone deserves to be happy, and that the past is the past. She would say this with the biggest smile on her face, the most beautiful smile Raven had ever seen.
The past.
To Raven, the past hadn't stayed in the past. And why should it? She had hurt people. She had kept families apart just so that she could get hers back. If she did the job D'nelica assigned her, she would get her brother back, she would finally earn her happiness. That's all she cared about.
Earn her happiness.
Ever since little Sachya came back to Hekseville, she learned that happiness had to be earned. She took everything for granted, and it was only once she lost it all that she realized you have to work to be happy. No one will fight for your happiness. Certainly not for free.
And then she met Kat.
“She must be working for Bolsey.” It's the only explanation that made sense in her mind. Why else would she risk herself and go through the rifts to get the missing parts of town back? There had to be something in it for her.
But there wasn't.
It took a while, but Raven eventually realized that Kat was fighting just to make people happy. It didn't matter if people recognized all the work she did or not.
Kat challenged all of Raven's views of how the world was supposed to be. She's the one that taught her that happiness is not to be earned. Everyone has a right to be happy.
Raven suddenly became incredibly aware of her surroundings. She was sitting on a bench near Auldnoir's fountain with her partner, holding hands and just watching people passing by. Their guardians were being taken care of by Aki, but that eventual bill was the last thing on Raven's mind right now.
She started looking at every person near the fountain. Surely that girl feeding the pigeons was more worthy of Kat's love than her? Or how about that boy playing on the fountain with his younger brother? He certainly hadn't tried to kill Kat once, so wouldn't he be more suited for her?
Shame and frustration.
Shame for being loved by such an incredible person, and frustration at being so bad at just accepting Kat's love.
She focused on her partner once again, and remembered both conversations they had on the matter. Kat always assured her that there was no one else she'd rather be with. This should have made her feel better, but her own complicated emotions could only focus on how insecure she was. On how she needed Kat to confirm something that shouldn't have to be said.
She felt Kat squeeze her hand. Somehow, without saying a word, her partner managed to ease her worries, even if just a little bit. This is something that Raven would have to come to terms with, but it was foolish to think that she would have to do it alone, for her partner has always been there for her, ever since that fateful day they met each other.
Just this once, she would allow herself to let the past go, and be truly happy.
“I love you too.”